Cavity

Let’s talk about the sweet things and the bitter as well. How could sweet beginnings turn into something bitter? Well it is like this… when you eat sweets you enjoy it right? But when you have a cavity, it hurts when you eat sweets, you don’t enjoy it anymore. I believe that the heart just like our teeth feels the same. Love is sweet when your heart is full of it, but if it has a crack like a tooth, even the sweetest thing hurts. I guess the best thing to do is to heal it first before you let another sweet thing enters it. Because if you force love to enter inside a broken heart it will only turn that sweet thing into bitter. Just like forcing to eat a chocolate when you have a cavity, you know it is supposed to be sweet yet you are not enjoying it because you are in pain. Think about it… I know I’m right.

Times And Reasons

The longest hiatus...
But for whatever reason, I guess I would like to call it "The First Times". I guess I would like to think of it that way without a reason. First times happen and it is inevitable. Your first word when you were a baby happened, your first step, your first fall, your first crush, your first heart broken, your first guitar and whatever. And for me... my first hiatus. So long that I did not even miss it. But I'm still here, I guess writing will always be a part of me. For whatever reason, it is.

A Lesson From Hitler

When I was a kid, my father used to tell me stories about legendary great people, both good and bad. I guess my father knew that even bad people has a place on earth because they could be used as a good example on how to live your life.



According to my father, Hitler's army was great, well-trained and complete with ammunition. But the secret poison that led Hitler and his army to their fall was the same poison everybody has. This poison has everything in it. It keeps all the deepest secrets and even the most filthy secrets on earth. All great people who had lived has this poison and many had fallen. Some few who survived from this poison were wise enough to realize that this very poison is also the antidote.



It is the human heart.



The fall of Hitler and his army began in their hearts. Hitler's heart started to poison him. He became proud of what he has and became too confident... or a better word – arrogant in his battles. This confidence made him under-estimate his opponents. On the other hand, his opponents, because they were so scared of him did not rest until perfection became their target on the day of the battle field. Hence, the weak and the coward developed the perfect techniques to stab the giants (brave and strong) at their backs and lead them to their fall.



This is the lesson Hitler gave to my father and so he passed it on to me.


I have survived a lot of battles in life because I always remember this story. But the poison will always be inside of me (inside of everybody), and oftentimes it attacks when you are not aware of it.



One fine day it attacked me and I didn't realized it was the poison. It spread so quickly through my veins and it was a bit too late when I found out that I was poisoned.



It took me 3 years to finally realized how massive it is already. Now, though I still have the time, I'm having a hard time reversing the cycle to turn the poison to antidote. It is hard but I'm trying.



Extra effort wasn't enough, though...

and I thought... and am convinced that God is the only one that could heal me.

The Year Of The Capricorn

When it is time to let go, I found out that PAIN could be an inspiration to move on. I guess that is the better side of pain.


This is the story of a Capricorn.

A tale of hope, betrayal, conspiracy, moving on and acceptance of destiny.




The play is over. The actor is dead. I must admit I enjoyed the Capricorn's show, but now it is over. The curtain is close and I was left all alone in my seat, clapping my hands and asking for more but there was nothing left... so pain started to whirl inside of me and it gave me the idea to stand up, get out of the hall and move on.


The end of the Capricorn was frustrating yet full of hope. The truth is, I've seen it coming right off bat. I saw the Centaur approaching the Capricorn in his most friendly way... but I know the heart of that Centaur... I can read his mind and I can feel his heart.

The Centaur wants to kill the Capricorn.


I watched the Centaur moving closer and closer to the Capricorn... I was anticipating, heart throbbing, expecting of what is about to happen between them because I was in between. Finally the Centaur stabbed the Capricorn... not once but twice... one at the back and the other at the front straight to the heart of the Capricorn.


I watched him kill the Capricorn and I don't know why, though I've almost loved the Capricorn, watching him catch his last breath and finally die made me feel happy. But when I've realized that the Capricorn is gone... I felt the pain that inspired me to move on and accept my destiny.


