Deeper and Darker Forces

Your sacrifice is what makes you a hero.
It doesn't matter whether you saved the world or your countrymen, it doesn't matter whether you saved only one soul or you saved your own soul. You could be a hero to all and you could be a hero to one. You could be a hero to someone and you could be a hero to your own self.
It doesn't matter... Because being a hero only makes sense when there is love and sacrifice.
And it doesn't matter whether its love for your country or to your god. It doesn't matter whether its love for someone or to your own self. Its just love per'se.
Because in the midst of war... Love is the root of every battle.
So this day, as we celebrate the day of our national hero, I would like to extend the essence of being a hero to everyone... Because a father is a hero to his son, a mother is a hero to her children, a friend is a hero to another friend, a wife is a hero to her husband, a husband is a hero to his wife, a survivor is a hero to his own self.

We are heroes of our own right.
Because everyday there is a silent war going on in an invisible battlefield of our day to day lives.
As we fight to live for one more day.
We are heroes in our own battlefields.
To die is heroic.
But to live is heroism everyday.

Dark and Deep

You are the right road at my every wrong turn,
The flower at every deserted plane,
And though right and wrong most of the time looks so the same,
You're the name inside the left side of my brain.

You are the bend at the end of every road that I take,
For it is one thing to love, another thing to be happy, and another thing to be right.
And you are the grey zone in between them all.
Blurring all the possibilities and probabilities.
Blurring all that has been blurred before.
But I can see you clearly.
I know my heart can feel you as clear as the crystal between us.
And I guess, the gods has their way of teaching us the hardest lesson.
I know it now.
Finally I was able to wear the shoes that I thought and I swore I will never ever walk with it.
But I'm wearing it now, and I finally understood why it is so hard to walk away.
Love does not have to be always right.
And it is the last lesson that I would wanted to learn... But I'm learning it now.
Loving wrong might look so right, could feel so right... But it will still be wrong.

So help me God to walk away.

For right and wrong are two very different thing...
But most of the time they look so the same.

On the Nick of Autumn

"There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid." Prov. 30: 19-20

Four things that king Solomon were not able to comprehend while he was still alive... For such a wise man that only time could stand as a witness that he was really wise... Too wise... Or if he even really existed on earth.

I say... There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not:

The wickedness of the heart of men, of why on earth mankind could be so cruel.
1. How could a man kill without thinking about the meaning of life.
2. How could a man rape such innocent children without thinking about their future.
3. How could a man leave a mark on anyone's heart without thinking that that mark could actually be a scar that will last till death.
4. How could time endure itself.

Perfection is an Aberration

Not because your boss never gets mad at you means you are not making mistakes at work... Ever wonder why the word favoritism was invented?...

You are not perfect my boy!!! You'll never be... Don't drown yourself with too much arrogance.

So never judge my capabilities from the eyes of my haters for they are a bunch of insecure egotists who cannot fill in their own confidence.

Private Joke

It is how you read my mind like a personal letter to you,
It is the private jokes only you and I are laughing,
It is how you continue what I am saying,
It is how you accept me in all of my shades and hues.

It is the deepest thoughts that I only share to you,
It is the secrets that I have that only you knows,
It is the darker side of me that only to you I show,
But my heart keeps something nobody knows... No, not even you.

#12 Isang Dosenang Tula ng Isang Makata

Muling pag-yamanin natitirang ginto,
Mistulang kastilyo ng mga alipin at mga bigo,
Paraiso ng panaginip, mang-mang at matalino,
Ang siyang nag-wawagi ay ang di sumusuko.

Lakas ng loob, tatag ng ulo,
Pang-laban sa nag-hihikahos na puso,
Sa agos ng buhay, sa ugoy ng duyan,
Mahimbing na pag-tulog sana ay makamtan.

Matibay na pag-katao at busilak na budhi,
Patak ng luha ang nag-pupuno ng paunti-unti,
Nag-hihingalong tuhod sa kawalan ng pighati,
Muling masilayan matamis mong ngiti.

#11 Serye

Minsa'y aking naitanong sa sarili,
Ang buhay nga ba ay isang serye ng mga pangarap na kalahati,
Isang musikang walang gustong makinig,
Musikang bumabalot sa mundo kong unti-unting sumisikip.

O bakit ang puso'y tila kay hirap matuto,
Kahit ilang beses ipagtulakan bumabalik pa din ito,
Ipagpipilitan kahit pa-ulit uliting di na pwede tayo,
Aasa hanggang huling hininga ay matanto.

#10 Pangarap

Minsan ang pangarap ay parang pagmamahal,
Nag-aalab na puso ang apoy kay hirap matanggal,
Pangarap na kay hirap abutin pag nahawaka'y biglang mawawala,
Dasal at luha tila hindi naman gumagana.

Minsan ang pag-ibig ay parang pangarap,
Inakalang kay daling marating makukulay na ulap,
Pag-ibig na abot-kamay tila bulang nag- lalaho,
Ang dating masaya nating mundo tila'y gumuguho.

#9 Rakista

Kumakanta habang may hawak na pick at gitara,
Tila personal na liham ang bawat awit na iyong ginagawa,
Patungo sa puso tagos bawat salita,
Bawat letra ay balot ng hiwaga.

#8 Tinta

Ang pangalan mo'y nais kong isulat,
Gamit ang itim na tinta dito sa aking balat,
Sapagka't alam kong huli na ang lahat,
Ang mahalin ka sa malayo ay tama na at sapat.

#7 Nebula

Sa may dakong doon,
Hiling ba'y matutugon,
Bawat bagsak ng bulalakaw,
Ngalan mo ang siyang sinisigaw.

Pipitasin isa-isa ang mga tala,
Hanggang mga bituin sa langit ay wala ng makita.
Iguguhit ang larawan mo sa bawat nebula,
Sa madilim na langit masulyapan ang iyong mukha.

#6 Ika-10 ng Umaga

Munting sandali,
Sa mesang kaharap ay kape,
Nanunumbalik ang mga dati,
Mga pangarap na hindi na nai-uwi.

