busy bum

i wanna decide cause its worth deciding...
trying to change like everything is the same but the fact is... when i finally looked back i realized that nothing is the same.
the kids grew a lot taller now and the old men grew older.
and what is so frustrating right now is i'm trying to write two editorials and the good part is i've started them both, the sad part is, i can't seem to finish them... feel so uninspired.
senseless... i'm not feeling anything at all in the midst of all these drama in my life, i still feel nothing. and so, again and again this is what i call the epitome of days full but life empty.
like i'm playing this lead role in a movie with a very good script yet i'm just the actress and so after the scene, i don't feel the drama anymore because i was just living somebody elses life. don't i have a life of my own?
pretty much of a shit if you imagine huh
but "obladi oblada" life goes on right?
not even pain made me down... and that is something wrong. when being numb has become your greatest weapon in your life, it will hurt you more than pain.
and i am the epitome of that numbness.
and more than just numbness is oblivion into nothing. when reality and fantasy has lost its color how could you differentiate them?
when everything becomes plain... whatever color it is... you can never distinguish the difference anyway.
and as far as i could get... or did i ever moved at all?
but i haven't left my place... how could i be next to "why owe you".
so what else could i say if no word could fit anyway.
ironic... always been ironic.
how parallel universe could be so strict in our fates.
i fear nothing but i feel fear...
so there goes...


so much for an empty post.
just like the way you were before you found "each E are"...

am i the butterfly upon the wheel?
or just the busy bum?

Lies About Truth

"Truth" is just an opinion we make to believe in.

More than just an alibi... it is a lie we put our faith on.


Truth is the same as a lie... just more credible to hear.

The Scorpion's Sting

(This is the sequel of my last year's post - " Year Of The Capricorn")


So the new show begun after the Capricorn died.
The Centaur , believing he had won the prize being the new actor in the scene became so greedy of the audience. So its true, that power given to good people become better and power given to bad people become worse. But I've seen good people do bad things and bad people do good things... so where did the Centaur belonged?

That is the question never meant to be answered...

Until one day I woke up and realized that I don't care anymore (wherever the Centaur belonged) because he chose to live like a horse and ran away from me. And there's nothing I can do but to accept again the pain the way I accepted the painful death of the Capricorn.


The new show ended that way.

A fairytale turned into tragedy- and the saddest part of it all is that... its real.


And that very morning while I was mourning for the Centaur, a Scorpion bit me and its sting overcame the pain that the Centaur has left me.


The Scorpion's sting that was meant to be that way, not fatal but stingy.


That Scorpion that has been lurking around everywhere with its watchful eyes that watched the Capricorn died and the Centaur ran away. And its heart that is so small that I couldn't see.


As I finally moved on away from the Centaur with the Scorpion still waging its tail... another Capricorn resurrects...

The oldest Capricorn it is.

And it has always been that way... though how many times it died... again...

The resurrection.

"O! Lord's call, am I it?"

"Hail! Come angel,pay!"

But in the end... it is still..."Grill or all vague"


*Dedicated to those 3 anagrams*

*A tribute to "Own Brand" - the one who introduced to me the art of anagrams... that is another anagram.*

Clean Hands; Dirty Nails

I think about my life, where I used to be and where I am right now.
How all of a sudden white turned into black and how I did not notice it while it was still gray.
How I used to say that I will never dip even a single finger into the mud.
But right now, my hands are so filthy.
How I did not notice I've been playing on that dirty mud for a long time.
How I got here so up high but dirty.
How I became so busy with all these filthy mundanes and forgot about God whom I said I would never dare to forget... nor even try.
How I realized that the more I get higher reaching the sky the more the distance between me and God became wider and longer.
So I finally realize that... the sky isn't heaven... it is just blue.
Just blue.

False Pretension

after my longest hiatus in pretension... no way to lurk again my reality.
i told myself once that i will never get drowned in a glass of water... so sure about what i've said then one day i woke up dead... drowned in just a single drop of this universal solvent mixed with NaCl... did my confidence failed my capacity? did i underestimate that glass and its revenge is just a drop but enough to drown me?


so i search for that oxygen that will somehow revive me.

i wander because i wonder how far i could go leaving the light.

i was lost and i cannot even find myself inside of me.

yes i got drowned by this fairytale so i was dead in reality.

i can't turn back because there is no more home...
wandering everywhere... so this is what you call freedom... its funny i never felt being chained before.

to drown is nice because you wake up sober.

for a long time i wander away from You... he took me away from You... but i'm here again begging for forgiveness but not promising that i will never wander again... because i know i will. but next time i wander i will bring You with me. for security purposes, for selfish reasons... because i just can't live without You Oh! Lord.