A Walk In Faith

It is during these crucial moments in my life when hope seems to be as frail as my worn-out faith; I thank Him for the reason of nothingness.



As history repeats itself, it will again repeat itself.



Back two years ago when I was still in college, I was once asked to deliver a testimony of faith during one of our weekly meeting in Medical Student Alliance. I was forced to confess my inert gloom to everybody though it is really not my attitude to confide my feeling and problems to other people. I told them how I still praise Him in spite of the darkest trying times. A member asked me how did I manage to hold on to Him when everything else falls apart. I told her it is because I don’t hold Him, He holds me. Though I wanted to wander away from Him, He did not let me go. Though I lose my faith, He is ever faithful.



I have to practice what I’ve preached back two years ago as I’ve practiced them even before I preached them.



As history repeat itself, let history repeat itself.

Broadway Memories

It’s been a long time ago since the Theatro guild world opened its gates for me. For three years I became a member of it. Right now, I feel quite nostalgic remembering those sweet stage-memories.

(Director's Cut)
Applause! Nice sketch! Bravo Musica! Um… maybe you can direct my unfinished script… when it’s already finish… if I could actually finish it. If I could still finish it.



(T for TALENTS)

I’ve got loads of ‘em!
Only… they are hidden. Haha! Kidding! <-- (Kidding!) ; p

(Lights, Camera, Ac... CUT!)

Life is such a mess.
Green, blue, red… away from me.
Paranoia… let me go.


P.S. Is that your see-ejtch-you-are-see-ejtch uniform? Err… just asking.


P.P.S. A better post next time… promise.
But for now, I have to hack around the web community to find something worth thinking about in the midst of nonsense reveries spinning around the chaotic space of my cerebrum.

Stringed Nostalgia

It’s been raining since… I can’t remember. And now, I’m badly missing my good old guitar. It seems like history since the last time I held it though I’m damn convinced that it is really a good thing that my parents took it away from me, because if not, I’ll only spend my days playing it despite the fact that the board exam is fast approaching. The truth is, I’m fed up with all these medical books I’m succumbed to deal with everyday. It’s like I’m being bombarded with so many facts, hoax, fallacies, and theories, but still not good enough ammunition for the exams. But surely life will get better. Much better.

Grill Or All Vague

Lies within an enigma so dear
A risk of indefinite fate
A patch of nebula oh! so clear
Grill or all vague.

Message In A Blog:Part 3 (The Silent Rebellion Of The Hidden Angst)

People often say that we should “forgive and forget”. Well I prefer to “forgive and learn”. I don’t hold grudges, it is a waste. Let bygones be bygones. But we’re not living in the past, and that is actually the problem. Today is the present. It’s like I’m holding on to the tide while everybody is surfing. NOT that I’m afraid of changes but because we’re not really changing at all. You’re still the same person I knew since childhood, or better yet, since MY world begun. You’re still the same person who thinks I’m a selfish jerk, egotist to the bone, a maverick with her own orthodox, and a neurotic spoiled brat. You don’t show that you hate me, maybe because you’re not supposed to do that. But I know better in sensing such inert instinct repelling behavior. I’m not what you think. You don’t know me even though we’ve been at the same place for almost all our lives. My being different made you hate me. But why? Is it a sin to be so different?... I don’t think so. You hate me because you can’t deceive me like the way you deceive other people. You hate me because I knew you better more than you know yourself. You hate me because I know your selfish motives just to gain a glittering nomenclature for your own brass identity… Absurd! I’m sick of your plastic bucks and clocks that you use just to buy people for your own prestige and stab them at their backs anesthetically. I’m fed up of your lachrymose pathetic drama while at the back frame of your mind you’re actually dancing in euphoric dirty glory. You hate me because I know so much about how stingy you are while you parade your damn patriotic image like a puritan. I DON’T walk along the street with an all white garment and a banner on my forehead saying “I’M A SAINT” like YOU DO. I DON’T parade my bucks and clocks going to charities with a flag on my sleeve saying “I’M GENEROUS” like YOU DO. I just walk around naked and let other people see the flaws in me because that’s what I’m made of. Nothing is more honest than being yourself. You hate my honesty. Right now, I’m like a chemist trying hard to add the prefix “AL-” to my profession. My frustration is to turn lead into gold, or better yet, turn a devil into a Christian. Really, it is a frustration because I’m filthy like we all are. Please do not exclude yourself. Is your hatred overwhelming you like a gutter containing the intensity of Niagara Falls; you cannot handle it anymore, because I’m telling you the truth? Stop being a bigot. Don’t worry; I DON’T hate you though I’m hurting. Hatred is something that is really NOT a part of my system. It NEVER runs in my blood. Grudges are wastes and I throw them as soon as I found them inside my life. This is my way of throwing grudges/wastes… and same way I cherish the good old days. Acknowledgments: I would like to thank www.blogger.com for providing me my blog where I throw all my grudges/wastes and keep all my cherished good memories. It never fails to make me feel better after a certain post. Thank you.