#5 Kahon at Tala

Sa ilalim ng mga tala,
Naka dungaw sa bintana,
Hawak ang mainit na kape,
Habang pikit ang iyong mga mata sa aking tabi.

#4 Realidad

Sapagka't ito ang realidad,
Hindi lahat ng pangarap ay natutupad,
Kaligayahan ko'y hahayaang lumipad,
Pagka't mas mahalaga ang iyong seguridad.

#3 Himig sa Dilim

Saan ka nga ba tutungo?
Hiwaga ng agos mo,
Bawat hirap, bawat sakripisyo,
Mas mahalaga ka kaysa pangarap ko.

#2 Munting Perpekto

Sa mundo mong magulo at masikip,
Munting panahon nakadungaw sa bintana at nag-iisip,
Habang kumakain ng tsokolate at nagmamasid,
Tulog ang mga tao at mga tala'y nakasilip.

.

#1 Sa Dulo ng mga Daliri

Kaibigan kong gitara, papel, lapis, at bintana,
Matang nakatanaw sa himig na pilit ginagawa,
Kelan nga ba dapat ihinto ang pangarap na tila walang pupuntahan,
Ngunit musika ang siyang tanging laman ng puso at isipan.

Ikaw, ikaw na sumasalamin sa bawat awit na nililikha,
Ikaw ang siyang pangalan sa bawat karakter na ginagawa,
Ang siyang tema sa likod ng bawat tula,
Ang tunog sa dulo ng mga daliri tuwing nag gigitara.

Sa bawat kape, alak, at usok ng sigarilyo,
Sa bawat hiwaga ng gabi at pag-asa na dulot ng umaga,
Alab ng pusong di paaawat at di sumusuko,
Masilayan muli ganda ng mukha mo.

Double Three

For the perfects need no improvements anymore.
But woe to those who have no room for a change.
For what is worse than having one step forward and two steps back is the one who is stagnant.
So I rather have the flaws of imperfection.

I'm not jealous of their perfect lives.
I'd rather see the scars of every battles we've shared.
And in the midst of a still dark night,
I'd rather have you by my side than seeing the daylight without you.

For I know this is just for a moment.
The once we thought we can never make through are just a distant memory now.
And look at me, I made it out alive.
Still breathing, still smiling.

And I just laugh now when I remember the saddest days.
I still cry when I look back at the sweetest times.
I am happier each and every day.
For I am moving forward and I'm not stuck.

FreEDom

There is freedom in not knowing what lies ahead.
The freedom from fear.
The freedom in believing that the best is yet to come.
The freedom to hope that you're not chasing a broken dream.
The freedom to have faith in what you are doing in the present...
And if it all goes wrong...
The freedom to have something to fall back on and do it all again.

Yes, the freedom in not knowing what lies ahead.

Artificial Light

I maybe down but I'm not weak.

Block out the sun...
But I'm still gonna shine...
I'll turn on my artificial light.

And what is more fragile than a human heart?...
Oh... Its a man's ego.

The Rise And Fall of The Songwriter

In music, the singer is just the body that gives the song a physical appearance. The lyrics is the heart because it gives the meaning and the message, and the songwriter is the soul for he becomes the beginning of a song. And the rhythm is actually the vanity that links the 3 of them.

And you are the lyrics in my music.

That boy in my favorite song.
The name in every titles.
The potion I'm drunk in.
The ocean I'm drowned in.
The one that got away...
The one who came back...
The second chance...
The second first...
The second look...

You're the one who can get me high... So high, like a drug in my veins.
You always do...
So when I'm up there, I can't help but fall... For there's no way to go but to fall down.
I kept on falling for you.
While you keep on catching me over and over and put me on top again..
Then I fall again for you.

I guess, love has its own way of taking you up so that you can fall in love again.

The cycle of my attachment to you.

Like you are the only fragments in my mind.

TEKEL : Part II (Weights and Measurements)

In every aspects in life... The real measurement of one's capability is not about how much you have learned but how much wisdom have you imparted to others. For knowledge and wisdom are of no importance if not shared. And it doesn't matter how many students you have... Because sometimes it only takes one disciple to change the world.

Strong is Beautiful

If my personality is too strong for you...
Then your weakness is not my problem.

I'll make it clear for you...

My strength does NOT reflect your weakness...

It is your own mirror that reflects your weakness, and that mirror is actually your insecurities.

So don't punch that mirror... You're only hurting yourself...

Ever wonder why I am not knocked down while your hands are bleeding?

Being strong is not a sin.
...just saying.

And digging a hole for someone will not make you strong either.
You're only feeding your insecurities.

Again... Just saying.

Thief Ghost

I got this feeling that I have a ghost follower here in my blog, and she is a biggie when it comes to movie industry, and she's getting some of my insights here in my blog, putting it in a blockbuster movie and making it all look like her original work.
But I know mine.
I know my creations.
I know my ideas.
Just hoping you might want to give me some acknowledgments, after all, you are the one getting all the money from your blockbuster movies and you are the one getting all the trophies from different award giving bodies and its all because I'm no one in the industry but just a blogger with an insight and not knowing what to do when some big sharks steal my ideas.

I'm watching you.
Don't force me to blog about your scripts taking lines from my blog without my permission.

September is when...
Jackson 5 and Jose Mari Chan just pops up on every radio anywhere.
And you could finally smell that conspicuous scent of zephyr.
And everyone has that look of Ber weather.
Yeah, we all know Christmas is just around the corner.

And thanks to Hunter for keeping me company to the longest ride I had so far this week... Traffic sucks.
Thanks Hunter.
Secret love.

How To Win Without a War

How to win without a war?

There is a cliche that says "fear is something you cannot lose but you can overcome".

For the longest time I believed that.
And until now I still do, though there is a thing or two that I could actually add.

One, you can overcome fear with love.

And two, you CAN LOSE FEAR if you lose love as well.

And it all goes back to love.

That love that taught us to die for it is the same love that teaches us to live for one more day.

