Si Juan Ang Modernong Jose

Bilang pag gunita sa araw ng ating Pambansang Bayani (Gat Jose Rizal), itong post na ito ay para sa kanya at sa mga modernong Jose Rizal ng ating bansa.

Kinalakihan ko na ang pag aaral sa buhay ni Rizal. Mula sa mababang paaralan hanggang sa colegio ay may paksa tungkol sa buhay ni Rizal. Doon ko natutunan at napag tanto na si Rizal ay isang tao at may mga pagkakamali rin sa buhay. Hindi siya perpekto. Ngunit sa kabila ng lahat nananatili siyang bayani sa paningin ko. Lumaki akong may pag mamahal sa bayan na sinilangan dahil na rin sa pag tingala ko kay Rizal simula pa noong bata ako.

Ngayon nananatili ang aking pag tanaw ng utang na loob sa kabayanihan ni Rizal. Isa rin sa dahilan kung bakit kahit may oportunidad akong mag trabaho at kumita ng mas malaking halaga sa ibang bansa ay andito ako sa Pilipinas ay dahil na rin sa paniniwala ko sa mga adhikain ni Rizal. Naniniwala ako na dapat unahin ng mga Pilipino ang mag silbi sa kapwa Pilipino kesa pag silbihan ang pera ng ibang bansa. Hindi ko masisisi na umaalis ang iba nating kababayan at naghahanap buhay sa ibang bansa kung saan mas malaki ang pera dahil pangangailangan naman talaga iyon. Ngunit kung ang lahat ng Pilipino ay ganun ang gusto sa buhay... tiyak wala ng matitira dito sa Pilipinas. Nagpapasalamat ako at my naiwang aral sa akin si Rizal, ang pag silbihan ang sariling bansa. Salamat at hindi rin ako nag iisa sa ganitong paniniwala.


Sa mga modernong Rizal tulad ng mga manunulat at mga nasa larangan ng musika... isa sa mga sinasaluduhan ko ay si Gloc 9. Bilang isang musikaero, alam nya kung paano ipahatid sa mga taga pakinig ang kanyang mensahe sa mga Pilipino. Noong una kong narinig ang awit nyang "UPUAN" nakita ko ang katauhan ni Rizal sa kanya. Naalala ko kung paano ginamit ni Rizal ang kanyang nobelang Noli Me Tangere at El Filibusterismo upang ipahatid ang gusto niyang sabihin sa mga Pilipino. Tulad ni Gloc 9 sa musika niya naman idinadaan.


Dito natin mapag tatanto na sa kabila ng impluwensya ng banyaga sa ating Bansa ay may mga nananatili pa rin diwa ng tunay na Pilipino sa atin. Sa mga modernong Rizal... ipag patuloy natin ang sinimulan ng ating idolong bayani na si Rizal. Tama siya tayo ang pag-asa ng bayan.

Mabuhay ka Jose Rizal!!!

The Fate Of Faith Is The Faith Of Fate

Never under estimate the power of BLIND FAITH, cause even blind faith can move mountains.

Remember, blind faith is still "FAITH".

The fate of faith is the faith of fate.

Immortal And Divine

"How would you consider it a gift if you could see the future but you don't have the power to change it?" - IMMORTALS

I believe that in every gift comes a responsibility. A responsibility we could view on both sides whether it is the gray shade or the green. When our eyes look at the gray side this gift could become a curse... but if we look at the green side we see hope, maybe not for us but for other people. If we can see the future but can't change it, then join force with those who cannot see the future but could change it. They have a different gift of changing the future though they can't see it. That is the reason behind all the different gifts each and everyone of us have, to connect us with each other because we cannot do it all alone, we need others as well as they need us too.So if you have the gift look at the green side and not at the gray side, I tell you, when you're in the middle between hope and despair, it is much better to fill yourself with false hopes rather than worry yourself in despair, beause in the end when things don't go your way, atleast you did not stressed yourself enough in the process of waiting for the out come.And by the way, never under estimate the power of blind faith because it is still faith that can move mountains.


P.S. If its a dead end let's still try... who knows we might come out alive.

Great week ahead... Happy Holidays!!!

Smokes And Fires

Love is NOT blind... and neither do the lovers.

It is just that, when your heart is on fire... smoke gets in your eyes...
Ergo, they are not blind... their visions are just blurry.

23

Comedy is for funny people...
NOT for happy people... because if you're happy, then you don't need those comedians to make you smile.

Suddenly I'm in a trance of oblivion, examining myself, my deepest emotions. Then I asked myself, did I really moved on? Did I dwell in the pain for such a short period of time that I wasn't able to realize that I was only lurking in the shadow? Did I tarry myself to leave everything behind hence I forgot the sense of pain and now its lurking and trying to find its way to me. Did I runaway from pain? Then maybe I ran too fast that is why it did not catched me, but now that I'm tired of running, I can suddenly hear its footsteps, closer and closer to me.When you run and reached the line, there's nothing more to run for. And my past will always be mine and I'm tired of remembering it but forgetting it all would mean forgetting my future as well, because they all seemed to be connected and twisted with each other and to cut those strings would only lead to a more complicated miserable life. So I'd rather have a string attached.

Freedom is a word they only say but never really had. And those who have it are far more lonely than those who are in chains - if you know what I mean.

So here it is to wrap up the year. Its actually more of a shit but not because it is a shit that it is a cold shoulder... remember... not all those who put a shit on you is your enemy and not all those who gets you out of the shit is your friend.

But I'm looking forward for the better year. Maybe the reason why this year is not that good is because God wants me to appreciate the next year, the better years to come.

I can't wait but I have to be patient

Welcome to my life 2012 (23)

May God's Love and Blessings shower upon me. Amen.

