The Best in Me

I'm not yet finish with the book but now I'm actually watching it and tears just won't dry that easy especially if it tells your story right off bat. And the pain hurts deeper when it talks about destiny and all those stuffs that I stopped believing in for so long. But look at them, they're so happy and why, just why it can't happen to me really?

And I know exactly the end of this but I just can't close my eyes. I know it will hurt at the end but I wanted to see it any way. And you know what... I guess SECOND CHANCES ARE MEANT FOR FORGIVENESS AND NOT FOR TOGETHERNESS.

It is sad to watch, but even sadder to realize that it's actually a reality.

When will it ever be...

That sweet reality.

The Twist of Charles and Oliver

It is funny to realize that in spite the fact that's right off bat, I still can't help but check you out once in a while.
And the more funny thing is that, even though I'm hurting, I still want to see it in my naked eye. And yes, once again, you whipped my heart and tore it apart like no other can. And that feeling called pain is once again drowning me... and you don't care. And the worse, I have to have faith in God that he has a plan for all of these pains. Not that I don't want to believe in it, but believe me, during these times, it it easier to quit.

How could you just walk away like that? I can't believe I had fallen in love with a monster without a heart. How could you just mock me after what I've been through because of you. I wanted to hate you. Right now I do hate you.

You are a heartless father.
You are a heartless husband.

And I can't believe God gave me you.
You ruined my idea of love.
You destroyed the reputation of love.
You made me curse fairy tales.
You made me bitter in every way life has to offer.

You ruined me.

And worse, you don't care.
You never did.

I wish the pain will just vanish like Amelia in the clouds.

You will never know this pain, because you don't have a heart to feel.

You will never, ever feel the feeling of losing because you're a monster.

You are not capable of loving.

I hate myself for loving you.
And I hate myself more for still loving you.

God grant me real happiness, and even if it's not with you.

Blessed are the shallows for depth they'll never find hence, they'll never drown.

And you are the epitome of shallowness... for it is shallow to have not a heart.

And though pain is reigning my heart, I thank God I have one.

Stephie's Post

I was at Starbucks when I saw this post and it made me laugh like I'm a crazy girl.

Even the guy sitting next to me looked at me wondering what it is all about.

But really, this is funny.

Especially the 0 and 9...

Lol!!!

Sheeran

I know my look is pretty enough to attract and intimidate anyone, so how much more if you add my wit... Definitely you'll be shaking like a leaf.

I did not push you away, you're just not brave enough that's why you walked away.

47

"What was your mistake?... "


"Your mistake is that you needed me to know you're better than me."


I told you it's on my list of favorite movies. And I've just watched it again.

SGE1815G

I've been anticipating this movie since last year and yes, it worth the wait.

There are a lot of movies and only few are great... and it's definitely on my list.

"We determine who we are in what we do."- agent 47



Can you guess why the title of this post is SGE1815G?

Painted Canvas

Your face is a picture of a thousand sunsets,
And I could just sit on the edge of the earth risking the fall.
To glance you so high, up in that blue sky, wishing I could fly.
Wondering if you might wanna look down, look down upon me.


If love suffers long, how long could it endure eternity.
If love is kind, how could it give when there's no more to give.
If love believes all things, how could you lie sincerely.
If love hopes all things, how could it face another day to live.
If love never fails...
Love made me bitter
When God is love...
Does God made me bitter.
But look us now...
Look at us now.

And the beauty of all the sun rays of the day,
Transcends like there ain't be tomorrow waiting, but I'm still waiting.
And yet the air fills my breath, I woke up alive but broken.
Drowned with those tears I have to admit but I can't deny it.

And those earthen vessels I tried my best to keep,
They are all broken now.
Young blood, child's eyes.
Innocence ain't no better than ignorance.
And the raging spirit created me a monster I'm scared of...
Set of free.

Everyone is broken... broken by the rule of love.

But isn't it the picture remains beautiful.

expose '

For quite sometime now I've been hiding my other blog...

But now I'm actually ready to expose it.


www.privatechronicles.blogspot.com

October's Lists

For love is the reason why I write...
And hope seasons each word...
And by faith it will come true.


May God guide my journey to October.

iPhone

I've been itching to blog about you... because you think I don't know but I know that you've been reading all my posts. Not that I don't want you to, believe me, I'm flattered.