Love can overcome your fear for it gives you the will to do things you thought you can never do, like jumping off a cliff with her or admitting your feelings in front of him.

Everybody knows that already.

But how to lose fear?

You can lose fear if you stopped loving.

You see, love is the one reason why we fear.
Because of love we are afraid to lose, because of love we tend to become greedy and possessive, because of love we fear.

Love makes us strong but it also makes us weak.

We are afraid to lose our parents, our children, our spouse... Because we love them.
We are afraid to lose our money, our wealth, our possessions... Because... Admit it, we do love those material things as well.

But imagine that we don't love them, imagine if we don't love anything at all... Definitely, fear will leave us because fear can no longer preoccupy our thoughts about losing someone so dear or so important to us.

It is hard to admit that that love we say could overcome our fears is the same love that feeds our fears.

Love feeds fear in a way or should I say... In every way.

Fear keeps us from danger.

As what they say... Nothing is more dangerous than a man with nothing to lose.

And as long as you have love inside of you... You will always have something to lose.

And fear will be the constant companion of love.

So how to win without a war?

By controlling the situation.

So how do we overcome fear?

By controlling love and not letting love control you.


As what I've said before here in my blog... The most powerful is the one who can control his power.

Ode to the Woman that I am

She is a warrior in a battle unknown.
And she wears her armour with fashion.
She is tired but her heart still beats with burning passion.
And she cries in the stillness of the night to clear her vision.

Her strength is her crown.
Her confidence is her beauty.
And if her smile makes you frown,
Then that is what she calls insecurity.

Step on her and she will still walk with grace.
Talk to her and you will be amazed.
For in every road she leaves a trace
And a beautiful mark in every heart in space.

Minutes to Midnight

I just would like to have a simple post in memory of Mr. Chester Bennington. One of the best rock star I've ever known. He is one of my best influences in life. I will always be indebted to him and his music because it became my sanctuary during the dark times in my life.

R.I.P. Chester Bennington

In the end... There goes the voice of my childhood teenage angst brigade.

Your voice was joy and pain, anger and forgiveness, love and heartache all wrapped up into one. I pray you find peace in the next life.- Chester Bennington

TEKEL : The Great Paradigm Shift

Daniel 5:27 "TEKEL; Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting." - KJV


Here's the thing about beauty. Beauty is pleasing and is designed to charm. But if you exposed yourself too much in it... It will haunt you, in dreams, in every pavement, every corner and every streets, in every breath and every song.
And so beauty becomes a tragedy.

And it happened to me for as long as I can remember my very first word.
I got so mesmerized in the beauty of art and what it has to offer, and so I got blinded with the beauty.
At first, it promised me so many beautiful things... For beauty is what it always offer. For it is the supreme duty to kill everyone with its beauty.
And those promises were so damn beautiful but it remained a promise not turning into reality.
But I kept on asking for more promises...
More beautiful things...
Until that beauty became my sweet poison.
I was so drunk with that potion that I thought I was doing the right thing.
I fought in the name of ART, of beauty and all that it could offer until I am all alone left fighting and struggling.
No one cares to fight for ART anymore; not even ART itself wants to fight for beauty. Everyone got tired until I chose to get tired too.
In my desperate struggle for that long fight, I tossed my sword, take off my armour and walked away alone because no one is there with me anymore. Not even ART.
He left a long time ago.


ART made me happy. I am his lover and a fan. I live my life in every form of ART, but happiness in the name of ART is a struggle to go through each and everyday killing me and all the other beautiful things that surrounds me. So I have to let go.

Sometimes, promises must be broken in order to be fulfilled.

I walked away with that saddest hymn of defeat and impeccable goodbye that I think ART itself wants to hear from me a long time ago... He is waiting for me to let go of him... My lover, my pride, my passion, my beauty... My ART.

No more sweet lullabies.
No more summer of '69.
No more drowning in coffee and lemonade.
No more teenage angst brigade.
No more nostalgia in Brisbane.
No more Novocaine.
No more zephyr in Colorado.
No more making plans for tomorrow.
No more waltz in Tennessee.
No more holding on to the flame for everyone to see.
No more strawberry fields in Liverpool.
No more sitting on a hill like a fool.
No more wonder wall.
No more angels in the marble.
No more sweetest downfall.
No more floating like a cannon ball.
No more Vincent's eyes so blue.
No more songs for an angel that flew.
No more sister golden hair surprise.
No more semi charmed kind of life.
No more empty chair waiting.
No more springtime in February morning.
No more angels flying without wings.
No more four strong winds.
No more last great American.
No more songs for Stephen.
And neither for Adrianne.
No more paper cuts.
No more bright lights.
No more drinking for the youth.
No more Clint Eastwood.
No more good riddance.
No more long ways to run.
No more heart like yours.
No more child warrior.
No more heaven by your side.
No more you and I collide.
No more ironies.
No more love and symphonies.
No more erase and rewinds.
No more morning bells that chime.
No more rhythm of the falling rain.
No more antifreeze and aeroplanes.
No more story of a girl.
No more talk on corners.
No more age of the underdog.
No more long and winding road.
No more asking why does it always rain on me.
No more tea and sympathy.
No more odds that are.
No more tar in that old cigar.
No more leader of the band.
No more Alice in wonderland.
No more tasting saline when I kiss your tears.
No more cold coffee in the morning freeze.
No more hotel California.
No more losing Amelia.
No more Timothy.
No more remedies.
No more hybrid theories.
No more crying like a church on Monday.
No more woods in Norway.
No more musikero.
No more piano concerto.
No more hanging by a moment.
No more broken sonnet.
No more city of angels.
No more circles and triangles.


I know I missed a lot of you out there... Sorry, I can't write all of your songs here but they are all locked inside my heart.

I salute all those artists that cultivated me and touched my life. Growing and learning with all of you is one thing I know I will carry with me when I die.

I've built you a sepulchre in my heart.


Now, I have to leave and just hope that we'll meet again along the way.

Because....

I think paradigm shift is a must in some point of our lives.

