Spotify Nights

My addiction to Darren Hayes

 (of Savage Garden) never gets old. 😍🎧🎶

MEMOIRS OF THE FALLEN (After the Fall)

After the fall...

We can never go back to where...

We have fallen in love...

We have fallen apart...

We can never go back to where...

We used to be.

We are the fallen...

We can get up again...

But we can never go back to heaven.

So we might as well find a home.

Beautiful Coincidence

Was it a divine masterplan?

Or just a random circumstance?

Maybe a fate working arbitrarily

Or a universe conspiracy?

Was it a miracle from heaven?

Or just a beautiful coincidence?

Maybe a good riddance

Or a luck by chance?

Maybe it is faith

Maybe the angels hear as I pray

Maybe hope is all I have

Maybe a star fell as I breathe.

Tragic Responsibility

We, Medical health workers DON'T say - "I gotta go to work" or "I got a work later"...

WE SAY - "I'm on duty" or "I have my duty later".

If you read between our lines we never say work BUT we say DUTY.

Because for us... It is Not just a Job...IT IS OUR MISSION to save lives.

And the world celebrates us as heroes...

But for the fallen ones...

It is a tragedy.

Where Rainbows End

So I challenged myself this afternoon to read the very first ebook that pops on my tab.

I got... WHERE RAINBOWS END

(FYI this book is much recognized by the title of the movie LOVE, ROSIE)

So far I'm enjoying reading emails of two bestfriends falling in love to each other but no intention of confessing it... As far as my current page is.

Though I know a little secret already...

THEY'LL END UP TOGETHER. ❤️😊

...but does it really have to be Five Zero?

I mean what's wrong with you Destiny?

Why do you have to waste a lot of time for two people meant to be together to be really together?

Getting affected, though! 🤣

THE ART OF AMBIGUITY

My blog knows a lot of secrets...

TRUTHS coated with Lies...

FACTS written as Fictions...

And I call my creativity "The Art of Ambiguity"

Chapters and Characters

Everyday a page is turned.

But I always fall in love with you.

In every chapter.

In every line.

Until the very last word.

Truth Behind the Lies

Funny how some would think my posts are about them.

Didn't I remind you NOT to read too much in between the lines because you will find lies?

Here's a little secret about my writings...

I could write just about anything and everything that could look like it's about me though it's not... I'm a writer! And I could fit myself into anyone's shoe.

I could write a word or two that might say something about YOU but it is definitely NOT YOU. I write in random. If I find your word or things that you do quite amazing, then I'll write about it but it doesn't mean YOU. It is just that... I find it amazing. Don't link it to my heart! Oh boy! You are dreaming!

Pictures that I post has different stories apart from your own version of stories. YOU might thought that picture is about YOU but I've got my own story to tell about that picture.

Never assume man!

It is not the way you think it was.

And I am not defensive...

Just saying... Cause I know you're reading!

Lockdown Series

Eversince I gave birth to my child, I no longer watch series.

Lack of time.

Juggling my time for work, for chores and for my daughter leaves me no time for this entertainment.

But since the lockdown...

The system finally ate me as well. 🤣

State of the Moment

I am no longer in the same page with you.

Short Stories for my Blog

#4 Chapters and Characters

But if I could stay forever in one page,

I will choose the page where you were there with me.
But the book must be finished.
We have to turn the page.

But when everything is over...
I want you to know that...
You are the best chapter.
You are my favourite character.

1Cor13

(This is one of my favourite chapter from the book... My other fave is Psalm 23.)

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

King James Version (KJV)

UNREQUITED

Was it pain?

Or shame?

I gave you my heart

But you don't feel the same.

Am I guilty?

Or filthy?

I shattered my own ego

But still you can't see me.

Is it my honesty?

Or my bravery?

I let down my guard

But you let me dive alone to gravity.

Is it your pride?

Or your mind?

My unrequited love

But your heart is so blind.

Chef mODE

I'm a Medical Laboratory Scientist...

But during days off...

I'm a CHEF! 😊😁😊

Here's my own recipe of 

LEMON CHEESECAKE ALA ODE

and DARK COFFEE JELLY ALA ODE

****************

The Chronicles of a Warrior

#12

My friend's band just uploaded their cover of Maroon 5's MEMORIES dedicated to the

Fallen Doctors.

