Wandering Empty Thoughts

It was a ten hour drive from the city to the county. The passenger's sit was empty and so was my heart. I watched the sun rise at my left and sets at my right as the moon rises at my left. The stars start to appear one by one like a thousand diamonds scattered on a black blanket. It was BEAUTIFUL. The day had moved but I'm still on this long winding one way road driving... driving myself crazy. Crazy. Beautiful. Its dark but I could vividly see the silhouette of the mountains against the glowing gloomy moon.Scenes flash back as my mind wanders where my heart is. I have to rest for a while and I saw this crampled old brown paper bag. I grabbed my pen and wrote these wandering thoughts. It was dark and I'm alone on the road. the passenger's sit was empty and so was my heart




I wrote this on a brown paper bag while I'm on my way out of the city.

Side Of The Circle

This morning, an old familiar song was played on the radio and a line from it made me thinking throughout the day...

"Best things in life are free"... I don't believe it.

Best things in life are NOT free, they have their own prices... worse, they worth more than money.

Money is cheap... it cannot buy you happiness, love, peace, family, not even success.



But these best things in life like happiness, love, family, peace, and success... they have their tagged price... before you could have any of those so called "BEST THINGS" have you ever thought about what you have gone thru before having them? Your sacrifices? Your tears? Your Pains?... now tell me... are they really free? Think about it...


Best things in life are NOT free... they are just too expensive that even money cannot buy them.

NoVeMBeR MiST

Soon I'll be wrapping my year again. And summing it all up... I'm afraid I don't get even a half of what you call fulfillment. The whole year has been a total routine of shattered plans and failed dreams that I routinely hide behind my smiles and laughs everyday.


My life has been walled with protection, but these walls has been destroyed and shattered into ashes many times – countless! And as countless as it has been, countless times I tried my best to rebuild it again and again. But every time I'm just about to start, it is again destroyed, badly tortured and pulverized without mercy. It is like the universe is conspiring and they are taking away everything even the only hope I've got.


I'm tired... and I swear, I could just rest in peace now.


Tell me to hope that the sun could actually shine at night. Tell me to hope that I could really see a rainbow in the dark night sky... but how? When even a shooting star could not make itself fall for me... how could a wish come true?


So I tried my best to look for the lesson lurking behind this scene that I'm in. Perhaps God designed my walls to shatter so that I could fall... so that I could learn the art of falling... because if I don't fall... how could I ever reach the ground where the broken pieces of my walls landed? If I don't fall, I will never reach the ground... how could I possibly pick up those bricks that once used to be the building blocks of my walls? I'm afraid of falling but I'm learning to love it.



Perhaps, God designed my walls to shatter because He wants me to live without protection because God wants me to realize that He is the only protection that I really needed in life. That in life... safety does not mean the absence of danger but the presence of God. I guess I won't be needing those walls anymore.



Perhaps, God designed my walls to shatter because He wants me to learn something so beautiful yet so difficult as well... that is to hope in spite of hopelessness... to hope in spite the fact that even my very own instincts tells me not to. To fight my own will or even God's will though I know I am fighting a matchless fighter. To fight even though I know from the start that I am already doomed. To hope that things might change. To hope... that is.



This is the end of truce...
The birth of oblivion...
The dawn...

The Window Pane

As the moon glows melancholy on a starless night sky like a shining diamond on a black sheet... its beautiful but lonely. So I have to flip yet again another page of my book. I could have stayed on that page, it could have been so beautiful, but the story continues to another page... so I have to move on. I wanted God to lift the page for me but I guess, God doesn't want to lift even a finger. It is not that I'm losing my faith... no!... my faith in God is faithful. I trust God but I don't believe that He wants me to have my kind of story. I guess, God got tired of writing the same old stories with happy endings and so He thought of writing a tragedy.. and He choses me to play the leading role. God thought that this will be a great story and people will love love it... but the script is a tragedy... more tragic than Romeo and Juliet, more complicated than Tristan and Isolde, more painful than Jack and Rose. Being the chosen one is a blessing in the eyes of the viewers but it is a curse to the one who plays it. It is like burning your soul in the fires of hell so that others may reach heaven.


The chosen one.


I can't help but think that even Judas Iscariot was a chosen one. And being the chosen one, he never had the chance to say “NO!” … think of it... if Judas did not betrayed Jesus, we could have questioned the credibility of Jesus' prophecy that one of His 12 disciples will betray Him and he that dippeth his hands in the dish is the same person. If Judas did not kissed Jesus, there could have been no famous “Judas Kiss” and if that did not happen, Jesus could have passed the cross and did not die for our sins... there could have been no resurrection at all and maybe, we were never redeemed at all.


You see, Judas played a great role in the script of God. He was actually God's pawn in fulfilling the prophecy. People now are condemning Judas but what they do not know is that Judas only obeyed what God had told him to do so even if it cost him his own soul in hell, even if it cost him his name being condemned.


The truth is, if ever I get to heaven and meet Judas there... I won't be surprise. And I bet God will explain why Judas is up there... but I will be the first to tell him... “ I always knew you will be here.”