How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

One Step Closer

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more (A Thousand Years by:Christina Perri OST Breaking Dawn)

I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it... but all along I realized I fell in love with the song because the song reminds me of YOU. And yes, all along I believed I would find you, time has brought your heart to me... so I'm waiting until God brings your heart to me in His perfect time.




P.S. Can you smell what the rock is cooking???
I can smell it... I smell something not fishy...

Tragically Beautiful

i punched you... does it hurts?... then good coz that's nothing to what i'm going thru right now... atleast you've got the slightest idea that the way i'm always smiling doesn't mean i never cries... its just your imaginary profile of me that makes you think that i've never felt pain. well i tell some people are just good at pretending... and i'm one of those talented people who are really good at it.


looks like you made a mistake of mending somebody's heartbreak.

My Favorite Accident

If God answers prayers, then He just did right now.

Atleast I know I still got you.

Atleast I know I have a friend... and that is you.

Thank you Lord for the answered prayer.

It is half-baked but I'll take it anyway... better this way than nothing at all.

Thank you Lord. Amen.


What I admires the most in you is your lack of sense of pride... because I have loads of it and you don't... I envy you for that... and admire you at the same time.

You are such a good soul... beautiful soul.

Don't know if I deserve you but I was hoping.

*** nag kagulo-gulo ang ating samahan,
nag-iwasan at hindi nag pansinan
ng wala naman malinaw na dahilan...
basta bigla na lang tayong lumayo sa isat-isa...
akala ko galit ka,
akala mo galit ako...
pero ikaw pa rin ang nag pakumbaba.
Wala kang pakialam kung sino ang nag kamali sa ating dalawa.
Ang gusto mo lang ay magka-ayos ulit tayo.
Saludo ako sa pagiging matured mo.
Walang bahid ng pride. Salamat. Andami kong natututunan sa iyo.
Kaya ka siguro ibinigay ni God sa akin kasi madami nakaakibat na aral sa iyo.
Ang swerte ko sa iyo.
Salamat sa iyo.
Salamat sa Diyos.
Amen.

The Oak Ward

When silence gets louder... it is the state called "awkwardness".

And it is where we are right now.

And I hate the silence more than the loud angry voice... though I've never really seen you angry but I do feel your angst against me boiling like you wanted to tear me apart... and I want you to know that you are tearing me apart now.

I don't know what we have done wrong but we both know that there is something wrong - right?

Its like waking up at the left side of the bed... you don't know exactly what is so wrong in waking up at that side but you know it is the wrong side of the bed when its not right.

I thought it was only my wild imagination that thinks something is going wrong but you just proved me right when you finally dropped the pin and I heard it loud and clear because of the unbearing silence.

When there is no sound, even the sound of silence is defeaning and that is where we are right now.

More than your laugh, I miss your eyes, the way it look at me and everything else stops. More than your choking voice everytime you tease me, I miss the friend I had in you.

Did I said something silly that made you mad?

Or maybe I did not do anything and that is why you're mad.

Am I too insensitive? I'm SORRY!

If only we could break this silence and be friends again.

Somehow, I've been thinking, is there something "chicken" going on?

I can smell something not fishy but chicken... and that gives me that awkward feeling that maybe there is something that could explain all the awkward gestures that you have been displaying these days.

You have been my ears when I needed someone to listen to my pathetic boring life... and I could be the same way to you too if only you let me. But you are avoiding me like a disease and I can't help but wonder why. I can't help myself if I'm missing you so badly. Is it wrong to miss you? Is it wrong to fall for you? Then I hope I'm not falling.

God give me strength to face this battle inside. Amen.

Calje Sto. Tomas (Part 8)

(Finale)

(Dedicated to the EDWARD of my life; a vampire that sucks but with a heart; a monster with a conscience, a killer but a HEALER; a man but an angel.)


"When dawn breaks... an angel will fall."

I thought about life and my mind only plays your face. I began to realize the lesson from this fork stuck in the road that I just drove on to. And now it is clear why it happened...

I thought I was incomplete, that someone out there, somewhere, he will complete my halfness, but that cliche is not true. I realized I'm complete even without that someone.

We are born complete and the other half "cliche" is just a make believe sayings of those people who feel incomplete.
We have to complete ourselves as who and what we are and not who and what we are supposed to be or they wanted.

And love is all about being complete as you are, and when you finally meet the person that made you feel love, that is when you could give your whole self to him... completely... and that is love... the real love itself.

Complete yourself first before you could finally love... truly love.

Being complete is an essential part of being in love, because how can you love someone completely if you are not whole by yourself - right?

And I believe that somehow that is the reason why everything else was taken away from me. Because God wants me to realize that I'm complete on my own, and to be truly in love I have to be whole first.


And then finally... YOU.

An angel with a broken wing.
Maybe God wants you to realize that you are whole, complete and not broken at all.

If God did not break my heart how will I know your heart?

If God did not gave me that pain how will I know that you will be there for me?

If God did not let me shed a tear how will I know that you will wipe those tears from my eyes?

God made this chastening for me to look at you. Because I don't see you before the way I see you now. It's like I've been looking at you for such a long time but I never saw you before. You were just a face in a crowd until God made me realize that you're an angel.

And if I finally fell in love and reach the ground will love ends there?
If I finally fell in love, will you catch me?
If you catch me... the loving begins.

Every song that I hear sings for you, every word that I say speaks of you. You are the one that I thought I could love as completely as I am. My eyes couldn't be more realistic when I could finally say that fairy tales come true once in a life time as well as second chances, another chances and last chances.