And I can't help but shed a tear.

It is heartbreaking enough  to see people suffer especially those who risk their lives saving others.

Circles

Then I finally revolved around

Creating a full circle

A world with just your face

All strings are tangled.

Then I finally realized

I have to stop revolving

Around your circles

And evolve in different things.

Cause I have to move forward

And not just to move around

In a complete circle again

Start from where it all begun.

Started with a straight line
Gone into curves
Till I found myself
Losing all my sides and nerves.

So I bid goodbye to your chains

Where I thought I was free

Happy inside a cage

With a rat-race in front of me.

And hope the stars

Would guide me where

I really belong

One I could finally call a home.

Spotify Night

So I just finished reading the book - 

Playlist for the Dead

And I made a playlist based from the songs featured on that book.

And I am listening to it now. 🎧🎼

Fishing Constellation

Like two fishes in a pond
Let's make a world without a land
Hold each other's hand
Connected by invincible band.

Battlecry

Loneliness has a weight that gets heavier everytime.
And there is this battle between my instincts and my overthinking abilities that never stops fighting over You.
And Confusion always wins leaving my decision to procrastination for another battle round.

GirlTalk

So in the midst of community lockdown due to Covid 19, my friend and I were debating on whether a girl should do the first move or not...

Yup! Girls could still talk like this even in the midst of crisis. 🤣

And she is actually all in to doing the first move while me, being so traditionally oriented thinks that it is not right to do it.

And here's what I thought...

If a guy likes you, he will do his part to show his love to you. 

And if he doesn't, then it means he don't. Simple as that.

We girls don't need to shatter our pride into pieces just to know the truth which is actually so easy to spell.

And as for me...

I can handle a broken heart much better than a broken ego.

Well, just my thoughts. 😊

Hope for the Hopeless

While some are getting hopeless in the midst of this crisis...

Here's what I thought...

It's COVID...

Not the end of the world.

And after this war against Covid 19, we, the survivors will have a common story to tell to our grandkids someday about how we get through it.

As for me...
I will have one  great story to share someday with my grandkids about once in my lifetime I became  a hero and the world knows it. 😊

Sounds hopeful to me, though. 😷😊

Stay at home and be safe!

Spotify Night

And we've got a Winner!

❤️ DARREN HAYES ❤️

I've never encountered any other song as Beautiful as this one.

Whether I'm right or wrong

There's no phrase that hits

Like an ocean needs the sand

Or a dirty old shoe that fits...

And if all the world was perfect

I would only ever want to see your scars

You know they can have their universe

We'll be in the dirt designing stars.

And darlin' you know

You make me feel so beautiful

Nowhere else in the world I wanna be

You make me feel so beautiful.

Whether I'm up or down

There's no crowd to please

I'm like a faith without a clause 

to believe in it.

And if all the world was smiling

I would only ever want to see your frown

You know they can sail away in sunsets

We'll be right here stranded on the ground

Just happy to be found.

You make me feel so beautiful

Nowhere else in the world I wanna be

You make me feel so beautiful

I have lost my illusions

I have drowned in your words

I have left my confusion to a cynical world

I am throwing myself at things I don't understand

Discover enlightenment holding your hand.

You are so beautiful

So beautiful.

Spotify Night

Why oh why so good Darren Hayes?

I remember laughing on that river's edge

Trying to get you to jump with me

Trying to get you to fall for me

And your trembling heart it beat so fast

Holdings hands you promised me

Holding hands we counted to three

And I felt your slipping fingers

And I saw you change your mind

If I hadn't dragged you in with me

You would have let me dive without you

Without you...

How many days am I going to regret you?

How many nights till I forget you?

Have I been wasting all those years?

Held down by these tears?

How many dreams have I left deserted?

How many hopes have been diverted?

Have I been buried in the dirt?

Held down by this hurt?

How many loads did I let you hijack?

How many ways can I stand here in playback?

How did I end up lying here

Crying underneath the Dublin sky?

How many days am I going to regret you?

How many nights till I forget you?

Have I been wasting all these years?

Drowning in my tears?

Spotify Night

I strongly believe that Darren Hayes is one of the best songwriters I'd ever met in my life.

A thousand angels dance around you...

Spotify Night

Now I understand this song...

For the first time.

Are those your eyes, is that your smile?