I bet people will think that this article is full of blasphemy but the point of this whole Judas thing is that we should not judge others because it is never our place to judge.


You judge a girl by the way she curls her hair and by the way she carries herself... but who are you to create such illusions of her identity? Who are you to create your own set of her character?

You are judging a book you never even tried to open... how could you know the story?


I don't give a damn... but don't provoke me.


The rain starts to pour hard gushing on the window pane... the water tastes like a saline. Like a gutter flushing all the rain to slide on the window pane... the window pane... they are my eyes.

SURREAL

Cool breeze and autumn leaves sets the view as I walked aimlessly, nonchalantly, and nowhere to go in the busy streets of the city. Trying to find an inspiration, something that will make sense out of all these insensibility. My lone pair of watchful eyes oversee the living. The tortured souls and unhealing wounds... I am one of them. But no tears could well in these pair of eyes because the paleness of the moon and the coldness of the night made it frost.



Stories are everywhere and so I am everywhere. And that makes me a person with no place to go. Do you know exactly the feeling of being everywhere? Of not having a place to go when you are tired and broken? You got no idea.



For a moment my ears got tired of hearing stories... their stories. Because they endure alone their own pains while I endure the sum of all their pains. It is making me numb and numbness is worse than the pain itself.

Stories are rare forms of poisons and antidotes. They could make you hope or leave you in despair. And being always with them, stories left me all alone in the middle between hope and despair. To hope is hard, to be in despair is painful, but not knowing what to do is the worst kind of suffering. The heart deceives even the very owner itself so who would know? Who could realize the right from wrong? The heart is the most poisonous thing on earth, hence, the heart starts and ends the story. And when the story ends... that is where I am... giving hope, telling everyone that every ending springs forth a new tale where hope lurks, and it is up to one's heart. Temptation leers when conscience fades. The heart only beats what it wants to beat... hope or despair? This heart screams in agony.



A story of a man who died on the day before his daughter's 25th birthday. He wrestled with the angel of death with all his might, holding on to that picture of his daughter in his mind. But angels are immortal, how could he defeat one? So I look for a reason to hope, that though he died in a time he wished he could still live and bring her daughter a nice gift, I told him - “ your gift to your daughter is already in her hands. Just a year from now she will become a good doctor and that is your gift to her... her future. The gift of healing.”



A story of a girl who begged for love but love sometimes come in a form of hatred. A man who redeemed himself through a heart of a poor girl. Everyone laughs at her shame and everyone salutes his glory. So I look yet again for a reason so I could give hope to that poor girl who now lives in shame. Whatever love throws at you, believe in it. There is nothing you can do. Better is the heart that gives love even though no one has ever loved back that a heart surrounded by love but doesn't know how to love. That is life...still life.



A story of a kid who loses his home from the recent calamity that hit the country. He asked me - “why does the sun go on shining like nothing happened? Why do people continue to live their lives and never cares that many people are dying and starving because of the drowning flood? Look at them, they continue to go to school, to go to their offices, to go to their work places. Why can't the world pause for a while and look at me?” So I look at him. He smiled and said - “ I'm glad you are looking at me, I'm glad you paused for a while and listened to me.” I raised my brow and said nonchalantly - “ I did not pause for you. I am one of them who continued living our lives like nothing happened yesterday. I am looking at you not for you but for myself... don't you get it? We are a bunch of selfish beings. You think we are selfish for not looking at you but did you ever thought that you too are selfish for wanting everyone of us to look at you?... and yet, did you ever look for someone else too?” The kid was in a moment of shock.

So I look again for a reason to give him hope - “ The sun shines like nothing happened yesterday because God wants you to continue to live your life, He wants you to face another day and another day so you could pick up all the broken pieces of your life. Life never ends yesterday, life continues for as long as tomorrow comes. The sun shines not because it doesn't care at all but because God cares and He wants you to rebuild what the yesterday has destroyed. Happy moments become evil when they are gone, but that doesn't mean you can never have happy moments again. Remember, some lessons cannot be taught, they must be lived to be understood. That is wisdom.”


I left the kid pondering.


Cool breeze and autumn leaves sets the view as I walked aimlessly, nonchalantly, and nowhere to go in the busy streets of the city. Trying to find an inspiration, something that will make sense out of all these insensibility. My lone pair of watchful eyes oversee the living. The tortured souls and unhealing wounds... I am one of them. But no tears could well in these pair of eyes because the paleness of the moon and the coldness of the night made it frost.


The sun shines and it whispers hope - “ A faithful heart makes a wish come true”.

The Frail Faith Of The Faithful






“Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.”
-The Shawshank Redemption-


I've been through worse, and I can prove that. And being there, I've learned how to praise God in spite of my rage and angst against Him. I'd realized long ago that the best way to worship God is to praise Him in your most darkest and angriest moment because in spite of your human emotions the goodness of the heart still prevails.


A thanksgiving prayer is beautiful, a mourning heart prays sincerely, but the prayer of an angry heart is the most fervent because it goes beyond the will but still manage to make it. It is surpassing a very tempting test. The temptation not to pray and to praise God because of anger is hard to overcome... and so I say it is the most fervent prayer if you had overcome that temptation. That is the frail faith of the faithful.


