Art Of Oblivion

I've got a wrong premonition. I thought I'll be better but it turned out worse. I feel more pathetic now. As I stare blankly at the wall in front of me, oblivion governs the whole scenario. The frames that were once, I call masterpiece, are now fading. The palette that was once full of lively colors are now mixing only shades of black and grey. Its raining hard outside but the season is colder than the weather itself. The droplet is more lonely than the rain itself... if you know what I mean. A voice is telling me that it is much better and who knows if it is the best... but I say, if its the best... then it is the worst so far. Oblivion is the way out of pain. So much for my equivocal tales.
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On the lighter side of this crap... we watched "Superman Returns"... actually, we watched it twice. Uhoh! Clark Kent just reminds me of someone... a not-so-old acquaintance, who looks like him. Haha! He is just a bit skinnier. Hmmm! I can smell what the rock is cookin'... its a fish! Haha! Now am smiling. Elektra must see this movie with her Daredevil. Then give me a feedback dude!... tell me ya agree... HE is really CLARK IN FLESH!

Quote to ponder:

"Gods are selfish beings who fly around in little red capes and don't share their power with mankind." - Lex Luther (Superman Returns)

My Reaction To The Quote:

>>> I say, if God is a selfish being, He would not have given Jesus. Oh! sure He did not share... He gives!

Black Coffee & Soul

She headed her way to the balcony just after splashing some water on her face. It is a great morning. The table for one is waiting for her. She sat there alone, breathing the morning mist of air mixed with the aroma of her black coffee. Suddenly, a repercussion of an impeccable truth seeped through the nerves of her brain like an impetuous flow of a plethoric droplets of rain gushing through a gutter.

Is this the life I'm living? Is this life? What is sense without sensibility? The mocking sense of nothingness. Give me all the advice you could give just for me to learn how to feel. Numbness is everything inside emptiness. Hurt me and I'll be glad. I want to feel even the most painful poignancy this world has to offer just to get by with this numbness. It is a trap of an equinox. In the middle between night and day where dream lies, but you have no escape to embrace reality. Pain is a proof of reality. The binge is a lure. Priorities... they never gave me the option to be happy. Vicissitude... who knows the meaning of bliss? When you lived your life inside a blackhole, pain is even a gift from reality. Give me all the reasons in the world and I'll give you just one. A soul needs the pure language that is so universal that even the embryonic mind could understand.

Just one thing that could make all reasons valid.

Hush...

She is drowned by her tears.

Tell me about the senses...

What's the essence?

Sensibility...

Sensitivity...

What makes sense?

Hush now my soul... hush! ='(

The Angel With Dirty Feet

It has been awhile since the last time I blab about that “big break” thing. Before, it was like an enigmatic coccon. But then suddenly, it turned out into a monster – a bemusing savage reality.
Funny as it may seem, but I asked for this hidden catastrophe. I never thought it was such a cataclysm wrapped with congently bewildering Venusian velvet. It was a tragedy in the making.
For once, it was a yonder dream that I thought, an angel, like a fairy godmother was sent to make it happen. But as the day passed and gave a way for the night, the dream come true became a living nightmare. I wanted to run back to the day when the sun was still governing the whole set of play. I wanted to run back even just to the time of late afternoon, even just before the sunset, just to get by with this dark ebony night. I wanted to run as fast as I can for the dawn, but the night is still young, the midnight is still far… how much more the dawn? If you know what I mean.
I continue to walk on to this night of living nightmare. I have to, I created my own abyss. And now, I have to make a way out of this bottomless chasm I made for myself. I have to create a wormhole in this blackhole am in, even in the midst of darkness.
The state of forlorn and euphoria collides within me as I sail on this sea of chagrin, cadging for courage to make it on the shore.
Believing that tragedy is actually a story of hope.

