Wind Beneath Those Wings

"A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain."
---Wind Beneath My Wings---
Bette Midler

Am sorry but I cannot grab that opportunity... that big break am asking for... that offer I've been waiting for so long. For some meaningful reasons... I just can't take that dream come true.
I found myself being drowned by a glass of water, which is not a good thing for me... its just a local small world publicity yet am indulging too much in it. Instead of humility, am shining forth pride within me... its totally humanly and secularly obsurdity. Still, the honor and glory shouild be Yours... Sorry for that!
I was hurt because the credit, supposed to be mine, was not given a proper acknowledgment. Am not saying that its supposed to be a huge publicity... but I believe that I deserve a proper acknowledgment... I mean "PROPER"... something that I deserve... Karma - I hope not!... but visibly... it is!
I guess, I'll remain just a face without a name, a wind beneath somebody's wings.
To God, still, the honor and glory belong!... Amen. - to that!

INTERNSHIP BLUES : PART 10 (Epilouge)

This is the last week of my internship, the last post for my internship blues, the last chronicle of my college life, the final chapter of my book as a student. I've grown so much older now. 5 years is such a long time but it ended that soon. I look older, feel older, and think older... but it turns me on to think of growing old. As I leave the hallways of my alma mater, am confident, somehow, to face a much bigger and vivid world.
Surely I'll miss everything in college. I thought when I was in highschool, nothing is comparable to it... but college life changed my perspective. I'm not saying that my college life is the best... now, but I've come to realize that every season yeilds its own fruit. Highschool and college life yeilded different fruits in me.
I enjoyed my internship. Its the time when you are being introduced to the world you are supposed to live with. Fun is always present... and I've seen so much more than anyone else think I know... I've been to those pubs, clubs, parties here and there... I know what lurks in the dark side of town... BUT I KNOW MY LIMITATIONS!... Its the most important thing to remember... "STICK WITH YOUR LIMITATIONS". Be there but know when to say NO. Don't give something you can never take back, don't do something you'll regret after. Still bear in mind that God is everywhere you are... yes, even in the most savage part of the world, God is there. So you have to know your limitations cause God is watching you. Don't sin in front of Him... guard your actions even you're drunk! Am not trying to sound too saintly nor too holy, but what am trying to say is that, am also a typical person who goes out and enjoy what the world has to offer... but I NEVER go beyond my limitations. I can still claim my innocence... but am not naive anymore. I know what's going on in every dark side of the street but SEEING IS NOT THE SAME WITH DOING. Am glad I sticked with my limitations... and with that - I've got no regrets!
Above all the things I've learned in my internship blues, I appreciate most the faithfulness of God... oh! where in the world would I be without You, Lord? If I don't know You, how will I ever survive all the struggles and pain that I've encountered? If not because of You, I'll never be here! - Thank You!
The Glory And Honor Is Yours, my Savior - Jesus Christ!

Peripheral Vision

Its hard to force yourself to feel what you don't really feel. Its hypocrisy... yeah, I know! I saw the (one I thought) ULTIMATE, but I found myself preoccupied by the DIRTBAG!... Its weird to choose something less when you've got the opportunity to have the best... Its like choosing a brass rather than a gold... its like throwing a diamond for a stone... its like a dillema but you're convinced on which one to choose. Forcing yourself to act like you really in to it, that somehow your smile is genuine, but you're not,... cause your mind is with that someone who don't even know your existance and will never know... I guess. That broken smile and that hollow laugh that seemed to be so real, but look who's trying to fool the whole world... am fooling myself... a fool, yeah, am fooling my own self. In that distant hallway... nothingness begun... with the idiosyncratic moment of a wise fool. Peripheral vision is all I've got everytime you're around... In my peripheral mind, I wish I could... but everything begins with that certain courage which I don't actually possess... am not even sure if someday I could gain that courage... but that would be too late, though! I know it will be too late... Silence is killing me but I don't think I can survive the noise... am not that strong. Today is the last day... the final moment to have another peripheral vision of you, I feel sorry cause stupidity always wins... am showing too much pressure but it will never work... why am I thinking that somehow it will? - stupidity!... that's it! Anyway goodluck! Graduation is coming soon and the feeling of leaving the university is somehow, nostalgicly hard... but leaving the feelings is keeping my mind spinning with all these silent reveries from all those peripheral visions. You exist!!! I know that you know that you exist... in my peripheral vision! But I am signing off - thanks for taking my breath away... atleast I know how it feels to run out of air from my nostrils! Farewell... to the hallway and room pressure... Farewell... to the peripheral visions... Farewell... to YOU! 

The Great Miracle

Praise God! Praise God! Praise God! A big thanks to that Great Guy... the creator of the universe!

Thank God! I passed the Revalida, I passed the Seminars, I passed the Promotion Board!!! (Outrightly!)

All the words seem to rush inside my brain and I don't know which one to say first... am overwhelmed... finally I can look forward to the graduation... and yeah! the boards... too advance?... nope! just excited!