The frail faith of the faithful still believes that in spite the unwilling prayer, God still hears.


Trust is believing what you can see but faith is believing something you'd never seen. Faith is hoping in spite of hopelessness, it is believing beyond doubts, it doesn't seek for signs nor for miracles, nor for reasons to believe because faith hopes that the impossible will become possible... good thing... in God, everything is POSSIBLE.

BeAuTiFuL NiGhTmArE





It was the last Friday of the month of august. I woke up late so I was in a rush going to work. It was almost six in the morning, I was wearing my two-inched high heels and I was walking very fast that I didn't noticed the bump on the road. I almost slipped but I managed to balance myself, and so I thought I should have wore my scrub suit and my sneakers instead when suddenly I heard a tiny voice that said - “ Ineng... madadapa ka pa!”. I turned to the voice and saw an old woman sitting at the corner of the street. I got scared and so I walked even faster. At that time my mind was a mess. I was thinking about my judgment day which was fast coming. I only had 48 hours left to get ready for that day but just the thought of it made me shiver.



I was expecting that my judgment day will happen on the first day of the week but it happened 3 days later.


So if I said before that I'd vomit the green thing in the middle of the street with all those eyes staring at me and that I wanted then to disappear or it was I that I wanted to become invisible, well, double that humiliation, and that was my judgment day.


All I know was that, at that very moment I just wanted to shrink, that I was wishing for a magic wand that will make me disappear in front of everybody... but that magic did not happen. I was left there facing the entire humiliation while my mind was reiterating the phrase that God won't give me something that I can't bear... but then, that was true enough... I made it somehow.


If the part one was cruel enough... the the part two was extremely morbid. But of course, even in movies it is like that, so expect that life would be like that too.

So if I said before that humiliation is just for a moment and soon enough you'll be laughing at it... yeah right! Look who's laughing now.


Two down... more to go!

Never under estimate your opponent.


But I know I can face it all because of God.


They say that happiness is not always about sunshine... sometimes it is about dancing in the rain...


So I say, I'll dance in the storm, let the thunder be my music and the lightning be my spotlight. And when the strong wind carry me into a place full of monsters, its OK... I don't care... YOU will be my beautiful nightmare.

Faith And Faithfulness





“There are many devices in a man’s heart, nevertheless the counsel of the Lord that shall stand.” PROV. 19:21 (KJV)



Faith is the substance of things hoped for. How can you hope for things to come if you do not have faith – right?

Faith is the beginning of hope.



I guess, the reason why God made faith, hope and love is because He knows that life is never easy, it is never fair. And these three (faith, hope, and love) are the only tangible things on earth that could comfort us when we are in despair. When life gets too rough and you began losing your faith and the situation seemed to be hopeless and you begin to doubt in love… you can quit, yes, you can… but, have you ever thought of how worse life would be if you let go of your faith, your hope, and your love? These three cannot guarantee you everything here on earth but it can guarantee you ONE thing… COMFORT. Comfort in your afflictions like a cradle in a foe’s camp.


Life’s main goal is to try us. To try our strength. To prove to us how weak or how strong we could be. To prove to us how coward or how brave we are. Life will continuously try our faith. But this trying of faith springs forth patience. Most of the time, in our weakest moments, that’s the time when life strikes harder, pushing us into the limit, on the verge of our faith. In these trying times we have two options, to let go of our faith that has been holding us up or to faithfully hold on to that faith and hope that things will get better.


Life indeed is a race, so we must run with patience the race that is set before us.


We must remember that through faith we understand the mysteries in life. Through faith, the men and women of the Bible obtained promises and witnessed miracles. Some of them died in faith not having received the promises but having seen them afar off and were persuaded and so, not in their time but in God’s perfect time, it was fulfilled.


Remember: “It is impossible for God to lie…” HEB. 6:18 (KJV)


“So ask (and keep on asking) and it shall be given to you
Seek (and keep on seeking) and ye shall find
Knock (and keep on knocking) and it shall be opened unto you
For anyone that asketh receiveth
And he that seeketh findeth
And to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” MATT. 7:7-8 (KJV)


If we have faith, then the Lord God in heaven is even more faithful in keeping His promises.

The After Fact




Have you ever planned something stupid but fun and it turned out to be out of your control? You thought everything will go the way you had planned it but it didn't... it just didn't! So you embarrassed yourself and for that very moment, you wanted to be invisible, just a part of the street, wishing no one was there or it was you who weren't there. So you tried to sleep it over. When you woke up, your head aches, you know exactly what had happened, your mind is rewinding your humiliation but you don't feel it anymore, you are just laughing now, laughing about that stupid thing you did and so you tell to yourself - “Yeah! I had vomit that green puke in the middle of the street, it stinks, its silly, but that was fearless!”