I don't want a falling star to fall... because the last time I made a wish... it came true as soon as that shooting star fell from my midnight sky, but then I realized it was the only star in my night sky and it left my sky empty and I could not put it back there to be my light again.

So I'll wait until the breaking of the dawn... until you and I can be together until the end of our lives.

God knows what He is doing, He wants the best because He loves us, He knows what is the best because He is wise, and He will do what is best because HE is powerful enough to make things happen.

Til then... I'll be awake... till I see the breaking dawn.

Calje Sto. Tomas (Part 7)

Words are flowing out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe


I tried so hard to keep you.

Because I am so scared to love you but more afraid to lose you. And I don't know exactly what to do. Remember when I told you that you are the only light that remained shining in my darkest hours... that was true and I mean it. But it seems like, though the lamp is still burning, you are taking it away from me. The lamp that kept me warm in the cold times and the fire that burned more important than the sun... that is who you are. But as much as I wanted to keep you close to me, you started burning me and I tried my best to endure the scourging heat... but it was you who think that I could not bear another heartache... so you're slipping away.

Did I say something way too honest that scared you like a rat?

Was I too fragile to hold?

Was I too insensitive to your gestures that made you realize the wrong impression?

Was I too naive that this is just a far cry?

I asked God to save our friendship and He did... but it just became more complicated to both of us... I can sense the pressure in your voice everytime you call me. I can feel the rush everytime we are together, and the tense everytime you talk to me... its like, we are not the same person that we are used to. It all began when you became ambiguous... or was I just anticipating... assuming... overly?

Did I left you with the wrong impression? Was I playing too hard to get that it made you feel like I don't care about you?

But you are so damn insensitive, naive and a jerk to think that way about my feelings for you.

Damn! You are so beautiful... like the only beautiful thing that is left for me when my world fell apart.

You are the reason I still believe in love, why I still hope, why I still have faith that this world still has something beautiful to offer to me. You are the reason why I started smiling again, the reason why in spite of every lies... I still believe. You are the reason I made it through, the reason why I let go and the reason why I moved on. The reason why I'm holding on, the same reason why I let go of my past and holding on to the future that I was hoping to be you. And all the reasons that I could reason out... I don't know the reason why I am feeling this way when I crossed my heart and hoped to die not to fall for you... but I was like the last leaf that clings to the bough in the month of december when all the leaves had fallen apart... I'm trying my best not to fall in love with you... to save this friendship because I'm really scared. I'm scared to lose the only beautiful thing that was left in my world - YOU.

So I hope you understand why I'm trying my best to ignore you. I'm sorry if you think that I gave you false hopes - but no!
When you started acting a little weird I know what that means and I'm so sorry I behaved like a scared rat. But I was really scared of you and your feelings towards me... because the feeling is mutual... I just can't let it show. I envy you because you are too proud about what you feel... and yet I pity you because you are too scared to drop it.

And what annoys me so much is your lack of confidence... You always think that I don't like you... well let me say it once and for all... I DO!

But what scares us both is my fragility. I understand... but I like you to know that it is ok.



I miss you.


I've seen this place a thousand times
I've felt this all before
And every time you call
I've waited there as though you might not call at all

I know this face I'm wearing now
I've seen this in my eyes
And though it feels so great, I'm still afraid
That you'll be leaving anytime
Don't say you love me unless forever...



Didn't want to leave you
With the wrong impression
Didn't want to leave you
With my last confession
Of love
Wasn't trying to pull you
In the wrong direction
All I wanna do is try to
Make a connection
Of love.

Calje Sto. Tomas (Part 6)

The historic Sto. Tomas road could have been more historically nicer if you were not that pervert. I'm confused because you are so damn confusing and you're pissing me off! Or is it the other way around?

I don't know if you just want me to take a ride on your back or you really want to carry me... and maybe you feel the same way too... am I that confusing as well? am I giving you false hopes? if that is how you look at it then you've got the wrong perception. You think I'm giving you false hopes that is why you tend to give me that expression as well... are we playing... what? Rover Rover come on over? That silly game of complication? Kids love that game but we're no longer kids, we are not expected to still enjoy that game the way it thrills us when we were nine or ten. wake up! You're mad at me because of your own fault... silly!

But hey! can we patch things up... because you're my friend and losing you is not in my list of "things to do" here on earth.

And if ever I'll make all the mistakes in this world... the last thing that I would do is to lose YOU.

I don't want to lose you, not now, not ever...
You're the light that remained shining in my darkest hours so don't take that lamp away from me. You made me believe that this world still has something BEAUTIFUL... that is YOU.



P.S. God help me to patch things up. Amen.

Stolen Ideas

What if “the one” isn’t supposed to be the person who takes your breath away?

…but rather, it’s the person who helps you breathe easier when times get rough.

What if “the one” isn’t supposed to be the person you stay up all night thinking about?

…but rather, it’s the person who helps you to sleep easier knowing that they are in your life.

What if “the one” isn’t supposed to be the person who completes you?

…but rather, it’s the person who makes you feel whole and able to be who you are when you’re by yourself.

What if “the one” isn’t supposed to be the person who sweeps you off your feet?

…but rather, it’s the person who helps you to stay grounded, focused and determined to do the things you set out to do.

What if “the one” isn’t supposed to be the person who totally understands you and knows everything about you?

…but rather, it’s the person who sees things that you don’t and spends the time to try to get to know more of you.

What if “the one” isn’t supposed to be the one who brings out the best in you?

…but rather, it’s the person who helps you to discover the things about yourself that you need to change.

What if “the one” isn’t the person who gives you butterflies, or makes you feel all tingly on the inside?

…but rather, it’s the person who gives you comfort when you need it and makes you feel safe on the outside.