The great miracle was done... Praise Him for that!

I was asking for this... I was asking for a thing that will make everything alright, for that one special moment in my college life that will bring back what I've lost this past years... and from the moment I saw my name written on the "Last List"... I knew this is it... God is really faithful and merciful... everdearing and great!

Praise God over and over!!! Again!!!

Thank You Lord, Jesus Christ!!!

Congratulations to all of us!!! (RICO'06)

God Bless Us All!!!

The Last List

Promotion Board will be post tomorrow, am not that sure if am ready to face it but I have to, though!
Still hoping for that one great miracle, though I always witness miracles from my day to day life, still, that one great miracle is something to look forward. Miracles are no big deal to me cause am used to it, I mean, its part of my day to day life, but though somethings are already part of your life, still, sometime in the middle of the day, you find yourself mesmerized by such ordinary routines... sounds weird? yeah I know it is! But its the personal relationship that turns it all, weirdness is simply typical, though!
Hoping until hope gets tired of you, and still hope for it!
Oh God! Help me!... It is done!
In You're name, I'm claiming it...
By You're grace it is granted...
By You're will, it will be done... it is done!!!
God Bless everybody!!! =)

Just A Little Crush

Yeah! I know that you know that I've got a crush on you but what's the big deal man?!!! Don't get me wrong boy! I'm not your average girl who will jump up into such relationship that soon... am not your typical babe! Don't loose yourself (wink*) I'm not that naive!
And to YOU (the another), did I show too much pressure?... yeah! still am not that innocent, though! You think there's something fishy going on? I tell you there is!... but don't think you're genius as if you know everything... haha!!! You think you know everything?... You've got no idea!!!

Lastly, I want to thank the Big Guy up above for His presence during my Revalida last March 6 and 13. Hoping for much more, for a miracle that will change everything, for Your name and glory by your will and grace. You're my only Hope... yeah! the Hope of the hopeless!
God Bless Everyone!!!

Big Break!

Have a break...
Have a...

Yesterday, I passed 2 of my literary piece to the official University Paper of FEU-NRMF School Of Medical Technology. I feel quite lucky because the deadline of submission (for contributors) was last friday but I was not able to pass my piece due to brain and heart dillema. A part of me wants to pass that stuff for the Paper, while the other half of me was too unreasonably insecure. But optimism still prevailed... again!
(OUTSIDE THE UNIVERSITY CAMPUS): Recently I've heard the news that you are the new Editor In Chief of our local publication... CONGRATS!!! I don't know you and neither you know me, we just go to the same place at the same time in a particular the same day... but I know you deserve it. I'm happy for you but I feel so damn frustrated for myself. I've been there for 5 years now, and just like me, you were too. But look how far you've come now, you're already the EIC while me... am not even a member! I don't envy you, neither am jealous, I'm just frustrated because I feel like a doormat, a flower vase... nothing at all.
I need a break, a big break that will start everything.
May God Grant This To Me!!!

Congratz!!!

The Medical Technology Board exam result was released this morning... Congratulations to all the board passers... Am so proud to be a student of Far Eastern University- Dr. Nicanor Reyes Medical Foundation... coz our school topped the board exams and was given the credit of being the only "TOP PERFORMING SCHOOL" (check out the Manila Bulletin Newspaper March 10, 2006)... not to mention the fact that our school is the only school who gained a passing rate of ABOVE 80%... (we got 86% passing rate)... and nothing follows...
Cheers to the FEU Nicanorians!!!

Still Confused

Am here @ the cybermed with my senior medical staff... now I finally realized that age and technology really has a big gap... haha!!! My medical staff asked me to e-mail someone from an international laboratory... (so am not just a medical technologist now but also a private computer instructor.)
On the other side of "this morning", am still thinking about YOUR post... still confused...
And who are ya calling hypocrites, by the way???... still confused...
Everything still,... a waste!
Good day eveyone!

Confusing

Am confuse... I mean... a bit confuse and more of a dumb hopeless creature roaming somewhere but nowhere to go.

So what are ya blogging about though?

Yeah! what's my business - right?

Am convinced but am not that ready to show up my white flag... no, am not ready to give up... though am quite convinced or should I say, am really convinced...

Confusing?

Just like you, you don't want to wave your white flag too - uhm!

Sometimes, that thing called hope gives you a wrong perception... of optimism.

The optimism that blinds you to the reality...

Wake up girl!... and wake up - YOU!

YOU had your fair? - share of pain... and so do I... but what's the connection?... hehehe!!! NONE!

Separate lives... with no connections at all... enough! enough Dess! you're making simple things complicated and you're trying to color an invisible wind... HE IS THE WIND... you are invisible... I mean, I AM the invisible... atleast you can feel the wind... but invisibility is much more painful than being a wind coz you can't feel me and you can't see me...

Yeah!!! enough girl!!! everything is a waste...