Move It

Stagnancy is death.

If I have to choose between being stagnant or having to move backward, I would choose the latter.
I would rather move backward than to stay at the same place for the rest of my life, because stagnancy is the worst stage of one's individuality. Not moving at all is death itself in the midst of living. I would rather crawl just to keep on moving.

And not because you moved backward means you're lost or you're defeated or you don't have any direction in life... Remember, life is like a chess, to move back doesn't mean you are losing... It means you have a different route to win the the game.

The Crown

One of the noblest job on earth is being a single mother.

No offense to those happy families with both a mother and a father. I mean, everybody wants a complete family, the ideal one. I, myself, wanted it to be that way if I could choose, but things happen without a reason so we just carry on with our lives.

Being a single mother means you have a dual responsibility to your children. You have to be both a father and a mother all at the same time.

While an ideal family has a father that provides the financial needs and a mother that takes care of almost everything, single mothers do both.
While in an ideal family, the father fixes the broken toys, do the carpentry, teach the kids how to bike and play the ball, and the mother does the cooking, the laundry, the everyday chores; in my case, as a single mother, I do all of them.
It is me who cooks and wash the dishes, do the laundry and all the everyday chores. And it is also me who do the simple carpentry, fix the broken toys, and it is me who teach my child to ride her bike and play the ball as well as the dolls. And yes, it is still me who goes to work to earn for our living.

And while I do all these stuffs, it is me who disciplines my child and teaches her all the lessons that I could impart for her to become a good person.

While some single mothers receive a monthly support from their ex husbands, some actually do not receive even a single decent dime.
So I suggest to those who receive some sort of support to be thankful enough that at least you have a help making both ends meet.

Because in some cases like mine, everything is in my sole responsibility. And all that is left to do is to be strong for my daughter.

Some would think being a single mother is a disgrace, but to anyone who thinks that way... Here's what I thought...

It is not a shame on our part to be this way for it is not our fault that the man we used to have was irresponsible or weak or simply a douche bag. Maybe it was a mistake for us to believe a man like that but we are humans, so we ought to make mistakes, but that doesn't mean we can never get up again for if you look at us, we are doing just fine singlehandedly doing the job for two. It is not a shame on our part for we do our best to give the most decent life we could give to our children.
And to those men who just runaway from their responsibilities... Well I say, you've got a lifetime carrying that guilt and shame on your shoulders... So it never was our lost - right?!

SINGLE MOTHERS ARE INDEPENDENT, STRONG AND BEAUTIFUL.

I AM NOT ASHAMED OF BEING ONE...
IN FACT...
I WEAR IT LIKE A CROWN.

Panata

Panalangin ba ay diringgin?
Pusong makasalanan at madilim.
Mga salita ba ay papansinin?
O lulubog lang kasabay ng mga kasalanang angkin.

Can Music Still Save Your Mortal Soul?

"Do you believe in rock and roll? Can music save your mortal soul?" - American Pie

I am one of those people who's mortal soul was saved by music.

My teenage years back then in the late 90's were filled with bands with real talents.
I, myself had my own band back then. And like everyone else, we were full of hopes and so promising, and that is to say, my rebel years were saved by music.

When I was in highschool, we learn the cords of a song by hearing it right and playing it on our guitar. So we strive to fast forward and rewind those cassette tapes to repeat those lines we cannot get right off bat.

Back then, internet was something we don't really need because we can get by the whole day just strumming the guitar, talk about Dawson's Creek, write new songs when alone at home, and play as a band or like a band after school or during the weekends. Those were what we call now, the days.

My rebel days were tamed and I believe I made it on the right track because of music.
Rock songs had been my refuge and rock. Like a shadow that's keeping me company when I have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, as they say.

Fast forward 20 years later...
A lot of things happened.
I graduated in college, passed the national licensure exams and an overseas licensure exams as well, I am now a single mother of a very loving daughter, and I still write songs from time to time because one of the hardest thing to die here on earth is a dream waiting to be chased.

But truth is, songwriters, even though how good you are, even though you own the most beautiful lyrics and melody in the vast universe, still, big companies will still hook their arms on those big names (no need to mention their names) with so little talent and with songs as wasteful as trash itself with three phrases that continuously repeat to maximize a 4-minute song with a melody of a brass and a fork, I guess. What a waste!... In the name of music.

I sympathize with those artists who still believe in record sales, the vinyl kind and not the ones available in the internet streaming everywhere.

I do believe that the music business nowadays, is becoming a wasteland.

May this post be a wake up call to those who still believe that MUSIC CAN SAVE YOUR MORTAL SOUL.

Interlude

Imagine a tragedy so ugly it should never have happened.

I grew up a Christian, but sometime, long ago, when I was still young, someone told me that my eagerness to serve the Lord could be my down fall as the Antichrist. So I guarded my heart and my mind to be a good Christian. I was so careful, so scared to fall that I might not get up again. But call it fate, call it a destiny or maybe a prophecy, but I'm like a Messiah who never had a choice. Like I was chosen and though it might seem like I have a choice, the path has been laid down for me even before I was born. It only looks like we have a free will but no, we never had a choice, I did not choose to be chosen.

So for my every wrong turn, I stood tall and ugly like Goliath, but with the sincerest heart of David who believes that he is doing the right thing.

So I stir them up into confusion.
For if you can't convince them, confuse them.

We always live in the grey...
The grey zone
There is a thin line between red and green, black and white, and so as to arrogance and confidence, humility and pride and that is the grey zone.
We don't need a god or the devil to do right or wrong. We, humans are capable enough to do what is right and wrong.
We do what we think is right, but oftentimes we do what is right for ourselves... Even though it is wrong in the eyes of others. We are always in a dilemma of two miserable things and it all comes down to which is lighter to bear. And to cope up with our guilt, we invent all the given alibis to justify our actions. We live in the grey zone where there is no perfectly right and perfectly wrong. We try our best to mix both the black and the white to escape our guilt and so everything becomes grey.

And for whatever reason that bad things happen to you, stop thinking that god is punishing you, stop blaming yourself. It is not you. It is never you. Things happen, that's just it.
Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people.
We question the gods and we never get an answer, or the answers are not exactly the ones we had in mind. Questioning the gods could not help us one way or another... Because they don't answer.
For this is the truth, the truest answer of all: "Things happen for no reason at all, gods don't control it, we just have to make the best out of the bad things."

Blasphemy?...
You don't know how much is the price I paid for you...

And I did not asked for it.

Blasphemy... Oh blasphemy...
For one moment you will thank the gods for the blessings bestowed unto you, and another minute you are questioning the same god why did he allow those unreasonable tragedies to happen in this world.

And there are those wicked thoughts I never thought I will dare to imagine.

The born Messiah who never had a chance to choose.
Tragic.
Being born to be different.

But being different is not a sin.
We are all born beautiful,
But what makes you different makes you stand out.

And I'm making my stand... Outside.

The Tomb of Babel

While we stand here on the day of judgment,
Waiting for the final verdict...
Praying for our redemption...
In the midst of our imperfections.

You alone remained unblemished,
Cradled by your own salvation.
For you are like a tombstone,
Made of marble...
Painted white...
But inside are dead men's skeletons.

All rotten.
All rotten.

And the lambs are on the run...
For nobody wants to be the Last Samurai.