Simple Miracle

I'm here busy blogging at the cybermed... I'm a bit frustrated because of some unwanted error of connection. And the heck of it... I can't upload images for my posts.
But on the brighter side of the day, this mmorning, I was asking God a favor... its not that big, but definitely its not that small. Its something about my ego... as a student. I've been talking to Him last night about this and I'm glad He actually blessed me this morning by granting me that favor I was asking.
Truly, miracles do happen moment by moment in our lives.
Praise be to God!!!

;-)

The Optimistic Side

I thought I had a great day yesterday... but it turned out really bad.
Anyway, atleast I'm still blogging right now...
Well... the truth is, I still feel the morbid trauma of the dramatic reality that happened to me yesterday.
But then... Life goes on!
May God Bless This Week!!!

Reality Bites, Chews, Swallows, Digests,... And Hurts

I can't believe reality embraced my world again. Truly, those things that happen in movies are real. Somehow, reality sometimes go beyond what we think is real.
Yesterday, a morbid reality happened to me. Truly, this world is a place of sin.
I was at the grocery store yesterday when a guard approached me. I was in the stillness of my mind that's why I was not able to figure out what was happening at my back. The guard told me that somebody was taking indecent videos. So the authorized personel told me to file a complaint. I asked them to let me view the said videos, and to my surprise, it was around 25 videos all in all of those NOT aware ladies (including me). The villain took them all last night and I was his last victim.
I can't seem to understand why God allowed such lustful maniacs to live in this world. But its not my place to ask nor to blame.
I'm insulted. As if my ego as a woman, was smashed and I was damn down and broken.
I want justice. I want vengeance!
If only I'm an atheist, I will say the worst words more than a curse just to ease what I feel.
If only its a humanly act to kill, I might!
But I'm a Christian and I believe in God that's why I stay calm even in the midst of deep madness.
I put everything on God's hands... its best in there!
Vengeance is not mine... its God's!!!

Teddy Bear Meets Pussy Cat

Hollah!!! Its only Tuesday and we did it this early!!! The heck of us! The week is still long and we had all the "GOOD" plans for the whole weekdays... and the supposed "ACTIVITY" to be done on Friday was done today... are we too addicted into such?********
Anyways, we had a great time! Cheers to everyone @ the Microbiology Department! Till the next toss!
On the heavier side of yesterday... Teddy *** met Pussy Cat (meow!meow!) sometime last year... yeah! I know my statements are weird and blurry (just include the fact that I'm drunk!) but I know what I'm blogging about.
Its like Romeo has Juliet, Dawson has Joey and Teddy*** has Pussy... and Dess has no one! (as of the splendid present time of her life!).
So what... she finally moved forward and he finally looked forward... BEST WISHES!!! As if I care! (nostrils air sucks!).
Well, what more... Cheers! I had a great day anyway!
Have A Great Week Ahead!

On The Spotlight

"Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
up off the floor..."
--- Switchfoot ---
(Dare You To Move)