It's just a matter of playing it dead all this time and yeah, I'm playing the dead too.

Thank you for reading my blog by the way. It is one thing to share insights and another thing to be followed by your insights. Thank you for following my blog.

I just want you to know that I know that you are reading all these. I never told you that I'm hacker before so now you know why I know.


And right now you're using your iPhone to read this post. Haha!

...and I know the code of your iPhone.

I told you I'm not naive... I'm just good at playing dead.

Confusion Begets Stir

I want to implant confusion in my head because it is the only way not to nurse this feeling, I try to put into words all the feelings I have inside because it is my way of escape. And I know that if I keep on talking about it then it might go away because everybody else could tell that I confused my feelings with the truth
that there's still me and you.

I told you I'm not naive...

I think I had given enough chance for these feelings now and it is time to really think about the other possibilities. If you can't be the right man then I'll give chance to others that could prove their worth.


Because the last time I checked I weighed him and found him overflowing... while you remain wanting.


And he is the confusion.

Autumn 31

And since my birthday is the first day of autumn... then let everything fall in to their right places.

Let God design our lives to be as beautiful as the season.

31

I've got nothing much to say today except for the fact that now I have regrets. When I look back, I see how far I've come but I can't escape the reality of my mistakes.

And yes, someone once told me that immaturity is when you never had regrets in life.

Well now I got it all coming.

And though I've learned a lot from my mistakes, still, I regret them now, and though even if I have the chance to bring back the time, I know I would still do those things, still, I regret them. It is the feeling of regret even though you know that without those mistakes you can never be wiser.

Shame on you you fool me once.
Shame on me you fool me twice.

But it's not about being a fool, I know exactly what I'm doing,

I am not naive... I just love you enough to pretend to be.

Land With Me

Morning has always been my favorite part of the day, I love breakfast because it is when I can think about all the things that accumulated in my mind overnight.

So here's what I thought...

You know when they say that eventually everything will fall into their right places, or should I say everything will land into their right places. Well, that is a good thing, really.

But in the process of falling apart, believe me, your mind cannot force you to believe in that better place beyond the bent.

And yes, my life right now is in that phase where everything is falling apart and all I could do is watch and pray that, really, they will all land safely into their right places.

And if everything crashes... land with me.

GREGorian Calendar

Small world... could you imagine.

When we were still together with my ex I always get jealous with this girl... and guess what? Her boyfriend now was actually a very close friend of mine when I was in college. I just found out today when her picture appeared on my Facebook when we're not even friends. What a small world. And funny destiny indeed.hahaha!!!

Sonata of Calje Sto. Tomas

Not because you're a good friend means you are the right man for me.

Don't get me wrong, if only it could be that simple I could have love you with all my heart and never let you go... but love as we know it is complicated.

Not because you are perfect means you are the right man for me, for in the end it is never about imperfections but acceptance.

And yes, you are perfect as perfect and sometimes I wonder how perfect we could be together. We are effortlessly compatible beyond compare and even people around could notice it. The way you read my mind like nobody can... really that's amazing. The way you tell me things like you know me better than I know myself, yeah, that's surprisingly great. And if only things were different I could have spend the rest of my life with you, but perfection doesn't guarantee happiness and I need to be happy.

And because YOU know me too well that even you could tell to whom I could find my happiness.
That even YOU knows that it is not with you.

I'm so sorry!

If only he didn't break my heart.
If only my heart still holds the key then I would have given it to you. But the key is long gone and He holds it. Though, it could have been you holding it.

Somewhere out there lies my happiness and he doesn't care. It make no sense, I know, why do I keep on searching happiness at the same place I lost it? Because that happiness that I've lost is the only happiness that I know could complete the puzzle in me.

Love could make us stupid but I don't care anymore, I've been using my brains all my life but it only led me to heartaches. So I guess I'll use my heart from now on to finally find happiness.

Happiness that only the one who stole it from me could actually give it back to me.

Maybe time will...
Finally come when I won't be needing a key to open my heart...
Then I will choose you over him.

I know I will.

I will choose YOU.

Heart or Liver?

Don't have to elaborate further...
The picture speaks for itself.

Nostalgic September

It is one of those days when everything I see, from the building nearby to my workplace, every granite, every steel tells something about you. Like each of them has a story to tell and it's all about you. Even the wind of September whispers your name to my ears like echoing your voice from somewhere.

