Hit list 2018

The top 10 most played songs from my 2018 playlists and their 1 liners:

10. Blind by: Lifehouse
"When my love for you is blind but I couldn't make you see it."

9. Goodbye Alice in Wonderland by: Jewel
"There is a difference between dreaming and pretending."

8. Feels Like Home by: Chantal Kreviazuk
"Something in your eyes makes me wanna lose myself in your arms."

7. Forgiveness by: Sarah McLachlan
"If you're asking for forgiveness you're asking too much."

6. Still Falling by: Hunter Hayes
"After all this time you think I'd be used to the pull of your gravity."

5. Audition (The Fools Who Dream) by: Emma Stone
"She said she'd do it again"

4. Miss You by: Darren Hayes
"Give me a reason why I now understand the beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me."

3. Brick by: Ben Fold Five
"Now that I have found someone I'm feeling more alone than I ever had before."

2. Drops of Jupiter by: Train
"Did you fall for a shooting star, one without a permanent scar."

1. Boston by: Augustana
"You don't know me, you don't wear my chains."

It has been a rough year for me. And though I know that God did not abandon me,there were times when I'm so drowned by my own struggles that His presence goes unnoticed, and during these moments when I'm so numb to feel His presence, somehow music made it bearable.
It's like His way of telling me that if I don't want to talk, then maybe just listen, because thru music I give my message to you.

Hello 2019!!!

The Sung Heroes

It has been my blogging tradition to post something about heroism every 30th day of December as a special post for the Philippine National Hero's day also known as Rizal's day.
For what reason?... Because I'm a fan of Gat Jose Rizal.

So today, I would like to talk about this hero who we never really thought of as a hero per'se.

And I'm talking about MUSIC.

Music is part of our day to day lives. And we might not give too much thought about it, but seriously, HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU CLING ON TO MUSIC FOR SALVATION?
When you broke up with your girl/boyfriend, music was there to help you move on.
When you had a shitty day at your work, music was there to make it bearable.
When you were sad and lonely, music was there to cheer you up.
When you were stressed out, music was there to help you unwind.
When you're mad, music was there to help you express your angst.
When you are alone, music was there to keep you company.
When you're on the verge of giving up, music was there to keep you strong.
When you're happy, music was there to make it perfect.

MUSIC SAVES OUR MORTAL SOUL.

Very cliche but true.

So today, let us remind ourselves of the sung heroes that's keeping us on track.

From the songwriters, lyricist, composers, and musicians. To the singers and producers and managers, as well as the record labels selling this gift.
As a part of the whole music production, in spite of what genre, I thank thee for giving us the gift of music.

Jack Went Up the Hill

Jack went up the hill.
There he found his Jill.
He fell in love,
Broke his heart,
And the crown that once was there on his head,
All scattered on the ground.
And its been 16 years to infinity.
Do you want to see the scars you've left me?
Trace it like your own,
Cause you did this all along.
For the instinct of a man to catch a falling woman is always strong.
But then Jack was wrong.
He is not broke.
He is just strong.
Strong enough to break.
Fight the urge to sleep and stay awake.
To live.
To bleed.
To feel the shame.
To fill all those excuses so lame.
People change...
Or they never change at all.
They just come out from the mask
That's hiding their real face all along.
So Jack went back to that hill.
Once again looking for Jill.
But a brand new man
Now he knows.
To go back in town
Wearing again his old crown.

Listening to Dan

It's 9 am and sunrise is lovely,
I'm having my 3rd cup of coffee.
With my hair undone,
Listening to Dan.

He's got a flight to L.A.
He's got music to play.
With a song unsung
Plugged inside the van.

We waited last night
For a wishing star in sight.
For a fate unplanned,
For a ground to stand.

We didn't sleep lying on bed.
We always say we have plenty of time to do that when we're dead.
He asked - "Will you still love me even if I'm damned
To be drowned with glitters and fake charms?"

He said - "I'm lucky to have a girl beside me,
Loving me behind the spotlight that's blinding me."
As we clasp our fingers and
Promised to live hand in hand.

But he is a rockstar to be,
Until all promises became a fantasy.
Singing with his band
With a guitar on his hand.

Train said falling for a star
Won't leave you with a permanent scar.
But like grains of sand,
He is slipping from my palms.

And now I'm here at Starbucks
Having my 3rd cup of coffee to block
All my elusive bond
While listening to Dan.

Scar A Mouche

We all have our own version of stories...

This is the story of how I came to know Art in music back in 1994.

2018
I was planning to see the movie Bohemian Rhapsody for the longest time but my schedule did not allow me to go to the movie theatre till last week. Unfortunately, the theatre I went to last week no longer plays that movie, hence, my Creed story goes.

But my frustration to see Bohemian Rhap made me swim on my bed all night these past days. I really have to see this movie.

So today, I bought a newspaper and went straight to the movie guide and checked which local cinema still got this rolling. And right after lunch time I found myself sitting at the dark theatre all by myself, lost in his life story.

You wonder what is all about the fuss. Why there is that certain urge inside me to watch this movie.
Well every actions and emotions has a long story to go.

Here is my Bohemian Rhapsody story.

I was 7 years old when Freddie Mercury died. I wasn't aware of him at that time. I don't even know who Queen was, though I hear their music on the radio almost everytime, me, being a kid would just sing along with the wrong lyrics and never bothered to know the artist behind every song.

Two years later, I started to have this thing on guitars, I would play just about any song that comes out on the radio. And I was starting to finally have my own choice of music. I started watching MTV and begin to love the likes of Nirvana, Bush, Smashing Pumpkins, Radiohead, The Verve... Yeah, the rock makers of the 90's.

But it was one fine Sunday, without a month, in the year 1994 when I first saw the music video of Bohemian Rhapasody and until now, I can still recall how, for that 7 minutes of my life, my eyes got fixed on TV and the world around me stopped... for about 7 minutes... Yes, 7 minutes lost in Bohemian Rhapsody.
And I was in awe.
After seeing their music video, I exclaimed to myself - "That is what art is!"

I did not get a good night sleep at that same night. The video just kept on playing inside my brain. And when sleep just finally came, I found myself dreaming of it. I don't know how to call it, but the song, the music video, the impact of it to me was so life awakening. I feel like I'm being haunted by that song. It was like an alarm clock awakening me from a deep sleep to finally see what art really is... or supposed to be.

I started to see lyrics in a different way. I started digging about meaning and stories behind every song that I hear.

That those unknown, meaningless Scar a mouche Scar a mouche, Galileo and Figaro, maybe, are just nonsense to some, but for me, its an art. An art of not knowing the meaning but you create your own Scar a mouche with a meaning only you know. And its one of the deepest artwork I've ever encountered in my life.
Its life changing, mind shifting, passion burning kind of awakening.

I've come to know art through Bohemian Rhapsody.

So that is the fuss. That is the reason why I have to watch Bohemian Rhapsody by any way or another.
It is like a tribute to the one who opened my eyes.

Like everything matters.

Queen is a master of art.
They are music geniuses.

Collecting Waters in the Gutter

If sitting at the park to watch the passing cars,
Is almost the same as counting the midnight stars.
Then maybe we could do something by the end of summer,
Like collecting waters in the gutter.

Without a sense or valid reason,
Just for you to stay for another season.
Then maybe before the first snow hits the winter,
You'll be trapped with me here forever.

Ember of Chances

She's doing good in her life so far,
She's not looking for another permanent scar.
Then you're coming right off bat,
Leaving footprints all over the path.
Like a mountain lion
Resurging from zion.
So dangerous yet so beautiful.
Strange on her like a fool.
She would touch you if she could,
Even though she never should.

