The Credenda

It took me 10 years to finally have this book and finally, unfold the mystery behind the name I have been secretly hiding within my soul. The name I never thought really exists. The name I thought I’m the only person who knew it. The name I thought… was mine. But even before time had settled on earth, it already exists. And it will always exist within me. And just like the chronicles of the Bible, forever it will be one story… it is a history. The story of that lone star that shone one cold and silent night at Bethlehem when Christ was born.

My story is his story.


I was 8 years old then when my parents decided to move from the city to the province. It wasn’t really easy for me for I was accustomed to live in a city life and the metropolis was my way of living as a kid.
Soon I found myself inside the campus of an exclusive-school for girls. A school known to that sub-urban town of that small province for its classy – elite social type of students attending there.
For a couple of months, I was alone most of the time since I was from the city and I was not accustomed to the way they spend their recess during school hours. Until…
Until I met this girl. She was tall (far taller than me), dark but nice. She knew me only as the “girl –from – the – city”, but she was oblivious of who I really am. Not until she talked to me.
Our conversation started with our hobbies. Surprisingly, we both love to write. Then our petty conversation went on to something personal then magical.
She told me that she could actually converse with her angel and that her angel’s name was Daniella. She also told me that her angel and my angel are best of friends. So I asked her the name of my angel and she told me… “ACABAR”.

I grew up talking to heaven most of the time though; I do not really consider myself as religious. Every night I used to stay in our open porch and stare up in the sky and talk to my star. Yes, I have my own star. I claimed it one night when I finally realized that everywhere I go, from north to south, in the city or one – horse – town, I always see that same “butterfly – like” stars that seemed to be always there wherever I go. I claimed it as my guiding star long before I come to know the name Acabar. But soon after I’ve known the name, I named it after it.

Seven years later…

I was already in college then, and one cozy afternoon, I was killing my time inside the nearby bookstore from our suite. I was just wandering my eyes on the shelves filled with books when suddenly, something caught my sight. On one corner of the shelves, there was a book that bears the name of my angel… my star… Acabar.
I wanted to buy it right then but I was penny-less. So I went home frustrated.
Since that day, that book haunted me all these years. But not until last week, I again encountered that same book I have encountered 3 years ago. But this time, I bought it.
And so the mystery was unfold in front of my eyes as I turn the first leaf up to the last.

Acabar, my angel, my star was the same star that shone one cold, silent and holy night, 2000 years ago in the small town called Bethlehem, guiding the 3 magi to their new born king.

It took me 10 years to finally have this book and finally, unfold the mystery behind the name I have been secretly hiding within my soul. The name I never thought really exists. The name I thought I’m the only person who knew it. The name I thought… was mine. But even before time had settled on earth, it already existed. And it will always exist within me. And just like the chronicles of the Bible, forever it will be one story… it is a history. The story of that lone star that shone one cold and silent night at Bethlehem when Christ was born.

My story is his story.

Bitter Euphoria

It is the oddest feeling. You know that feeling of euphoria and forlorn at the same time. I feel like my mind is losing its gravity inside my head and its floating. It is unfathomable like the most unbelievable thing just happened in front of your eyes, like witnessing a cow jumping over the moon or like a tree bearing forth golden fruits of unknown specie. I am overwhelmed, I have to admit that, but my mind is not really ready for accepting such reality, but I really don't have a choice after all, maybe... or it really is destined. Lord's plan... like, just the other day I was so damn depress about it and could hardly even think of what really was going on with my life, then suddenly "Phow!" I'm ... I really don't know. My mind is rushing those words but I could hardly express it like a gutter unable to hold all the drops of rain from heaven... bountiful. I'm totally out of whack, my emotion is like in a state of hidden pandemonium.

O! Lord, I'm really not sure about this whole thing going on in my life but all I now and I believed in is that, You are there guiding me all the way. Help me to decide right and finally make it through Your will and by Your grace. Give me wisdom and strenght to overcome things wisely. Let my desire to follow Your "will" glorify You here on earth there in heaven. Let my desire to please You really please You. And though I may not exactly doing Your will, may my desire to obey You be the light that will guide me through these road of confusions and finally to truly obey You. Let all thing be place at the right place and at the right time knowing that You alone could make all things right though everything seems hopeless. Let all things be done by Your will and by Your grace. Not my will Lord, but Yours. In Jesus name, grant it all and please go beyond what I truly deserve for one and only reason... Your LOVE for me. Amen.

What Happens After A Stop

There was a time in my life when my world was sweeter though dreams were far yonder. I was full of hopes, full of dreams though I’m awake. My being awake gave me the chance to finally live those dreams into reality.