And God, I know is sending me a message... that each day, each minute that passes by brings me closer to fate... to YOU.

Rocking Chair

When you closed that door, I know I did not knock but I was there sitting the whole time waiting for you to come out... but it did not happen.

It is one of those nights when I can't sleep and every song on the radio speaks of you, whether be it happy or sad or both, like every lyrics spells your name.

When you closed that door, I know I did not knock but I was there sitting the whole time waiting for you to come out... but it did not happen. You went out using the back door and you didn't notice me. And guess what, I'm still here waiting, not moving, hoping one day you'll come home and see me sitting here. I am the man who can't be moved.

And so I dedicate this song to me... And to YOU...

The Man Who Can't Be Moved

- the Script

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,

Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,

Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,

Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,

Some try to hand me money they don't understand,

I'm not, broke I'm just a broken hearted man,

I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,

How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,

And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,

Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,

And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving

I'm not moving

Policeman says son you can't stay here,

I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,

Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,

If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,

And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,

Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,

And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving

I'm not moving

I'm not moving

I'm not moving

People talk about the guy

Who's waiting on a girl

There are no holes in his shoes

But a big hole in his world

And maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,

And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,

And you'll come running to the corner

'Cause you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved

I'm the man who can't be moved

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,

And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,

Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,

And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving

I'm not moving

I'm not moving

I'm not moving

hard hobbit to break

What will you do when you have to decide between two choices?

Just toss a coin... and while the coin is in the air... you'll suddenly know what you're hoping for.





Just when you've moved on and thought you're finally far enough something will bring you to a touchstone and makes you realize that love has a habit of coming back.




A church friend once shared a quote, he said "If God placed something in your heart, pray about it, God did not placed it there for no reason. It is the reality of being human that we whine. We always do. I bet God's ears is already irritated and reddened with annoyance because of our whines. We are a bunch of brat Christians who believes in God but do not really trust on his capabilities or should I say, we really do not trust the heart of God

A Piece of Pisces

Not because he never found you means he never looked for you. Maybe he did look for you but you hide so well hence he never found you.

"Hindi dahil hindi ka niya nakita e hindi ka na niya hinanap. Malamang hinanap ka pero dahil sobrang nagtago ka kaya hindi ka niya nakita". - G.E.D.

The Ballad of Sunsets, of Shooting Stars, of Broken Dreams and Lullabies, and the Breaking of Dawn

For you will never realize the pain of the left behind... because I never left you, it is you who abandoned me.

They say - Who you think of when you're busy is more important than who you think of when you're idle and lonely.

I wonder after all that we've been through, those times that we are apart and lonely, did I ever crossed your mind when I couldn't even touch your heart.

It is one thing to be sad and another thing to be lonely and another thing to be both at the same time.

Sometimes I can't help but ask God why it is so unfair, everytime I see your smile like everything in your life is at the right place while I'm here juggling, struggling and lonely. Am I the only one who had done a mistake? Why am I the only one paying for it?

I had to admit that it hurts me to believe that you don't love me any more, that you remember me as just a distant memory of a mistake.

Am I too hard to love? When loving is free? Does God find it hard to love me too?

There was a time when the pain is hurting me so bad that I can no longer see forever in your eyes. But that was long gone and just when I thought I had moved on, there you are again, stupid Cupid pierced my heart again. When it will ever be... that fairy-tale come true. That forever as they say.

There are some questions that keep on haunting me like - am I the one that got away? Do you ever think of "If only"? Is love better the second time around or the cracks are so bad enough that it can never be whole again?

When love has to cry... does it need to die?

And when can you say that it stand the test of time?

When you closed that door, I know I did not knock but I was there sitting the whole time waiting for you to come out... but it did not happen.

It still hurts.

I guess there are some wounds that time can never heal.

And only miracle can.

Maybe YOU are that miracle.

I hope YOU are MY MIRACLE.

Scars & Perfections

We want to be perfect but perfection is not what we needed but acceptance.

I guess maturity really comes in the right time like a fruit getting ripe, it needs to undergo a lot of seasons.

When I was younger I thought I always needed to be perfect, that love could only be found in perfection. I used to hide away my flaws as deep as I could. But I never found love in a perfect place. It maybe perfect but love does not exist there, only that constant effort to be always perfect.