She's too strong to feel pain now,
But then somehow,
You left her with another permanent scar,
And the deepest so far.
You've got that elemental gravity,
You get all things fall within your vicinity.
Just as they thought they're flying over to the atmosphere,
You got them spinning all around and your hand is on the sphere.

Is it her looks or is it her wits?
Made you tell the truth right from the gist.
Without a jest or a twist,
Beautiful lies all caught up in a mist.
She built that bridge of chance.
And you burned it while she watched the ember turn into ashes...
Then suddenly a trance.

Creed

Because of the recent drama in my life, I found myself totally jaded, exhausted and seriously wasted, so I decided to go and see a movie today.
I've been planning to see the movie "Bohemian Rhapsody" since last month but my schedule was totally in a brink of collapsing for too many activities. I was really hoping its still showing. Unfortunately, Bohemian Rhapsody is no longer on the run and I was really disappointed, but then, since I'm already at the cinema, then might as well watch any movie that's available on the screen. I was thinking of Robinhood or Fantastic Beast 2 but I'm not in the mood for bows and arrows and Harry Potter this time. No offense, I am a fan of Harry Potter.
So I decided to watch Creed 2 thinking it was the sequel of the movie Assassin's Creed.
Well, stupid me, its not Assassin's Creed 2, but another movie series of Rocky Balboa.
Damn! Though I'm a fan of Rocky Balboa movies, I'm not in the mood for a boxing movie today. But then again, too late. I already had my ticket.
So while I'm inside the cinema, I realized that I've been playing solitaire for almost... I can't remember but I'm comfortable being alone. Not to mention I'm the only girl watching this movie. Then during the fighting scenes of Draco and Creed, I was not aware that I'm punching and clapping my hands all along... I was being carried away by the fighting scenes. Imagine a girl, alone, watching a boxing movie. Damn! solitude is mocking me.

But the beautiful part of this day's disappointment is that, the movie is not that bad. In fact, it is a good movie. Like God did make me watch this to realize something that is connected to my recent drama. And that is, old people are always wiser than the youth. Period.

Creed's story is different from the usual underdog boxing movies because in here, he is the champ.
A champion who's about to lose his belt to an underdog.
Its a story about living within other people's expectations, about the pressure of having to win all the time, and the self doubts and abandonment. But it's also about family sticking with you till the end, win or lose, fight or run.
And at the end of the day, we don't fight for someone, we fight because it is our battle. And we stand up not for someone but because it is our ground and we have to stand up for it.

At the end of the day, we fight invisible battles because it is our fight. We don't fight because our loved ones want us to fight, but because it is our own battle and we have to fight to survive because we want to live to see them... Again.

And sometimes we do run away from a fight... No, we are not damn cowards... We run because we are not ready to fight, and if we're not ready we might lose, or worse, die. And we want to live just one more day to see our loved ones again.

But the irony of it all is that we can't run forever. Sooner than we thought we have to face our giants. So while we're running, we must also prepare for that day when we can no longer run, and no way to turn but to face the battle.


It was not what I planned to see, but I'm glad I did watch this movie.

Toasted Bread

If there's one thing that I've learned from the recent drama in my life is that... No matter how strong or wise we thought we were, older people will always be wiser and their personalities will always be stronger than the youth. And there's always something to learn from them.
And no matter what, no matter how sure you are that you're right, at the end of the day, older people will always be right and the youth wrong. Damn it all you want but they are damn always right. Because they are wiser beyond our years. And we have to accept that fact.
Well, I finally accepted that fact that I still have to eat a lot of bread to be like them. Its still a long long way full of bread.
Thank you for imparting another lesson.
You are a great boss.

Books and Authors

They say "Don't judge the book by its cover".

But I say - Don't judge the book when the author is not yet finish.

So don't judge me because I'm not yet done in my life... And the great Author is not yet through with me.

The Art of Doing Something Again and Again

This song is on repeat mode in my playlist for the nth time... And also in my mind.
Can't get over these days.

Boston
(by: Augustana)

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh, it has begun...
Oh dear, you look so lost, your eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed...
You said...

You don't know me, and you don't even care, oh yeah,
And you said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, you carry all your thoughts across an open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry when they see you
You said...

You don't know me, and you don't even care, oh yeah,
Well you said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,

I'll get out of California,
I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain...

Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I was tired
I think I need a new town to leave this all behind...

I think I need a sunrise,
I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

You don't know me, and you don't even care, oh yeah...

Boston... where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name... yeah

Boston...
No one knows my name.

The Art of Doing Something Again

I have nothing against book series, in fact, I've read a lot of it.
But the reason why I have to stop myself sometimes is because other books are piling up and since I'm hooked with a series, I'm not able to read those.

Like I remember when I read those Mortal Instruments series, I got hooked and I've read 19 of Cassandra Clare's books for only a couple of months... But she's not stopping writing and other books are piling up on my desk. So I stopped, though her books are really really good.

That also happened with Lauren Kates's Fallen series.
Ilona Andrews' Kate Daniels Magic series.
Kiera Cass' The Selections.
Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles, Songs of the Seraphim and The Wolf Gifts.
Just to name a few.

So in the mean time, before I return for another series, I'm reading AGAIN the book of Jose Rizal - Noli Me Tangere (Social Cancer) for the fifth time. I remember reading it once in grade school because I was a fan of Rizal since I started reading. Another one in highschool and again in college because it is a part of our curriculum. Then again when I was in my mid 20's. And now, for reasons... I'm a fan.

I believe it is a good habit to re-read and keep on re-reading those books you've read because there is always something new to learn. It's like looking at your window everyday, it's always the same view but there is always something new to notice. You missed it once, you'll miss it again, so better look at it over and over again.

Mid 30's Health Crisis

Our lifestyle these days determine our life span in a probability of 99.9% based on my own theory, of course. 😁
It is true that we will eventually reap what we sow.

I used to say (and I still do until now) that it is not the length of years but the depth of a life lived that matters. So why not eat just about anything and everything to enjoy life, at least when its time to reap what you sow, you already enjoyed your youth. Damn wrong right?! 😁
And now, I just reaped what I sow. I was diagnose today with diabetes. Though I was half expecting it for the longest time since my mom has it and so is my brother. But still, no one is prepared to hear bad news right?!
So I guess sweetness has a price to pay... And its bitter.🤔😭

🎶🎵🎧 Music Addiction

I've been addicted to his songs since I can't remember...
But this one remains my favorite.

Still Fallin
Hunter Hayes
You'd think for all the days I’ve known you
That I would have you memorized by now
With Every question answered,
Every single page turned
But you keep me on the edge somehow
And every day with you is still a mystery
With the sweetest story's falling from your lips
I hold on to every word,
Like it’s the first one that I’ve heard
It’s the only time I’ve ever felt like this this
But after all this time, you’d think I’d be used to the pull of your gravity
And after flying so high for so long, who would think
I’m still learning, still burning, still fallin', still fallin'
I still reach for your hand because I need it
And your kiss is still the spark that lights a fire
You’re still laughing with me,
And we’re still making memories,
I’m still a fool for you, and there’s a million reasons why
After every late night street light drive
Every love you miss you kiss goodnight
Girl, your name is still my favorite
Always will be and I’m still wanting, still all in, I'm still fallin'
I'm still fallin',
Still chasin', still nervous, still reelin', still dreamin' about this
And after every sunrise holding you,
After all the crazy we’ve been through
Every day and every minute girl it’s something new,
I’m still learning, still burning, yeah still wanting, still all-in, still fallin'.
Still falling.