The Last Passenger

It was the 21st of September. The night was dark and the rain was hard. The lightning flashed with a great roar of thunder.
Along with the thunder was a voice of a woman, crying in pain inside the labor room of the town hospital. “Okey, breathe… then try again.” – the doctor said to the woman, while trying to pull the baby out, carefully.
Outside the room was a man, wearing a black polo. He looks upset and undoubtedly sad. “What have I done?” – he whispered as he took a silent deep breath once again, but the air just won’t seep through his nerves. The agony of the soul is overwhelming.
It was 12:22 pass midnight when a tiny voice of a crying baby echoed inside the room. The baby was healthy and undoubtedly cute; his thin long eyelashes made him look like a new born angel. At his nape was a star-like birth mark.
Along with the baby’s tiny noise was another sound, a sound of a deep mourning, crying in silence, breathing the poignant truth. The man in black polo ran outside the building and stayed at the parking lot nearby. As the rain continued to pour with all its might, he felt the tongue of droplets sliding along his body. His face is now wet, but it’s a question whether it is the rain or is it the saline of his anguish.
Morning came. The woman saw the man, still wearing that black polo since last night. The woman said – “Hold me dear… am too weak, let me feel your life. How’s our baby? Did you see him?”
The man nodded as he touched her forehead.
A month passed. The horrifying truth can no longer be kept.
“I can’t marry you, I can’t… I’m already married.” – the man said in a weary voice.
The woman did not reply. She is too weak and too numb to utter anymore words. Suddenly, flashes of yonder dreams crashed in front of her. She gave her everything to him for that hopes of someday. But where’s hope?… where’s someday?... gone forever!
Months turned into a year, then two, and then three. Years spent with a half-man and poignancy. The woman now had enough courage to speak once and for all. She said – “Go now… I can live the baby alone; go back to your family.”
The man was shock, but he’s been waiting for this moment, this moment of riddance. So he packed up his things. The little boy watched him from behind and said – “Daddy, where’ya going?”
He turned around, hugged his kid and said – “Somewhere, son.”
“Don’t leave me daddy!” – the little boy is now crying.
“It won’t be long son.”

“Mr. Reb Jahrig, Congratulations! You’re now the new manager of this software firm. The youngest, so far! Haha! Keep up the good work, kid!” – the fat man wearing a black tuxedo in his mid-40’s said.
Reb smiled and realize – “It was only 5 months ago since I graduated from college, and now, I’m a manager! Lucky strike!”
Its already 7 in the evening. The fat man in black tuxedo is driving his Ford Expedition. He saw Reb along the way, then he asked – “Where’s your car?”
Reb smiled and said – “Uh-oh! Coding sir!”
“Come on in, I’ll give you a hitch!”
“I’m fine sir, I can commute.”
“You sure?”
“Count on it!”
The tinted-glass window slowly moved up and the Ford Expedition got lost in the crowd full of cabs and shuttles.
A taxi stopped and he hurriedly went in. “North Boulevard” – Reb said.
The traffic lights shine along the winding road. Traffic jam is always a part of the evening show. The taxi driver killed the silence – “What’s the time, though?”
Reb replied – “7:22”
“Nice watch! Luxurious at that young age.” – the driver said, teasing.
“I bought it as a consolation… from my very first salary.” – Reb replied cordially.
The driver smiled and said – “Fate is always cruel to me, see me?, am old and still poor. Look at you, young and full of hopes. I wish my son will be like you… soon!”
“He will, you’re a hard-working man. You’re a good father.”
“Oh no! You don’t know me. I’m not really a good father.” – the driver faked a hollow smile.
“You work so hard for your family, you are a good father.” – Reb replied with an uncomfortable tone.
“Your father work hard too?” – the driver asked.
“My father?... I don’t want to talk about him.”
“Why?” – the driver asked again.
“Because I don’t want to hate him. Its much better not to talk about him.”
“Hmmm! I can sense a kid who never knew his father.” – the driver said in teasing tone.
“True.” – Reb replied.
“No plans to find your father?”
“I told you, its much better for me not to see him again, atleast I don’t hate him. I’m not so sure if ever we encounter each other… ya’know man! Hatred and angst might spur up in me. I don’t want that thing to happen. So better not to see him for eternity.” – Reb said in irritable tone.
The driver replied – “Good kid! Hatred won’t take you anywhere but in pain.”
The taxi turned right across the North Boulevard. Reb gave the driver his due. As the driver took the money, Reb noticed the red serpent-and-rose tattoo on the driver’s forefinger. Reb looked at the driver and smiled. As he turn his way out of the taxi, the driver saw Reb’s nape. The driver wanted to follow Reb outside but Reb’s voice echoed inside his head – “Its much better for me not to see him again, atleast I don’t hate him… Hatred and angst might spur up in me. I don’t want that to happen. So better not see him for eternity.”
Tears suddenly rolled on the driver’s old and hardened cheeks as he whispered – “My son… forgive me.”
Reb opened the door and found his mother still cooking their dinner. “How’s work son?” – the woman wearing an apron asked Reb.
Reb seemed to be pre-occupied, so his mother asked him again – “What’s bothering you?”
Reb said – “I can’t remember… I mean… that red serpent-and-rose tattoo on forefinger… I can’t…”
“I told you, never talk about your father again Reb, we should avoid things that will lead us to hatred!” – the woman said in intrepid voice.
Suddenly, Reb was back 18 years ago inside their old house. He saw his father packing up his things. Reb asked – “Daddy, where 'ya going?”
“Somewhere, son” – his father replied.
“Don’t leave me daddy!” – Reb started crying.
“It won’t be long son.” Then his father hugged him.
Reb was crying as he hugged his daddy tightly, too. But his mom came in and pulled Reb into her arms. Reb held tight to his father’s hands, but little by little, their hands slipped off each other’s. Reb saw the red serpent-and-rose tattoo.
Reb suddenly broke the silence of the evening – “Mom, I just saw dad. Actually, I was his last passenger.”