What if “the one” isn’t the person you’ve been waiting for all your life?

…but rather, it’s the person that’s been waiting for YOU all your life.



Acknowledgment: I. P. (I Pass Liar IOI) *** The Real Author of this post***

Calje Sto. Tomas (Part 5)

Pronto nostalgia permanecerá dentro de mí, como decir adiós a este camino que he conocido durante tanto tiempo. Adiós dulce para un nuevo comienzo, por cada tenedor pegado en el camino es un camino digno caminando, y no me atrevería a cambiar algo, bueno o malo. Para siempre voy a apreciar el viento dulce que me tocó la cara, el olor dulce español sólo se puede llevar. Y la vida siempre me recuerdan lo que entramos en este camino, con sus ojos que me veían crecer y ha visto el mejor y lo peor de mí, compartir emociones, el amor y los sueños. Y si el destino será tan bueno como parece, voy a volver a caminar en este camino con una sonrisa más brillante y más amor dentro de mí. Y así que se irá, pero siempre recordaré este camino - España

Calje Sto.Tomas (Part 4)

Mark dot they...

11-17-2011*14:00-19:00*

the day we've been waiting for...

hope to see u there.=)

Calje Sto.Tomas (Part 3)

Another turning point a fork stuck in the road, time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go, so make the best of this test and don't ask why,its not a question but a lesson learned in time...

Just what would I do if I never had you?

Where would I be, what else could I become if not because of you.
Thank you for making it all happened for me.
I always have that faith in you, and no matter how many times you disappoint me, my faith in you will always be the same... solid like a rock.

For all that I have done, I must have done something right to deserve all these.

I thank God everyday for having you in my life.

And if I could choose another... I will never dare choose another but you...
Thanks Dad! You'll always be my hero.
Thank You Lord forgiving me a good father. Amen.

Calje Sto. Tomas (Part 2)

Was she told when she was young that pain would lead to pleasure?
Did she understand it when they said...
That a man must break his back to earn his day of leisure?
Will she still believe it when he's dead?

Calje Sto. Tomas

Even though how many times I tried to swerve...

My path still ends before Your face.

Its a big world... but it seems so small...

Maybe because its our destiny to meet each other in the eyes and realize what our hearts desire.

And God finally is making His moves (as always) to direct our paths to each other.

And this will be our story... our song...

Blessed Assurance from God that He knows what is best for us, wants what is best for us, and will do what is best for us.
In Jesus name. Amen.

Will Of Destiny

If you want to be TOGETHER...
first, you have TO-GET-HER.

"Can two people walk unless they are agreed?"
Amos 3:3



Is there anybody going to listen to my story
All about the boy who came to stay?
He's the kind of boy you want so much
It makes you sorry
Still, you don't regret a single day...

Medical: Mission I'm _ Possible

(My Daily Journal While On The Road For 5 Days Without My Laptop)





Day 1 : Part 1 (Linger)

Monday, October 3, 2011. My alarm clock was set at 4am to catch up the first bus. But due to my toxic 16 hours duty yesterday, I woke up late with that usual shock on your face when you woke up late and you have to rush- Oh my God! 6am!!! :-$

I still have to pack my things for my 4 days mission. I left our house @ around 8:30am and of course, I was hopelessly hoping that I could still catch the bus... but of course, that did not happen.

So I went to the 2nd terminal to catch up the next trip which, was, on my condescending nice way of acceptance, still @ 1pm.

I headed my way to the cafeteria... had 3 cups of coffee that even the waitress noticed my addiction... she said - "hey that's already your 3rd cup."
I smiled and said - "I've got 4 hours to kill!"

And the music goes - "you know I'm such a fool for you, you got me wrapped around your finger, do you have to let it linger, do you have to, do you have to
do you have to let it linger."







Day 1 : Part 2 (Smile)


The day started with a warm sunshine until rain started to pour hard enough to make me feel so cold. The sun forces itself to streak a bit of its rays amidst the dark thick clouds.

First Px, 3 year old girl. Her smile was the warmest thing that I ever encountered since I can't remember.

Mission #1 : Be kind to everyone and that means no judging at first sight, no paranoia against anyone, and stop being a snob.
Be kind. You're just like them. Ain't that special.





Day 2 : Part 3 (The Butterfly Effect)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011. I woke up from that delicious aroma coming from the kitchen. Its 7 in the morning and breakfast is ready. Italian bologna, omelette, rice and of course... coffee. After breakfast, I headed my way outdoors for sun therapy... what I really needed.
As soon as I was outside, I noticed these yellow butterflies all over the green meadows. They looked so happy, then suddenly I remembered that black butterfly that kept on appearing these past few days at the hospital I'm currently employed.
Somehow, I believe that, that was the soul of my old friend who just passed away.
Somehow, something tells me that he just wants to greet me a happy birthday.

Thank you for the friendship and may You rest in peace.
(Dedicated to Iñigo RIP)







Day 2 : Part 4 (Cordillera Rocky Mountain High)



God really has that deep sense of humor that could make you laugh so hard, so hard that it could even make you cry. Its almost 6pm. I've been waiting for the stars to come out but the clouds seem to hinder them all. The day is almost over but we are still here, still climbing this mountain without any inspiration and worst... we don't even know what awaits us there. But God in his most hilarious ways made a way to make us laugh till we cry... tears of joy.

God uses people for other people. Humans will always be humans. They will always have the heart to care and to help.

(Dedicated to Cory, Danny and Mr. Smith [FTW!!!])