I've been looking at you forever, but I never saw you before

Are these your hands holding mine?

Now I wonder how I could have been so blind

For the first time I am looking in your eyes

For the first time I'm seein' who you are

I can't believe how much I see

When you're lookin' back at me...

Now I understand what love is, love is

For the First Time.

Spotify Night

Music Therapy

Now the miles stretch out behind me

Loves that I have lost

Broken hearts lie, victims of the game

Then good luck, it finally struck

Like lighting from the blue

Every highway's leading me back to you

Now at last, I hold you

Now all is said and done

The search has come full circle

Our destinies are one

So if you ever loved me

Show me that you give a damn

You'll know for certain

The man I really am

I was living for a dream

Loving for a moment

Taking on the world

That was just my style

Then I touched your hand

I could hear you whisper

The search is over

Love was right before my eyes.

The Chronicles of a Warrior

#11

In the midst of this Covid 19 crisis...

We, the frontliners, try our best to still smile and be grateful we are still alive and able to serve others.

Even though most of us (including me) had lose weight already, getting bigger eyebags, and lines on our faces because of long hours wearing PPEs.

I don't usually take selfies, but I can't think of a better picture for this post other than my face after long hours of work.

It's past lunch already and I am just getting myself some sleep.

So please stay at home people and support us in fighting Covid 19.

Keep safe everyone!

Short Stories For My Blog

#3 Shot With You

When you had that one shot to be with your crush but you just blew it away because you're too tired and sleepy and you chose to sleep...

Was it a chance not taken?

Or simply Not meant to be?

Either way...

It's a chance missed.

Aawwww!!! Tsk! 😬

Damn this circumstance.

Featured Song

Finishing Line
(Nicky Byrne)

Silver hair, in your, golden years,
But you've still got stars in your eyes,
Lived your hopes, and you've lived your fears,
But it's time to make your burdens mine,
And all the words you sent to me,
They never faded,
I know we took the long way round,
But now we made it
Feels like we've got the whole world in our hands,
Feels like we caught the rainbow, at the end,
Feels like somebody said it's our time,
Nothing more, nothing less than right,
I'll meet you at the finishing line.

Forgotten times and forgotten places yeah,
Faces come and they go,
But you've been sketched painted,
Burnt in my memory,
You're the constant i know,
And all the words you sent to me,
They never faded,
I know we took the long way round,
But now we made it.

I've been like a ship at sea, stranded, alone,
And you came like a wave to me, and carried me home
Feels like we've got the whole world in our hands,
Feels like we caught the rainbow, at the end,
Feels like somebody said it's our time,
Nothing more, and nothing less than right, ooh
Nothing more, nothing less than right
I'll meet you at the finishing line.

Short Stories for My Blog

#2 Second Chance

What will be your top 3 to-do list after this Covid-19 crisis?

I asked this to myself today.

And I thought, if ever I'll be one of the lucky ones to survive this pandemic, I will be very very greatful. It is actually a second chance for all of us to live our lives right...
This time.
To live embracing our destiny...
Our happiness...
and Not to live in fear.

So here is my top 3...

1. Get my second tattoo.
I've been obsessing about it since the start of the year. I got my first one last year and though I designed it myself, the meaning of it is more about my personal responsibility, my personal obligation, my personal purpose.
This time... The one I had in my mind is more about myself... My personal happiness, my personal inspiration, it is more about ME.
For these past years in my life I always feel guilty everytime I indulge myself into something... Like making myself happy is a sin because I have the responsibility to think about my daughter first. And that made me think less about me. Sacrificing almost all of I have even my own happiness. I was juggling. I didn't know how to balance the love I have for my child and myself. I ended up neglecting myself for my child.
But now I am starting to balance this love the right way. That loving one's self doesn't mean you'll be loving your child less. In fact, the more I am loving myself, the more love I am giving to my child. It is like a cup overflowing.
So after this crisis I'll be inking myself again and this time it will be more personal than the first.


2. Pursue my Masters Degree.
Actually, even before the lockdown, I was done enrolling. I just need to pass some requirements that I wasn't able to provide when I enrolled. So this is more about continuing what I just started because I've been planning this for the longest time. So once this is over... I'll be certainly go back to school.