So I let go of the Capricorn like I let go of a kite. Letting it soar the sky but still holding on to the thread that is connected to it. That piece of long thread is my only hope that maybe, when the wind stops blowing, I could win it back... but maybe it is too late... the Centaur finally cut the thread.



Moving on with a string attached...

That is how I let go of it.

But the Centaur cut the thread... (do I have to mention it again?!)

I swear I know that destiny gave up a long time ago even before I realized that I have to do the same...

I was just too stubborn that even destiny gave up on me.


P.S.

The centaur who killed the capricorn became my BESTfriend.






P.P.S.

If you wonder why I'm blogging this... it is because I can't speak right now because the Centaur took my mouth away and for the first time I didn't mind letting go of it.


It was not what I've expected...


What I've felt...

There were no butterflies, no music, no stars.
The world did not stop, it did not even bother to move a little slower...


But I know one secret... it is called "kraps"

Faces

How many times did God has proven that there is something beyond that bent on the road?



Indeed... the answer is ALWAYS.

Confessions Of A Liar (Part 2) : The Benefit Of The Doubt Beyond Reasonable Doubt

It was pass midnight and I was about to fall asleep while my mind was dancing in a silvery moonlit dream while my body was on my bed. Suddenly a thought popped up in my mind while it was in the middle on an elusive imagination.





I thought – “If I don’t have the key to the door, I can always knock… I’ll knock until the door crashes down.”





It might sound very encouraging to anyone who is on the verge of losing hope and falling into an abyss of despair. But here is a little secret that I would want to share (so it won’t be a secret anymore).



If it is life… then it must have had a story.



Here is (just) a chapter of the story.



There are a lot of responsibilities that we must respond to in our lives. And sometimes, or even more often, as we respond to those responsibilities, we sacrifice a part of us.



I guess, sacrifice is a part of our everyday lives… and that humans were born naturally good because we unselfishly sacrifice every day.
Or is it because we really don't have a choice?



Writing is an art of words and a good writer can make a fact sounds like a fiction and a fiction like a fact. But either way, a writer always had a reason why he/she wrote it.





Being a Christian, I write stories about hope, about beautiful things in life, about the brighter sides. But the ugly truth is that, sometimes they are lies.

I have to lie for the sincerest reason – that is to inspire. I have to talk about hope and being hopeful even though I’m the one who is hopeless. I have to talk about how beautiful life is even though my owns eyes can’t appreciate its beauty because my own life is a mess. I have to talk about the brighter sides when in fact; I believe that the grass can NEVER be greener on the other side.



My words can twist a lie but my heart knows the truth.



This is my sacrifice.



If we have to live each day with a sacrifice… then death would be much sweeter.



For death is not a life that ends but a life that has been lived.

This is my confession... A lying mouth with an honest heart.

I wonder if there is someone who really knows my truth because it is not even quite true what I talk about.

The Loud Silence

It’s a long way from there to here…
Longer way to go back…
But the longest is the way to where you are.

Do you have any clue of what it is like to be next to you?
You don’t cause you are you and you can never be next to yourself.

Then I tell you
It is a rush
Like a crashing waves
Like a falling rock
Like a hanging dry leaf that clings to the bough.


I don’t have the key to your heart
So I guess I’ll just knock
But you seem not to hear me
So I guess I have to knock harder
And if you still ignore me…
I’ll knock till your door crashes down then we’ll be face to face.


Does the river know where He is going?

And if He doesn’t…
The universe conspires.


I wish my path will end before your face
But if it doesn’t…
I hope your heart will lead you at my front door
So I will not lock it
Till you dare to come in.

I’m tired but I keep on walking
Cause… It’s a long way from there to here…
Longer way to go back…
But the longest is the way to where you are.

The Joker

"Its a joke but you did not laugh... Its because you did not get it!"


