Chocolates, Nuts, and Marshmallows

Dear Jan,
Is denying a lie?
If it is, then everything is just plain black and white...
Then why is it I'm gray and you're red?

There's just so many things that I wanted to ask, feelings that I wanted to say, ideas that I wanted to share... But I can't figure out what to say. Its like my heart is uttering so many words that I can't even catch up. But I'll try my best to say it here.

If a shooting star can make your wish come true, why does it have fall? to lose its light for you? to leave its place up in the sky just for you? And all for a single wish of someone else.

You see, when life is a series of the choices we make and we are more or less the product of it, does regret ever cross your mind... I mean, for not uttering a single word about what you feel?
I mean, you can't lose what you never had but you could have had it if only you've tried.

Can you tell me now what's the difference between losing someone from not having her at all.

Questions I never dared to ask.
Questions you never cared to risk.
Questions we never have to answer anymore.

The answers were always right... But we always ask the wrong questions.
So the answers that we get are not the ones we had in mind... So we remain disappointed.

And now that you've got my answer to the question you never even asked, does the pain makes you drink a lot of beer, or makes you write a love song for no one, or wakes you up at 3 am spinning inside the question?

I have regrets.

I guess as we grow old, we realized that we are not perfect. We get to know ourselves more and thus, we see our imperfections.

I have regrets... In fact, I have a lot.
I wasn't the same child who dreamed.
I had my share of nightmares.

And I woke up and saw that reality is much scary than nightmares... Because you know you can never wake up when you are awake.

But I have a secret to share...
I'm too good at making bitter things sweeter in my eyes. I can make the best alibi you could ever imagine and believe it like its true. I can make the ugly things beautiful in everyone's eyes like life is so perfectly placed in the vast universe. And only I knows what lies behind the mask.

But sometimes... I, too, believe in my own lies and I wear it on my sleeves like its the truth.

And the worst part of believing in a lie is that... It might become your TRUTH.

So cheers to the life that could have been...
Kudos to the life that we have now...
And a big toast for the life to come...

And yup!!! I'll be celebrating with beer and ice cream.

P.s. ...I know you know the flavor.

Love,
Me

Perks of the Choices We Make

Life is a series of the choices we make.

It was when the young ones are embraced by innocence...
The youths are coated with arrogance...
And reality is masked by ignorance...
And we are all and naive at the same time.

But if only I knew what I've known now, then it could have been a different story, it could have been a different ending, it could have been a different man.

But who knows if I'm wiser than I am now for I could have had a different idea.
Who knows if I'm stronger than I am now for I could have had a different opinion.
Who knows if I'm better than I am know for I could have had different perspectives.

Who knows if I'm by far happier.

But who knows if not.

When life is a series of the choices we make...
And every decision has a price to pay...
Then free will is a curse in disguise.

And we are all caught up in the middle of the series.