FIN.

“In a fiction lies a fact.”

Two Strikes... One Home Run!

It was a tiring day. I woke up this morning with a bad headache which just got worse this time... not to mention, I've been suffering from this flu for almost four days... but then, I was suppose to attend some important business... so the "will" prevailed over the "flu".
It was definitely not a great day for me...
I was not able to follow up my transcript. Strike one for that!
Then, I'm supposed to meet an old friend at lunch time... but he did not make it. Too bad, am missing him! And that made strike number two.
So at around 2 pm, I headed my way to the Publishing House to edit the same old piece of work. Good thing, my co-editor popped up just on time and that made me feel better knowing that am not alone doing the whole edition.
So the whole afternoon passed by with that monitor in front, sorting, editing, and brain-storming.
And now... this headache is becoming heterogenously superincumbent. I have to rest.

Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?

"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?..."
That means... "Who will guard the guards?"
A line from the book I just finished reading... "Digital Fortress"... it is... yeah! by Dan Brown again! (3 books down... 1 to go... I'll hunt for "Deception Point" soon... I mean SOON!).
Yup!... I know I should be reading my "medics" books but...this review is becoming a cumbersome to me and I feel like am being succumbed to do it everyday... I need a break, though!
But then, I have to break this break too...
Going back to "Digital Fortress"... its a nice book. And if you're a techie hacker, you can appreciate it more. Its more than just your typical programs like your DSA, ZIP, IDEA, PGP, Automata, LIMBO, etc.
Its Digital Fortress! = D
P.S. I'm NOT a hacker!

Pyramids And Fatimas

I don't know why I got in here, but I believe that its because it is my personal legend. It is my obligation to be here. Am breathing the air of honor to myself because I know and proved to myself that I made the right choice.

When I was young, the ambition of becoming a doctor was burried within my mind though I never really knew what it is. It just sounds nice and honorable but I was clueless of what it is like to become one.

But I grew up with a different passion, the passion for writing. I didn't notice it before. I started writing at a very young age. I've got some few hilarious compositions at the age of four, but I dumped it way back long ago because I found it silly.

I grew up pouring all my emotions through pens and papers... the next thing I know, it was time for me to go to college.