I guess that is the message that I'm trying to tell here – that is to live life fearlessly. Make it or break it, it doesn't matter. They say a lot of people already died because of the word - “I THOUGHT” but I believe that it is better to whisper that word “ I thought” with you last breath rather than keep on breathing but keep on asking - “What if?”. I don't believe that we should grab chances when it comes because chances never comes. I believe that we should make our own chances, we build our own chances, and once we had built the chance, that 's the time we grab it. But never build a chance if you do not intend to grab because it is just a waste of time. It is like building a house but you refuse to live in it. So, if you want a house, build it and live in it. If you want something, build a chance to have it and once you had built the chance, grab it – FEARLESSLY!



Humiliation could only beat the weak heart, but a fearless heart knows that humiliation is just for a moment and soon after, you will find yourself laughing at it.



Reputation is the difference between “before the fact” and the “after fact”.
Tell the truth now before the fact can no longer lurk itself, at least you proved to everyone that you've got the guts to tell the truth with your own tongue. The after fact could only ruin a reputation because whatever your reason for not telling the truth too soon, they will not listen anyway. Reputation is something you have to build, but who cares anyway? Why do you have to live your life based on other people's opinion – right?


Contradicting?... yes, but it will leave your mind asking.


Fearlessly live your life the way you wanted it without hurting anybody. And whatever life throws at you, rude or nice... just believe in your faith. It might not save you but surely it will comfort you.


Life loves the person who dares live it.


“I don't know why, but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress – FEARLESS!”... YOU INSPIRE ME.

A Few Good Men: Quis Custodet Ipsos Custodes (Part 3)



“Quis custodet ipsos custodes?” - “Who will guard the guards?”


Silence is golden but sometimes it is just plain yellow. Patience is a virtue but sometimes it is just a waste of time... for every thing there is a time - “... a time to love, a time to hate; a time for war, a time for peace.” (Eccl. 3:8 KJV)


So if I've been working for peace for quite a long time now, then I'm fed up. I will rise and I will start the war.


The battle has begun.


I always believe that the pen is mightier than the sword. The tongue is sharper than the razor. And the human heart is more venomous than that of the scorpion sting.


I tried my best to forgive you and give you another chance after another, but this is the last straw and there's nothing more to ask for. It is my dignity that you are trying to invade and destroy. I'm telling you, I won't let that happen, I won't sit here and wait until I can no longer stand and fight. So while I still have my strength, I will fight you with all my might until you run and hide and live like hermits in the forest. You provoked me to start this war. To kill one might save a million.



You are suppose to guard this place, you are suppose to protect us, but we are NOT safe from you. We are guarding ourselves against you. You are wearing that uniform like a sepulcher, like a noble man, but your soul has never seen even a spark of light. “... for you are like whited sepulchers, which indeed appear beautiful outward but are within full of dead men's bones and of all uncleanness!” (Matt. 23:27 KJV)


You provoked me to start this war, so I did, and I will finish it. I guarantee your defeat! I will win this battle in God's name!


“A soldier fights in a battle not because he hates what is in front of him but because he loves what is in his back.”


I fight because my dignity is at my back.

Frail

yes, I have time... a lot of time... to wait patiently.

but I don't have forever.

its true that no one waits forever because no one has forever... what we have is just our lifetime.




...I'm not that close in giving up... actually... I'm already on the verge and even the softest breeze could make me fall...








so scared to fall... I might not get up again.

My FAITH is failing me...

God, help Thou my unbelief.

If I've known who YOU are...
I'd done it on purpose.

Bah Bah! Black Sheep

"Behold I send you sheep amidst the wolves" Matt. 10:16

behold, i was the sheep but, i've been acting like a wolf.
so God conspired another lost sheep to bump me so that i will come to realize that i am still a sheep and not a wolf.

behold i was sent as a sheep not to become a wolf.

A Farmer Has A Fertile Soil






When I was eight years old I'd read a proverb that says” A stupid person may forgive and forget but the wise forgives but never forgets”. I forgot the name of the person who quoted that, but his words inflicted me like an incurable disease that I even used that as my tag line in our grade school yearbook.



It seems like yonder years had passed but still, I got that disease. I took up my pre-medical course, graduated and passed the board exams three years ago with an eagle eye of pursuing medical degree course. But it was like a destiny destined not to be fulfilled. I don't why... I guess that really is a destiny meant not to be destined. Little did I know that this destiny that was destined not to be fulfilled will eventually become my redemption.




My story begun in a face of a child.



She was crying so loud. She was scared, so scared that her very own fears made her hate everyone who touches her, even her mother. She was my patient. She was three years old, afraid of needles, dextrose, syringe, medicines, nurses, doctors and most especially … ME – the one who will extract blood from her. The one who will point that sharp thin needle into her skin, the one who is famous by the qoute - “we inject pain to extract the truth.”


The extraction ended about half an hour.

She is sobbing.

After getting all the necessary requirements, I smiled at her and said - “goodbye baby... get well soon!” and to my surprise, in the midst of her face drowned with her own tears, she smiled back and said with a sobbing voice - “Ba-bye!”.


I smiled and I knew... I had another story.



I asked myself, why can't we be like those innocent kids? They were hurt but they never hold grudges in their hearts. Why do we love sowing seeds of hatred in our hearts when the truth is, it never gives the fruit of happiness but rather, hatred begets hatred.