Hollowed Bee thy Thorny Crown

Oh! Unqueenly bee who art in throne
Hollowed bee thy thorny crown
As hollow as thy brain
Is thy empire of shame.

Hail! My lady you're full of blaze
Such a mother of disgrace
Thou art rubbish among women
Thou are not worthy to speak the word Amen.

Glory be to the chains of wisdom
Ye never had in thy kingdom
For as it was in the beginning
Thou wilt fall by the ending.

Espana Boulevard

I miss her.

As I walk along this boulevard where hopes and dreams were built and some were crashed, on a dark moonless night, suddenly our times together flashed back to me.

How we both walk while talk about nonsense and senseful, petty and worthy conversations.

How we used to stop by the crossings because we're not yet done talking about something.

How my infamous lines like - "I'm sick and tired of this life" whenever I'm stressed at work, and - "why would I do such a thing?", whenever I'm irritated about something, would make her laugh out loud in the middle of this boulevard.

How I used to tease her with someone we both knew because literally, I'm their biggest fan, until all my hopes for both of them crashed down on this same boulevard that it was built.
And how I suddenly gave up on them too, knowing that both of them had given up each other a long time ago.

I know I should not feel so lonely because I love being alone these past years.
As I used to say... Solitude is addictive.

But its different when you're missing a Friend.
A real one, I should say.

Someone you can talked to about the most f**king sh*t and the craziest illusions you have, and know that there are no judgements. Just a friend listening and talking back.

And this boulevard is a witness to our friendship.

I hope all is well with her and may she find what she's looking for.
And may love finds her this winter.

Dedicated to my friend.
My walking buddy.
My sister from another parents.
G.

Beautiful Minds

Mediocre people make simple things complicated.
Intelligent people make complicated things simple.
But a genius makes both simple and complicated things... Beautiful.

The Unqueenly Bee

For your unfair judgements and unjustifiable whinings,
I doubt if you really deserve that position you're dealing.
And because of your immaculate and unblemished pride,
Here we are, all swimming against the tide.

Forgive me for not bowing down,
I'm not disrespecting your crown.
I just believe that you lack that ability,
To be called "your majesty."

And just because you love to make all things complicated,
Why don't you taste your own honey turning bitterly crusted.
Oh! My lady, you have a doomed monarchy,
For thou art one unqueenly bee.

See Old Riddle be Guide

He's a believer of destiny but thinks he can control his.
And he crinks his nose when I turn on my head-banging playlist
But he sings along with the Bread and Eagles songs.
As if those were not rock bands all along.

He believes in a minotour as much as he believes in a bull,
Only the latter can't kill him with fear creeping into his soul.
And now he is the monkey on my back
Trying to fish thoughts inside my mind for luck.

And our destiny are like straws in a wisp.
The unlucky ones are called doomed in creeps.
While the lucky ones called theirs a prophesy
And I can see his as a prodigy.

"Soldier deed beguiled on a madness!"

Memoirs of Winters

Its been a Christmas' family tradition to set up the Christmas tree in the early Ber months.
I grew up with those fond memories.
And now that I'm old, its always nostalgic to build it with my kid.
And it reminds me of that old song - "🎶🎵...when I was small and Christmas trees were tall, we used to laugh while others used to play... And now we're tall and Christmas trees are small and you don't ask the time of day...🎶🎶🎵"

ELI

In the midst of a not so good day...
Beautiful things happen.
You make the good days even better,
And the shit days... bearable.
And I hope one day you'll be able to read all these and know that you are the reason why I made it through the darkest moments in my life.
Because God gave me YOU.

Hello Stranger

Since I've been addicted to solitude these past years, now I'm trying to study social behaviors. Out of boredom, of course.
And in this line of study, I've watched strange people, met stranger people, and even talked to the strangest people.

So one day, while I'm in a cafe reading another book, a guy approached me and asked if he could share with my table since the place was indeed packed with coeds chatting with books opened, but I doubt if they really read those books for the fact that they were all busy gossiping instead of reading.
For a while he let me read my book, until, maybe he cannot contain it anymore, so he started a friendly conversation about the book I'm reading.
For a moment I was glad he was familiar with the book, until he asked me the question - "...if you could press the time button, and go back, and could change something from the past, a past mistake maybe, would you do it?".

I smiled and said - "I've answered that question so many times in my life and my answer has always been the same - NO! I wouldn't press it. Why? Because I don't want to change a thing."

He smirked with a bit of sarcasm and arrogance I think, and said - "So you don't have regrets in life?"

I answered -"Nah! I don't have regrets."

Then he said with a bit of triumphant laugh - "Maturity comes with regrets in life."

So my eyebrows raised and words came rushing inside my mind and I told myself - "I should have warned this guy that I'm probably the most opinionated girl he has ever met", but the warning did not come, instead, the words came right off bat and I started to give him a two hour sermon about life.

I said (***these were not the actual words but its the thought of what I've said) - "I believe that maturity does NOT come with regrets in life, how can you say that you're matured enough if you cannot even handle your past mistakes, if you keep on ranting and whining about those mistakes that's haunting you. I believe that MATURITY COMES WITH INNER PEACE. MATURITY COMES WHEN YOU ARE AT PEACE WITH YOURSELF. WHEN YOU CAN EMBRACE YOUR OWN IMPERFECTIONS WITH FULL ACCEPTANCE OF WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE. WHEN YOU CAN GRACEFULLY HANDLE THE SITUATION GIVEN TO YOU ABOUT YOUR PAST MISTAKES AND WRONG DECISIONS. MATURITY COMES WHEN YOU HAD FINALLY FORGIVE YOURSELF FROM YOUR PAST MISTAKES AND YOU'RE NOT AFRAID TO MAKE ANOTHER MISTAKE IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT SOMEHOW YOU'LL LEARN FROM IT AND GIVEN THAT YOUR JUDGEMENTS ARE MUCH ACCURATE NOW, IT WOULD BE MOST PROBABLY BE RIGHT.
MATURITY COMES WITH INNER PEACE."

For a moment there was a deep silence. Then I smiled triumphantly and with boiling sarcasm I said - "So how's that for a life lesson coming from an opinionated immature lady with no regrets in life, huh?!!!"

Then I walked away without looking back and not even bothered that I did not get his name.

The End.

I Lab You

It is a very rare opportunity to find a perfectly heart shaped white blood cell in a smear of a thousand cells and in a hospital based laboratory with a thousand of patients.
Forgive me for sounding too medical, but its true.
So when you found one, you must capture it for you might not see it again or never get a chance to find another.

And just like in love.
Capture it at the moment.
Seize it for you might not have the opportunity to have one again.

So I captured it... I mean the cell under the microscope, haha!

No, but seriously, somehow it scares me to think that since we never now what the future holds, we might not be able to do the things that we must do if we don't do it now.

We might not be able to say I love you to that one person we love for the rest of our lives if we don't do it now. Don't say I'll tell it to him tomorrow for tomorrow is not yours to promise. What if you don't wake up tomorrow?

Taking chances and taking risk is scary, but it scares me more not to have that chance again.

Though, I also believe that we must be able to distinguish which one is worth taking.

I know I'm just blabbing all these trying to convince myself too.

Because...
It is one of those sleepless nights when every song from my playlists speaks of you, from Westlife to Taylor Swift and even Linking Park and Lifehouse has something to say about you.

Its like every word, every lyrics and just about everything is connected to you.

I'm not obsess, its just that, solitude is addictive and I've been addicted to it for the past 5 years...
And just like the song of Taylor Swift goes - " 🎶 I've been spending the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end. But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again. 🎶 " (Credits to Taylor Swift)
That's how it is for me right now.
Five years of addiction to solitude made me feel uneasy about this new kind of feeling.
Like I'm watching it half prophesied, half doomed.
But nevertheless, I'm here blogging about my feelings. Trying my best to practice what I've just been preaching here.
That is...
Take my chances.
Live the moment.