I had a hard time back then, 5 years ago, I was still a senior highschool. I wanted to become a journalist then, because I was so in love with my passion. But I weighed things as to how they are supposed to be.

I took the degree of B.S. Medical Technology as my pre-medical course, turning my back to my passion, though, I still continue writing.

Now am about to share the difference between one's personal legend and one's passion. If you have read the book "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho, there's this boy named Santiago, who's personal legend was to go to the pyramids. On his way there, he met a lot of people, but the most striking was the girl named Fatima, the girl he had fallen in love with. It was a crucial choice for him whether he would still continue his journey to the pyramids or stay there at the oasis and live the rest of his life with Fatima. It was love, it was real, but he chose to leave Fatima and continue the journey upon realizing (with the help of the alchemist) that Fatima will never be gone, that he can always go back to Fatima but the way to the pyramids is just once.

Like Santiago, I was at my crucial time back then. I have to choose between my "pyramids" (my becoming a doctor) or my "Fatima" (my passion for writing). I realized back then, that, my passion is something that is within me already and it will never be gone, I could always go back to it, but becoming a doctor is a must to pursue. I also fell in love with my "Fatima", with my own passion, so as to say, but my "pyramid" is a different thing. And now am glad, I made it here.

My journey is still long, the board exam is up ahead and taking another course for my medicine proper is another story I have to write, still, on my way on this journey of my life.

Truly, "To find one's personal legend is man's obligation".

Alone At The Lake House

I've just been to the premiere of the movie "The Lake House" alone. Yup! coz I need time for myself and I found that time at the lake house... hehehe!!! (sort of a quote from that movie! ^_^)

Well, all I can say is that, it is an awesome feel-good movie. An extraordinary mellow-drama that needs a keen observer to finally realize what had happen and how it happened. You may not notice it for the mean time but your mind will definitely work on this movie trying to figure out every single detail of their destiny.

Moral lessons?... well, if you have the power to change destiny for the better, do everything you can about it... surely it will work... coz it works... it truly works! Its not about fantasy, its about doing your best at the given tangible time of your life. Its about waiting. Its about taking the right move at the right time. Its about taking chances... even if it means no chance at all.

This movie is definitely an addition to my lists of faves. =)

Fragility Of Life/Reality Of Death

Death is something more powerful than life.
It is the unescapable.
It is NOT a tragedy BUT a reality.
It is NOT something we should fear, BUT it is something we should be prepared of.
Death means... there was once a life lived.
We know the fragility of life. The boundless dangers and the verges of harms. In a moment, it could be the end.
But only a few can appreciate the enigma of life and death.
Some are living like they are dead and some are living like there's no death... both classes of people are NOT considered living but just merely existing
Some are trapped within the jail of a past tragedy. They are tired of living but death is still far. They are prisoners of the past. They do not realize that a tragedy is actually a story of hope. A hope to continue one's life in spite of the bitter past.
Some are trapped within the jail of the sweet present. They are prisoners of the enchanted time. They don't realize that tomorrow comes today and that they are making history... they are already a history of tomorrow.
Some are trapped within the jail of dreams for tomorrow. They are racing for tomorrow but the day is not yet over. They do not realize that each day has a moment to cherish. They're too busy dreaming, that's why, they ignore the tangible things of the present. Soon it will be a little bit too late to realize that they've missed a lot of the past.
Life is a tangible truth.
Accept the past and learn from it. Never deny nor disregard your past because you'll never become YOU without it.
Live today as if it is your last chance to do the things you are ought to do. So that in everything you do, you will want to give your best.
Dream tomorrow as if death is still miles away. So that you will have the hope and the will to face the present day.
Life is a 3-way balancer. There's a cup for the past, the present, and the future.
Live it in a balanced way.
At the end of a fulfilling life, regret is just a laugh and good memories are just a tear. But it worth the prize.
Tomorrow you'll wake up and the air still fills your nostrils. You're still breathing.
Will you live or just exist?
Will you dare or will you lose?
Will you step forward or will you remain where you are?
Risk is NOT something scary.
Remember that "SAFETY" doesn't mean the absence of danger... it means living in God's presence.
If you believe in God, you will believe in everything because God is everything. But you won't be afraid of anything because you know, there's God.