Aren't we all FARMERS? We all have our fertile soil – that is our hearts, and whatever we plant in there will surely grow. So choose the right seeds.


“When you forgive, you set a prisoner free. Soon you will discover that that prisoner you set free was actually... YOURSELF”.

A Few Good Men : Tales Of Another Subordination (Part 2)









“Silence is golden, but sometimes it is just plain yellow.” There are times when silence is the best defense for the more we speak, the closer we are to defeat. But there are times when silence is yellow, it is an act of timidity, and so, to speak is the little evil thing you could only do to make all things right – so I say it here.



I remember a scenario from the movie entitled “DOUBT” where in a priest said in one of his sermons that – gossip is BAD!... it is like stabbing a pillow and letting all its feathers fly away in the air, and when you wanted to gather all the feathers back into the pillow, you CAN'T... you just CAN'T, because you don't know where they've gone.



So never ever gossip... or should I say, never ever stab other's back, or a better phrase, never ever dig a hole in your neighbors backyard because when you dig a hole, you are actually digging your own pit. Never ever say something bad against your neighbor just because you are envious or jealous or just a plain hypocrite.



YOU...who keep on gossiping, who is like an angel in the face of someone but when that someone turns her back on you, you stab her to death... YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE! YOU ARE A BACK STABBER! You dig a hole in your neighbors backyard just because you cannot find a pit for her to fall into, so you dig a hole for her death, but what you are unaware of is that, that hole you are digging for her is actually your own pit to death.




You have done your hypocrisy once even to your own friend. Your very own friend for four or five years, and still, you have that black gut to stab her. So I am NOT surprised that you again stabbed another back only this time she is not your friend but your rival. (You can do it to your friend, you can do it to your enemy.) Because you are green with envy so you polished your very sharp sword – (That is your evil tongue!) and start blobbing gossip against her. Again, I am NOT surprised! You have done it once, you did it again... and so you can do it again.



So who will be your next victim, you venomous serpent? You are evil to the bones. Your colour is the color of you soul or maybe blacker. Does your heart feel a tinge of conscience? Don't you feel guilty that someone loses her job just because of your own selfish evil devices? And to that little evil friend of yours who have done the same crime but to a different person – don't you feel guilty that a family who's sole bread winner loses her job just because of your evil scheme? Don't you feel guilty for her kids for stealing their bright future because you made their mother lose her job?

And back to YOU! (The main course of the dish) Are you happy now because your rival finally lose her job too? Of course you are happy! And you don't feel any guilt because you don't have a conscience – right?!



YOU ARE ALL SELFISH EVILS!

I pity your evil ways... I pity your little evil friend who did the same thing but to a different person. I pity you both because you have sold your poor souls to the devil and you are not aware of it.

And so I pray for you conscience, I pray for your conviction.


I mean no personal thing in this blog... I just want everybody to open their eyes and examine their conscience. And may the Lord up I heaven who can see the black through whites and the white through blacks and even the gray in between judge these wicked people.



P.S.
You want the truth? Here is the truth...

YOU NEVER REALLY HAD MY TRUST SINCE DAY ONE!
YOU WILL NEVER HAVE MY TRUST... NEVER EVER!
AND GUESS WHAT!... YOU NEVER HAD IT ANYWAY!



P. P.S.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” PROVERBS 18:21 (KJV)

A recital is a musical performance by one person. To perform in a recital, one must learn and practice well his/her skills in music.


I started playing guitar when I was 9 years old. My father bought me an acoustic guitar as a birthday present then. He wanted me to enroll in a music school but I insisted that I wanted to learn on my own so he bought me a handbook with chords and tabs in it.


So my journey in music began. At first, all I know was that I wanted to learn because of passion. The next thing I know, my fingers became tender and red and its tenderness and redness were painful. Then tiny bruises and wounds suddenly appeared because of the strings of my guitar., I then thought of quitting... but I was never raised up to quit, so in spite the pain, I endured it. I continued learning and practicing each chords. By then, the bruises and wounds on my fingers became hard – calloused. By then, the pain was no longer there because my fingers had grown calloused and thus it became numb. So finally I learned to play guitar and to put chords on my own lyrics and thus a new song – a piece of my own art, my own skill given to me by God.


Life is actually like that. At first, we all wanted to live our own lives, but as we go along, we will realize that it is actually hard and sometimes we wanted to quit learning life's lessons as well. But as we move on, like my calloused fingers, we became hard and thus, stronger to life's challenges and numb to life's pain. And after all the hardships, finally, we see our life as a recital, and we know, it worth it.


But just like any other show, the recital will eventually come to an end and that is an impeccable truth. The audience will bid their final applause, the crowd will get thin and the music will become just like a smoke mingled into the thin air until it reaches the clouds. Your prestige will become just a sweet memory turning sour as you nostalgically enter into the state of deep musing. And in a black and white scene of that flickering moment of your life, you will feel that sense called “PRESTIGE”.