Day 3 : Part 5 (Toss That Feather)

Wednesday, October 5, 2011. Misty morning, crispy air, and warm sunshine greeted me this day. I was in charge for our breakfast so I headed straight to the kitchen to find out that we ran out of eggs. There are several mouths to feed and I only got 1 egg left and did I mentioned that we are in a mountain and that means there are no stores in here. Good thing there's flour. So I thought we could have fried brownies for breakfast. In case you haven't heard of fried brownies... its because its an original recipe of mine. Brownies minus the oven plus the frying pan. Its as easy as doing your pan cake in the morning. So there it goes... Bono!!!






Day 3 : Part 6 (Black Bird Fly)

Salvation is here. Christ died to save us from our sins and dying to save someone else's life even though that person is not worthy happened today.

Mr. Red Goldberg died early this morning. I'm not so sure if I was indeed shocked or was I expecting it to happen. It was only last night when I came to talk to him about giving up his soul for someone he had just met. Was I too convincing that when morning came, he ended up his life? Is it right to say thank you or should I say I'm sorry?
I guess I just have to say both... I'm sorry and thank you so much!
Redemption happens.
History repeats itself.
Salvation is here.
(P.S. in case your interested, Mr. Red Goldberg is a pet)

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise...
Black bird fly."







Day 3 : Part 7 (Wheels Of Destiny)

Somehow, my sudden disappearance from the public eyes made someone special to me thinks that I'm losing my grip.
Though we've been friends for quite a long time now, he's been a bit more (too) protective to me these past months since I broke up with (now) my ex-bf.
Though it is just his way of being concern... yeah its sweet but I don't like the way he thinks about me losing myself over some not-so-worthy guy because I'm not that kind of girl.
I'm doing fine... I really am doing fine so you don't have to worry about me.
Thanks for trying to shift me back on the right track but I don't think I'm trudging the wrong one.
Thanks for your overly sweet concern, just next time please choose the right words that won't hurt me because the pain is twice much harder to bear when it comes from you.
(What matters is what you do... Fortune favors the bold.)










Day 4 : Part 8 (County Road)

Thursday, October 6, 2011. Last day of my mission but still I haven't found any answers. I'm still confused. Oh! God! please help me. A mixed feeling of fear, hatred and misery embraces me. I feel so down.








Day 4 : Part 9 (I Will Face Tomorrow)


Because Jesus lives, I will face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fears are gone. Because I know He holds the future. Life is worth the living because He lives.








Day 5 : Part 10 (Loving It)

Friday, October 7, 2011. The ride back to the city gave me a headache and to add more savor to my grumpy headed morning, I've got to ride a jeep. I don't know why I can't master the art of riding a jeepney.Grrr!
So now, I'm sitting here at Mc Donalds savoring my breakfast muffin...
Thank God there's Mc Donalds to lighten up my morning grumps.


Acknowledgments: Samsung, Nokia, blogspot, flickr, stockholm, Mc Donalds, and my ever companion in life Jesus, my God, my Saviour. Amen.

Run

1 Corinthians 9:24 (KJV) “Know ye not that they which run in a race run all but one receiveth the prize? So run that ye may obtain.”


Maybe this race is not about winning but reaching the finish line. Maybe it’s not about getting the first place. Maybe it is about who is with you as you run that race, and that no matter how long it will take you to reach the finish line, no matter how tired and down you are, no matter how many times you disappoint the one who is with you, still He will never leave you.
I believe that we all have our own prizes, but that prize is not going to be there at the end. Because what we don’t realize is that, our prizes had been there all along with us. Our prize is actually that one person who bears with us as we run along. They are our priceless prizes and it has always been there with us. And it has always been Jesus, our loving Savior.

At this moment I’m confused and worried but I’m letting God to have His own way. I’m putting everything in your hands Lord… it is safe in there.


Thank you Lord for the inspirations in life. From simple messages, smiles, a kiss on a cheek that goes way beyond... it made me realize how much you still and will always love me no matter how many times I disappoint you, leave you, hurt you and let you down.

I love you Lord! Amen.

Nick Of Time

When we're in a hurry to grow up... we'll never grow... we'll just get old.

Time is a process...

It makes us who we wanna be, and who we should be, and who we could be...

Let time do the hurry.

That Sweet Butterfly On A Wheel Is Tougher Than You

This is a story of a guy who didn’t cry a river but drowned all the girls and why he looks so happy in photographs I’ll absolutely tell you he’s not.


So this is the story of a guy, quite well known for being the heartthrob and asshole at the same time.


The guy every girl will swear she’ll never fall in love with but could never resist it in the end.


And I’m one of those girls who crossed their hearts and hoped to die… but in the end surrendered her heart… but I was the only one who figured out his story… history he kept deep inside.


Was it her fault that he became that man?

Was her decision in life affected him so much that he swore to revenge on every woman?

I don’t know her reasons why she did that but what hurts him most is, was, maybe the lack of explanation.

Maybe she thought it is for the best…

The financial cost worth the heartbreak… look at them now… both of them had realized their dreams because of your decision back years ago… but what you didn’t realize back then was the trauma that you brought to him..

You were the epitome of a perfect woman… the basis… the Mc Farland… the standard… that when he finally found a woman so much like you then it would be the woman of his dreams… the woman he’ll marry. But you ruined that image the moment he saw you chose the wrong decision and made the rest of his life different… your decision changed him… it even changed his name.


All you wanted was a bright future for them… all he wanted was a good example to help him carry on in this life.

You succeeded giving him that future and his living it now… but you failed in becoming the good example for him.

And he thinks every girl deserves to be treated as touch and go because you did it first.

And I feel like I’m obligated to change his views but I’m scared too…

He is scared that he might one day meet a woman like you and treat him the way you treated your men before.

He is scared to get hurt so he’s doing the hurting.

