My Favorite Accident

If God answers prayers, then He just did right now.

Atleast I know I still got you.

Atleast I know I have a friend... and that is you.

Thank you Lord for the answered prayer.

It is half-baked but I'll take it anyway... better this way than nothing at all.

Thank you Lord. Amen.


What I admires the most in you is your lack of sense of pride... because I have loads of it and you don't... I envy you for that... and admire you at the same time.

You are such a good soul... beautiful soul.

Don't know if I deserve you but I was hoping.

*** nag kagulo-gulo ang ating samahan,
nag-iwasan at hindi nag pansinan
ng wala naman malinaw na dahilan...
basta bigla na lang tayong lumayo sa isat-isa...
akala ko galit ka,
akala mo galit ako...
pero ikaw pa rin ang nag pakumbaba.
Wala kang pakialam kung sino ang nag kamali sa ating dalawa.
Ang gusto mo lang ay magka-ayos ulit tayo.
Saludo ako sa pagiging matured mo.
Walang bahid ng pride. Salamat. Andami kong natututunan sa iyo.
Kaya ka siguro ibinigay ni God sa akin kasi madami nakaakibat na aral sa iyo.
Ang swerte ko sa iyo.
Salamat sa iyo.
Salamat sa Diyos.
Amen.

The Oak Ward

When silence gets louder... it is the state called "awkwardness".

And it is where we are right now.

And I hate the silence more than the loud angry voice... though I've never really seen you angry but I do feel your angst against me boiling like you wanted to tear me apart... and I want you to know that you are tearing me apart now.

I don't know what we have done wrong but we both know that there is something wrong - right?

Its like waking up at the left side of the bed... you don't know exactly what is so wrong in waking up at that side but you know it is the wrong side of the bed when its not right.

I thought it was only my wild imagination that thinks something is going wrong but you just proved me right when you finally dropped the pin and I heard it loud and clear because of the unbearing silence.

When there is no sound, even the sound of silence is defeaning and that is where we are right now.

More than your laugh, I miss your eyes, the way it look at me and everything else stops. More than your choking voice everytime you tease me, I miss the friend I had in you.

Did I said something silly that made you mad?

Or maybe I did not do anything and that is why you're mad.

Am I too insensitive? I'm SORRY!

If only we could break this silence and be friends again.

Somehow, I've been thinking, is there something "chicken" going on?

I can smell something not fishy but chicken... and that gives me that awkward feeling that maybe there is something that could explain all the awkward gestures that you have been displaying these days.

You have been my ears when I needed someone to listen to my pathetic boring life... and I could be the same way to you too if only you let me. But you are avoiding me like a disease and I can't help but wonder why. I can't help myself if I'm missing you so badly. Is it wrong to miss you? Is it wrong to fall for you? Then I hope I'm not falling.

God give me strength to face this battle inside. Amen.

Calje Sto. Tomas (Part 8)

(Finale)

(Dedicated to the EDWARD of my life; a vampire that sucks but with a heart; a monster with a conscience, a killer but a HEALER; a man but an angel.)


"When dawn breaks... an angel will fall."

I thought about life and my mind only plays your face. I began to realize the lesson from this fork stuck in the road that I just drove on to. And now it is clear why it happened...

I thought I was incomplete, that someone out there, somewhere, he will complete my halfness, but that cliche is not true. I realized I'm complete even without that someone.

We are born complete and the other half "cliche" is just a make believe sayings of those people who feel incomplete.
We have to complete ourselves as who and what we are and not who and what we are supposed to be or they wanted.

And love is all about being complete as you are, and when you finally meet the person that made you feel love, that is when you could give your whole self to him... completely... and that is love... the real love itself.

Complete yourself first before you could finally love... truly love.

Being complete is an essential part of being in love, because how can you love someone completely if you are not whole by yourself - right?

And I believe that somehow that is the reason why everything else was taken away from me. Because God wants me to realize that I'm complete on my own, and to be truly in love I have to be whole first.


And then finally... YOU.

An angel with a broken wing.
Maybe God wants you to realize that you are whole, complete and not broken at all.

If God did not break my heart how will I know your heart?