3. Never to live in fear again.
For the past 7 years in my life I've closed all my windows and doors. And this crisis made me think that I've lived my life in fear for the longest time. And now it is time to be brave enough to love again. Not that I have anyone as my prospect... And NO, I don't have anyone in my mind right now. I just think that after this trying times it is about time to open up my windows again and get a little sunshine to warm up myself. It is about time to get a little leak of the rays of the sun to get into my door. It is time to finally break the walls slowly. Time to stop living in the fear of falling. Time to be brave enough to live my life again.
Time to be brave enough to embrace happiness again. ❤️

Short Stories for My Blog

#1 Moment of Fear

I thought I lost you awhile ago...

And that span of 2 minutes in my life my stomach did turn upside down...

My heart broke like it never did before...

I was a total lost in space and in time...

And when I saw you back...

That's when I realized you are the one thing I can't afford to lose.

Lab in Time of Corona (Season 2)

The Covid 19 Ep.

...because we cannot stay at home,

And we cannot work from home.

So we just make our workplace our home.

The Perks of health workers 😷❤️😊🤣

Binge

To binge with Rascal Flatts' music...

That every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you. ❤️

Final Answer

It is like a losing battle that I can't afford to give up.

It is like a dead-end road that I can't afford to lose sight of.

It is like a helpless case that I can't afford to lose hope.

It is like a faith without a clause I can't afford to let go.

It is like a feeling I can't afford to turn off.

...because I always believe that IT AIN'T OVER TILL IT'S OVER.

So don't mistaken my fighting spirit to stubborness...

I am not stubborn...

I just don't give up that easy.

I may change my mind...

But that would be just a notch higher than quitting with low or no chances at all.

If I made up my mind...

Consider it a final answer.

Finding Me

The more I blog, the more I get healed.

And so I keep on going...

Till all my wounds become scars...

Till my scars become just a memory that I'll just laugh about.

No regrets... Just lessons.

Trying Times

Trying my best to hide...

Trying my best to overcome my fears...

Trying my best to understand this fate...

Trying my best to master my control...

Trying my best to not overthink...

Yes, I am trying my best.

😴😬😣

Song of the Day

GOOD RIDDANCE

(When I was in highschool, I used to say that this will be my theme song on my burial day 🤣... I still want it to be, though. 😁)

"It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life..."-GD

Kissed By the Pixies (by: Odessa Mann)

I wrote this song way way back when I was 15...

And now I'm considering rewriting my song...

Put some new twists...

And add more appropriate words.

And finally have the guts to sing it this time.

"In times...

When I think of Love as something new,

Feel like I'm losing control,

I wanna close my door.

When it seems like it's getting complicated,

When it seems like I'm falling...

I'm wishing...

I'm wishing...

Could it be someone out there.

Could it be someone in here.

Could it be someone stranger at my Door.

Could it be You...ooohhhh

Now I'm wishing...

That I'm lying in the arms of an angel.

I'm wishing."

Understand What Scares You

Knowing is different from understanding.

We usually fear what we just know...

But only through understanding we can overcome the fear of it.

Manifestation 6

One reason why I'm trying my best to survive this global health crisis...
Is because I still got plans of loving You.

So don't you dare getting infected either.

We still got a life to share.
We still got a story to tell.

Manifestation 5

I remember when we first met...

You were playing it cool and a bit hard to get.

I asked if your ear is pierced...

You said no...

And I laughed out loud...

And you just smiled back.

Manifestation 4

Do you remember...

Years ago...

On a Wednesday night...

You were walking me home as I anchored my arm around yours...

And in my mind I asked the stars to guide us...

And now I wonder where on earth these stars are leading us...

So many roads ahead...

And I only hope and pray...

That as I put my faith in every step I take...

All these roads just simply lead me to You.

Simplicity is Everything

Definitely my kind of day off...

Cozy Saturday afternoon

A book

And my kind of music

❤️❤️❤️

Black Is Black

Sometimes I get too attached with my ideas that I tend to live with it...

But that makes me understand humans more.

So I don't get easily mad if You can't read between my lines...

I understand. 😊

I am tired of hearing lies too.
So I stopped reading between the lines to stop the grey zones.

It is much better to just stick with black and white.
Like if it's black then it's black...

If it's white then it is white.

No grey to deluge your instincts.

But then...
Came the RED.

3 am

I am seriously a 3am kind of person.

It's like a body clock inside me...