The Last Dance

Beneath the moon so blue
Colours changing velvet hue
It takes two to tango
Its midnight but you can't go.

We'll dance different waltz
Cause tango isn't the only dance
Tonight will be your last chance
To gaze the stars and hear the wind chime.

Welcome to the ballroom for two
Once you've entered you can't go
Glittering shadows of souls are hiding
Waiting for the right moment of slaughtering.

Then the door suddenly closed
Different mystic music is everywhere
The world inside suddenly posed
Then mocked voices suddenly blared.

I touched your lips and you feel bliss
Mysterious scenes are kept within
Barenaked - liquids are released
Just for a night you're beyond myriad sins.

With soulful caress and bodies wet
Adulterous scenery is where we've met
Your innocence loves my diabolic passion
You and me inside this erotic illusion.

Ghostly perfume floating on air
You breath only my name so fair
Suddenly you're fatal, turning white - bloodless
But your mind is still dancing with madness.

I'm your sweet poison
As I do my last ritual version
As the black tortured scenery turns into bloodiness
As I drink your crimson blood with gladness.


Photo credits: Preview Magazine (Queen of Swords/June 2014 Edition)

Playlist

These days when quiting is the easiest thing to do... I'm glad I'm still holding on. Making every shit day bearable with a song.

Thanks to my playlists.. You always say the right words to make my grip tighter and hold on just a little bit longer.

Huh! How could I ever live without music?!

Fight or Flight

Some battles do not worth the fight.

Those petty little ones that cannot add a tune in your life are worthless battles that if you consider fighting for it will just be a waste of time and energy.

So choose your battles.

A worthless battle not fought is not a defeat, just a silent triumph without the loud horns proclaiming victory.

We can be victorious even without the noise.
We can be valiant even without the battlefield.
We can be a hero for our own sake.

Because some battles are not worth fighting for...
And some are not worth dying for.

While some are worth leaving...
Because we want to live.

Its Never a Junk After All

I was eating these chips this morning for breakfast... (because I'm the healthiest person on earth 😂😅) when I suddenly saw this "punch line" at the back of its wrapper.
Honestly, it made me laugh out loud.
Even junk foods has something worth pondering. Hahaha!!! 😂
Have a healthy breakfast, though!

If wits could kill...
Oh! Mine would be a genocide!

Àkabar

Huwag mong tanungin ang mga bituin,
Ng mga bagay-bagay na alam mo naman sagutin.
Ang mga tala ay walang tinig,
Ang langit ay walang himig,
Tanging ikaw ang makakapag-pasya sa puso mong umi-ibig.

(English Translation)
Do not ask the stars

Those questions that you already know the answers.

The stars cannot talk,

The heavens cannot sing,

And only you can decide for your heart that is falling.

Black and White : The Grey Walls (A Short Story)

"A promise or a dare, I would jump if I knew you'd catch me."

You are black and I am white...
Between us is the grey.

She wears a white dress and he is in black suit. Today is the long awaited day for them to see each other again.
Its been three long years and she can't help but wonder how the day will turn out, for she knew that these years somehow changed the both of them. She wonder how will they ever pick it up from where they have left.

He is indecisive. Too strong and too good to hide his emotions. She can't see it through.
Thus she was hurting inside, she doesn't know if it is ok to admit her real feelings or if it is much better to hide it like it is now.

So the grey barrier stood between the two lovers.

She is at one side singing those familiar lyrics of their favorite band that goes "🎶hello happiness tell me where you've been, I miss the sound of your voice, I miss the touch of your skin...🎵". But her heart is bleeding with the melody of unspoken love.

He is on the other side singing those familiar lyrics of their favorite band that goes "🎵we started as friends but something happened inside me...🎶". But he is in control of his emotions. Too strong to be seen through it.

And these grey walls are keeping them apart. Those hesitations and fear of rejections, those misunderstandings and misconceptions, and those wrong impressions and wrong interpretations. Somehow these grey walls are tearing them apart.

And these grey walls are the only witness of this love story still waiting to be told.

She cried out loud but he can't hear her... These grey walls are breaking them apart.

She wept for she cannot see through what's going on the other side of the walls.

The End.

Epilogue:
He is on the other side of those grey walls holding an ax and with a great blow he started breaking those grey walls that keeping them apart.


***The persons and events in this story are fictitious. Any similarities to actual persons and events are plainly coincidents and unintentional.

***Dedicated to my bestfriend since childhood. May love finally find you this time around.

5 Days with Lazarus

"An inferior teacher teaches,
A good teacher explains,
A superior teacher demonstrate,
But a great teacher inspires."

I always believed that my ultimate purpose in life is to inspire other people, and it is heart whelming to know that in my 5 days of stay at San Lazaro Hospital, I was able to touch yet another souls.

I feel so blessed when I was given the opportunity to have an actual exposure to a different medical laboratory set up.
But what made me feel more blessed was during my brief stay there, a lot of people came to me on my last day of OJT just to say thank you because they were inspired by my views and opinions and advises in life.

I went there to learn new things for my career growth, but real growth only comes when we impart something that will benefit others. And I know that I did not only achieved career growth but also my personal growth.

And these people who are willing to learn in life serves as my inspiration to continue inspiring and imparting words of wisdom.

I believe in the ripple effect of our actions.

It is the little good things that we do that creates a big sounding ripple that changes someone to become a better version of themselves.

And I can't help but smile in the most sincerest way to watch them transform in metamorphosistic way.

For John

"If everyone could just be happy with themselves and the choices people around them make, the world would instantly be a better place." - John Lennon

I must admit I'm really a big fan of John Lennon. But more than just a fan of his music, I'm more of a fan of his thoughts.

Colours and Impressions

I saw blue and I thought it was the sky
I saw yellow and I thought it was gold
I saw green and I thought it was the meadows
I saw red and I thought it was a rose.

But then the blue is also an ocean
The yellow is also the sun
The green can be a feeling
And red is the love of a man.

Judgements and illusions
From the moment we turn our eyes
We live in every first impressions
Which sad to say can never last.

The Ballad of Sunsets and Shooting Stars : The Afterglow

Late afternoons has always been my favorite part of the day because I never get tired of watching the sunset.
Sometimes I ask myself - Why is sunset so beautiful?
Then one afternoon while watching yet another sunset, I realized that, it is beautiful because God designed that even in the afterglow of the day there will always be a reason to see the beauty.

And likewise in life, as we grow old, leaving behind the prime time of our youth, in the afterglow of our dooming age... There is beauty in it.
Like those grandparents whom are sitting at their back porch every late afternoon, I see them as a beautiful portrait of a life lived, of a love tested in time, of a wisdom acquired through age.
Their wrinkles are like traces of a beautiful sketch of a dream realized, of a tragedy surpassed, of a pain that turned into callous, of joy buried in their eyes.

It is beautiful to see the traces of their soul withering yet full of wisdom.

It is beautiful to see their smiles lined with wrinkles that has been carved by joys and pains.

It is beautiful even just in a thought that growing old is not a pain but a beautiful sunset of a day lived.

The afterglow of our years to come is like a sunset... We soon bid goodbye to the day like bidding goodbye to our life growing old... But like the sunset... The afterglow of our lives is still beautiful.

And so I'm not scared to grow old...
In fact, in turns me on to enjoy the sunset of my life.