Though that world was sweeter, it was blurred. But soon I realized that that sweet blurred world became clear like a dirty glass that was once covered with dusts but suddenly cleansed and all you can do is to wonder how beautiful the tangible vivid glass to behold.


It is nice to behold the reality, the realization of one’s personal legend. But it is such a mocking reality to suddenly realize that as soon as you beheld that tangible vivid glass, the world stopped.


All my life I did not know I was a lame, that that hope kept me alive all those years and now I needed a crutch because I’m crippled without it. I’m dependent. I depend on it. It is actually the feeling of being a child not able to walk alone and so a pair of hands held yours and with that, you were able to walk. So you feel proud that you could actually walk not realizing you were actually depending your steps to those hands. So those hands suddenly let go of your hands. You were left there standing, not moving, not because you cannot walk but because you are actually scared of taking another step without those hands. All these times, I am crippled and I needed a crutch. Dependence made me feel secured but incapable.


I don’t know exactly where to go though the road I’m trudging is so clear. Sometimes, when the road is clear, you are more scared to take a step forward because you could vividly see the dangers ahead.


O! Lord, I don’t know exactly what Your plan is. I’m trying to listen to Your message, to Your will for me, but I’m afraid I’m actually listening too hard that I could hear almost everything including those noises that surround me, hence, I could hardly distinguish Your voice. I am much afraid that too much struggle to hear made me deaf already. I’m afraid that the silence is far more deafening than the noise itself. I am sorry for being so weak. But You are my strength, my shield, my hope. Lead me and You know I will follow. Never let go of me though I’m asking for my riddance. You want what is best, You know what is best, You will do what is best for me. Grant O! Lord my needs and satisfy my desires. Indeed, many are my burdens but greater is my gratitude for Your love bestowed on me. It is more than enough to sustain and to lavishly grant those things I’m asking in prayer. You know me more than I know myself, more than I know my own prayers. I know You have plans for me, for my good and more than that, the best. I hold on to Your will to glorify You here on earth there in heaven. Thank you. In Jesus name. Amen.

A Book To Remember

Perhaps, only a few people and only those people who are close to me notice that I actually have this weird habit of borrowing books from my friends; and after finishing a book (and returning it, of course), if I liked it, that’s the only time I’ll be rushing at the nearest bookstore to grab my own copy. Maybe you’re wondering why I have to borrow first – it is because I don’t want to waste my bucks for a book that will just get rotten in my shelf. And maybe, again, you’re wondering why I still have to buy it when I have read it already – it is because I believe in the cliché that “you should always look again at your window because you’ll always find something new. You missed it once, you will miss it again.”


I’ve just finished reading this book by Nicholas Sparks – “A Walk To Remember” for the nth time around (I figured out, I’ve actually read it for almost a dozen times already). And it is ridiculous, but I have to admit that I still sob in tears like (as if) I’m still oblivious with the whole story – yeah, I’m the most pathetic person ever walked on earth.


I don’t know why I love this story so much. Perhaps it is because of the fact that I could actually relate myself to the character of Jamie Sullivan. I mean, like her, I also have this habit of bringing along with me my bible anywhere, and I mean – everywhere, even just going to the nearby grocery store or at the mall. I cannot recall how did I actually get that habit, but as far as I can remember, I’ve been doing it since I was in my 6th grade. And of course, I was still oblivious about Jamie Sullivan then, and the matter of fact that Nicholas Sparks haven’t started writing the novel yet, either. Another thing, Jamie was actually a cheerful person in public but privately burst her tears alone. Just like her, I’m also the same. Sometimes, I would spend hours inside the comfort room like I’ve been peeing for almost a couple of hours, but then, I’m actually crying. And of course, that association of those damsels – NBSB (if you know what that means), well, not until Landon came in to her life of course, she was a member then, but I’m still until now. But I don’t want to talk about that any further.


But I’m not really exactly a Jamie copycat, though. I’ve got loads of friends unlike her. And I’m not a minister’s daughter… my father is an accountant business man, by the way.


But I guess, the truth why I love the story is because it is a tragedy. I love tragedies. I love them because they are the closest to reality. Sure tragedies are also fictions like those fairytales with "ever afters". But fairytales leave you with elusive disillusionments and hallucinations far, so far from reality. But tragedies, though, are fictions, they are almost real. I mean real in the sense of emotion and perspectives in life – closest to reality, that’s it.


Actually, the book is different from the movie, though I love both – but I’m not a fan of Mandy, though.