Maktub

I used to believe that fairytales are stories of “lived happily ever after”. But now I realize I was wrong, because fairytales are fictions. Just mere fictions. Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel… they all are destined to be just characters in fairytales not meant to be real. Isn’t it sad to live in an illusion? Just an illusion. I feel so sorry for them.

P.S. The eyes that watch the world are the eyes that know the darkness in my soul. Though the world claims its innocence… I claim enlightenment.

LiTtLe HoLLyWoOd

I can’t seem to handle this growing publicity. I mean publicity, NO kidding. Now I can truly understand what those celebrities mean when they say “it’s the price of fame”. Its like you’re losing your space and your world is getting smaller. It’s really hard to manage the overwhelming popularity (hahaha!!!). Maybe that’s one celebrity factor I still have to learn for myself. But I really can’t do anything about this situation. I guess I just have to enjoy this little Hollywood game I’m in right now until my glamour fades… uhoh! LOL! =P

Prose Of Redemption

O! Thou art like a sword beneath,

Seeped through my chest so deep,

Crimson fountain gushed and flooded my soul,

O! Might of salvation uncontrolled.

Cookie Cutter World

If you can't beat them... then stand out.

It does NOT mean that if people started jumping from a 50 feet building, you're going to do the same thing too.

It does NOT mean that if billions of people say it is right, then it is really right.

It does NOT mean that if you're the only one who says it is wrong, then you're wrong.

Though you turn the world upside down, the right thing will always be the right thing... and the wrong will always be wrong.

Tell a lie to the world if that would mean being TRUE to yourself and to GOD.

Stand up for what is right even though the world is against you.

Always remember that being different is NEVER a sin.

Be cool but don’t freeze.
Be hot but don’t melt.
Lukewarm? – “So then because thou art lukewarm and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth.” (Revelation 3:16)
So its like you don’t fit inside but you can’t stay outside… and still, you’re not welcome in between. Heck!

Prize And Prices

Best things in life aren't free. They are just things that money cannot actually buy. But we earn them through sacrifices, attitude, and character.

But in every rule there's always an exemption. The exemption is God's grace. We can't buy it and neither earn. We just have to receive it. Its a gift.

Again, best THINGS in life aren't free... only the best "THING" is free.

Idiosyncrasy Of The Bourne Prodigy

A: “How is it going?”
B: “Cheesy!”
A: “Tell me the truth, though!”
B: “I’m telling the truth, though! I’m doing no good… I changed my routine just 2 days ago, and you know what that means, right? It means I’m back to ZERO!”
A: “So what’s your plan?”
B: “Continue…”
A: “Any plans to enroll somewhere?”
B: “Nope! You know what happened during the in-house review, right? I don’t want that thing to happen again. I know myself better not to.”
A: “But…”
B: “And yeah! Sir Adopted said that its not the matter of time but idiosyncratic management.”
A: “Good to hear that!”
B: “Yup! Encouraging enough… so, are we going… um… there…? ya’ know?”
A: “I’m sorry, I promise not to indulge into shopping vice until I’ve proven something. Anyway, there are still a lot of time, after this.”
B: “Yeah right! There is time for everything!”
A: “ Gotta go now… bye! muah!”
B: “Bye! God bless! Muah!”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
B: “Uhoh! Time for rush hour!”