Life is indeed as fragile as the strings of a guitar, you strum it hard then it will break. Sometimes we abuse our lives the way we strum the strings of our guitars because we thought that things could actually happen to others but NOT to us, but the truth is, our strings are just as fragile as the strings of others, because to that “OTHERS” we are the “OTHERS” too. Sometimes, we thought sickness could afflict others but us and neither those people inside the circle of our show, so we get surprised when the things we once thought were so intangible are now in our hands and we are not just holding it, we are grasping it tightly.


But the show, as they say, must go on. Whether it will be a tragedy or a comedy, an applause or a boo.


A recital is when we finally realized what we have learned.


(Dedicated In Memory Of An Acquaintance)

“Its gonna hurt, but I love the pain, I'm bleeding for it.”

(The Missing Point)



BBC reporter Gunther Glick was never seen in the movie when in fact, he even played that great role of an underdog reporter being used as a pawn to heighten the tension of the crowed all over the Vatican city (and the world as well) so as to force a fake redemption conspired to gain salvation through mass sympathy.



Get illuminated... and you will see a lot of missing points.

ReVoLuTiOnArY RoAd

This is a tale... a common yet extraordinary (in a way) tale of a young couple (Frank and April). A tale about struggle. A struggle between wants and needs, between responsibilities and happiness, between priorities and desires, between reality and ambition. It is a tale about a battle without guns, of wounds without blood, of a fight between differences, a fight for love in spite of incompatibilities. A heart-whelming tale, sad... but it is the truth and we can't do anything about the truth anyway. Sad but knowing that they have loved makes the bitterness sweet... the sweetest in its own way.



The story leads us back to that old road of cliché that “ marriage is NOT just like a hot spoonful of mashed potato that once your tongue gets hurt you can just spit it out any way”. It also tells us of the old norm that we should marry the one we truly love because in the most struggling years of your marriage, only love will help you survive. Only love will lighten your path as you trudge on the road of hatred and regret.



It awakes us to to reality that there will come a time that you will hate the person that you have loved the most for what he/she had become unexpectedly. There will come a time that touching is even disgusting because of that hatred. But when you hate, that DOESN'T mean love is gone. Sometimes hatred is built because of too much love. Sometimes love lurks in the most inner core of hatred. By then, you will realize that after all the hurts that made you hate your spouse, that same pain will make you love him/her more than you did the first time you felt that spark grounding the both of you. Yes, it is something hard to explain but easy to understand.



The story opens a window for us to see life in different views. A life in so many different views even though you are just staring at one and the same small window. People think that it takes a firm backbone to respond to your responsibilities but few people would look through that same window and see that it takes a firmer backbone to stand up for your rights and runaway from your responsibilities and lead a life you wanted. Many people will look at that window and will see emptiness but fewer people will have the guts to see the hopelessness. Many people will look through that window and will have a frail faith to touch the firm ground but only few people are so pathetic enough to hope for a promise that is not even made. You see, it is all in the same window. But every eye that looks through it sees things differently, and the only common thing that each eyes have is the TRUTH... “what is so good about the truth is that everyone knows what it is however long they have lived without it. No one forgets the truth, they just get better at lying”. The truth never shuts the eye... but FEAR shuts the tongue inside the mouth.



In the end, the story tells us that there is life everywhere. That here and there are just the same. That, if there is something special over there, then there MUST be something special here as well. We don't have to travel the world to bloom, we can grow anywhere we planted.



This is a tale of a young couple struggling for their marriage, fighting for love in the midst of incompatibilities. It doesn't matter what the ending is... it doesn't matter how sad the reality is... it doesn't matter how painful they have to spend the rest of their lives... all that matters is that they have loved each other.



…and so they walked on that road called – The Revolution.

The Winner Means ONE

Those who run in a race all run... but only one receives the prize. Everyone dares but only the one with a lucky gut gets the glory. Everyone has the chance but only one is destined.

METEORA

Ever wonder why in “ALMOST” all the great love stories you have read or heard, one of the lovers falls in love first before the other will finally feel the same way too? Did you ever wonder why they can't fall in love at the same time?
Well, I wondered about that too and it took me sometime before I've finally realized the reason... Why God designed every love story that way.
I've realized that if two people will fall in love at the same time, at the same velocity, at the same force, at the same acceleration... then they will land at the same time. If they will land at the time time... then they can never catch each other, right? Both of them will end up hurt, broke and shattered into millions of pieces... then they can never be together.
So God designed each love stories twisted in a way that one of them falls in love first so that when he/she reached the ground, he/she could catch the one he/she loves when the time finally comes for the other one to fall too. On the other hand, if the first one who fell broke down into pieces, then the other one could gather up all the pieces to make it whole again.
Am I right? Or I'm just great? Hahaha!!! Ciao!

The Golden Rule

Here's the rule:



Know the rules and know ME because I AM the RULE.
If you messed up with my rules you'll end up messing your own life.
Lastly... if you've got your own rules... then I AM your EXEMPTION.


Are you scared now?
So you should.



Catch your breath...
Before I'll take it away.