I believe that those who cannot change their minds are in the verge of not using it.

So I changed my mind.

And my heart came next to it.

So help me God not to want when I have to tip the balances.

All in Jesus name.
Amen.

The Art of Commerce

"Yes, I understand that film making is a business and we all need to make money. But at the same time, not all business. As an art form, films are reflection of our culture and our soul as a nation. In my opinion, we must first protect our souls before we attend to our pockets. " - Ricky Lee


Upon hearing on the news about the controversy of MMFF and the immediate resignation of some of its members in the committee, my heart was seeped again with that arrow of rage because, again, I felt the need of ART to be respected. MMFF is supposed to give the audience not just MINDLESS entertainment but ART. And in the past years, I see no art in the circulation but only money. And it breaks my heart like a lover because I am a lover of art. I respect artistry so much that I hate to see it being pushed away.
While others would say, MMFF has to offer mindless entertainment in the name of business and profit, I believe that let those people who wanted to buy junks feed their minds with junks but don't give them the credits.
What I'm trying to say is, MMFF is an award giving committee that must acknowledge art in movies. Let alone those movies with no art top the box office, that's already their prize. But MMFF should give the awards to those films that are made of art. Because art deserves it.
Let alone those blockbuster movies have the money because that's the only thing they deserve, the money... But not the respect that only those with pure art could have.
I suggest that MMFF should be mindful about their entries and awards and to whom it is given to.

I find it hard to understand myself, why on earth do we have to fight for our rights to watch high quality art-full movies. That's why people nowadays only work for money and art is becoming the job of what they "call" the IMPRACTICAL and ILLOGICAL PEOPLE. But I tell you, we maybe few with this kind of mindset regarding art... BUT WE ARE FAR MORE LOGICAL, RATIONAL AND WISE IN OUR OWN CRAFT BECAUSE WE HAVE ART IN WHAT WE DO. WE DO IT WITH PASSION AND NOT FOR MONEY. AND THAT IS PRACTICALLY FAR MORE IMPORTANT IN LIFE THAN MONEY COULD DO.

I don't want to expect that people will understand art.
I don't want to expect.
I did not expect.
But I am still disappointed.

So...
I fight for ART.
I will continue to fight in the name of ART.

Lennonade

When I was younger, so much younger than today...

When I was in grade school, I read one of the most influential story ever to touch my life... The story of a five year old John Lennon.
This is his story - "When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life."

That story really got me as a child and at that young age I became aware that success is about being happy. It is about being able to sleep safe and sound at night, being at peace with yourself.

When I was in highschool, our teacher asked us to write in a piece of paper what we want to be when we grow up. I wrote "I want to be who and what I wanted to be." And like Lennon's teacher, my teacher also said that I did not get the point of her question, but little did she know, I already wrote in my composition paper the reason of my answer. I wrote back then that as a person, we tend to want one thing at this moment and another thing on the next minute. I am aware that we may want to be a doctor today but a rock star tomorrow. I am aware that your job or your career will not provide you happiness. And as young as I was back then, I already got my own definition of what SUCCESS means... And that is being HAPPY. I wrote that answer because being WHO and WHAT you want at the VERY PRECISE MOMENT that you WANT it to be is a moment of personal success.

As I grew up... I became more aware that what I thought of as a young kid was indeed true. My salary may not be that big like others but I find fulfillment in my job. A lot of people wanted me to go abroad because hospitals abroad offers higher salary, but I decline. Some would say I'm a coward, some say that I don't want to go beyond my comfort zone, some say I'm not wise. I REFUSE TO ENTERTAIN THEIR IDEA OF ME. I had my reasons, and if my reasons are not reasonable enough for them, then I don't care. I believe in the spirit of patriotism. I believe that my country needs my service even how small I am contributing in this society. I believe that the big sum of money that I can get by working abroad may give me the material things that money can buy but it will not give me that happiness that I keep on blabbing about.
I may be misunderstood by many, but I am at peace with myself and I could stand in front of everyone else and look them straight in the eye that I am successful in my own path because I am happy.

I define success by how happy I am at this moment.
And I keep on saying that word MOMENT because the PRESENT is more important than your future. Because what you do and who you are at the present will become the very foundation of your future.
I say PRESENT, because even though how promising you are, you CAN NOT promise tomorrow, because tomorrow is not yours to give.
I say PRESENT, because if tomorrow never comes, what importance is there in the future.

We keep on saying that this world is getting worst, that crimes and different kinds of oppressions are everywhere, but what can I say, man created this kind of chaos. Parents play a vital role in this. A lot of parents compare their children in terms of academic excellence while old people compare their adult children on who is earning the highest salary, and so kids now are in the era of money matters. Parents should teach their children that success is not measured by money nor power nor fame. It is about happiness deep within. Happiness on what you can do now so that you can look forward to a better you. Happiness on who you are now so that you can look forward to a happier you.

FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN LEARN AND NOT ON WHAT YOU CAN EARN.

Maybe a lot of people like John Lennon are being misunderstood because of their definition of success. Maybe a lot of great people like John Lennon are misunderstood before they had proven themselves right.
But I leave you with a quote from yet another great character - “Have I gone mad? I’m afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usually are.” – The Mad Hatter
(Alice in Wonderland)

Of Art, Beauty, and Inspiration

There are a lot of really beautiful and meaningful songs out there, which is sad to say, are underrated and do not make it to the top lists of hits because, sad to say, most of the listeners now appreciate junk music. I mean, its like choosing junk foods over a bowl of salad because it taste much better though it doesn't have any nutrition. Like junk music with that up beat that makes everyone dance or tap their foot, but the words are just repeating words without direction or meaning or sad to say, sense.
And as a person who looks up so much to music, I find it a bit disrespectful to such a fine art to be treated or created that way. I mean, music is an art. An art that I respect so much that it hurts me in a way only a music and his lover could understand, every time the art in music is taken for granted. I mean the art IN music.
ART IN MUSIC, because anyone can make a music even if you are disregarding art in making it... Hence, noise was created.
And my heart just breaks in pieces every time I hear a nice song that nobody knows... For reasons like, a company rejected it because they think people will not buy it because people nowadays prefer junks, or because it was released but people did not really buy it because they do really prefer junks. It breaks my heart as a songwriter not being heard. I know how it feels. I know how music keep on banging inside us wanting to prove to the world that there's so much art and beauty but no one appreciates real art now.
Its sad.
Sad that kids no longer hear such fine artistry nowadays and sadder to think they might not hear it in their lifetime.
So I keep on trying. Trying to make a way to bring back the art in music.
Who knows...