"Everything is possible. The impossible just takes longer." – Digital Fortress (Dan Brown)

Nothing To Lose

My friend said I'm getting skinnier. How come?! I'm already a living skeleton... duh! I hope I won't vanish. It freaks me out actually because I'm trying to gain myself some weight and what my friend said is totally a bad news for me. I did not change my diet... its still the same... I call my diet "GLUTTONY" haha!!! Eating for atleast seven times in a day (e.i. actually just the MINIMUM). But the problem is, my metabolism just won't let me gain even a gram of weight... heck!

A: "You're abnormal!"

B: "Why?"

A: "Its like 32 degrees in here and yet you're not perspiring"

B: "Of course I do!" (Touched her back) "uhoh!"

A: "See! I told you, you're abnormal, you don't have sweat glands!"

B: (Still touching her back) "... yeah, you're right! I'm abnormal!" ;p

The Road Of No Return

At one corner of Nicanor Reyes St. Sampaloc, Manila (a.k.a. Morayta) you will find that one busy street where jeeps going to Divisoria and the like line up for its turn to go, and people from the lower class of life spend the whole day shouting for passengers and smoking their "nth" cigarette. That street is known as P. Paredes, but I prefer to call it "the road of no return" because along that road, the Professional Regulation Commission Office stands. We just finished our application for the Medical Technology Board Exams today, and that means... that's it! No turnning back for that day of "JUDGEMENT". It was a heck day, we are so tired, intoxicated, and pressured. Most of all, am upset about these people who are so unconvinced that I'm a Filipino. Do I have to bring along with me a lawyer all the time, my birth certificate, and an affidavit just to prove that I'm a Filipino citizen? Duh! I just can't seem to understand these people why they keep on bugging me about my looks and my surname... I'm a FILIPINO... end of story!

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Um... I'm actually planning to start writing the short story I've been plotting for over a week now, but I'm having a hard time to actually start it. I thought I'll be needing some quotes from that old American TV series Dawson's Creek, but then, I found myself getting miffed by the Season Finale of that show. I mean, I always thought that if Joey was the sense, then Dawson was the sensibility. But then, it just turned out that, maybe they are just too sensitive that is why they are meant to be "just" bestfriends. Do I have to mention that the radio is actually playing the song that goes - "Someday we'll know... blah... blah... Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you..." well, when is SOMEDAY? I want to know right now why Joey wasn't meant for Dawson... Ok! Sounds cheesy! What do you expect from the mind of a bum who blogs sometime and then bum again. Actually, 2 of my co-editors already, are taking their Medical course. The other two are busy for their Review classes, and the other one just got his job... and me?... Duh! WHAT A BUM!

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

I suddenly remember how damn stupid I am. I started up the conversation until it turned out into a "micro" argument. And then I found myself waving the white piece of cloth with the word "LOSER" written on my forehead... haha!!! I mean what I said, but it just turned out that what I mean is actually something stupid. Damn! You know what sucks? It sucks when you fall down and no one is actually there to catch you and the worse, you don't even know where you are going to land. And you know what sucks more than that? It sucks when you found yourself floating on air... I mean floating and NOT flying. It is much better to actually have your feet touching the ground rather than floating without any tangible thing to hold. You are alone hanging out there.

Is Dan Brown Right?