I would usually wake up at the wee hours around 2am to 3 am and won't be able to sleep back.

So I blog a lot at those times...

Weird ideas or just about anything would usually surp inside my mind. 

So I blog about it.

But sometimes...

I just Spotify.

🎶🎶Now the miles stretch out behind me

Loves that I have lost

Broken hearts lie, victims of the game

Then good luck, it finally struck

Like lighting from the blue

Every highway's leading me back to you...🎶🎶

Manifestation 3

All the roads I take leads me back to you...
Because I always find a reason to Love you back.
Because I always Choose to Love You back Everyday.

Manifestations 2

Every scar, every ink, every wrink...
Just makes me love you more.

Manifestation

You will forever be the theme of my prose...
The melody in my songs...
The name on my lips...
The face on my every masterpiece.

Here's To The One's

This song has been playing inside my head for 48 straight hours now...

And still goes on until now..while I'm trying my best to get some sleep.

Oh what's wrong with mah brain?

Can't you play other songs? 🤣🤣🤣

🎶🎶🎵Here's to the ones that we got

Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not

'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories

Of everything we've been through

Toast to the ones here today

Toast to the ones that we lost on the way

'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories

And the memories bring back, memories bring back you...🎶🎶🎶

When at Home ❤️

🎶🎶It's the sweetest thing I know of, just spending time with you
It's the little things that make a house a home
Like a fire softly burning and supper on the stove
The light in your eyes that makes me warm
Hey, it's good to be back home again
Sometimes this old farm feels like a long lost friend
Yes, 'n, hey it's good to be back home again...🎶🎶🎵🎶

My Interview with a Vampire

"I didn't know what happened...

We just grew apart...

And the silence got louder...

But my heart still keeps those strings attached." - O.B.Mann

The Chronicles of a Warrior #10

When family, friends and acquaintances start flooding you messages just to say take care and that they are proud of you being a medical frontliner...

It is a simple message but it boosts my energy especially these days when I'm feeling physically tired, mentally drained and emotionally overwhelmed.

Thank you guys. 

And keep safe everyone! 😷😊

Riddles for the Shooting Stars

Nope!...
I have never seen a shooting star yet...
Mah whole life.

They say it is beautiful.

So beautiful...

So everynight I look up to the sky and wait for one...

But it never happened.

But tonight it is different.

As I look up to the sky...
Nope!
There is still no shooting star falling in front of my eyes...

But for the first time I wondered...
Is it really that beautiful?
Or is it just overrated?

Then I remember a face...
And I wonder if there is something out there more beautiful than you...

And I know to myself that there is none...
Nope!
Not even the sunsets nor the shooting stars.

Ohhh! Mah Playlist Tho! 🤪

On a quarantine night....

Sing for me a love song Taylor...

🎶🎶...but on a wednesday, in a cafe...
I watched it begin again. 🎶🎶

...then came the broken Avee

🎶🎶 ...I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd

Need you there when I cry🎶🎶

Expectations

Words of wisdom from my mom...

"You pray... Then EXPECT that it will happen."

The Chronicles of a Warrior #9

I lived here for almost all my life...

But I've never seen this boulevard as quiet as it is now.

This has always been a busy city 24/7.

But now...

Only uniformed men are allowed to roam the streets...

And with exception to medical professionals and emergency frontliners.

I love to walk here for no apparent reason...

Just because...

I usually walk here even if it's out of my way especially in the months of March and April when the yellow flowers would usually cover the pavement, and I just love the scent of it...

The beautiful scent of early March.

But now... I can't smell it...

Because it is prohibited to take off your mask especially when you're in public places.

So this morning...

I strolled a bit wearing my ID so they would allow me to pass, and I took this pictures...

Yeah... For no apparent reason...

Just because.

The Chronicles of a Warrior #8

Looks like I need to apply "YOLO" to the highest level at this point in my life...

With all these happenings...

Who knows if I still got time left - right?

The Chronicles of a Warrior #7

I am on the verge of breaking down.

Like even the slightest touch of the wind could hurt me.

Maybe because of the season...

 I am physically tired...

Mentally drained...

Emotionally overwhelmed...

The life of a warrior in the midst of war.

The Chronicles of a Warrior #6

Please don't question our faith...

Because Prayers these days are getting harder and harder for YOU to answer.

The Chronicles of a Warrior #5

I've fallen so deeply...