French fries

I had two dreams in one night.

It is a fact coated with fiction.
Reality and dreams collide.

One night.

Reality- I am currently having some big issues at work and in my personal life as well, and all I can do is pray and trust God. And yes, sometimes I whine to God.

In my dream, I was too weary and tired but still working at my workplace. Then suddenly my staff told me that there was a free lunch box outside and I should get one and eat because I was too tired and hungry. Then suddenly everybody was eating except me, because I did not get my share. Then I woke up feeling bad about my dream. Like I was so left out and that I was not getting what I want and what I need in life. So I pray hard. I cried to the Lord about what I feel and about my unfinished dreams and about my sorrows and my heartbreaks... I poured my heart to the Lord until I fell asleep while praying.

Then I dreamed again. I was riding a bus going somewhere and after the bus stopped, I climbed a very high mountain. Upon reaching the top, I paused for a while to appreciate the beautiful view. And then on top of that mountain was a restaurant. So I went in but there was no one to assist me, so I went to the counter and asked for a menu. The waiter gave me a menu and told me that if I want special orders He would be pleased to cook it for me. So I ordered for a roasted chicken and mashed potato and a special order - fish fillet. After a while, my food is ready and yes, it was so delicious and He even gave me a glass of iced coffee with coffee jelly in it. After eating everything I asked for my bill and He said - since you have special orders, everything is free. And then He gave me a plate full of French fries and told me that I should share those fries to other people. Then I asked Him why should I share these fries? And He told me that I should share what I've learned in my dreams.

Then I woke up, its morning already.

While I was still trying not to go back to sleep, I suddenly realized the lesson in my dreams.

...that sometimes we want something because everybody wants it or have it.(Like that free lunch box from my first dream. It was a lunch box from a cheap fast food chain, it looks cold like it was cooked last night, but everyone wants to have one and I'm one of them). But God sometimes don't give us what we thought we want or need because He wants something much better for us. (Like that restaurant on top of the mountain in my second dream, where the waiter gave me not only what's in the menu but also what I really want to eat, and it is freshly cooked and served. And the ambiance was so peaceful and beautiful... And it is absolutely for free).

...I believe you already got the message of my dreams.

Esarity

The weak hates the brave because the brave reflects the person they are NOT.

The weak hates the brave because they are insecure of what the brave can do and they are so desperately mimicking the courage of the braves but they lack that inner confidence that could blossom into a real act of courage.

And since the weak are weak, all they can do is try to hurt the brave ones. The braves are like a tree full of beautiful fruits, and the weak are those people who are too weak to climb the tree and too dumb to build a ladder to reach the fruits, so all they (the weak people) can do is stone the tree to get the fruits.
The weak people never care if they are hurting others. Because the weak are too weak to make their mark in this world but they are desperate to have one, so they never care if the mark they are leaving is actually a scar.

But brave people are strong... Hence, a lot of weak people hate them because of what they can do, of what they are capable of, of what they can accomplish in spite of the odds.

Insecurities make the weak weaker and wicker and full of hatred.

And brave people grows...
Braver
Stronger
Wiser
And these traits that grow inside them makes them capable of loving, of caring, of compassion.

And the bravest act anyone can do for himself is to FORGIVE.

for those who cannot forgive are the weakest.

VerOlution

"It don't matter to me if your searching brings you back together with me cause there'll always be an empty room, waiting for you, an open heart waiting for you... Time is on my side." - It Don't Matter to Me (by: Bread)


We became what we did not expect to be. The once youth with full of dreams remained dreaming still, after all those years of striving for a better future... But that future has come and we live in it already, only, the word BETTER was gone and we are still dreaming and hoping that maybe that BETTER my still come...That maybe, that BETTER was just stuck in a traffic jam and will catch up soon with our future long been here.

But in the midst of our surviving kind of life... There you are... Older, fatter, wrinkles starting to appear on our faces like the ticking of the clock that we can not stop. Our story has long been gone... Like history... Long been forgotten by our minds and hearts... and though it has been written long ago... And a few people read about it and heard about it... Still beneath our souls lies a sacred truth... How the universe gave up conspiring to both of us. How destiny doubted his capability of molding fate... How tragedy made us capable of smiling now.

Time is never a friend for it steals our youth and dreams... But neither it is an enemy for it turns out... It is a gift.

And we are running out of this gift...

And though we cannot even look at each other eye to eye... I feel you. Like awhile ago when you passed by, I felt your eyes looking at me just before I saw you too.

But I am not hoping...

I am just happy that in a long long while I was able to sing again that song that made me realize that its you.

P.s. A couple of years ago I joined the national competition for song writing and my entry was the song I wrote for you. It is entitled "Sepulchre in your Heart". And though it did not won, it did not even made the first cut... It is still my favorite among all of my hundreds of compositions waiting to be heard. Maybe because it is for you... Maybe because the words are so true... Maybe because my heart was poured in that song long time ago when youth and dreams were colliding.

To the light that shines the brightest.
To the woman who never wears an armour in every invisible battle she fought for, but still she remains invincible.
For the widest smile at the backstage and letting us live on the spotlight...
She is that light.
Happy mother's day!

Everything life is...

Everything love is...

Goes back to you.

Eli

I Blame it on Time

This is an insight of a girl who believed... Until she was betrayed.
Kept on believing but still betrayed...
Fighting to still believe... But I blame it on time.

Time is just a state of a moment that passes by.
Take all your chances while you can.