Perfection is not happiness.

My scars are the perfect testimony of what happiness and love really is.

My scars molded me to realize that love is found in a place of imperfections.

Now I finally accepted the fact that I could never be perfect and love will come my way in spite of my flaws.

Paradise is beautiful but even paradise is not perfect.

And love... that love we always wanted will come not in a form of perfection but only in acceptance.

"And if all the world is perfect I would only ever wanna see your scars."

Your scars make you beautiful.

And if love is true... it will accept your deepest and ugliest scar.

Amputated

May mga bagay na pag nawala kahit anong pilit ay hindi na maibabalik pa. Let's get medical... para lang yan sugat na hindi na naghihilom kasi diabetic ang patient. So wala kang choice kung hindi i-amputate ang paa. Pag naputol na ang paa kahit anong gawin mong pagtatahi sa OR hindi mo na ulit maididikit yan. Habang buhay mong dadalhin ang pait nang pagkawala nang isang mahalagang parte ng katawan mo, isang mahalagang parte ng buhay mo. Pwede mo palitan ng bakal na paa pero alam mo sa sarili mo na hindi nito mapapantayan ang nawala sayo. Mamumuhay ka nang maayos sa abot nang iyong makakaya pero kahit kailan hindi mo malilimutan ang nawala sayo. It's not about moving on but just getting used to it... ika nga.

Gets mo naman ito siguro. Medtech ka di ba? Tanong mo sa magulang mo kung hindi malinaw sayo. Minsan lang ako humugot nang ganito kalalim kasi malalim din yung sugat na pinag mulan nyan. Kahit nag hilom na, alam ko may nawala na hindi ko na muling matatagpuan sa iba.

for love is war

What is so beautiful with epic movies is that men fight because they love what's behind them and NOT because they hate what's in front of them.

I think that is what make the men of war heroes... because they had fought the battle with one reason... and that is love.
That war was never about hatred...

But they are called heroes because they fought for LOVE.


Died for LOVE.

All in the name of LOVE.

Imagine

OK so I love John, and I'm sorry Yoko but there's no more love left in me for you.

I have given my heart to him and nothing is left for you. Not that you wanted it, I know, the feeling is mutual, cause if the parallel universe made me another heart... I still won't give it to you.

I'm not jealous, believe me, I'm not. But for the love of love you ruined him. He could have been bigger (though he's big already)... he could have been greater but you wanted something else for yourself. You made your own greatness out of somebody's ability and you made it look like love. Oh what the heck with that kind of foolishness.

If only John did not became a Samson. Yoko and Delilah all the same.

dipped into the deep

For like a bag of tea you are dipped into a cup of hot water to bring out the flavor in you.

For what hurts you also brings out the best in you.

It was never about the pain.

sausage Mc muffin with egg

This morning I heard Christmas songs playing on the radio at McDonald's... and it never fails to give me that same feeling I always have since I was a kid. Really, Christmas is my favorite time of the year. The cozy autumn cold and it just feels like everything is so happy in spite of everything we've been through.

Great morning!!!

For John

Life is what happens to you when you're too busy making other plans...


Oh Johh, John, John... why so genius?
You're definitely one person I look up to.

No wonder you're a legend.

Always be my favorite songwriter.


I wonder what's inside that beautiful mind...

All I know is that, it is surely beautiful... pure beauty.



And even your name is beautiful...

John Winston Lennon

Shattered Glass, Broken Mirrors and Beautiful Reflection

When my idle mind strikes, too many questions and ideas start popping like bacteria proliferating in a glass tube. Sometimes it worth the talk and sometimes it worth the blog.

I asked myself a while ago which one do I prefer, the man who will catch me when I fall or the man who will pick me up when I crashed on the ground broken into pieces.

So here's my answer:
I prefer a man who will pick me up when I crashed on the ground and broken into pieces. Because, a man who will catch you when you fall loves you only at your best but a man who will pick you up loves you in spite of your brokenness, he sees your beauty in spite of your scars, knows you're the right one for him in spite of your imperfections, feels the happiness in spite of the frowns.

He picks you even though you are broken like glass ready to pierced through his palms.

For love bears all things and endures all things... but most of all... it accepts all things.

Have a great Ber months ahead... ber... ber... ber...