Except for some main highlights of the story like the play, and the leukemia, the flow of the two stories (the book and the movie) is so far different from each other. But nonetheless, they are both tragic stories, and I can’t help myself but shed so much tears over and over again. But I love it, though.


Tragedies – are the closest to reality.

Definitely a story to remember.

i HaD a GrEaT dAy

My friends think I’m the weirdest among the weirds living in this planet. I can’t blame them, though. Because maybe, they think right. Who in the world would still feel, think, and say that he/she had a great day, and really mean it from the bottom of his/her heart, soul, and bone marrow (include that!) in spite the fact that:

* First thing in the morning, you and your peers got your first blooper from the very first place you arrived in. And so, it (the bloopers) went countless.
* People seem to be so busy that they (could still) ignore you in spite of your annoying presence.
* You lost your way back to where you are supposed to go.
* So you have to walk a mile – (seriously!) in a hot midday sun – (like Mojave desert sun – really!), and still confused if you were really on the right track.
* People seemed to be overly… more than perfectionist – if you know what I mean, then that’s it.

But still call it – a great day.

Well, yes – I am that person who could still call a sh*t day “great” and yes, I mean it from the bottom of my heart, soul and my bone marrow.

I do really had a great day amidst the ironies listed above.
Though life is hard, it is bearable.
I would definitely freak out more if it is a perfect day because I believe that if it is, then maybe God would not bother for tomorrow.
So I’m thankful for a day not perfect but rather best in its own way. At least God still cares to give tomorrow – ayt?!

Things I’m thankful for today:
* The bearable day.
* The nice sunset – it is awesome to see the sun forcing its rays to break through the clouds though its time to give way for the moon and the stars. Indeed, it is a masterpiece.
* The cozy weather – though we are soaked with our own sweats, at least, not from the rain. =)
* I’m blogging, though.
* And all the invisible, intangible, innumerable blessings from heaven. There is a master plan. It is written.



P.S. I know I’m happy though I know there’s still something great missing in my life. Though my days are full, I’m not fulfilled, but I’m satisfied, though not really contented, I’m happy.

I Cloned Jesus

I saw Peter, James, and John in the garden of Gethsemane. They were sleeping. No one knows I’m here with them (not even them) for sure because the Bible did not record my presence in here. No one knows except Jesus.

But I heard him say – “Abba, Father, all things are possible unto Thee, take away this cup from me, nevertheless, not what I will, but what Thou wilt.”

“The man of sorrows.” I silently exclaimed to myself. I wandered my eyes around to see the beauty of the garden; they said it was a garden. But I saw nothing but agony… yes, the agony in the garden of Gethsemane.

Jesus went back to His disciples and said – “watch ye and pray lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly…” I whispered silently that same phrase from the Bible to myself, the words of the Great Rabbi – “… the spirit truly is willing but the flesh is weak.”

Jesus knew I was hiding behind the bush at one corner of the garden. So He came unto me and said – “I have a task for you.”

And so He led me into His place of agony, and while yet He was weeping, He gave me a teardrop of His cry and said – “make me clones.” So I hurriedly placed the teardrop in a vial inside my pocket not wanting that precious tear be dry, though I wonder how in a world did I really got a vial in my pocket. He held my hand and said – “Your task is greater than the Elixir of Life and the Philosopher’s Stone, now go thy way.”

The Great Rabbi entrusted me a task greater than the alchemist’s magnum opus. So I sat by a hump of soil, thinking about the clones I’m supposed to make.

So I journeyed through time until the time of technology.

I went inside my laboratory where I’m working. “The clones I’m about to witness soon” – I reckon. It’s been years of hard work and thorough studies, and now, the moment to unleash those living clones inside my Tech-Utero. It took me 9 years to build this Tech-Utero and much more years to clone those DNAs from Jesus’ teardrop.

So I held the lid of the door of my Tech-Utero and finally, with that creaking noise, the door opened wide and there I saw my master piece. Millions of the clones came out one by one but no one looked like Jesus.

A sudden burst of disappointment drowned the entire empire of my emotion. And so, I run as fast as I can up to the roof top of my laboratory. Up there I cried unto the Lord and said – “Thy tear became flesh but not You.” Then I heard a voice from heaven, God said – “Thy labor not in vain for those clones you made out of my tear are those people whom in their hearts I dwell in. Send them everywhere and let them proclaim, through deeds, what and who I AM.”

The great voice vanished and I was sober. Suddenly…

Suddenly, a blinding light flashed in my eyes. Then I realized my eyes were actually close all those times. The light is scourging my eyes. The light is blinding me. The light is actually the sun shining from my bedroom window. It is already morning.