Prison

Some prisons do not have bars, and some prisoners are not even aware that they are in prison...
In fact, some prisoners don't even want to get out of their prison cells...
They are the willing prisoners.

The truth is, we are all prisoners of love... Love for ourselves, love for our family, our kids, our spouse, wealth, health, power, and etc.
We might not be fully aware but all our actions and decisions are manipulated by that love.
And its funny we don't feel like we're in chains.

The love inside us that is wanting to be free is the same love that imprisons us.

Forgive me for my twisted logic... But we are a bunch of prisoners living in a free world.

Paints and Canvas

How do I see life...

I see life as a painting.
Our lives are different paintings.
Some are full of colors, some are dull, some are landscapes which are easy to understand, others are like abstract paintings which are a bit hard to decipher, some are ambiguous whose meaning depends upon the eye that sees it.
Others are full of colors, while others are just plain black and white.
But not because your painting is black and white and as dull as it can be, doesn't mean that you are not lovely anymore. Some people appreciates dull and simple things.
But rest assured all paintings are beautiful in their own right. It is in the eye of the beholder which painting attracts him.

Life is a painting...
I see it as an art, as a canvas waiting to be stroke with brush, I see it as complicated as it can be but definitely... Life is about beauty and meaning. Life for me is about appreciation and purpose...
It is a painting therefore, I call living an art.

Love Lock

To love is like locking yourself up inside the bars of that someone,
But you don't feel that you are in chains.
Its like freedom suddenly has a new definition,
And liberty is not something to be chased.

So let's lock our hearts together to be free
Free to love as we throw away the keys
Walk hand in hand and together we'll see
If freedom is indeed the price of a precious kiss.

Berfect!!!

I always loved the Ber months. I love that certain feeling of excitement and cozy ambiance everywhere knowing that Christmas is just around the corner.

But this world is not perfect.

This is also the time of the year that my heart breaks for certain reason...
Whenever I see girls and boys and even newborn babies wearing almost nothing, holding those tiny envelopes, accompanied by their parents to beg for money on a cold weather, sniffing and with eyes as cold as the weather itself, I can't help but get mad to their irresponsible parents for forcing them to work at their tender age while those parents are at the prime of their lives, strong enough to work to feed their families, but sad to say, they eat their meal by the sweat of their poor children.

I live in a third world country and so I know how hard it is for common people to get by for the day. It is a hard work and stressful hours every given day to earn a decent amount to live your life... Being poor is not a sin especially in a third world country, but for Christ sake! If you cannot even afford yourself a decent meal then don't populate this world with kids you cannot even take care of. And to make them labor in the first place, just for you to eat a meal is a crime. It is a crime to steal... And child labor is stealing from a child his innocence.
Sad to think that there are a lot of good and responsible couples who are wanting a child but can't have one while these irresponsible people have that gift but refusing to take the responsibilities.
What a monster they are!!!

If only this world is a better place.

But it is not.

The Devil's Favorite Sin

"A pretentious, showy life is an empty life.
A plain and simple life is a full life.
Never confuse activity from productivity."- (R. Warren)

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against those people who posts just about everything and nothing all at the same time on their social media accounts.
From what they eat for breakfast to what they're wearing for the day, their make-ups and jewelries, and then there goes their rants and whines.
But if you were to ask me about my opinion, I would say these are waste of time, energy, and benefits us so little or sad to say, nothing at all.
People pretend to have a perfect life by posting their everyday activities but the truth is, it is a make-belief, an illusion that they have a full life, but the truth is, they have a busy day but an empty life.
Because if you have a full life, you don't bother to convince anyone and everyone that you have one.

Next, forgive me if I don't give much time reading and commenting on chatrooms because let's admit it, its just gossips.
I have to admit, I spend most of my time all by myself simply because I'm fed up with all these gossips all around. Sometimes I wanted to puke seeing people talk about other people's lives and all the negativity that they could say just to make themselves superior. Haha!!! Superior??? Let me remind you that those people who talks about other people (aka Gossipers) have the lowest IQ and EQ. You don't believe me?... Google it.
And it amazes me to see those same people face those people whom they talk about as if they are their best of friends. Imagine that?!!! Wow! Hypocrisy... They are the modern Sadducees.
Yup! I'd rather read a book.
For reasons one, gossips are just a waste of time, two, its a waste of energy, three, it benefits me nothing at all.

Those people who live pretentious lives live in a cage.

"But not because you cannot find bars doesn't mean you're not in a cage. If you don't exactly know the prison you're in, more precisely, you cannot get out of that cage" (Ishmael)

These people are captives of an illusion of a life they make themselves believe.

There's nothing wrong about all the social medias and chatrooms... But more than just our pretentious activities, it would be much better if we make our lives productive by spending more time with your kids and your family without a gadget on your hands.
Instead of reading and commenting everything in your group chats, why not read a book... A bookworm is much wiser than a gossiper.
Instead of posting your OOTDs or your vainful selfies... Try to post something more inspiring than vanity itself.

Because at the end, almost all of these are vanity...

...and Vanity is the devil's favorite sin.

P.s. If you wonder why I seldom post on my social media accounts...
Three reasons:
1.) I only post what is inspiring.
2.) I only post what is necessary.
3.) I have a REAL LIFE outside the social media world.

P.p.s. Don't try commenting to this post just to pretend that you don't belong to the circle I'm referring to.
Ciao!🙈🙉🙊🙀

Ten Seconds of Autumn

As we grow old
The house becomes empty
All that is left is the memory
Of happy childhood.

And reality bites
As we try to soar high
We face real life
As we turn and fight.

We hit the bottom
The moment we touched the sky
Because it is only a make-believe that we could fly
Burned in a 10 seconds of autumn.

Maid To Love

Is it really cold up there?
They say it is, but
If I exchange place with you,
Will you feel better?
Will I do better?

Cause life is so fragile to still break it.
Life is too short to still cut it.
Life is too beautiful to waste it.
You are beautiful, why end it?

Is it really sad up there?
All alone with all the riches
If I exchange sit with you,
Will I do the same?
Will I know who's to blame?

Its a shame to save them all and sold your soul
Its a lie that nobody cares anymore
Its your pain...
Who are we to judge
Its your life...
Who are we to judge.


P.s. dedicated to Ms. Demi Lovato for her recent hospitalization.

Move It

Stagnancy is death.

If I have to choose between being stagnant or having to move backward, I would choose the latter.
I would rather move backward than to stay at the same place for the rest of my life, because stagnancy is the worst stage of one's individuality. Not moving at all is death itself in the midst of living. I would rather crawl just to keep on moving.

And not because you moved backward means you're lost or you're defeated or you don't have any direction in life... Remember, life is like a chess, to move back doesn't mean you are losing... It means you have a different route to win the the game.

The Crown

One of the noblest job on earth is being a single mother.

No offense to those happy families with both a mother and a father. I mean, everybody wants a complete family, the ideal one. I, myself, wanted it to be that way if I could choose, but things happen without a reason so we just carry on with our lives.

Being a single mother means you have a dual responsibility to your children. You have to be both a father and a mother all at the same time.

While an ideal family has a father that provides the financial needs and a mother that takes care of almost everything, single mothers do both.
While in an ideal family, the father fixes the broken toys, do the carpentry, teach the kids how to bike and play the ball, and the mother does the cooking, the laundry, the everyday chores; in my case, as a single mother, I do all of them.
It is me who cooks and wash the dishes, do the laundry and all the everyday chores. And it is also me who do the simple carpentry, fix the broken toys, and it is me who teach my child to ride her bike and play the ball as well as the dolls. And yes, it is still me who goes to work to earn for our living.