I’m scared, he’s scared… we’re both scared… and I blame it on the weather man.


And if only I’m not that scared rat I would hold you so tight even though that means you will hurt me.

That was her fault… It wasn’t every girls fault…


So I wait… waiting until you realize that I’m not her…

And if you could open up your mind a little wider… maybe you’ll understand why she did that… it’s all because she loves you… love is still the reason… love for you… more than herself… sacrificing her man for you… her image for you… and what else…

You just consider the outcome and not the intention.

If she can’t explain herself… I’m explaining her for you.

Stop hurting yourself…

Your prison is walking thru in this world all along… you better let somebody loves you… before it’s too late…

It’s a sad story… but it doesn’t mean you can never be happy.

When time comes… when you’re not scared anymore and and I’m brave enough to take chances again and accept your love… will you have the courage to admit that you love me too?

I pray for our hearts to be brave enough… to get intertwined…

So here I go again… writing your story… hoping that soon, your story will be mine too… two people with one story… our own happy shared story.



(The CIA who knows that I will dry soil finally greeted me a happy birthday a couple of days ago… thanks… this is dedicated to you)

CIA Knows I'll Dry Soil

I don't know why suddenly I just got interested about your past.

Thanks to the internet.
Now I've known that 2009 was a great year for you.

Because in that year... you met me. hahaha!!!

Isn't that great!!!

anyway, 2009 was a great year for you because a dream came true back then... because you finally got it... and so you met me...
So.. am I just the bonus?
Or was it really your destiny to have it so we'll meet each other?

Think about it.

But the question is... how are we now?

Did we grow?

All I know is that God's masterplan is beautiful.
So I'll just wait for tomorrow to unfold for who knows.

You're my Landon Carter in real world.
My Dawson Leery in my mind.
My Pacey Witter in real life.
And my Peter Pan in my heart.


Godbless us always. Amen.

Paralleled Rounds

Parallelism...
while you're in rounds...

And for your final question...
Do you believe that every Dawson has his Joey and every Joey has her Dawson?

My answer: then that would be a perfect world.


Dawson and Joey could be the perfect epitome of parallelism.
They stand side by side for eternity and always.
But that's it.
The sad thing about perfect parallel is that even eternity could not twist those lines to form a circle so they could connect and be together.
Saddest part... they stay that way.

Are we Dawson and Joey?
Are we the next set of parallel?

Could God lift a finger to twist our lines and finally form a circle? Because no matter how painful it is to get twisted by the hands of God... I think I could bear it... Just thinking about what could happen "if ever" makes the twisting bearable.

Destiny gave up once... I don't want it to give up again.

And just thinking about the twisting makes me realize that God started it already.

And it made me realize more further that you're more of my Pacey than Dawson.
Are you actually Pacey?
Because right now I'm confused.
Nope, actually I'm not.

Teddy is my Dawson and you are my Pacey.
But how long could you play the part of being Dawson before you could finally be Pacey?

I've been praying for you...
just like Jamie did to Landon... but these are movies and TV series... and we are the reality.

We don't hold the script.

Could you help me pray to our God to make a good twist in our script?
I really like you to be a part of it.
And it would be a blessed miracle if God will choose you to have the lead role.

Until then, you do your rounds and I'll be just right here in the parallel.


God bless us.

My Dawson.(My Pacey in disguise of Dawson)

My own personal kryptonite.

CIA Knows I'll Dry Oil

take a peep inside my head...
this is what i do...
i do puzzles and riddles...
only those who could see beyond could decipher these enigmas...

(blues clues: it is now perfect seven... inc. the original)

look crawl ly i nid is
silly crawl no kido o
i do kill son i cry law
i cry law! i do kill son
*Son! I kill law... i do cry
y do i kill crawl son
cars lown
^^do i kill in scary owl
*i kill doin' scary owl
i kill lion scary dow
do wi kill scary lion
wod i kill scary lion
will i scar i do ylon
cars will do only kii
i know ill cry sad oil

*i know i'll cry sad oil
Cia know I'll dry soil

CIA knows I'll dry oil
*CIA knows I'll dry oil

Heaven Falling

He was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
And what was I thinking then
I don't know why
But he's changed my mind




*The Alternative*
(Dedication: I cry, I nod, so I'll walk)

(Acknowledgment: Evan & Jaron)

Panakip Butas

I need a chewing gum to fill in the holes of my boring pathetic life... Gum...Gum...Gum...

Maybe gummy Vers will do.

I Cry... I nod... So I'll Walk

"Y" is will lock in road...
"Why" is a question that gives you eternal flame of will to find answers on the never ending road... that is why it is the word locked on the road of life.

"I cry, I nod, so I'll walk" is the same as "Y is will lock in road"



"People can tell"
Our eyes cannot lie what our mouth denies.
Our actions cannot hide what we feel inside.

Everytime I hear love songs from the radio, its funny how it never reminds me of my first boyfriend (who is now my ex) nor my first heart broken... but it is you that suddenly pops up immediately in my mind when in fact you're just my friend... we've been friends like forever...

I love it when you sing to me... because you're not good at it and it makes me laugh out loud and all of a sudden I could just forget all the problems I have in my life.

You're not trying but you always manage to put a smile on my face.

I wonder if you feel the same way too...

So afraid that this is again just another one sided feelings.

And I wonder if ever I could wait just a little longer, could we be together then??? Cause we seem to be always paralleled to each other.
When I was single you are with her, when you two broke up I was with another... when we broke up, you have found someone else... but we are always there for each other, listening when even the the one we are with are so deaf to us... I'm glad to have you as a friend... but its making me weak... through the years, its like we lurked all are deepest affections towards each other somewhere. And now its haunting me... and if it haunts you too, what should we do now?