I’m having a hard time starting this whole article about the new Superman movie. That means, if I’m having a hard time to start, that would mean, it is harder to finish. But then, I’m getting started now, so the rest will be a history later.
The hard thing in here is that, I’m not making a movie review. I’m doing an article. Reviews? – there are loads of ‘em in the internet, so its just a freakin’ waste to make another one.
So now, am trying to remember scenes, quotes, and other stuffs, as much as I can, to finally come up into something about this – exaggeratedly publicized movie… I’m not exaggerating. But any movie-freak like me, sure, wouldn’t want to miss such overly advertised heck. And not to mention, it would be the talk of the whole neighborhood for quite sometime, ofcourse.
So let’s get this thing on – “…in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” Familiar?... that’s John 1:1. Next, “And the word became flesh and dwelt among us.” – John 1:14. One more, “…for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever… blah… blah… blah!” – John 3:16, everybody knows this verse from the Bible, though!
The Hollywood’s version?... – “Even though you've been raised as a human being you're not one of them. They can be a great people, Kal-El, they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you... my only son.” – Jor-El
Hmmm! Connections.
So God sent Jesus.
Jor-El sent Superman.
Jesus – as a saviour.
Superman – as the same.
Here goes Dan Brown’s controversy again – that the story of the Holy Grail is just everywhere. Jesus, according to the book I actually admire for its remarkable enigmatic articulacy – (The Da Vinci Code), married Mary Magdalene and they even had a daughter, in which where the blood line of Jesus was actually traced – Sang real.
On the other hand, Superman, though he did not marry Lois Lane, they had a son named Jason.
Tinge of connections, huh!
Remembering the words of Superman to his son – “You may feel outcast but you’re not alone… blah… blah…blah…”, 2 Corinthians 4:9 suddenly popped up into my mind. It goes – “Thou may be persecuted but not forsaken… blah… blah… blah…”. And who’s voice is that again?!
I can’t turn off my mind from playing such plethoric weird ideas, that somehow, Dan Brown is actually right. That the story of the Grail is just in every corner of our old time stories and entertainment.
Somehow, Dan Brown might be right. But until then, the ending of this article, as what I’ve said – is history.

Tragedy In An Idle Tale

If it would not have been from my pathetic angst, I could have appreciated the story more. It is tragic. But I love tragedies, though it is terrible. I'm terribly mean in feeding my emotions, huh! I picked that book from my brother's shelf thinking that reading a novel might somehow change the mood of my mad season. Thinking that - " Two things cannot occupy the same place at the same time". But as two things suddenly collide, then three, four, thousands, millions, billions!... Billions of thoughts suddenly collide inside my mind. I can't resist their way of occupancy. And now, I have to reject that theory and give way for a paradigm shift... that is, the Quantum Theory.

Weighing each and summing them all up is less than the whole. I've got the whole.

Again believing that Gestalt theory that - "The whole is more than the sum of everything".

How I wish I could appreciate it more.

But how can you appreciate something that actually provokes you to feel the bitter ache and angst?

The Moment I Knew You Cry

"It was raining... and I've seen you before. You were always the cold one but I was never that sure. You were all by yourself... I was changed. In places no one would find all your feelings so deep inside... the moment I saw you cry. I wanted to hold you, I wanted to make it go away. I wanted to know you, I wanted to make your everything alright." - Cry (Mandy Moore)





I do wonder... how do you look like when you cry?
How do you look like when those tears fall from your eyes?
... Staring in front of the computer. You've got so much to say. As those words start to rumble inside your head, you still don't know how to begin. Your fingers touching the keyboard but they aren't typing. You've got a lot to say but you can't utter a single word. The silence inside the room is deafening... as tears suddenly glide along your tired and weak face. Beautiful but lonely.
I wanted to know you...
I wanted to make your everything alright...
Until then.. cry.

Delayed Reaction Syndrome

So much to blab about the movie "Superman Returns". I was just so damn preoccupied that is why am suffering from this Acute Delayed Reaction Syndrome - too bad! Tsk! Tsk!

Old cliches are almost always true. Like that thing we always hear here and there - "Somebody else's trash could be somebody else's treasure". I prefer to say it in my own Bohemian vocabulary - "Somebody else's "just" Clark could be somebody else's Superman." - agree!

Maybe, we all are supermen. We just do not know it because the people we are trying to save are half-blind, they only see Clark in us. On the other hand, we too are half-blind, we only see Clarks inspite of billions of supermen around us.

Tell me who doesn't need a saviour?

I'll tell you, you're in great danger.

One thing that I fear this time is the metamorphosis... the evolution of numbness to anger.