Jokes are made NOT to make you laugh but to make you think... laughing is just secondary... actually, a credit for your effort of thinking what's the joke is all about.

Twists & Twisted

Which is better… Good or Great?

Movies are stories, and the story determines the fate of the movie on whether it will be called good or great. Great movies are stories that has a different twist that everybody could appreciate and then applause in the end. But good movies are stories that will leave you twisted in the end because you found yourself part of the story. Because somehow, in a way or another, that is your own story. The difference between a great movie and a good movie is that, great movies attract everyone but good movies choose its viewers. Good movies maybe good for you but not to your friend because it is not his/her story and so he/she cannot relate to it. Great movies attract your mind but good movies attract your soul. Great movies has that great twist but only good movies could leave you twisted because being GREAT is different from being GOOD.




THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG (Almost There)


What is the best thing about fairy tales and cartoons and other kiddie stuffs is that, they give back hope. That in spite of your hopelessness and in spite the fact that your heart and your mind had rationally given up all the remaining hope you thought you have, these fairy tales, these cartoons and kiddie stories know how to dig deeper into your soul because they knew that beneath that worn-out soul lies the seed of hope and just a sprinkle of the “water of inspiration” could make it grow. These fairy tales remind us that it matters to believe. These fairy tales tells us that wishing stars are not just a ball of gas that glows at night. They may not grant our wishes, but believing in your wishes takes you far enough to what we so called “ALMOST THERE”. You are not there yet, but you are almost there and all you got to do is to take another bold step aside from believing, and that is “HARD WORK”… to finally erase the word “ALMOST” because you are finally “THERE”.

Whatever life throws at you, you have to believe. You have to believe in wishing stars, fairy tales because a journey only starts when you finally start to believe. And when the bitter past comes back, remember, it did not came back to remind you of what you had lost but to let you know of what you finally have NOW. Where you are now… it is THERE.




LEGION (Rebel Angel)




Not everybody could play the part of a hero, but being the villain doesn’t mean you are no good at all. Remember, a soldier fights not because he hates those he fights with but because he loves those he is fighting for. A soldier is an enemy to his opponents but that same soldier is a hero in the midst of his battalion.

We are used to see and hear stories between good and evil. But this is a story between good and good. This is a different twist. God is good and so He wanted to end all the evilness in the world, and that means all men in the world. But angel Michael in the story believes that there are still few good men living on earth. So angel Michael rebelled against God to save the people while God sent His other angels to destroy mankind. So it is Good vs. Good. That even the rebel angel rebelled for the sincerest reason. Yes, not everybody could play the hero but being the villain is in the eye of the one who sees the both side. In the end only kindness matters.




MY SISTER'S KEEPER (The Real Keeper)



Frustration could make you lose your conscience. The question is not how much you love but how desperate you are to keep the one you love. The story goes that way. In the eyes of other people you may be cruel… but you are cruel for the kindest reason… that is love. But the twist is always in the end. The question is… who really is the sister’s keeper? Was it the younger girl who endured the pain to prolong the life of her older sister? Or was it the older sister who finally let go of her life to save her younger sister from a lifetime of burden? Was it the younger girl who takes care of her older sister when she was still alive? Or was it the older sister who could finally watch over her younger sister up in heaven when she finally died? Who is the real keeper?





THE BLIND SIDE (Who Has Your Back)

It is always the question from the start… who will be the lucky ones that will make it to through the end?

The good part in that question is that there is what we call “POSIBILITY” which means, there is a possibility that it could be YOU, it could be ME, it could be US. Possibility never discriminates. It doesn’t care about your race, your color, your mental capacity… whatever! All it cares is that burning fire of passion in you… that fire of motivation. But then again, the twist of the story is the real meaning of “BLIND SIDE”. Blind side is your side that you cannot see; therefore, it is you BACK. Your back could mean literally your back like when you are playing football that is why you need somebody to watch over your back as you carry the ball.
But your back could also mean your past. The past that you cannot look back into or the past that you never really know what was in it or what happened in it.