If God did not gave me that pain how will I know that you will be there for me?

If God did not let me shed a tear how will I know that you will wipe those tears from my eyes?

God made this chastening for me to look at you. Because I don't see you before the way I see you now. It's like I've been looking at you for such a long time but I never saw you before. You were just a face in a crowd until God made me realize that you're an angel.

And if I finally fell in love and reach the ground will love ends there?
If I finally fell in love, will you catch me?
If you catch me... the loving begins.

Every song that I hear sings for you, every word that I say speaks of you. You are the one that I thought I could love as completely as I am. My eyes couldn't be more realistic when I could finally say that fairy tales come true once in a life time as well as second chances, another chances and last chances.

I don't want a falling star to fall... because the last time I made a wish... it came true as soon as that shooting star fell from my midnight sky, but then I realized it was the only star in my night sky and it left my sky empty and I could not put it back there to be my light again.

So I'll wait until the breaking of the dawn... until you and I can be together until the end of our lives.

God knows what He is doing, He wants the best because He loves us, He knows what is the best because He is wise, and He will do what is best because HE is powerful enough to make things happen.

Til then... I'll be awake... till I see the breaking dawn.

Calje Sto. Tomas (Part 7)

Words are flowing out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe


I tried so hard to keep you.

Because I am so scared to love you but more afraid to lose you. And I don't know exactly what to do. Remember when I told you that you are the only light that remained shining in my darkest hours... that was true and I mean it. But it seems like, though the lamp is still burning, you are taking it away from me. The lamp that kept me warm in the cold times and the fire that burned more important than the sun... that is who you are. But as much as I wanted to keep you close to me, you started burning me and I tried my best to endure the scourging heat... but it was you who think that I could not bear another heartache... so you're slipping away.

Did I say something way too honest that scared you like a rat?

Was I too fragile to hold?

Was I too insensitive to your gestures that made you realize the wrong impression?

Was I too naive that this is just a far cry?

I asked God to save our friendship and He did... but it just became more complicated to both of us... I can sense the pressure in your voice everytime you call me. I can feel the rush everytime we are together, and the tense everytime you talk to me... its like, we are not the same person that we are used to. It all began when you became ambiguous... or was I just anticipating... assuming... overly?

Did I left you with the wrong impression? Was I playing too hard to get that it made you feel like I don't care about you?

But you are so damn insensitive, naive and a jerk to think that way about my feelings for you.

Damn! You are so beautiful... like the only beautiful thing that is left for me when my world fell apart.

You are the reason I still believe in love, why I still hope, why I still have faith that this world still has something beautiful to offer to me. You are the reason why I started smiling again, the reason why in spite of every lies... I still believe. You are the reason I made it through, the reason why I let go and the reason why I moved on. The reason why I'm holding on, the same reason why I let go of my past and holding on to the future that I was hoping to be you. And all the reasons that I could reason out... I don't know the reason why I am feeling this way when I crossed my heart and hoped to die not to fall for you... but I was like the last leaf that clings to the bough in the month of december when all the leaves had fallen apart... I'm trying my best not to fall in love with you... to save this friendship because I'm really scared. I'm scared to lose the only beautiful thing that was left in my world - YOU.

So I hope you understand why I'm trying my best to ignore you. I'm sorry if you think that I gave you false hopes - but no!
When you started acting a little weird I know what that means and I'm so sorry I behaved like a scared rat. But I was really scared of you and your feelings towards me... because the feeling is mutual... I just can't let it show. I envy you because you are too proud about what you feel... and yet I pity you because you are too scared to drop it.

And what annoys me so much is your lack of confidence... You always think that I don't like you... well let me say it once and for all... I DO!

But what scares us both is my fragility. I understand... but I like you to know that it is ok.



I miss you.


I've seen this place a thousand times
I've felt this all before
And every time you call
I've waited there as though you might not call at all

I know this face I'm wearing now
I've seen this in my eyes
And though it feels so great, I'm still afraid
That you'll be leaving anytime
Don't say you love me unless forever...



Didn't want to leave you
With the wrong impression
Didn't want to leave you
With my last confession
Of love
Wasn't trying to pull you
In the wrong direction
All I wanna do is try to
Make a connection
Of love.