And while I do all these stuffs, it is me who disciplines my child and teaches her all the lessons that I could impart for her to become a good person.

While some single mothers receive a monthly support from their ex husbands, some actually do not receive even a single decent dime.
So I suggest to those who receive some sort of support to be thankful enough that at least you have a help making both ends meet.

Because in some cases like mine, everything is in my sole responsibility. And all that is left to do is to be strong for my daughter.

Some would think being a single mother is a disgrace, but to anyone who thinks that way... Here's what I thought...

It is not a shame on our part to be this way for it is not our fault that the man we used to have was irresponsible or weak or simply a douche bag. Maybe it was a mistake for us to believe a man like that but we are humans, so we ought to make mistakes, but that doesn't mean we can never get up again for if you look at us, we are doing just fine singlehandedly doing the job for two. It is not a shame on our part for we do our best to give the most decent life we could give to our children.
And to those men who just runaway from their responsibilities... Well I say, you've got a lifetime carrying that guilt and shame on your shoulders... So it never was our lost - right?!

SINGLE MOTHERS ARE INDEPENDENT, STRONG AND BEAUTIFUL.

I AM NOT ASHAMED OF BEING ONE...
IN FACT...
I WEAR IT LIKE A CROWN.

Panata

Panalangin ba ay diringgin?
Pusong makasalanan at madilim.
Mga salita ba ay papansinin?
O lulubog lang kasabay ng mga kasalanang angkin.

Can Music Still Save Your Mortal Soul?

"Do you believe in rock and roll? Can music save your mortal soul?" - American Pie

I am one of those people who's mortal soul was saved by music.

My teenage years back then in the late 90's were filled with bands with real talents.
I, myself had my own band back then. And like everyone else, we were full of hopes and so promising, and that is to say, my rebel years were saved by music.

When I was in highschool, we learn the cords of a song by hearing it right and playing it on our guitar. So we strive to fast forward and rewind those cassette tapes to repeat those lines we cannot get right off bat.

Back then, internet was something we don't really need because we can get by the whole day just strumming the guitar, talk about Dawson's Creek, write new songs when alone at home, and play as a band or like a band after school or during the weekends. Those were what we call now, the days.

My rebel days were tamed and I believe I made it on the right track because of music.
Rock songs had been my refuge and rock. Like a shadow that's keeping me company when I have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, as they say.

Fast forward 20 years later...
A lot of things happened.
I graduated in college, passed the national licensure exams and an overseas licensure exams as well, I am now a single mother of a very loving daughter, and I still write songs from time to time because one of the hardest thing to die here on earth is a dream waiting to be chased.

But truth is, songwriters, even though how good you are, even though you own the most beautiful lyrics and melody in the vast universe, still, big companies will still hook their arms on those big names (no need to mention their names) with so little talent and with songs as wasteful as trash itself with three phrases that continuously repeat to maximize a 4-minute song with a melody of a brass and a fork, I guess. What a waste!... In the name of music.

I sympathize with those artists who still believe in record sales, the vinyl kind and not the ones available in the internet streaming everywhere.

I do believe that the music business nowadays, is becoming a wasteland.

May this post be a wake up call to those who still believe that MUSIC CAN SAVE YOUR MORTAL SOUL.

Interlude

Imagine a tragedy so ugly it should never have happened.

I grew up a Christian, but sometime, long ago, when I was still young, someone told me that my eagerness to serve the Lord could be my down fall as the Antichrist. So I guarded my heart and my mind to be a good Christian. I was so careful, so scared to fall that I might not get up again. But call it fate, call it a destiny or maybe a prophecy, but I'm like a Messiah who never had a choice. Like I was chosen and though it might seem like I have a choice, the path has been laid down for me even before I was born. It only looks like we have a free will but no, we never had a choice, I did not choose to be chosen.

So for my every wrong turn, I stood tall and ugly like Goliath, but with the sincerest heart of David who believes that he is doing the right thing.

So I stir them up into confusion.
For if you can't convince them, confuse them.

We always live in the grey...
The grey zone
There is a thin line between red and green, black and white, and so as to arrogance and confidence, humility and pride and that is the grey zone.
We don't need a god or the devil to do right or wrong. We, humans are capable enough to do what is right and wrong.
We do what we think is right, but oftentimes we do what is right for ourselves... Even though it is wrong in the eyes of others. We are always in a dilemma of two miserable things and it all comes down to which is lighter to bear. And to cope up with our guilt, we invent all the given alibis to justify our actions. We live in the grey zone where there is no perfectly right and perfectly wrong. We try our best to mix both the black and the white to escape our guilt and so everything becomes grey.

And for whatever reason that bad things happen to you, stop thinking that god is punishing you, stop blaming yourself. It is not you. It is never you. Things happen, that's just it.
Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people.
We question the gods and we never get an answer, or the answers are not exactly the ones we had in mind. Questioning the gods could not help us one way or another... Because they don't answer.
For this is the truth, the truest answer of all: "Things happen for no reason at all, gods don't control it, we just have to make the best out of the bad things."

Blasphemy?...
You don't know how much is the price I paid for you...

And I did not asked for it.

Blasphemy... Oh blasphemy...
For one moment you will thank the gods for the blessings bestowed unto you, and another minute you are questioning the same god why did he allow those unreasonable tragedies to happen in this world.

And there are those wicked thoughts I never thought I will dare to imagine.

The born Messiah who never had a chance to choose.
Tragic.
Being born to be different.

But being different is not a sin.
We are all born beautiful,
But what makes you different makes you stand out.

And I'm making my stand... Outside.

The Tomb of Babel

While we stand here on the day of judgment,
Waiting for the final verdict...
Praying for our redemption...
In the midst of our imperfections.

You alone remained unblemished,
Cradled by your own salvation.
For you are like a tombstone,
Made of marble...
Painted white...
But inside are dead men's skeletons.

All rotten.
All rotten.

And the lambs are on the run...
For nobody wants to be the Last Samurai.

Chocolates, Nuts, and Marshmallows

Dear Jan,
Is denying a lie?
If it is, then everything is just plain black and white...
Then why is it I'm gray and you're red?

There's just so many things that I wanted to ask, feelings that I wanted to say, ideas that I wanted to share... But I can't figure out what to say. Its like my heart is uttering so many words that I can't even catch up. But I'll try my best to say it here.

If a shooting star can make your wish come true, why does it have fall? to lose its light for you? to leave its place up in the sky just for you? And all for a single wish of someone else.

You see, when life is a series of the choices we make and we are more or less the product of it, does regret ever cross your mind... I mean, for not uttering a single word about what you feel?
I mean, you can't lose what you never had but you could have had it if only you've tried.

Can you tell me now what's the difference between losing someone from not having her at all.

Questions I never dared to ask.
Questions you never cared to risk.
Questions we never have to answer anymore.

The answers were always right... But we always ask the wrong questions.
So the answers that we get are not the ones we had in mind... So we remain disappointed.

And now that you've got my answer to the question you never even asked, does the pain makes you drink a lot of beer, or makes you write a love song for no one, or wakes you up at 3 am spinning inside the question?

I have regrets.

I guess as we grow old, we realized that we are not perfect. We get to know ourselves more and thus, we see our imperfections.

I have regrets... In fact, I have a lot.
I wasn't the same child who dreamed.
I had my share of nightmares.

And I woke up and saw that reality is much scary than nightmares... Because you know you can never wake up when you are awake.

But I have a secret to share...
I'm too good at making bitter things sweeter in my eyes. I can make the best alibi you could ever imagine and believe it like its true. I can make the ugly things beautiful in everyone's eyes like life is so perfectly placed in the vast universe. And only I knows what lies behind the mask.