Sometimes I ask myself why are we so scared?
Then I just smile and say to myself, maybe because we treat each other so special that we are scared that we might hurt each other, then that would be unbearable.
We are scared because we indeed love each other?
Dream on? am I dreaming the sweetest dream in the bitter reality?

Till then I'll let God lead the way until our roads finally meet.

See you soon!!!

u just might get it

there was a time when i just stay late at night waiting for a shooting star to fall so i could wish upon it...

then suddenly one fine night, there it was, a shooting star fell...
it made my wish come true...
but it leave my sky empty...

that's when i realized, it was a lone star... the only star in my night sky...
how could i be so naive to ask for it to fall when it was the only light i have...
giving up forever for one wish...

a wish of a naive...

and could never put back that star on my night sky again.
... be careful what you wish for, cause you just might get it all... and then some you don't want.

BeAuTiFuL

Its as always...
A story of tragedy and hope...
Like "a walk to remember"; "If Only"; "City Of Angels" and the like...

Why does the girl always have to die and then life teaches the guy to go on and live his life all alone. Why does it have to be always a tragedy.

Is love not that great if both live?

Is love not that great if there was no death?

Is love not that great if not bitten by reality?

Is love not that great if there was no pain and sacrifice?

Love could be so beautiful until reality bites.
So there it goes...
Love is beautiful... maybe the only thing that is beautiful that heaven spared on earth.
Like every tragedy's lesson... common, simple but impeccably true: We can move on.

That in spite the bitterness of life can bring, never lose faith in love... because that faith in love that made you cry is the same thing that will help you move on. That love, no matter how many times life burn it and turn it up side down, love will remain the most beautiful... if not, the only thing that is beautiful in this world.

Love could create a monster... but a monster made of love is still beautiful.

If there's one word to describe love... - BEAUTIFUL.

And the only thing that remains beautiful... - LOVE.

Grinning Green

I don't believe that grass is always greener on the other side...
But I do believe that grass is green on both sides...
but we could always try and look on each sides.

Help me God to be bold enough to change even though nothing is for sure... even though the grass isn't greener on the other side... I know it still worth the try.

Help me God.

In Jesus name.Amen.

Vermonth

first day of the VER months...

mixed feeling of happiness and fear...
happy to be where i am now...
scared of what will happen...

Oh! God you alone I can trust. Amen.

busy bum

i wanna decide cause its worth deciding...
trying to change like everything is the same but the fact is... when i finally looked back i realized that nothing is the same.
the kids grew a lot taller now and the old men grew older.
and what is so frustrating right now is i'm trying to write two editorials and the good part is i've started them both, the sad part is, i can't seem to finish them... feel so uninspired.
senseless... i'm not feeling anything at all in the midst of all these drama in my life, i still feel nothing. and so, again and again this is what i call the epitome of days full but life empty.
like i'm playing this lead role in a movie with a very good script yet i'm just the actress and so after the scene, i don't feel the drama anymore because i was just living somebody elses life. don't i have a life of my own?
pretty much of a shit if you imagine huh
but "obladi oblada" life goes on right?
not even pain made me down... and that is something wrong. when being numb has become your greatest weapon in your life, it will hurt you more than pain.
and i am the epitome of that numbness.
and more than just numbness is oblivion into nothing. when reality and fantasy has lost its color how could you differentiate them?
when everything becomes plain... whatever color it is... you can never distinguish the difference anyway.
and as far as i could get... or did i ever moved at all?
but i haven't left my place... how could i be next to "why owe you".
so what else could i say if no word could fit anyway.
ironic... always been ironic.
how parallel universe could be so strict in our fates.
i fear nothing but i feel fear...
so there goes...


so much for an empty post.
just like the way you were before you found "each E are"...

am i the butterfly upon the wheel?
or just the busy bum?

Lies About Truth

"Truth" is just an opinion we make to believe in.

More than just an alibi... it is a lie we put our faith on.


Truth is the same as a lie... just more credible to hear.

The Scorpion's Sting

(This is the sequel of my last year's post - " Year Of The Capricorn")


So the new show begun after the Capricorn died.
The Centaur , believing he had won the prize being the new actor in the scene became so greedy of the audience. So its true, that power given to good people become better and power given to bad people become worse. But I've seen good people do bad things and bad people do good things... so where did the Centaur belonged?

That is the question never meant to be answered...

Until one day I woke up and realized that I don't care anymore (wherever the Centaur belonged) because he chose to live like a horse and ran away from me. And there's nothing I can do but to accept again the pain the way I accepted the painful death of the Capricorn.


The new show ended that way.

A fairytale turned into tragedy- and the saddest part of it all is that... its real.


And that very morning while I was mourning for the Centaur, a Scorpion bit me and its sting overcame the pain that the Centaur has left me.


The Scorpion's sting that was meant to be that way, not fatal but stingy.


That Scorpion that has been lurking around everywhere with its watchful eyes that watched the Capricorn died and the Centaur ran away. And its heart that is so small that I couldn't see.


As I finally moved on away from the Centaur with the Scorpion still waging its tail... another Capricorn resurrects...

The oldest Capricorn it is.

And it has always been that way... though how many times it died... again...

The resurrection.

"O! Lord's call, am I it?"

"Hail! Come angel,pay!"