Just like a typical movie that before the end of the story strikes, the climax of the hero's struggles, his most darkest hour, and the most terrifying scenes occur, my college life is one of them.
I entered college four years ago with all the hopes of graduating on time, grades with flying colors, enough finance to support me, and everything beyond what a typical freshman could ever wish for her college life. The first couple of years that I've spent in the university was indeed like a beginning of a movie where the characters were being introduced, and the story was still a mildly chaotic serenity. Until my third year came.
We took our battery exams during the mid semester of my second year in college. Battery exams, so as to say, is the test for medical technology students where in, in the whole med-tech student population, only the higher 40% will survive... the rest... take another course! We all thought of that as morbid, we were around (a little more than) 1,000 students who took up the said course and only 300 students survived the battery exams.
Happy and honored to pass the batt exams, me and the other survivors headed our way from the General Curiculum to the prestigious Institute Of Medicine (School Of Medical Technology). We were proud of ourselves cause only a few were able to step inside the hallways of this institution. I thought of that as finally almost at hand dream. I thought I was already playing safe... but fate twist its hand on my luck.
My greatest fear back then (my third year in college) was to fail. I don't want to later see my transcript of records with the same two subjects because I failed with my first attempt. I could still remember then how I struggled in anguish and agonizing prayers just to pass (grading system is different in this Medical Institution, we are in a zero based system and it is NOT the same with the typical other schools' grading half-based system). Every end of the semester was the so called Promotion Board where all the names of the students were posted on the bulletin board with the letters P- for Passed, C- for Completion, F- for Failed, and the most terrifying KO- for Kicked Out. Failure of three subjects in the range of 12 units would mean, you're out of the University. It was indeed very challenging.
As what I've said, my greatest fear then was to fail. I bargained everything to God just for me to pass all my subjects, but then... "my tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, where is thy God." (Psalm 42:3). God hid his face in the dark and I was consumed by the fire of adversaries... yes, I've failed ONE subject. That was my most devastating moment, and that was the time I have proven myself to God. That inspite of the fury, I can still praise the living God. I must admit I was mad then, I was mad to God, there's a fire of fury burning within my being. But in the midst of the intensity of my fury, I prayed to God and said... "naked came I out of my mother's womb and naked shall I return thither; the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21). I was mad yet I'm praising God. It was my promise to Him that I will serve and praise Him till the end in all seasons. I'm happy that, that experience thought me how to still praise God even in the darkest hours.
I was still in the recovery stage from the trauma of my failure when visions from my dreams haunted my real world. It was no longer the failing grades I fear most but to finally rest in a period of time due to unavoidable circumstances. Again I bargained everything to God, but as if God's ears were deaf. By the end of the second semester my dad talked to me... and finally those visions from my dreams unfolded into reality and became tangible by my frustrated little hands. Strike two! I was exactly embraced by my greatest fear again... my greatest fear happened again infront of my eyes and I can't do anything but to accept the fact and... still praise God inspite of all the tragedies coming my way. By that time, I was too damn weak to still argue with God about my life, so I just wake up each morning and wait till the night falls and talk to God in between.
I was back on track again for my last semester before going to internship. It was a semester full of hopes. It was a serenetic semester after all inspite of the thick mask I'm wearing everytime my old batchmates will approach me and ask why... blah! blah! blah!
Internship has a long way out, and I'm still into it. If you think that such lonesome agonizing scene happen only in a movie, think of it not! Those salinitic tears, sweet smiles, hopeless fights, solitary cries, undecent meals, sleepless nights, old bread and sour milk, bitter wine, a penny in the pocket, fearless tries, unbearable roads to trudge, wicked people, and all the things you thought only happen in a movie became reality in my college life.
I'm about to graduate soon and everyone's glance stares at me.Their expectations, their smiles, and for some, their greeny jealoutic envy and their wicked fist that silently betraying me are all spinning around me. I have to meet their expectations, I have to move the right move. It's as if I'm on a stage play with all eyes watching me. Some are just too nice to applause, while some are just waiting for me to say a wrong line from the script or to fall off from the stage. But everything depends on me... and I depend on God.
This is lovingly dedicated to the greatest warrior ever... a servant yet a master, a man yet a God - To you my Saviour Jesus Christ!

University Blues

"Far Eastern onward beloved alma mater..."

Graduation is like reaching the highest peak of a mountain only to find out that there are much higher mountains for you to climb again. It’s not the end, but rather, a new tale is about to begin. A tale of another bitter-sweet journey we are about to trudge in the arena of our lives. Yes, it’s true but also typical for us to be scared to finally get out of the academic cage we’re used to and finally try our wings on something new. We’re no longer little chicks who cannot spread their own little wings. We have grown so much more than we thought we could. But in spite of the physical confidence of these grown up eagles, deep in us still lies some tinge of insecurities, but then, insecurities should not hinder us to fly and soar the endless sky of success. We should learn to convert blocks to stepping stones. I know that all of us will face his/her own ditches on the road of life, stop signs, and crossroads, some might stumble, some might break their wings, and some might fall, but we should keep moving on. Always remember that those tears and pains that we hide behind our smile are not proofs of our weaknesses, those are only signs of being human.

As we finally explore the galactic republic of our profession, there will be a lot of milky ways and black holes ready to swallow us up into the pit of either hope or despair. But let us not forget that during our embryonic stage of life inside the womb of our Alma Mater, we’ve learned not only the literal academic lessons but also the art of playing this game called life. Our Alma Mater helped us to stand a little taller, walk a little safer, talk a little prouder, fly a little higher, and soar wider than we used to be.

I’ve seen so much more than anyone thinks I know now. I could finally say that I’ve come a long way, but who knows? No one knows exactly the end of this road I’m trudging. All I know is that, I’m too far gone to return and it’s not logically right and humanly act to stop here. Finally I’ve come into the bottom of summing it all up. Alas! I’ve arrived into the briefest phrase that sums up the wisdom that the University had thought me about this game called life, that is, “Persistent determination distinguishes success from failure, for it is the art of falling we learn the ability of to stand again, strive and persevere, and never quit until we succeed.”