But sometimes... I, too, believe in my own lies and I wear it on my sleeves like its the truth.

And the worst part of believing in a lie is that... It might become your TRUTH.

So cheers to the life that could have been...
Kudos to the life that we have now...
And a big toast for the life to come...

And yup!!! I'll be celebrating with beer and ice cream.

P.s. ...I know you know the flavor.

Love,
Me

Perks of the Choices We Make

Life is a series of the choices we make.

It was when the young ones are embraced by innocence...
The youths are coated with arrogance...
And reality is masked by ignorance...
And we are all and naive at the same time.

But if only I knew what I've known now, then it could have been a different story, it could have been a different ending, it could have been a different man.

But who knows if I'm wiser than I am now for I could have had a different idea.
Who knows if I'm stronger than I am now for I could have had a different opinion.
Who knows if I'm better than I am know for I could have had different perspectives.

Who knows if I'm by far happier.

But who knows if not.

When life is a series of the choices we make...
And every decision has a price to pay...
Then free will is a curse in disguise.

And we are all caught up in the middle of the series.

Audition

For the past couple of years my life has been a series of different auditions.
And every audition was like a punch to the moon.
...and until now I'm still punching.
...until now I haven't landed on my part.
Its frustrating, but my heart won't allow me to give up.
...because I choose to believe.
...crazy as I may seem.
...and though my heart breaks on every audition that I take,
...God bless the mess that I make.



From: LA LA Land
Audition (Fools Who Dream)

My aunt used to live in Paris.
I remember, she used to come home and she would tell us these stories about being abroad.
And I remember, she told us that she jumped into the river once. Barefoot.

She smiled...

Leapt without looking
And tumbled into the Seine
The water was freezing
She spent a month sneezing
But said she would do it again

Here's to the ones who dream
Foolish as they may seem
Here's to the hearts that ache
Here's to the mess we make

She captured a feeling
Sky with no ceiling
The sunset inside a frame

She lived in her liquor
And died with a flicker
I'll always remember the flame

Here's to the ones who dream
Foolish as they may seem
Here's to the hearts that ache
Here's to the mess we make

She told me:
"A bit of madness is key
To give us new colors to see
Who knows where it will lead us?
And that's why they need us"

So bring on the rebels
The ripples from pebbles
The painters, and poets, and plays

And here's to the fools who dream
Crazy as they may seem
Here's to the hearts that break
Here's to the mess we make

I trace it all back to then
Her, and the snow, and the Seine
Smiling through it
She said she'd do it again

The Missing PiEces

For the last couple of days I've been indulging myself with those thoughts about "what if's", "probabilities" and "possibilities" from the past.

And in the middle of my reverie, you came out of no where reminding me that there are no "what if's" in life.

So I go back in to my sanity once again.

Leaving the past behind.
Living the present now.

There are no "what if's" in life, that's what I believe.
We only ask that question when we are sad, lonely and confuse with our present situation.
But if we are happy, there is no room for what if.

P.s.
And yes, the summer breeze is making me smile as it scatters those yellow little flowers on the pavement, reminding me again that its...SUMMER.

T.O.T.G.A.

"We'll live our lives, we take the punches everyday...
We live our lives on different sides
We keep together, You and I.
And live our lives...
Stigmatized.
We gonna live our lives...
Stigmatized." - Stigmatized (The Calling)


...because we are a bunch of rational, logical, cynical broken people.

But if there's one truth that I could confess to you, that is, I was NEVER cynical when I'm with you.
It was like, trusting is a human nature... so natural.

So I keep my distance to be logical, rational, cynical...again. Because that is what natural is for humans.

So I take the punches everyday.
The price of being rational, logical, and cynical.

But your ghost is haunting me.
But it was never fear that I feel everytime you appear.
It is more of pain and a bit of happiness.
Cause deep happiness is actually a sting of pain.
A sting of painful fragments of a distant memory.
The reason why my heart still sings in the music of your strings... attachment.
And because you are a beautiful ghost.
You could keep on haunting me.
Haunt me for the rest of my life.

Solitarius

There is a reason why some "strong and beautiful-inside-out women" have failed relationships.

...because strength and beauty is never enough to a man with a high ego and a broken spirit.

...and because "strong and beautiful-inside-out women" are not meant to be caged with a broken heart.

Just like what Red said "...some birds are not meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up, thus rejoice.". Shawshank Redemption


And do you know why some "strong and beautiful-inside-out women" remain single?

Here's my theory...

Do you know why some lyrics, even though the words are so beautiful remained to be just a POETRY and NOT a SONG?
Its NOT because the music might ruin it.
It is because the words are so beautiful enough that they don't need a melody to complete them...
They are simply PERFECT by their own.

Secrets of 3 AM

I can see the world when I look into your eyes, and I hold it when I hold your hands.
If you fall, I'll jump with you, and with you I'll safely land.
Land into the right place.
Right there face to face.
When we grow old... We will go to the park everyday and count the passing cars.
And at night we will lie and count the stars.

The Good Ol' Days

The good ol' days...
Was when we were young and dreaming of getting old.
And now that we are old, we are yearning to go back to those good ol' days.

The good ol' days...
Was when ignorance and innocence were hard to distinguish.
And we were both of them.
And now that we are old, both had fade away like history in our memory.

The good ol' days...
Was when wounds heal so easily and scars don't mean a thing.
And now that we are old, even time can't heal our souls, and our scars grow deeper.

The good ol' days...
Was when your embrace was warm.
And now that we are old, though we're so close to the fire we still feel so cold.

The good ol' days...
Was when the music was so sweet lingering in our ears.
And now that we are old, the silence is deafening our numbing senses like everything is just fragments of a distant memory.

The good ol' days...
Wasted in our youth.
Begging to go back but we are too old...
Too old to go back to the good old days.

Vincent

For you are the Vincent of my starry starry night painted with palette blue and gray on a summer's day.
The withered face lined with pain.
And when no hope is left in sight on that starry starry night, I hope you won't do as lovers often do...
For this world was never meant for the beautiful to die.

For love is only for the weak, but it is the same antidote to be strong.

For you could be nameless, faceless...
But you are you to me.

The dream come true.
The wish upon a star that came to life.

You are my shooting star.

Love @ 1st Sight

Those who believe in love at first sight will never stop looking for strangers.

And the only cure for love at first sight is to take a second look.

But you are the one stranger I keep on looking everywhere.
The love at first sight that was never cured by the second look.
And had fallen even badly by the third time.

You are the one stranger I wanted to meet over and over again hoping the right time might be this time around.

The love at first sight so clear to me that it made me protest that love is blind... Because if love is blind... Why is it so clear to see...

I could look into your eyes over and over like its mine.
I could imagine your smile and suddenly it becomes my smile.
I could talk to you for hours and still walk a mile.
I could see your scars and still see you so perfectly sublime.

And suddenly my eyes are so clear... And its you the first thing that I saw.
And until now... I'm still looking at you.

P.s. Your eyes are so pretty that it is a sin that your sight is blurry. Let me see it clearly.

A World Without YOU

Good bye to the world that I am used to.

Thank you for letting me see the world through you.
You are a good friend to me but if I could choose a life that could have been, I would never wanted that kind of life with you... Being crippled without you.

I've always wanted to break free from you. I tried a lot of tricks and turns but it turns out... I am always needing you.
As what I've said... I am crippled without you.

So I must say thank you, though.

But I've been chasing this freedom since I could start writing ABC's and learn to count 123.

I was cursed when I was born and I traded all my cards just to break the spell.

And now... The spell is broken.

Thank you and goodbye.
Hope I won't be needing you for the rest of my life.