But in the end... it is still..."Grill or all vague"


*Dedicated to those 3 anagrams*

*A tribute to "Own Brand" - the one who introduced to me the art of anagrams... that is another anagram.*

Clean Hands; Dirty Nails

I think about my life, where I used to be and where I am right now.
How all of a sudden white turned into black and how I did not notice it while it was still gray.
How I used to say that I will never dip even a single finger into the mud.
But right now, my hands are so filthy.
How I did not notice I've been playing on that dirty mud for a long time.
How I got here so up high but dirty.
How I became so busy with all these filthy mundanes and forgot about God whom I said I would never dare to forget... nor even try.
How I realized that the more I get higher reaching the sky the more the distance between me and God became wider and longer.
So I finally realize that... the sky isn't heaven... it is just blue.
Just blue.

False Pretension

after my longest hiatus in pretension... no way to lurk again my reality.
i told myself once that i will never get drowned in a glass of water... so sure about what i've said then one day i woke up dead... drowned in just a single drop of this universal solvent mixed with NaCl... did my confidence failed my capacity? did i underestimate that glass and its revenge is just a drop but enough to drown me?


so i search for that oxygen that will somehow revive me.

i wander because i wonder how far i could go leaving the light.

i was lost and i cannot even find myself inside of me.

yes i got drowned by this fairytale so i was dead in reality.

i can't turn back because there is no more home...
wandering everywhere... so this is what you call freedom... its funny i never felt being chained before.

to drown is nice because you wake up sober.

for a long time i wander away from You... he took me away from You... but i'm here again begging for forgiveness but not promising that i will never wander again... because i know i will. but next time i wander i will bring You with me. for security purposes, for selfish reasons... because i just can't live without You Oh! Lord.

What Math-ers Most...

God invented Mathematics so we could count our blessings. =)


"Heavens conspiracy is called destiny."

Grill Or All Vague (Part 3)

If you and I is a story never told...
How would you know?
How would they know?

You are the dream I never behold.


The anagram I never dare to decode.


The destiny that never unfold.

in spite all the pains and heartbreaks... whatever love throws... Always believe in love, in sparks, and in magic of meeting your destiny.=)

Different Shades of Mundane

If your life became so blue... be thankful because remember, blue is still a color.

When life turns into gray... be thankful because remember, gray is the line between black and white which means you still have a choice of colors.

When life turns black... be thankful because you can now keep your most filthy secrets in there and no one else will find it not even you.


So whatever is the color of your life today... be thankful because life is colorful.

Forgotten Miracle

During the early times, everything was magic... everything was a miracle...



...until we discovered how all these things work... and now its no longer called magic nor miracle but technology.


"But not because we understand the mechanics of how something works does not make it any less of the miracle which is just the other word for magic."

Frail

Blessed are the shallow

Depth they'll never find

...hence, they'll never drown.

About Things And Money

There are some things that money can't buy...

...because they are not for sale.

Decode

"Do not cook a young goat in it's mother's milk" (Exodus 34:26)

Though most biblical scholars says that it is God's commandment telling the Israelites not to mimic the pagan ways of sacrificing kid's meat in its mother's milk. There are other interpretations still.

Some says it is a commandment about compassion.

Some says it is a commandment about cruelty.

Some says it is a commandment that tells us not to kill a child with it's parent's sin.

They are all good interpretations, though...

But I would like to think it this way...
The young goat is Jesus and the Mother is God and the milk is their Glory.
God, from the very beginning knows that later on, because of man's sins, He will have to sacrifice his only begotten son to redeem the world. And God knows that Jesus, when He walks the earth, He will be rejected and will not be recognized as the son of God. So this means that we should not reject Jesus from the glory of God. We should not kill the divinity of Jesus just because He became a man on earth. Remember no one goes to God without going to Jesus first. This commandment (in my opinion) is for other religions that stating that Jesus was just a mere prophet and not a messiah, not the son of God at all. God wants us to acknowledge Jesus as also a God because He is the son of God, He is with God... remember they are three (father, son, and holy ghost). God is so good that He made this commandments a long time ago even before he sends Jesus here on earth.

Just a thought.

Pink And Green

Whatever makes you beautiful makes them green with envy.

Shattered Faith


Part I


Debate is not a healthy thing to do because it only leads to two things, one – shaking of faith, and two – shattering of faith. When you enter a debate you are being fed with ideas contrary to your own opinion and at the same time, you are feeding ideas to someone contrary to his opinion too, and at the end of it, if you win, you won but your faith in your idea is shaken. If you lose, your faith is shattered and pain embraces you as if your shattered faith is a shattered glass that wounded your soul for believing in something that you have always trusted to be the truth but then, it turned out to be just a fiction… just a big lie.


Sometimes a man meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it. I’ve tried to avoid it, but maybe it is my destiny to meet a destiny that would shatter my faith into pieces and worse than that, destiny is grinding those shattered pieces, making it so fine that you are sure it can never be fix again.


It is the one thing that I’ve trusted all my life, and more than just trust, I have faith on it. And never in my worst nightmare did I imagine that this will happen. And so there goes the lesson – reality is far more frightening than a nightmare.


When you’re in a nightmare, you can always wake up. But in reality, sleeping can never make it better.


We can never really trust anyone, can we?
Because even our own shadows leaves us when darkness falls.

You are the very reason I still have faith but you failed me. So tell me how can I still believe that there is still a good thing in this world when the only good thing that I’ve known since I was born turned out to be not so good at all. The purest turned out to be filthy. The truth became a lie.


It is not easy to accept the truth, but if it is the truth, we really don’t have a choice, do we?


Part II
I never dared to do it, and I never thought I could really do it… but life is a test and God is testing me with one thing I thought and was too sure that I will never do at all. But my heart is becoming too fertile of diabolique things. Yes, the heart is a very deceitful device that even the gods failed to know. It is the most poisonous venom ever known in ages that even the most deadly scorpion and even with a serpent combined cannot equal the heart. Saddest part, there was no known antidote for it.