So let me fall asleep tonight.

For who knows...

When I wake up tomorrow...

I'd forgot that I love you.

The Chronicles of a Warrior #4

Can I write you a song?

A song you'll never knew it's for you...

A song full of enigma

Without a trace of your name...

But your face is written on every words

Like a riddle I once wrote in a maze.

The Chronicles of a Warrior #3

I was trying...

Trying so hard to be strong...

Strong enough to break...

To break and get lost...

Lost in oblivion...

In your oblivion.

The Chronicles of a Warrior #2

If God is in your heart...

You will not Fall in Love...

You will Find it.

The Chronicles of a Warrior #1

I'll break it once it's easy...

I'll break it once I gain enough courage...

Not to put it back together again.

Hand Me Down

Someday they'll find your small town world on a big town avenue

Gonna make you like the way they talk when they're talking to you

Gonna make you break out of the shell cause they tell you to

Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth

They'll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say

They're gonna break your heart...

Somebody ought to take you in

Try to make you love again

Try to make you like the way they feel

When they're under your skin

Never once did think they'd lie when they're holding you

You wonder why they haven't called

When they said they'd call you

You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by

You'll start to think you were born blind...

Some day they'll open up your world

Shake it down on a drawing board

Do their best to change you

They still can't erase you

From what I've seen

You're just a one more hand me down

Cause no one's tried to give you what you need

So lay all your troubles down...

CTTO: (MB20)

I'll Bet It With YOU

If ever I'll be brave enough again to gamble my heart...

I'll bet it with... 

GOD

FOR HE KNOWS IT TOO WELL.

A Hundred and One Playlists

Oohhhh! I FELT THAT!

Like a sudden rush of blood into the head...

A sudden pierce of arrow in my chest...

And if I only know you...

I'll be sending you not just a song...

But a hundred and one playlists.

Because songs are the only thing that can understand what we're going through...

Music is the only thing that can dance to the sound of a broken heart.

Because I feel You.

CTTO

Singing For the Lonely

My all time favourite song...

But there's no one to dedicate it to...

So I'll just sing it for myself 😂

🎶🎵🎶 I have lost my illusions

I have drowned in your words

I have left my confusion to a cynical world

I am throwing myself at things I don't understand

Discover enlightenment holding your hand...🎶🎶

Rise and Shine Warrior

Oh my bag is packed...

Just in case...

The worse comes to worst

And we all got locked down inside this hospital.

Gotta rise and shine warrior!

The battle is just beginning...

And we just can't afford to lose.

This is a battlefield where our foe is invisible but definitely not invincible.

Dreams

There is this space that lies between night and day...

It is called - Dreams.

Lab In Time Of Corona

As one of the many frontliners for this challenging time of COVID 19, everybody knows we are the sacrificial lambs... 

But not everybody knows How is it  like to be one.

This is my insight...

Yes, I still post funny memes to somehow lighten our everyday burden. I still joke with my colleagues that (Oh Mah God!) I might die Single because of this virus, that I won't be able to find my one true love/soulmate because I might get sick too (LOL 😂🤣😂), I still blog, I still post whatever is in my mind in my FB stories and the like... Yes, I do that, we all do that... Because we need to divert our fears in the midst of this crisis.

Could you imagine people panicking everywhere, and knowing that we are the very ones who are handling these cases, if we post the scenarios inside our hospitals, imagine the chaos that it will add up to to the public.

So we try our best not to add up to their fears.

But that doesn't mean we are not scared...

We are scared  as hell either.

Imagine us getting exposed everyday.

Imagine how we feel knowing that somehow we might not be able to go home anytime.

We might not be able to see our loved ones for a long time...

Imagine our sacrifices...

All for the sake of saving lives.

So if you see us joking around with smiles all over our faces...

It is not that we are not affected...

We are humans too. 

We are Scared as hell too.

But we need to divert our fears so we could work efficiently.

We are scared...

I AM SCARED TOO.

SO HELP US LORD!

AMEN.

WE ALL FELL IN LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE

🎶🎵I won't be held responsible

She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember

What made us think that we were wise and

We'd never compromise

For the life of me I cannot believe

We'd ever die for these sins

We were merely freshmen...🎶🎶

My last song syndrome...

For a couple of days now...