A Dying Art

A thought suddenly seeped into my mind and it told me that, to have a really good story, I should spend a lot... NOT of money, but a lot of time and thoughts as well.

So I started a little game. I called it “STALKING”. The rules are simple. I just have to stalked a random strangers and extract a life from them. Extract a life to have a good story. A good story to make a legacy for a dying art on the verge of extinction.

The first subject was a man in his late 2o's. Tall and quite dark. He is an engineer. Loves art and photography. Amazed by enigmas and hackers. His extraction began with a simple picture. The life I've extracted from him was in a form of photographs and cameras that taught us that we are NOT supposed to look at it but rather we should look THROUGH it. Life... there is always a story lurking behind. That is why you have to see through it to know it. That is the art of prejudgment... the art of the question – Why there's nothing in this world we are sure of... because being NOT SURE gives us the chance to trust other people and the privilege for us to prove to them that we are trustworthy as well.

The second subject was a kid around 12 years of age. Young blood, innocent eyes... I could see a lot of different kinds of art just looking through his innocent eyes. The extraction began inside a museum. In front of us was a huge aquarium with a jellyfish inside. The guide told us that that creature is very very dangerous. The boy just smiled and exclaimed - “It is very beautiful!”. The life I've extracted from that kid was in a form of beauty and vanity. That jellyfish is beautiful but dangerous... then beauty must mean danger. But to those who have it... it means pain. Those who do not have it, they wanted it, and once they've got it... they say that they are not happy. Those who were born with it feels lucky but they never been happy as well. Oh! Vanity of vanities... beauty is the art of vanity.

I had a hard time looking for my third subject... it took me five days to finally got one... and this time what I've got was a mathematician. The third subject is called the art of measurements... volumes, meters, circumference... whatever! But how? Or can we really measure love? Or do we really have to measure love? Some say it is measured by consistency and constancy, that it can only be proved by eternity. Some say by the depth, that it could be proven by actions. Some say by sacrificing. Some say holding on. Some say letting go... but I DOUBT THEM ALL!!! Love for me is something that can never be measure. We have our own ways of loving and nobody has the right to question your feelings merely based by your actions or decisions in life. I believe in love as perse. It is not intertwined with eternity, or with pain or with happiness. Love is simply is. Eternity is different, pain is another thing and happiness is just a part... and these should not be mistaken as love. When you love and got rejected, it is not the love that caused you pain... it is rejection... so why blame love? When you love and you need to sacrifice... it is the inevitable circumstance that made you sacrifice and not love... so don't blame love for it. When you love and got loved back, your happiness comes from satisfaction and not love as well... and not because you are happy means you are in love... you might just be enjoying.

I believe in love perse. You can be in love forever that even eternity can not endure your love... that is love. You can be in love for just a wink of an eye, and in that moment there is love... yes, there is love and though it did not last forever... it was still love. You can love right, you can love wrong. You can love a moment, you can love long. Some love are proven, some are facts that cannot be proven. But a love that was not proven DOES NOT mean it is not true at all. Love is love whether proven or not, whether expressed or not. Love can never be measure... it is simply is.

The fourth subject was extracted from an ex-convict man. Imprisoned for a crime he was forced to do and now living in the art of white lies. Yes, the art of white lies. He is now out of the jail but still imprisoned by his own past. Denying the facts that haunts him. White lies... bigger lies, lesser guilt. How many lies do we have to say to make it the truth? If your lies become your truth... then the truth is not quite true then. I say, the end never justifies the means but the mean justifies the means. We look at one angle but in different sides... one angle but different views... but it never makes that angle two – right?!

My fifth subject, and its almost a week. This time I'm extracting a life from a young politician. He never really wanted to become one... but his story proved me one thing... that art of patience could change a mind. His patience gave him the reason to expect, worst... his patience made him assume. And as much as patience is concern... patience kept him waiting... waiting for the time until time changed his mind. When we assume, we get hurt. When we expect, we get hurt as well even though we have the reason to expect. So what is left for us is hope. But if hope still hurts us... hope still. We cannot live by hope alone but living without hope is not worth living.

One week...

My sixth subject... this time a life was extracted from a widow. It is called the art of tragedy. What is more beautiful than life? What is more painful than a tragedy? What is more inevitable than death? Mind can never know... heart can never much contain... for death takes away the presence but that DOES NOT mean the absence of love.

Finally the last subject... and I'm extracting my own life. This is the art in me. I remember sometime ago somebody asked me that if I am a thing what thing would I be... and I said I wanted to become a painting displayed on a wall. She laughed at me and told me that I was so pathetic and that I only wanted to become a lowly display. I smiled and told her... “EXACTLY!... because being just a painting displayed on a wall, people will pass by and all will look at me and many would think that I'm just a display, some will admire me, some will criticize me... but when ONE very deep person will pass by, he will look at me and will have a second look because he knows that I am NOT just a display but an ART … a life in every colour... an emotion in every stroke. Might be just one person... but it is enough that someone sees the art in me.”

This work is done from a random sample and if you think you are one of the subject that I have encountered... Thank You!

Ponders

No matter what we do... a legend will always be a legend. Though how beautiful a fiction is... it is still a fiction.