The Next Big Thing/s

Solomon's Key
After Da Vinci...

Since Angels & Demons and Da Vinci Code are far more popular than the other two novels (Digital Fortress and Deception Point) of Dan Brown, fans would definitely watch out for the third sequel of his first two books I just mentioned (i.e. Angels & Demons and Da Vinci Code), which stars Robert Langdon.

Dan Brown's next after Da Vinci's, comes another invigorating novel about free masons circulating inside the political circuits. Solomon's Key is another story that would definitely stab critics around the globe again. Solomon's Key has no release date yet... but sure everyone is looking forward to it.

So bookworms... get your hook and grab one when it is out in the market.

Twilight

Twilight Waltz
Waltz is the carrier single of Hale's new sophomore album Twilight. The song had its premiere @ K-Lite 103.5 last September 5. Hale is known for their slow-alternative, smooth and easy kind of rock with a tinge of ballad. Since their first single "The Day You Said Goodnight" was released sometime last year, I just knew by then that I'm going to love their music. Though I do not really listen to OPMs before, since the birth of Hale, I started to. Anyway, the song waltz is about hating to love the person you love but you want to hate. If you listen to the song, the word waltz is not actually mentioned in the lyrics. According to Champ (Hale's lead vocal) the song is called Waltz because a waltz has 3 beats and you have to have 3 steps in order to go with the beat, and so, he said - "waltz is awkward and the song, just like waltz, is also awkward." Well, I have to agree with him. The song is actually a mix of love with obsession and hatred with angst... isn't that awkward? I mean, to feel those emotions all at the same time... its sick! Its damn embarassing to your own self. Yes, I feel it.

Anyway, their album "Twilight" will be out on September 30 this year. So have it while its hot.

So much to say but I better end this post with my two thumbs up for Hale. CHAO!!!

The Bourne Identity

Today is a history. Finally, a suffix was added unto my name. My day today started in such a way that was actually extra special yet still ordinary… confusing?... well, um, for the past three nights, I was damn preoccupied and so, I never had a good sleep, not until last night (if you call that a good one either), though, the pressure still governs my entire being. The reason for my preoccupation was the soon release of the results of the board exams I took last weekend. Honestly, I doubt if I actually played good on that examination since, I’m dealing with the entire Medical Technology population of this country. And just by reading the questions during that time, I knew, I was in the arena of dens of lions and I’m actually half-way between hope and despair. But God is indeed faithful in spite of my frail faith and short comings.

I was awaken by the vibration of my cellular phone beneath my pillow this morning and I saw that it was only 4:01 am. Yup! Someone tried to call me at the wee hours of the morning – but I didn’t bother. I saw my inbox with almost a dozen of messages and so, I now exactly what was going on at that very moment. I prayed first before actually pressing the unlock button of my cell phone since it was really the right thing for me to do so. Tense but hopeful, I checked out the first message.

And so the rest is history.

The good news made me feel ecstatic but not necessarily in the state of pandemonium since, it was still dark and everybody was still fast asleep and it was definitely not logically and sanely act to shout on top of my voice and say– “I’m the king of the world!”. They will absolutely kill me if I did that, and it is not a good thing to die at the very moment you just knew you passed the board exams – right? So I have to be euphoric in a way that was not actually hysteric.

And so hours passed by unknowingly, and it seems like the only thing I did since I woke up was actually read and reply those millions – (I’m not exaggerating) of messages entering my phone almost every second. (So I would like to thank GLOBE UNLIMITXT for sponsoring my texts) haha!!!

So finally, now, I come to this point of realizing the things happening in front of my eyes. Back five months ago (that was just last April), I can still recall those undeniably motivating words from our batch president. He said – “If it is your destiny, let it be.” For the whole span of my preparation for the board exams, those words reiterate almost always in the circulation of my meninges like that worn-out pirated disc that kept on playing the same part of a whole song. But it was not really something bad, since, it moved my determination to actually fulfill the destiny I have to fulfill.

I maybe calm but deep inside me, the feeling of euphoria is so intense like that roaring waves when the high tide begins.

A mentor from my alma mater once told me that the greatest honor in life is the privilege to bring back the glory to whom it is supposed to.

Right now I have that honor.

I am Thy living testimony.

As the word - liveth.

As the promise - kept.

As the destiny – fulfilled.

Le gra’ go Deo!!!

Faith And Faithfulness

Right now I am the living testimony of Thy faithfulness.
Thy prophecy, Thy promise and Thy word faileth NOT.
Thy planned destiny for me is fulfilled.
To God Be The Glory!!!