Manila Sky 2.0

There are different forms of art.
You can either extract beauty in a clean slate by capturing it through a lens clearly... Or you can make your hands dirty by dipping it into colours and make every hue tangible by your fingertips.

The Daily Queen

Was it a wrong answer? Or the question itself was wrong?
Did love came too early? Or was loving you back came too late?

When you've finally reached your dreams, what is next?

They say you must not stop there...
Continue to create new dreams then make them all come true...

But it never stops and it becomes a routine to create then build and make it come true, then create again.

Truth is... Most of the time... What happens next after a dream come true is longing for that something you have to leave behind just to have what you have now.
It is the asking of what if's and what could have been's.
It is looking back on those important things that you throw away because you thought your dreams will make you complete and happy and satisfied.

But everything becomes a lie when you look back.

And then you ask yourself... Am I really happy for what I've become?

Is that a wrong question? Or you just can't accept the answer.

But then, if you could reset your life... You know you won't do it. You know that you won't change a bit of what happened.

Because that's life.
That's life.

Every crashing waves are like fragments of your memory.

Love becomes real only when you learn to forgive.

And to forgive is to heal.

And it doesn't matter whether the question is right or wrong...
Because no matter what, I will stand up for my answers.

I'll pay the price everyday if I have to.

For the taste of despair is much sweeter when its torn from the cradle of faith.

That faith in life... That it will go on and on.

And who's to say that I'm wrong... My life ain't over yet.

Irish Moon From the West

How could you write a song so perfectly and sing it like an angel?
Effortlessly perfect in and out.
Like a thousand sunsets...
Yellow, orange and blue.
Mysteriously beautiful.
Like heaven and all its hue.

How could you walk with all that grace yet so natural?
Effortlessly sways in every move.
Like a thousand flowers...
Pink, red and lavender.
Mysteriously captivating.
Like a garden and all its hue.

How could you talk so brilliant but with a humor?
Effortlessly delivers every word.
Like a thousand phrases...
Black, white and grey.
Mysteriously interesting.
Like a book and all its hue.

How could you be so broken yet you endure?
Effortlessly surviving every blow.
Like a thousand raindrops...
Crystals, pearls and diamonds.
Mysteriously blinding.
Like precious gems and all its hue.

The Exodus

This is supposed to be my New year's day post, but I did not post it because this is not about new year's resolution.

It is about the Exodus which means... The Continuation.

There would be no New year's resolutions nor New year goals for me this year because I believe that, what is more important than starting over is to actually continue the good things that you've been doing this past year.

So this year, nothing much new for me to do so but to continue being a good mother to my daughter, continue being a good person in my own little way, continue inspiring other people, understanding other people, continue learning the old things as well as the things that I don't really know, continue writing, blogging, reading, playing music, watching movies as well as my surroundings... Just continue LIVING LIFE IN THE MOST FEASIBLE "FULLEST" THAT I CAN.


"If you cannot be a saint, or a monk, or a priest...
...then think of terms of being a hero." - Anne Rice

Two Straws in a Mountain Dew

Two straws in a Mountain Dew
Its just a soda but it tastes better when its for two
And it doesn't matter who drinks more between the two of you
You don't get the whole but its alright with you.

Two straws in a Mountain Dew
And you don't mind sharing it too
You bought it but she drinks it half way through
But all you can see is the beautiful view.

Two straws in a Mountain Dew
Your sip is only but a few
You know the feeling, you've got a clue
When everything seems to have a hue.

Two straws in a Mountain Dew
And forever you thought you knew
The beauty and simplicity seems so true
While both of you sip on that two straws in a Mountain Dew.

King Nick

King Nick
Always on the nick
Biting every tick
Time he sneaks.

King Nick
Reach the peak
Smooth and sleek
But so to speak.

King Nick
Buys every nick
And on every tick
Time he tricks.

Speck

Here are just a few lessons that I've learned from the movie : The Last Jedi.

The master is always better than the apprentice because he had more failures in life.
And failure is always the best teacher.

And so as in real life, old people are far wiser than the young ones because they had more failures.
And failure is always the best teacher.

Life is not always about winning... It is about meaning.

Life becomes meaningful only when you learn from your mistake and when you strive to get back on track from your own failure.

We can only learn from our mistakes and failures if we know how to make peace with them. Peace is something you can only find within yourself.

Heroes are heroes NOT because they FIGHT for love...
NOT because they DIE for love...
BUT because they SAVE the ones they love.

And yes, we are just a tiny speck of light in this whole wide universe... But we could be a spark that could bring hope... A spark that could become a much bigger light.


P.s. I just realized how much I missed Master Yoda. Jedis don't die... They just disappear.

Momma Just Can't Get Enough

I am not an atheist. In fact, I grew up in a christian family, in a christian third world country, I studied in a Catholic school that was exclusive for girls, and so, I am not an atheist.
But when I first heard about this book, (It was my first year in highschool back then) my very enthusiastic mind, of course, wanted to find out what was the truth behind the lies of a picture prefect portrait of Mother Theresa.
But of course, that book was banned here in our country and during those times (late 90's), the only way to have a new book was to go to the nearest bookstore that will cost you your whole week's allowance, and did I mentioned that the book was banned in our country?
And yes, internet and WiFi before were not that handy.
During our generation, we get things the hard way, like when we wanted to play a certain song, we can't just download the chords because there was no such thing as download before, so its either we buy a song mag with that song in it or we learn the song by ourselves.
So downloading a whole book was a far cry itself before.
So to cut the long story short, I totally forgotten every thing about this book.
Until late last year while I was idly browsing blogs, when I came across this book again.

The truth is, this book is NOT blasphemous, it is NOT a punch to Christians nor any other religions, it is an eye opener.

Truth be told, religions had nothing to do with the acts of the people in it.
Priests, pastors, ministers, nuns, they are all just common people serving their gods, and they are not perfect. And they are not the face of their religion either.

So what makes this book hard to drop is that it tells about the other side of a coin.
That most of the time, believers are just pawns of a man in control using the name of kindness or a higher power for self exaltation.
Most of the time, those angelic figures are the ones who are capable of diabolic deeds.

Reputation is deceiving.
Most of the time, the darkest secrets are lurking in the blinding artificial light of what we call reputation.

I'm not going to tell here what were the secrets of that famous nun... Go read the book and find out.

...because a coin always has two sides.

And yes, I believe she's a Sith in disguise of a Jedi.

Stand Up Where You Fell

Triumphant... That, I think, is the proper redeeming word for this TNT (Tawag ng Tanghalan- a singing competition on TV which is now on its second season.) Resbaker (a person who was defeated before in a certain competition but comes back again to compete and to prove that he is the right holder of the title.)

Lalaine Arana...
You see, this lady made it to the semifinals and she's on her way to realize her dream, but unfortunately, she forgot the lyrics of her song -(Waray Waray- a Philippine folk song, a song that was chosen for her by the judges) while she was performing on the stage. Automatically, she was out for the quarter finalist.

Today she came back as a contender, and when I saw her on TV a while ago, I didn't realize I was praying for her all the while and I was thinking, God let her sing that song again and redeem her. Let everybody see that she can come back with the same song that made her lose and be triumphant with it.

And yes, that was her piece today and she just won.

When they asked her why did she chose that song, she said: "yun kanta po na yan, dyan po ako nadapa, kaya dyan na kanta din po ako babangon." (because that song is where I fell and in that song, there, I will get up again.)

More than just a dreamer, she is very inspiring in her performance today.
She is a lesson that could make you a fighter...

You lose... Then come back stronger and more determined than ever.

Stand up at the same place you've fallen.