And I could write a hundred stories about this song with all the twists and turns for it never runs out of meaning in different angles of our day to day lives...

Not exactly all mine...

But I have a fair share too.

WE ALL FELL IN LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

The Life and All It's Ironies

Who would have thought...

That the very same air we're breathing to keep us alive is also the same air that will kill us.

I FELL IN LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE

I started to consider everything we had as nothing...

Nothing...

So I have to go back to myself because my senses is telling me the rational and logical sense of it all. 

Don't worry...

You won't be held responsible...

I FELL IN LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE. 

For the life of me I cannot remember

What made us think that we were wise and

We'd never compromise

For the life of me I cannot believe

We'd ever die for these sins

We were merely freshmen...

Random Purpose

Sometimes...

It's the random people you just met.

Sometimes...

It's those strangers you just spent an hour or two with.

But after sometime...

They would text or message you in an ordinary day just to say thank you because they've learned an important lesson from you or that you've inspired them to be who they are now.

Most of the time...

You can't even remember the time you spent with them.

Most of the time...

You don't even know what that lesson is.

Most of the time...

You wonder what did you say before that inspired them.

It's totally arbitrary.

And it happens to me all the time.

And I thank God for these random people that reminds me of my purpose.

That even though I can't remember what I said or did to them...

And I will never know, I guess...

Still they remind me that my purpose is to inspire...

To touch other lives...

To inspire other souls...

Even if I am not aware at all.

Thank you for reminding me of my purpose today. 😊

I promise to keep on doing it to anyone...

Anywhere...

Arbitrarily. 😊

Deep Prayers at Night

As I look at the stars tonight

And whispher your name

To God

In my deep prayers

I asked Him

To keep you safe.

But you don't know it...

You don't have to. 🤫

Unworthy

Lost chance
In the middle of the dance
With a glance
I wanna hold your hand.

But it was the same day when...
My heart and your promise
Both were broken
Shattered dreams.

Your words full of love
You seem like a lark
Full of songs to a dove
Leading to dark.

Am I not worthy?
Of your promises to keep?
Am I not worthy?
To know your waters too deep...

Still I wouldn't
Dare to catch a fish
Deep waters aren't
Enough to bring me peace.

So I picked
A red flower
Offered it
To the god who has the power...

To conspire with the universe
To challenge red tags
To defy the colored flags
To turn the tables of destiny.

Thoughts On a Sleepless Night

"The only thing that can defeat your Fears is your Faith."

The Purpose

My students asked me these questions this morning. 

(It became their habit to ask me questions about life, love, and just about anything under the sun if we are not really busy.)

So the first question was...

1. How to not expect anything from someone you love/like, when it is so natural for humans to expect or assume?

My answer: Just teach your heart and mind not to expect or assume from that person... But you can actually hope that he/she might like/love you too.

The second question was actually a follow up question...

2. What is the difference between expecting and hoping?

My answer: (Oh! this was my favourite among my answers.) Ok, so I told them that the difference between expecting and hoping is that when you are EXPECTING you are putting your trust to the man/woman that you love/like, and truth be told, you don't hold their hearts. So if it turns out they don't feel the same, we get hurt and frustrated. Expecting something is NEVER A PROMISE. It is just you wanting to get what you desire.

While in Hoping, we put our trust to God. We trust Him that He knows exactly what we feel towards that certain man/woman and that somehow if it is right, He will grant these desires of our hearts. When we hope, we trust God in His time. Remember that God did not put that feelings in your heart if He has no purpose in it. He put that feelings in your heart because He wants you to feel that way, so trust His reasons. And remember, if he/she is Not the one for you, God will surely take away that feelings from your heart, He will help you to move on and will heal you. 

So as long as God is not taking that feelings away inside you... Then maybe because He has plans to let it grow. As long as God wants you to feel that way is because He has plans for both of you... But Not in your own timeline... BUT IN HIS PERFECT WISDOM AND TIME. 😊

And the last question...