To God be the glory!!!

Ooops!... I Did It Again

"... that I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent"
---Britney Spears---
(Ooops!... I Did It Again)

I still had my hangover from the spirit of the alcoholic potion we drunk. But hey! I can still blog... inspite of the annoying dancing walls that surrounds me, the call of nature from time to time, and the dying eyes that keeps on fighting the urge of dreams.
Its quite disappointing to realize that we drink almost every friday late afternoon before we go home... and the fact that we do it during work hours at the laboratory... the heck with us!!!
I've just had a mild colds and cough last week, and because of such, I told myself not to indulge into such teen spirit as to say cause I'm in the convalescence stage... but, ooops!... I did it again!

Cheers to the hard headed me!

Good Riddance

"Time grabs you by the wrist
directs you where to go"
--- Greenday ---
(Good Riddance - Time Of Your Life)

It was a tough decision. To finally let go of the dream you once thought your ultimate ambition. But then, maturity knocks upon your door and you have no choice but to let it in. The once you thought was everything to you was almost at your hand, but then you let go of it... no! its not a darn irrational decision, but rather, a good riddance, so it was... twist of fate for a better luck.
Those childish silent reveries back then when popularity was in and publicity was something you should always grab with all the might of you little fists became a lacunal frustration in me for such a long time. But by the time I could almost have it all, I've found myself inside a new temple of wisdom that convinced me to open my palm and finally let the opprtunity slip away. But I'm not lachrymose nor there is a spill of lemon in my being for such good riddance as to say, cause finally I've realized that such publicity and popularity are only immatured spell-bounded magical tales of life with little less halcyon but a definite chaos.
I've learned to say a firm "no", by this time with no further arguments but just a plain "no" for good. Yes, its true that the word "NO" is powerful enough to unleash either a smile or a grudge. But one thing I know is that, being confident is being able to say "no" without a tinge of insecurities of what others will say. Confidence to my own perspective is the beauty within you and is NOT dependent on what other people will say or think.
A good riddance - yes! Turning down the opportunity you thought was the climax of your dream just to become a better person... to become what God wants you to be... truly a good riddance!

TRUST IN GOD!

Untitled

If life is so great, then you will never learn to appreciate simple things in life.
There's a good reason why we are trapped in the dark sometimes,
cause you'll never see the stars not until darkness falls... right?! = )

THE DARK TUNNEL (Part I: The Reality Behind The Real World)

"Some things can only be seen in the dark"

It was late in the afternoon, I was riding a shuttle when I finally realized that I'm no longer a darn naive...

It all started during my first internship. I met a whole lot of different people and these people showed me the real world (the once I thought the real world). They took me into places and I've done a lot of things I thought I would never dare to do. These I thought was the world apart from the world I knew. These people thought almost everything a typical adventurer should know, but they've missed one thing... the dark tunnel. They never told me about the dark tunnel.

We rarely see each other anymore, except for the regular monday seminar where we usually just eat our lunch together. We rarely have our gimmicks anymore unlike before when we always go out and don't even bother to go home even its already past midnight. So the party was over... until...

Early this year, I met new people from my work place. Their nice and friendly and fun to be with. And because of them, I've come to know the dark tunnel.

It was lunch break when we decided to go in the dark tunnel. I didn't refuse because I've heared about it so many times before, I've seen it from a distant sight, but I never been there... and that intrigues me. So we went there... The place was nice, there's a bright light shining through the entrance and its tempting. They went in and I followed them. As I step closely to the light, I realized that its getting brighter and brighter. So I continued walking until I realized that the light was so intense that its blinding me. So I closed my eyes and opened once again but this time, as I opened my eyes, it was already dark, and I knew I was already in the dark tunnel. I wanted to run back to where I entered but I'm lost inside. Suddenly somebody grabbed my hand, it was my co-league from work, she told me - "here we go!"... then the party started.

We laughed and talked about everything in there while indulging into alcoholic poison and smokey air. I found myself with them enjoying the same alcoholic poison and smokey air. Then I saw familiar faces and known faces to me trying to unveil their mask.In there I found out that they are androgeries. I was surprised to know that these people aren't real in the real world I know.

Once I thought my eyes were open, but after entering the dark tunnel, I've realized that my eyes were only half-open before. Now its wide open and I know that what I saw inside the dark tunnel is a reality far beyond the real world is giving me. I never thought such things really exist, but they do, and its real.