Time is eternal, it won't stop, it will not decompose and it will not wait for you.

Irony of it... Time is something that will always exist for eternity but you cannot have it forever. You can only hold it for a while, then its gone before you know it... Gone... But it still there... It is still there but its no longer yours... Like a love that went astray... Went into somebody's arms... She's still there but no longer yours.

And time may heal a broken heart but it may also change the mind of a waiting heart...

When a heart that was longing for so long... Punched constantly by time until it learns to live without the one it is yearning for... A heart who grew numb because of brokenness. I blame it on time.

When a wound remained unclosed... Or a scar that remained in pain... I blame it on time...

That time that keeps on moving forward so fast without turning back... So selfish that it won't even wait for us to catch up... To move on with it... To pin our hearts with it so that hearts can also move on as fast as time goes by... But no... Time carries on... Sadly, sometimes, it carries on carrying pain on its back making every hearts moving on with pain.

I blame it on time.

When life cannot endure it.
When beauty cannot live with it.
When love cannot contain it

I blame it on time.

Silence

Always remember that in the end, God will not look upon your reputation on earth but He will look inside your heart and how much love your heart carried while you were walking here on earth.

This post is Inspired by a movie.

Oh! Laugh!

Three things that I've learned from the recent battle that I've faced in my life.

First: There are only three people you should care about to explain yourself in the midst of false accusations.
These are:
1. Your family and friends
2. The authority
3. Those people who really believes in you.

Never explain yourself to those people who don't like you, to those people who hate you and to those people who are insecure to you. Because "all lies and jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest".
Even though you are right, if your bashers hate you, they will always come up with another reason to put a blame on you... So why bother explaining the truth to them if they will just disregard it because its you.

So just explain yourself to those who really care, and that's your family and friends.

Explain yourself to the right people who have the authority to judge the situation because they have the right to know the truth.

Explain yourself to those people who believe in you because they deserve to hear your side and because they will listen and they will believe.

Second: Never revenge nor ask something bad to happen to those who hate you.

Never give in to their cruel world. Train your heart to forgive. Train your heart to be patient. Train your heart to understand in the midst of chaos.

Smile. Let them know how graceful you are in handling delicate things.

Be not quick to judge. Try to understand why they are cruel or rude or bad. And if you can not comprehend why, then try your best to stay as far as you can. Do not sin because of others.

Third: Defend yourself without using harsh words.

"If the words you spoke appear on your skin, would you still be beautiful?"

Like Jesus who died on the cross blameless. He could have cursed those people who are mocking Him. He could have raised His voice to those who are accusing Him with false accusations. But He didn't. Because He knows the truth and truth will always redeem a righteous man.

And it is always glorious to defend yourself without using harsh words.


"Welcome to showbiz's world!!!"

Stitches and Scars

Man can never be satisfied... Because we are created with a hole inside.

We can never be full because everything we take inside us goes out...
Because of that hole.

And we can only be contented if we close that hole inside us.

And contentment means happiness.

How can we close it?...
By trying to stitch it with needles and threads.
And by doing so... Pain is always a shadow that you can never leave behind.

What I'm trying to say is that, in the process of chasing happiness, we need to go through that process called pain. In order for us to become a better human capable of being happy, we should stitch our holes.
The process is never easy, but once the hole is gone, you become a happy, contented, better person.

So let the pain of every stitch seeped through the skin of your very soul, because EVERY SCAR MEANS A WOUND HAS CLOSED.

Awit at Wika

Ito ang aking wikang kinagisnan ngunit parang ngayon ko lamang ito naintindihan.
Ito ay lagi ko nang naririnig ngunit parang ngayon ko lamang ito napakinggan.
Ang ganda pala.
Sa tinagal tagal ko nang sumusulat nang mga awit hindi ko magawang makapag sulat ng kanta gamit ng sarili kong wika. Mas komportable kasi ako sa wikang ingles.
Ang aking wikang kinagisnan kasi ay sadyang magandang wika kung maayos ang iyong pag pili ng mga salita sa pag likha. Iyon ang bagay na kailangan kong mahasa.
Sa ngayon ako ay nasa simula ng bagong pamamaraan ng pag sulat ng kanta.
Kanta gamit ng aking sariling wika.

Midst of Chaos

In the midst of chaos, help me oh! Lord to understand every angle of the situation and NOT to rant about it. For I know your plans for me are much greater than my biggest and wildest dream that my heart and mind could ever wish or dream or hope for.

1 Corinthians 2:9 "But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him."

Take That (TaKe TwO)

You cannot mix acceptance and pain in one bowl.

While others would say that once you've accepted the truth, then it won't hurt anymore...

... But I say...
Sometimes or most of the time rather, even though we've accepted the things we cannot change... Still, pain is real.

Like for example...
If you are in a hospital and the doctor told you that you need to be injected, you know its gonna hurt so you prepare yourself, you have accepted that you need this because it is the only way to get well... But once the needle seeped through your skin... The pain is still real... Even though you're prepared, even though you have accepted it. PAIN IS STILL REAL.

What I'm trying to say here is that... Do not judge other people who are hurting...
Don't judge them as weak...
They might have accepted the truth... But pain is still real.

For Art Can Last Forever (Take Two)

I can't help but blab about this...
This artist is so amazing in his line of craft that even kids idolizes him, and everyone that I encounter these days tries to mimic his renditions.

Salute to the man who does his craft with heart and soul and burning passion.

TO EXPRESS AND NOT JUST TO IMPRESS.

TaKe ThAt

So when is the risk worth taking?...

I say its worth taking if you only got one reason, enough to take it.

Because if you've got thousands of reasons to take it, it (only) means you are continuously looking for a reason to convince yourself to take it... Therefore, it is not good enough.

But if you only got one reason, and that one reason is enough for you to take that risk, then it means it is worth taking, because one reason is enough to convince you to take it...

Then it means it is very important.
No more alibis.
No more explanations.

One is enough.
Period.