And no matter how hard we try... a fact will always be a fact. Though how painful is the reality... it is still the reality.

Aren't we such a bunch of just helpless creatures?

Think about it. = (

F.E.A.R.

(False Evidence Appearing Real)

I close my eyes and dream away...
I saw a spark... then another spark... then another until I found myself in the middle of a vast blue curtain speckled with millions of diamonds... I'm in the middle of the sea. The water is deep and scary, the waves are growling in every dance of the boat like a hungry lion wanting to swallow me up without mercy. It is horribly at rage, it is angry... but beautiful... still beautiful. How can someone be so mad but could still look beautiful? I guess it is another irony. Life wouldn't be so beautiful without madness, without anger, without failure. Will a cake be a cake without the flour?, the egg?, the salt? If you taste each of them alone they don't taste good... but when you mixed them all together, you got a cake.
Failure is not something to be scared of... it is something to be overcome.
I realize the meaning of FEAR... for I fear my own destiny. I wanted to runaway from it. But then I thought... I can't run from my destiny... because when I run... I'm only making myself closer to it. So I have to live the moment. I have to feel the fear until that same fear gives me courage, I have to feel the madness until that same madness gives me inner peace, I have to hear the noise until that same noise brings me silence, I have to feel the pain until it hurts no longer, I have to dance in the darkness until it becomes my light, I have to feel the toilsome burdens until it gives me rest, I have to feel the anger and the hatred until it springs forth love, I have to live life until it finally kills me.
Sometimes the price of a moment is eternity... but sometimes, it worth it.

Interview With The V-Empire

I untied my tongue to loosen the words in order to answer the questions and pretend that there was no trepidation lurking inside me. I wasn’t prepared at all... but when I think about that wish, that chance, that prayer... I know it worth my risk, it worth my efforts, it worth my pride. And though it did not guarantee me any sure answers but just pure probabilities, I’m still glad I tried because I know I will never ask myself that most morbid question – “What If?”

And so whatever the answer... I know it is God’s will.

Ciao!

Do U Read Planetareans (Part 3)

I waited long enough... so long that even eternity did not endure it, so long that even time lose its patience. but now I understand why... why it took the waiting so long and still...

I don't want to blame you... though it is a fact that everything is your fault. But the funny thing here is that... it seems to me that you and God has a common goal for me... and I don't have the guts and the reason to get mad to God... and so that includes you...
So I have to wait still... because you said so... Because God said so.


I thought this is the Finale of this series... but I was wrong....

Of Dirt, Clay And The Master

The year was started with a prayer and of toasts for different wishes for the year while the air was filled with smoke and the odor of burning firecrackers. Outside the edifice we're in, we could vividly hear the staffs, the crews, the doctors and other employees laughing and shouting while the echo of their voices mingled homogeneously with the loud bangs and booms. After the ceremonial toasts of punch, we went outside to watch the fireworks as well. Everyone was wearing their smiles like a clown who never knew the meaning of sadness and in that masterfully directed scenery, I felt succumbed to wear my own sweetest smile in this act of crafted play in the stage of life.
Now, almost in the mid of January, while the early rain of the year pours down, hearing its tics and tacs on the tin roof, I reminisce the last year on how and what made it so different and frustrating from the other years of my life.
My last year's only wish... or should I say, my most prayed wish did not came true. And though last year paid me lots of blessings I did not even asked for to counterpart that wish that still remained a wish (until now), I still feel frustrated.
Coupling my frustration was the feeling of uselessness. The feeling of being there but just there. Like I was merely existing and doing routine works but could never really live and could never touch others' lives.
So much about my frustrated life and wretched spirit, I suddenly remember the invitation I received a couple of weeks ago from a long lost friend. It was her birthday. And since I'd never seen her for the last couple of years, I felt obliged to come on her birthday party last week.
The party became a sort of a reunion since some of our old friends back in college was there as well. And as the party approached its final hour, my friend said her thank yous and appreciation to all. And lastly, the unexpected happened. Just before she finally dropped the microphone, she called my name and thanked me for giving her one of the most precious gift she ever received in her life... that is for influencing her to read the bible EVERYDAY. She told to everyone that I was the one who thought her the importance of reading the bible and eventually knowing Christ more.
That same night (I remember), I felt so tired but I can't sleep because the echo of her voice was dancing inside my head and the beat of it made me realize that I had a worth.
I realized that, unconsciously, we are touching other people's lives and not until the unexpected time of event that they will let us know what we never know we did, we will come to realize that simple and unnoticed things could change others in the most extraordinary way.
The sky is finally calm as I see a few rays of the sun forcing its light to shine behind the still thick clouds of the midday. I still feel a bit frustrated, though.
Once again, in my life, I'm in the state of making plans but not knowing how to start them and make them real and tangible. I'm in the state of helplessness, hopelessness and feeling awry. Afraid that my dreams will turn into nightmare even before I wake up... worse... if I never wake up.
But in the end of it all, though life is so complicated... it is still beautiful, and I will still say with my deepest sincerity – Le' gra go Deo.