The best part of the story could be sum up with one quote from the story itself – “I got your back!”

You don’t see your back, but when someone says “I got your back”, then you feel protected because you had that faith on someone who is watching your back. And the final question is… who has your back?

…because to me… it has always been God who has my back.

Opaque And Opacity

In the calmness of the night I imagine conversations with God. And it is frustrating to realize that I search for answers but there was none. Maybe because I’m asking the wrong questions. To become what I became was a long story.



I drink the water for He (Jesus) drunk the wine. For He died for me and so I have to live for Him. Which is easier… to live or to die?





Today I finally woke up

Because your bite stings

And the pain kept me awake

Like a lethal venom that never kills.





Let me cry tonight

For tomorrow I need to be alright

It was the wish I wished I might

Though I’m losing grip, I hope I could still hold on tight.





No one knows my heart

And neither they could read my mind

For the truth is just an opinion we make to believe

Transparency turning blurry then opaque.

Sides of the Circle

The triangle has 3 sides, the square has 4, and the pentagon has 5 and so on… 

 Ever wonder how and why did the circle lose its side? It was a question that popped up in my mind and so I tried my best to answer myself. 

 Here’s my thought… 

 A long time ago the circle has two sides… or maybe we can call it points. 

The circle has two points. 

But these two points can never be together. 

So he cried unto God. God said – “what are you willing to give up so that those points could be together?” 

The circle said – “I am willing to give up my sides, my points, my views my straight line. 

I am willing to be curved even though it is painful to be bent just for these points to be together, to be connected forever.” 

 And God said – “you will lose everything for eternity and eternity will be yours without anything.” 

 The circle then lose its side, the 2 points became connected and it became round. 

 And so, ergo, the legend of the circle. 

 You see, in life, there will come a time that we would be willing to give everything we had, our fame, our career, our life, our own point of views, our pride just to be connected… just to be eternally connected. 

 ‘For what shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world and lose his soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” Matthew 16:26 (KJV)

The Rose Window

Believing doesn’t make it true…


This is his story.


It doesn’t matter if it is true or not, but the way it will touch you is all that matters. A story of hope and reality… but it is up to you to believe.


A young carpenter in a small town was hired by the parish priest to renovate the old church. There he met a young girl. They always meet at a certain spot in that church. That spot was the old small window at the back of the church. The steel was rusty, the red bricks were turning green because of the moss, it was never really a lovely spot but it was special for the two of them.



They fell in love but it did not last. Soon enough, the young girl died of cancer. The young carpenter’s heart was broken and he did not show up even at the funeral.


For a long time, he was not seen everywhere even at the church. For him, the church was a cursed place.


One night he had a dream. He dreamed that he was there at church window again with her. He asked her to take him with her but the girl replied - “ if you had a passion for chocolates, and so you went to Switzerland and you finally just bought yourself the finest chocolate out there. Will you gobble it as soon as you bought it? Of course NOT! You will wait until you find a nice place, a really lovely place. Maybe you will have some nice music too. And when it is perfect, you will eat it slowly; savor it like it is the last thing you’ll ever eat before you die – right? That is why I can’t take you with me right now; I just can’t give you what you are asking of me right now, because it is not yet your time.”


The young carpenter woke up that day, went to the church, and asked the priest if he could work again there. He asked the priest if he could renovate the old small window at the back of the church. The priest asked him “why?” and so he told the dream.


For almost a year the young carpenter renovated that small window. He carved flowers on it and it became a wonderful masterpiece.


The young carpenter spent the rest of his life carving woods for living and then he died at an old age.


And that window at the back of the church became a tourist spot. It was called “the Rose Window” because of the carvings.


Whether it is a fiction or a fact, I bet he is happy with her now and the fact that their story is being told… I could see traces of smiles on their faces that says – ‘it matters if you believe.”


Believing doesn’t make it true but believing builds a chance to reality.