Of Faith, Love and Patriotism

I was in fourth grade when I first saw the movie "Brave heart" by Mel Gibson, and man! That movie moved me so much that at my tender age of nine, I became more aware of scrutinizing great movies.
I became a fan of Gibson's works since then.
From Brave Heart to The Patriot to Apocalypto and the recent one... Hacksaw Ridge.

Gibson never fail to mix faith with patriotism, action and drama all in one... in all his movies.

For Art Can Last ForEver

Music is art... And art is beauty... And beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
...but the art of music is in the passion of the artist.

There are a lot of singers who could really sing well but only a few sings with passion.

A lot of really great singers sing to impress the crowd, and a lot more popular singers nowadays sing for money and to impress the crowd.

But only a handful of passionate singers sing to express their music.

And I salute those artist who don't give a damn to impress the crowd as long as they could express their passion, their emotions, their own way of patriotism...
Just about the truth behind their music.

I believe that those artists who are true in expressing their music are the real great ones.

It really isn't about popularity...

It is how you express the music.

And it doesn't matter if only a few could understand you.

Because those who can understand you are the ones who could understand what art really is...

It is not just what the eyes could see... Its about everything that only true artists could see.

And if a picture could paint a thousand words... Then your song is a melody of a thousand emotions.

Salute to those artists who do art with passion.

TO EXPRESS AND NOT TO IMPRESS.

LOGAN

It was the best X-Men movie yet...
Well, it has to be, since my two favorite X-Men characters died in this movie, it should worth their death - right?!!!

And since its a Marvel movie, everyone expected a trailer at the end of the credits... But there was none.

I guess it is really the last of Logan and Charles.

Heart breaking but even the greatest mutants must die.

You will be missed Logan and Charles...
You will always be my favorite childhood super heroes.

P.s. That Laura kid is awesome!!!

Snow And Coffee

A simple love story...
Once upon a time there was a snowman who loved a snow woman. Then one cold winter night while they were both freezing, he hugged her until the warmth of his embrace melted both of them.
The end.

40 Raindrops at the End of Summer

There are some things in this life that never dies.

Like PASSION.

Sometime in our lives we neglect our passion, we turn our back to our dreams, not because we don't want them anymore but because reality forces us to do so. Because sometimes we need to be practical especially if financial stability is at stake, or our health, or our family becomes our priority.
But passion never dies, it can only be buried deep within the deepest abyss of our soul that sometimes we tend to forget it. But within our subconscious mind lies the spark trying to leak out from the cracks of our broken soul.
The truth is, it is never gone, it is just buried, waiting for resurgence. And like a Phoenix that was long gone buried into its own ashes, it will arise with all its glorious flame that ignites every nerve of your individuality. It will not stop haunting you like a dark past.
Passion will always bother you with "What if's", with "What could have been", with "If only"...
And there will come a point when you can no longer hold the flame inside and the only thing left to do is to set free that fire that burns inside of you and hold it because it is yours, it is your passion, it is your destiny to fulfill.

And once upon in a long long while you will take that chance again, for yourself, for your destiny, for your passion.
Because you know it is the only way to have a good night sleep.

And because of that passion that has been buried within, we could still dream even in the midst of hopelessness. Because that burning passion is our will to carry on in spite of defeat.
Because that burning passion always ignites our soul to hold on tight while everything is falling apart.

And so we dream even though we look like a fool.
We keep on dreaming like we are really fools.
We were once so promising until time passed us by and we remained a promise... not fulfilled.
So now we are broken like broken promises of a beautiful future.
But we still believe, we keep on believing... so we dream like fools...

Until destiny pitied us and the good Lord gives us another chance to live that passion... And we know in our hearts that that small spark of hope is enough for us to do it again... For passion never dies...
It is just buried deep within.

And if you have a dream, you have to give your all to achieve it... And to every heart that aches is a story of sacrifice and a dream come true.

And for all the mess that we've made... God bless our mess, for when everything is falling apart... pray hard that everything will land safe in their right places.

The Groom is the Best Man

And I would love to be your bride
Cause your heart owns mine
Your eyes meets mine
Like fate and destiny, all combined.

And I would love to be by your side
Forever until the end of time
Until all the wonders and signs
Come and go beneath our love chime.

Would it be possible for the groom and the best man to collide
On that same day when vows and papers are signed
When hearts could see while eyes are blind
All white and fair almost divine.

The Fire and the Dragon

What would you do?
If the dragon has lost its fire in his throat?
No more fire burning...
And pain has been a constant companion that it doesn't hurt anymore.
No...
Pain does not hurt anymore.

Like a past buried deep within...
It was never gone.
Its just buried deep within.
And you could dig it up over and over...
Pain strikes you but it doesn't hurt anymore.

For you were my biggest mistake.
That one thing that I greatly regret.
And life gets that Domino effect When I've committed my very first mistake...
He was my first mistake.

Bloodstained.
A little pain.
Then our eyes never meet.
I've got burned from the heat.
Its painful but it doesn't hurt anymore.

My heart can no longer scream
From the pain...
Cause it doesn't hurt anymore.

It doesn't hurt anymore...
But I'm not numb...
I just get used to it.

Like a dragon who lost its fire but still keeps on breathing.
Searching
Burning
Til he gets used to it.

Living in pain... But it doesn't hurt anymore.

Something to Share

I just would like to share this story so that people will realize that some mentors would prefer to teach you in a hard way, not because they are bitter or bad... They just simply want you to become the best that you could ever be.

And not everyone who gives you a warm shoulder is your friend... They might burn you in the end.

The Bird and the Shit

Once upon a time, there was a little bird who refused to fly south for the winter. His friends tried to convince him that winter was coming and he should go, but the little bird was adamant. Finally, his friends left on their journey, but the little bird remained behind. Pretty soon the weather turned bitter cold. The little bird began to shiver. After a while, he decided he had made a mistake, so he too headed south. But he was too late and the weather descended upon him. As he flew, ice formed on his wings. He grew more and more weary until finally he fell to earth in a cow pasture, freezing and exhausted. He was convinced he was going to die. As he lay there, freezing to death, a cow came by and put a shit on him. The shit warmed his body and wings. The bird realized he would live. He was so happy, he began to sing. A cat was passing by and heard the singing. The cat dug into the shit, uncovered the bird and promptly ate him.