Oh! Men!... Its The Omen!

Many think they knew...
Many think they knew it already...
Many think they knew what they believe...
But is it really the right what we believe?

"Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth." (2 Timothy 3:7)
"Do ye indeed speak righteousness, O congregation? Do ye judge uprightly, O ye sons of men?" (Psalms 58:1)

Do we really know the Apocalyps?


P.S. I do not mean to be mean with my post...
Maybe am just stressed by that movie...
It is really quite morbidly stressing.

Get Off My Back!

Its like the heaven's wrath and the hell's fury conspired together to govern my thoughts and emotions.
The heterogenous conglomeration of anger, hatred, and guilt is what I feel, just recently.
I feel the darnest feeling a human could ever had...
That fist of fury is still punching my individuality and I can feel it's knocking out blow.
The hatred is eating my flesh up to my bones and it's angst is painful like a sharp blade seeping through.
The guilt is like a disease paralyzing my being... its like being numb but the numbness is unbearable.
I killed my reputation.
I wrecked my character.
Just to get you off my back!
But what the heck do you still want just to leave me alone?!
Do I have to give a damn on the shit that you put on into my life?!
Pity is something I never ever wanted to, but if it worth my riddance from you... fine!... MERCY!!!... are you happy now?!
I could march down to hell and step on the hot coals of it's ground if that would mean meeting the coast of heaven.
And if such things aren't enough...
What the hell are you?... a god?!
You are calling yourself a Christian... but for Christ's sake! You're a hypocrite!
Trying to camouflage pride with humility... sugar-coated "thing"!
You're trying to be nice just for self-exaltation... poor darn dope!
Well, I tell you, I am a Christian but I do give a "damn"... why?... Because am REAL!
Am not trying to please anyone just to gain myself a bigger favor in return.
I'm sick of your plastic image of Jesus!
Don't you feel guilty using the name of your God for your own damn diabolic interests?
Do I have to utter more damn words to make it clearer?!
... Just get off my back! Now!

Expression Of Impression

First impression lasts...

But how long will it last?...

Hypocrites!

Thou art like a sugar-coated "thing"...

Your coating looks nice, but once you're tried under the heat... your sugar coat melts away...

And then, its the real you!

So what's inside that sugar coat?...

Definitely, thedark brown colour!...

The dark brown colored milk chocolate... you know, like those M & M's... haha!!!

But M & M's milk chocolate melts in your mouth and not in your hand...

I wonder, will it melt if I put it on a fire?...

But I would rather eat all these M & M's than to just waste it ( even a piece ), just to answer that stupid question. = p

P.S. This post is like M & M's, it is sugar-coated...

You see, the funny side of this post is the sugar coat, and the real message is within.

Beauty And Madness

"Who will see the beauty in my life...
Who will see the madness in my life..."
(Fra Lippo Lippi)

I often wonder if this is a blessing or a curse.

It is always a life's irony that most of the time, those people who knock at your door, are those people whom you don't want to open up your door to.
And the one you're willing to open up your door to, is the one who doesn't want to go out of his own house, and is even afraid to knock at someone else's door. = (

Mission Impossible... Is Possible

Your mission is possible... of that am sure, only if you've got the guts to do what you're supposed to do.
There's no room for fear... and you have to realize that, this mission is given to you, for you to prove that a coward like you can stand in the midst of the battle.
Dare you, coward!
Dare you! Dare you!
Double dare you!



... teneneen... teneneen... tent... tent... tent... tent... tenent! Where's the Rabbit's foot?! = P

"I dare you to move, I dare you to move like today never happened... today never happened before..." (Switchfoot)

The Return Of The Come Back!