Calje Sto. Tomas (Part 6)

The historic Sto. Tomas road could have been more historically nicer if you were not that pervert. I'm confused because you are so damn confusing and you're pissing me off! Or is it the other way around?

I don't know if you just want me to take a ride on your back or you really want to carry me... and maybe you feel the same way too... am I that confusing as well? am I giving you false hopes? if that is how you look at it then you've got the wrong perception. You think I'm giving you false hopes that is why you tend to give me that expression as well... are we playing... what? Rover Rover come on over? That silly game of complication? Kids love that game but we're no longer kids, we are not expected to still enjoy that game the way it thrills us when we were nine or ten. wake up! You're mad at me because of your own fault... silly!

But hey! can we patch things up... because you're my friend and losing you is not in my list of "things to do" here on earth.

And if ever I'll make all the mistakes in this world... the last thing that I would do is to lose YOU.

I don't want to lose you, not now, not ever...
You're the light that remained shining in my darkest hours so don't take that lamp away from me. You made me believe that this world still has something BEAUTIFUL... that is YOU.



P.S. God help me to patch things up. Amen.

Stolen Ideas

What if “the one” isn’t supposed to be the person who takes your breath away?

…but rather, it’s the person who helps you breathe easier when times get rough.

What if “the one” isn’t supposed to be the person you stay up all night thinking about?

…but rather, it’s the person who helps you to sleep easier knowing that they are in your life.

What if “the one” isn’t supposed to be the person who completes you?

…but rather, it’s the person who makes you feel whole and able to be who you are when you’re by yourself.

What if “the one” isn’t supposed to be the person who sweeps you off your feet?

…but rather, it’s the person who helps you to stay grounded, focused and determined to do the things you set out to do.

What if “the one” isn’t supposed to be the person who totally understands you and knows everything about you?

…but rather, it’s the person who sees things that you don’t and spends the time to try to get to know more of you.

What if “the one” isn’t supposed to be the one who brings out the best in you?

…but rather, it’s the person who helps you to discover the things about yourself that you need to change.

What if “the one” isn’t the person who gives you butterflies, or makes you feel all tingly on the inside?

…but rather, it’s the person who gives you comfort when you need it and makes you feel safe on the outside.

What if “the one” isn’t the person you’ve been waiting for all your life?

…but rather, it’s the person that’s been waiting for YOU all your life.



Acknowledgment: I. P. (I Pass Liar IOI) *** The Real Author of this post***

Calje Sto. Tomas (Part 5)

Pronto nostalgia permanecerá dentro de mí, como decir adiós a este camino que he conocido durante tanto tiempo. Adiós dulce para un nuevo comienzo, por cada tenedor pegado en el camino es un camino digno caminando, y no me atrevería a cambiar algo, bueno o malo. Para siempre voy a apreciar el viento dulce que me tocó la cara, el olor dulce español sólo se puede llevar. Y la vida siempre me recuerdan lo que entramos en este camino, con sus ojos que me veían crecer y ha visto el mejor y lo peor de mí, compartir emociones, el amor y los sueños. Y si el destino será tan bueno como parece, voy a volver a caminar en este camino con una sonrisa más brillante y más amor dentro de mí. Y así que se irá, pero siempre recordaré este camino - España

Calje Sto.Tomas (Part 4)

Mark dot they...

11-17-2011*14:00-19:00*

the day we've been waiting for...

hope to see u there.=)

Calje Sto.Tomas (Part 3)

Another turning point a fork stuck in the road, time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go, so make the best of this test and don't ask why,its not a question but a lesson learned in time...

Just what would I do if I never had you?

Where would I be, what else could I become if not because of you.
Thank you for making it all happened for me.
I always have that faith in you, and no matter how many times you disappoint me, my faith in you will always be the same... solid like a rock.

For all that I have done, I must have done something right to deserve all these.

I thank God everyday for having you in my life.

And if I could choose another... I will never dare choose another but you...
Thanks Dad! You'll always be my hero.
Thank You Lord forgiving me a good father. Amen.