3. Why do men always have to make the first move?

My answer: (Damn! I did raised my voice a bit in here LOL! 🤣) Ok, so guys whether you like it or not it is YOUR JOB to make the first move. In the first place you are the stronger gender. It is a part of your musculinity, for Christ sake! And as for the ego? It is not a big deal with your ego if you'd be rejected, because it is a part of your musculinity to be able to carry yourself in the midst of rejection. We (girls) look up to your musculinity that way. As for the girls, it is a big slap on our face if we make the first move and still get rejected, because remember it is Not our job to do that. So if we did that and still got rejected... Imagine how it will destroy our egos? Some women have strong hearts and minds... But our egos are all the same... It is very fragile when dealing with love. So don't expect us (women) to make the first move even if we really like a guy... Because we believe that IT IS NEVER OUR JOB TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE... IT IS ACTUALLY YOURS (MEN).

So my students debated a little longer on that opinion... But atleast, I believe I inspired them again today... And I claim it as my PURPOSE. 😊

Faith, Hope, Love

When our hearts and minds don't agree or meet at the same point...
We just jump over the edges and call it - "Leap of Faith."

Then after we fell, got broken, wounded heart, and shattered dreams... 

We call it - "Foolishness."

And I thought...

Maybe...

That thin line between faith and foolishness is actually called - Hope.

But we just keep on doing it again...

Leaping Faiths over and over...

We are creatures with a heart who never gets tired of Hoping.

The Songs I Write at Night 5

Tonight is another sleepless night...
Because tomorrow is another day again...
Where all of my fears seem to rush in
Again and again inside my thoughts.
I can't push them aside...
There's no one to share them with...
No one to talk to...
No one to understand...
No one to give comfort...
No one to shed some light...
No one to encourage me.

So I have to talk again to the stars.
Seem like they were the only friends I know.

And once again I have to remind myself
That THE ONLY THING THAT COULD DEFEAT MY FEAR IS MY FAITH.

So for one more day again and again...
I have to hold on to that thinnest line to survive above my fears.

Stuck

So once and again...

I told myself...

For one more day...

Let's do it again.

My feet is almost at the door...

My hand is about to turn the knob...

I am ready to walk away...

But once and again I begged myself...

To stay for No rational reason...

Without logical explanation...

But just stay for Faith's sake.

Because there's nowhere to go to anyway.

So for one more day...

And tomorrow...

I know I'll be telling myself the same old phrase...

To do it again for one more day...

Maybe, who knows...

God will finally lift a finger...

Tomorrow...

If I do it again...

For one more day.

So I dedicate this song to myself...

Cause for another day...

I am stuck.

So don't wonder why I changed my mind...

I see the world differently everyday.

Snows on Summer

I almost forgot that I am good at this game...

In fact, I excel on this and no one has ever beaten me yet.

And you thought that it is you who can beat me for the first time?

I'm just tired playing this game...

But you dare challenge me in the midst of my silence.

Now prepare for my roar!

My silence speaks louder than my roar...

Now prepare for the coldness...

You provoked me to rain snows on summer.

In the mood... 🤣🤭

For The Sleepless Nights

Dear Self,

If we ever stop talking...

Just send me a song...

I promise...

I will understand.

I will still understand.

...because I know

That 3 am thoughts

Are full of ideas...

But sometimes...

It is full of tears.

The Broken Playlist

Be releasing a new playlist on spotify later...

...and if all the world was perfect,
Would you still want to see my scars?
Could you accept my flaws?

#59

So I talked to my mom this morning because I'm having a hard time these past few months deciding about my life.
Since my mind is clouded by my emotions and my faith is being tested by my logical wisdom and rational instincts.

And since just last month I decided not to believe in signs anymore...

But my mom told me that asking for signs is important to nourish our faith.

She told me that she thinks that my faith is getting frail because I think too much.

My wisdom is making my faith frail.

She told me that she is proud of me that I grew up as a wise woman and getting wiser each day but she also said that being wise without faith is like a tree without a fruit.

And at the end of the day...
My wisdom will no longer serve me good because "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom"...
And that "Fear of the Lord" is actually called Faith.

She said that I should not let my wisdom break my faith to God.

That I should use my wisdom to strengthen my faith.

And lastly, she told me that God never deceives.
Ask for a sign and believe in it.

God will not say yes if He has no intention to give it to you.

If the sign is yes...
Then it is definitely a yes.
No more follow up questions.

*****
So I asked for the number 59 on a car's plate number as I head off to work this morning.
And the last car that I saw before I entered my office building got the number 59.
I smirked because I was losing hope along the way...
But He said yes at the end.

So now... I will let my grey walls down and will let my wisdom strengthen my faith to overcome my fears.