After a couple of hours inside the dark tunnel, we finally decided to go back to the hospital where we are working as interns. While walking, my mind was full of dancing ideas about the dark tunnel. I told myself that the dark tunnel is the place where reality exist. For some its a place for fun, for some it might be a half way for freedom, but for a wise person... he will never dare to go inside the dark tunnel.

The clock striked at 4 pm, that means, the day is over for work.

It was late in the afternoon. I was riding a shuttle when I finally realized that I'm no longer a darn naive...

To be continued...

THE DARK TUNNEL (Part II: The Price)

"Some things can only be seen in the dark"

I arrived home at around 7 pm with mixed emotions of both happiness and guilt when suddenly I felt something heavy on my chest, I can't breath, I was grasping for air, I was in the state of running for my life. So I sat down and tried to relaxed. I'm no longer happy, I can only feel the guilt inside of me. The guilt of entering the dark tunnel when I should have refused to. The guilt about everything inside the dark tunnel.

To be continued...

THE DARK TUNNEL (Part III: The Salvation)

"Some things can only be seen in the dark"

I woke up this morning still feeling the guilt of entering the dark tunnel, but as the sun sets late this afternoon, my guilt also vanished away...

Yes, I've learned a lot inside the tunnel. Talking about regrets... I guess if I could go back from the very beginning before entering the dark tunnel... I will still go inside coz, I couldn't dare miss such knowledge. But the guilt is still lingering in me. I went to church early today and I prayed for forgiveness. I claimed my salvation today and I know I'm free from sin. The dark tunnel is indeed a place of reality, a place you should never dare to enter coz its dark and real. I've been there... but now I'm happy coz I'm no longer there. I'm happy coz I know I've gotten my salvation and I'm forgiven.

I woke up today still feeling the guilt of entering the dark tunnel, but as the sun sets late this afternoon, my guilt also vanished away...

THE END...

Few Good Men (Tales Of Another Subordination)

Date Writen: December 26, 2005

Its Christmas break, and I'm here in our family house. Nothing much to do in here though its a suburban town.
Last week, I checked out a friend's blog and my attention was captured by one of his recent posts regarding this old woman trying to turn the whole story upside down with a twist of morbid threat about his career. So, with spills of lemons from both of their mouths, my friend quits his job. We met that same day and I told him that he should fight for his right for that job, but its too late cause someone grabbed it already and its so sad that the real villain is still hiding beneath a mask of an angel. Although she can't fool us, she can still fool a lot of innocent half-blinded people who only sees her mask. How sad! - Subordination.
Also last week, a day after that sad news from my friend, I was eating dinner with my brother at the nearby KFC restaurant from our suite when we heared the branch junior manager scolding a poor waiter because of some disorganizations regarding their services. But the sad point there was, that poor waiter was the only one attending all the costumers' needs, and ofcourse, he can't do ten things at the same time - right? - Another sad subordination.
Sad subordiantions... being done to these few good men in the world...
Now I'm sick of it!... coz I've got my own story too!

How Long Its Been Since Yesterday

Another ditch on the road

You keep moving

Another stop sign

You keep moving on

And the years gone by so fast

Wonder how I ever made it through.

--- Savage Garden ---

(Two Beds And A Coffee Machine)

Another year has begun, I'm looking forward for a lot of things to come this year. Hoping that my hopes for someday will unfold into reality and will not turn into a living nigtmare.

As the past year bow down its head to give way for the dawn of the new year like the sun that disappears at the western horizon to remind us that after the day comes another dawn of a new day.

I could still look back to the year that has just past though I'm moving onward. Those fresh memories that still lingers at the back of my head made me the person better than I was.

Last year was really a tough year for me. I struggled for so many things and beareth more... its overwhelming to think that I'm still breathing, that the air still fills my nostrils each time I wake up in the morning. Last year was the year of new people, the year of exploring new yet old things, a year of a little less but gaining more out of it, a year of cries, laughs, smiles, and hopes.

For this new year, I expect more... more challenges but I'm ready to take the risk, more morbid fearsome vivid things to come but I'm more courageous, tougher and rougher battles in the arena of my life but I'm stronger, harder storms but I'm more skillful to sail my boat now, more blocks, ditches, stop signs, and crossroads but I will move on, I'll keep moving on. Years molded me and let me grew up the way I should and the way I am now. And its not logically right to stop or return cause I've gone too far from the beginning.

How long its been since yesterday... the years gone by so fast, wonder how did I ever made it through.