(This story was based and inspired by a DREAM... my dream)

The White Flag

I am surviving my life… not living it. It is like a continuous saga of countless efforts and so I continuously ask God too… about the “why’s” in my life. The efforts that I continuously do everyday are now becoming a burden greater than my shoulder. My face smiles but my heart is broken because I can’t find answers, answers to my never ending questions to God, to everybody… to myself. I don’t want to cry a tear for this damn situation and so my tears are now welling inside my heart, and now, it is too heavy and my heart can no longer contain these tears. The pursuit of happiness is indeed a fact…. Maybe, even a gospel (in my own view), cause we keep on pursuing happiness in life and that is why we struggle to live, to survive, just for that damn happiness. I am mad at it! I am so angry at it! I wish I could see God, I wish I could hold Him, I wish I could talk to Him and hear Him reply back to me because I am too damn tired and sick writing all my damn thoughts and feelings on this blog. I want God to see my tears cause nobody sees it. I am mad but I don’t know whom I am mad with… maybe I am mad at myself. Maybe because I am spending too much effort in this life or maybe because I am counting all my efforts when it is not right to count it. When we want something, making the efforts to have it must NOT be a burden… it must NOT be counted. Efforts must be done with a happy heart and without expectations. So I am sorry because I’ve been counting all my efforts lately…. Blame my heart because it is now weary and tired doing all the efforts to survive this world, to fight for life, to be strong for life. And forgive my heart for right now it is waving the white flag. My mind is commanding it to stop beating. I guess life is way much peaceful on the other side. I guess I can find God there and see Him face to face. But then again… I guess God doesn’t want to face me yet… cause everyday I wake up and find out that the air still fills my nostrils… I am breathing. My heart still aches so I know I am still alive and there’s nothing much that I can do about it… cause if I can’t face God… then I have to face life. 

Poisons And Tongues

Lagi nating sinasabi na “ mahirap mag salita ng hindi pa tapos” pero ang masaklap at mapait na katotohanan ay pwede naman talaga tayong mag salita dahil wala naman talagang tunay na katapusan. Patuloy na iikot ang mundo, patuloy na meron mamamatay at mabubuhay. Pwede tayong mag salita pero ang totoo, takot lang tayong mag salita dahil takot tayo na baka hindi natin mapanindigan ang ating binitiwang salita. Hindi tayo takot sa salita... takot tayo sa paninindigan. Pero kung tutuusin, kung may lakas tayo ng loob na manindigan... kaya natin mag salita at panindigan ang bawat sinabi natin... at hindi na natin muli sasabihin ang kasabihang - “mahirap mag salita ng hindi pa tapos”.

PrO BoNo

Way back when I was in college, our professor in our thesis class asked us - “if you can change the world, where will you stand?”



A lot of answers were given by my classmates but our professor seemed to be not satisfied.


I got tired of hearing their answers so I raised my hand. Our professor called my name and I answered - “if I could change the world, I will stand at the minds and hearts of the people, I will win their trust first because the world is made of different people and it won't change if I change alone. I have to earn first their trust, and when they finally believe in me, we all could have a common goal of change and so the world will change. A/an technology/idea not applied is useless, and technology/idea could only be applied if people will use it. And people will only use it if they believe and trust in it.”


Silence covered the whole class for a while then suddenly the bell rang for our next class.



Trust is something we always wanted to have but we cannot easily give. It is something that is asking for a proof... but what if there's something that cannot be proven? How can you trust? How can you believe?



So there goes faith. Faith is something more profound, more delicate, a higher form of trust. The highest form of believing.



This is the lesson God wants me learn. To have faith in spite of unbelief and betrayals. To have faith in spite of rational hopelessness. To have faith in spite of unfaithfulness.


The faith that believes that I can do the impossible. The faith that hopes even in the most hopeless situation. The faith that challenges fate until it accepts its defeat.



I've gone too far to return and even farther to quit... but I don't believe he had brought me this far just to leave me.


In God I trust!