There are three morals to this story:

1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

2. Not everyone who gets you out of the shit is your friend.

3. And, if you're happy in your own pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

The (Other) Tale of Robert in Mt. Ternff Park

Music defines our personality but sometimes it defines our generation.

And we all get old and the music that we grew up with gets old with us as well, making us nostalgic every time we hear them. And we get more emotional when those musicians that we grew up with gets a come back concert.
Hearts are overwhelmed.

I grew up listening to their music. That time of my life when peer pressure was high and self awareness was low and self confidence was hanging in between the balances of highschool life.

Back when your sole responsibility was yourself, your grades, your time.
Back when life was just about music.
Back when everything was just about music.

And then it goes fast forward to the present reality.
Now we have our own kids.
Almost all of our friends are married, some are divorced, and a few remains free from commitment but not with responsibilities.

Now we work not only for ourselves but for our families, for the future of our kids.

And whatever dreams we had when we were young were just a distant poignant highschool frustrations that we learn to accept as we grow old and get stuck with our day to day lives and jobs that feeds the mind of how sweet dreams were and how bitter reality is.

And I will never forget how you influenced my views in life, how I've learned to face battles on my own because of the music that you have shared with me. Growing up with you was amazing. And yes, time can never erase those memories that we had. And even though we had our own lives now, I will always consider you as "THE MOST INCREDIBLY POSITIVE INFLUENCE IN MY LIFE" .

#IwillAlwaysLoveYou

King of Norwegian Wood

For you are like my La La land.
Surprisingly bitter ending.
Shockingly opens a new beginning
But not with you...
Just hoping it would be with you.

For big dreams have bigger sacrifice. And most of the time, the price of having a dream come true is the haunting of what you have sacrificed just to have it. A continuous loop of what if's that you can never stop asking even though you keep on convincing yourself that you have accepted the fate. And all you can do is look back and smile... hide the bitterness and live with your dream... because that was what you want. And its yours now... only now you realized that your dream cannot satiate your heart.

And too much wisdom breaks the heart turning it into thousands of pebbles scattered on the ground... Broken. Hard. Numb.

Broken.
Hard.
Numb.

Broken.
Hard.
Numb.

For you could have been a happy ending...
But you are just a La La land... bitterly disturbing.

The Weapon and the Warrior

Love is defying everything for something they call everything.

The irony of ironies.

For TIME is the greatest WEAPON and LOVE is the greatest WARRIOR.

And pain is the price.
A way of ironic happiness.
Cause if pain is the only way to feel their presence, then I say, let the pain remain, let the wounds get deeper and never heal. Let scar be just a yonder hope of healing but will never be, but just a make-believe illusion that will keep you moving on but carrying with you those poignant sweet memories.

For only time could understand love and only love could endure time.

Keep your optimism...
After all, no one has ever damaged his eyesight by looking at the brighter side of life.

Crimson Scar

The sun rises and sets on your face
And soft is the memory of your voice like lace
Your smile crosses my mind like an unwelcomed grace
And dark is the path of this labyrinth maze.


And time gushes forth in my nostalgic gutter
Its slipping and I want to rewind it faster
And I know it will end and start again with you in there
So I have to chase it even if it leaves me in poignant ponder.


The melody out of tune but still remains my favorite
Like a rough slide to the present memory and wanting to get stuck in it
And though the cold bitter winter is freezing my sick feet
I'll stay painfully awake than to face a numb death of defeat.


And your face is the moon in the sky full of stars
Shining like the only Venusian in Mars
Pure is the meant and the fate is a scar
And crimson is the color of a love so far.

Paul McCartney

And we all have our past
Old memories that never last
And 3 am has its own secrets
Wide awake at our weakest
And I remember that day
It was in the month of May
We had a fight, honey
When I said John Lennon was better than Paul McCartney.

Beauty and Brokenness

There's beauty in brokenness .
Like cracks between the clouds where the rays of the sun shines through.
Like shattered pieces of glass reflecting a thousand prisms.
Like crashed ice mixed in your frappuccino.

There's beauty in brokenness.
Like your cracks in your head where humor builds up.
Like shattered dreams where hope sparks.
Like crashed spirit where faith is strengthened.

There's beauty in brokenness.
Like a cracked earthen vessel that shows antiquity.
Like a shattered heart getting back into one piece.
Like a crashed soul being molded again by the potter's loving hands.

There's always beauty in brokenness.
Every crack is a line of pain that transforms into an art of triumph.
Every shattered pieces becomes a part of you that you can share.
Every crash becomes a safe landing.

Old But Beautiful

What is beauty?

My epitome of beauty is the strength of the one who owns it.

I believe that old people are the most beautiful people.

I always get mesmerized at those old grandpa's and grandma's wearing that wrinkles on their faces.
For me it is a picture of a thousand beautiful sunsets. Every wrinkled skin has a story, every line has a trace of either joy or pain, every crinkle is a tale of either tears or laughter.

Those lines are the living proof of a life lived.
A life survived.
A life exist.

And those lines are the real testimonies of strength.

I believe that old people are the strongest.

They may no longer be physically fit but their strength is deep within their souls that no one can take away.

Strong minds
Strong hearts
Strong souls

Old people possess that kind of strength that the youth can only admire.

Eventually, we'll get there someday...
And I hope and I pray that when I get there...
...I do have a lot of strength to share.

My Vow

This is for my daughter Eli...

A love letter that I hope one day she'll be able to read.

Here it goes...


I won't promise you tomorrow for tomorrow is not mine to give. All I can promise you is the present... that every "today" for the rest of my life, is a moment that I will spend with you. That every "today" that you wake up you will know that I love you, and you don't have to worry when you fall asleep at night, cause when you wake up and if I'm still alive, know that I will still love you.
I love you Not tomorrow but today... and if tomorrow becomes today... then again, I love you.