I feel quite nostalgic this time upon hearing a pop old school song... way back when am much younger than today. Its really a myth why we tend to love those music we have grown up with and criticize the songs that the younger ones think so cool for their generation. Take it from your grannies and your parents... when you become a young adult, you tend to become a little bit like them.
Am I that old already?! = P

The Chosen

Many are called...

Few are chosen....

But only ONE is destined.

Am about to break the glass and get out of the cave... by the moment He give me the signal and by the moment the another he, will finally take his one full big step to make a cascade effect that will let all these Dominos fall... that is the plan of fate.

Waiting for that one moment of truth that will make me believe that that thing still exist... that that thing "really" exist.

One day someday, I'll sing all my songs for that one moment of truth in my life... but until then... I'll be saving all my lullabies.

Am going with the flow of God's will.

"If you could only know me like your prayers at night,
Then everything between you and me will be alright..." (Hale)

True Lies

"His hands were meant

For different work

And his heart was known

--To none" ----Dan Fogelberg----

(Leader Of The Band)

Do I have to live in a lie just to be true?... am serious with my question!

I can feel within me the joy but it is imprisoned... bounded by insecurities and that heterogenous conglomeration of a different kind of hatred and absurd irritability... where am I to go?

Am torn between my ambition and my dream...

Torn between my priorities and passions...

Torn between my beliefs and perspectives...

Torn between my ego and my pride...

Torn between what I want and what I should be...

Torn between myself and my life...

... Where am I to go?...

Intuition still works but am not responding enough to it. Its like a disease that eats you up to the bones.

Its in my system and I can't get away from it... its more than just a shadow that you cannot run away with.

Tinted glass separates me from myself...

I see myself but I'm not her...

Do I really have to live in a lie just to be true?... coz the truth is not even quite true...

P.S. "If two people are meant for each other, it doesn't mean that they're meant for each other ... Now!" --- Dawson's Creek---

This quote goes with love... same as with life and ambition!

So patience is always a virtue... you can live your ambition... but maybe not at this moment... maybe later or some other time!

Tale Of Robert In Mt. Ternff Park

Done a mess in a sacred mass

Blew it all up, he knew it'll never last

But the mind is never that fast

To forget the vivid past.

Tracking the road way up high

But looking below with a deep sigh

Is it really heaven up in the sky?

To the earth, do I really have to say goodbye?

And so his world became cold and dark

Missing the wonderful life of a simple lark

Everyone can hear his song but no one hark

This is the tale of Robert in Mt. Ternff Park

O! A Man's Dens

On a madness begins
The journey to private allusion
An enigmatic anagram is within
Lines of published illusions.


She's so damn sane
Stillness still governs her enigmatic soul
The soul of a warrior in pain
But oblivion is controlled.


On a madness ends
Another road with bend
Another one damn ass' putrid blend
O! A man's dens.

Back For... Not So Good!

I saw you the other day... but I was not so sure. I know it was you... I felt it.
Yesterday I saw you again... and by that time I'm sure enough.
You've changed a lot... but I recognized every single detail of your face... of your smile... you haven't changed... for me.
It's been five years, though. Five long years is enough to finally forget you. But am not that good in the art of forgetting. I don't know if it is true or is it just the nostalgia that made my heart burst into sudden emotions? But again... it has been five long years... its not enough for me to forget you.
Why did you came back?... do you have another revelation for me?... I'm having a good life, though. I don't seem to need you anymore... I don't!... Do I?!
Same... same as before... though a lot of things changed. I've changed... you've changed... everything changed.
I've changed my character for so many times just to prove something until now I haven't proven yet. I thought I've come a long way already... but I haven't moved on. And now, I have to run as fast as I can just to cope up with everything.
Right now am not really sure if I'm really over with that past I still longed for. I thought, its much better if I did not see you... again. But what the heck destiny wants?!
Get out of my life!... Am not the same... we're not the same as what we're used to. Get out of my life!
I'm much better in dealing with nostalgia that in dealing with your tangible presence... so get out of my life!

P.S. I missed you... I just realize... I did miss you!

P.P.S. Still... The Heaven I Have Known.