"... These are my journals back in highschool" It Bothers Me
It is so typical for every kid to be scared of ghost and monsters, that's their usual nightmare. But I confess, that when I was a child, I'm not scared of ghost, I don't believe in monsters too. What I fear before were those creepy little flying objects - I mean insects, and the spooky heights. But as years passed me by, I've changed my views in life in so many aspects. I've been lately thinking about my life style, all the things I've done and how my time was spend. I can't help believing in my own mind but I know I'm gonna hate to see it end. I've seen a lot of sunshines and I slept out in the rain. But I have to say it now, its been a good life all in all, its good if I still have the chance to hang around. My real fears in life were no longer those creepy insects nor the spooky heights. I've found out the true meaning of fear and its vivid.
Days had pass so quickly now and nights are seldom long. Changes are somehow frightening but still I have to smile for it turns me on to think of growing old. There are still so much to do and so many things which my mind still never know. Sometimes I reflect about my life on how long its been since yesterday and what about tomorrow, what about the dreams on memories wasted. I keep on searching for the true meaning of life yet I'm afraid to know it. Sometimes I'm afraid of moving on because I'm scared that I might get lost in my way and can never go back home anymore. Yet I should learn the art of moving on.
I never hinder myself to become a better individual. Though sometimes I'm blinded by my lies. I mean, I keep on believing I'm strong though far behind, I know I'm weak. The picture outside of me lies my weaknesses, it tries to hinder my being handicap. I try to pretend That I can do almost everything because I don't want to be humiliated. I know everybody needs to be humiliated even just for once in their life because it is an essential ingredient of growing up. I don't know, the truth is I'm running out of words to say but I should finish this journal. Ok! why should I cry if I encounter such frustrations in life when I know that God won't give something far beyond what we can take.
Above all these, what I fear most is the act of letting go. There's always that big question within me - will I lose a thing to something better or not?, will I ever make it?, and so many if's in the back of my mind. I strongly believe that we'll never know what we've got until its gone. But letting go sometimes can make us complete. Its part of changes. Nothing is for sure in this world, no one knows exactly where this river will flow. But then, I will not dissuade myself for the heart of it all is the agony in life.
I try to count my capabilities and my absurdness. Some people are afraid of dying, but I'm not. What's the point anyway?! I mean this world is absurd, when we look above us and see all those wonderful heavenly beauty, we thought that reaching that is finally heaven. But heaven... how can we touch heaven? If we look below the ground, we see those tiny ants and creepy earthworms, but far beyond what we see is the stairway to heaven. I mean heaven... its hundred feet below the ground. So dying is not something to be feared for.
Though I'm not scared to die, that doesn't mean I'm already strong - no! I'm still weak! We are made imperfect, that
makes us weak.
Yet these fears in my life are my will to carry on to fulfill my mission given to me by God. Life is the most incredible adventure given by God, and what we will be is our greatest gift to Him - the Maker.
The Rich And The Poor
Poverty, it always affects the life of every individual. Rich people may not feel this physically but I guarantee you that every human being in this world experience poverty. Poverty does not only deal with the lack of food, shelter, and clothing. It goes far beyond that.
Try to be more enthausiastic about what I'm talking about. Life is not only made of bread and water. The spirit suffers more than the body. Yes, there's no such thing as luck, but success comes to those who understand their priorities. I believe that it is not a sin to be born poor, but to die worthless is definitely a sin. God made us because He has something else in mind. Our life is worthliving in the will of God.
Regardless of who and what we are, we are made for service, a mission to serve. What makes us different, makes us beautiful... in our own eyes and in God's eyes.
I Can Proclaim Christ
Even before the beginning of the world, until the time that Christ died to save us from our sins, and even until now, we are experiencing God's unconditional and undying love for us. If we cannot carry the world on our shoulders or we can't fight the feelings anymore, we can easily surrender our hearts to God. We can easily count on him when we are down and troubled and when we need somebody and want someone to care. When we're feeling blue, He will always be there. His love will always shine like a ray of sunlight so warm and bright. We can always turn to Him when we lose our will to win, we can always find the light through Him, when the world is so crazy He can turn it all around again, He is always there pushing us through the top, the shield in the stormy angry night, the love to keep us warm, the place to keep us from harm, the strength to be strong, and the will to carry on. The only one who can make our ellusive dreams come true. The one who can turn our fears to hope, our tears to joys, and our frown to a smile. He is always generous to give chances.
And for all of such wonderful things, it is so right to proclaim His goodness all over the world. We can proclaim Him anywhere by letting His image be seen through our attitudes. Deeds speak louder than words and you cannot hide a lighted candle in the dark. If we live for Christ we proclaim Him anywhere we are. And people will appreciate that.
Miracles Do Happen
In our lives, encounter things we never expect and never in our wildest dreams imagine in that way. Somtimes, when our sky turns to grey and it seems that we were trapped in a big black hole, or when we seemed to be a nowhere man, sitting in our nowhere land, thinking of our nowhere plans for nobody. When it seems like there's nothing we ca do, when our frutrations and miseries conspired together to bring us down. At these times, we look for a friend to borrow, but hte truth is, we don't need to borrow a friend because we got a true friend - the Big Guy up above us all who always give us comfort which nobody in this whole wide world could give. Even though its so hard to tame our felings, miracles do happen. Miracles are not so hard to see if we believe, just as the song goes "... there can be miracles, when you believe, though hope is frail, its hard to kill. Who knows that miracle you can achieve. You will when you believe." These words show us that truly its all about faith.
I had an experience on how my faith reallyhelped me, well... its really not that big and serious but its really a very encouraging story.
It was the time when we were given an assigned journal about hte origin of our name and the life story of our patron saint. The deadline was set... as far as I can remember, it was the last week of June or first week of July. I have to rush it because that was sunday, and on the morrow, is the passing day. It was Sunday, me and my friend had decided to go to a computer house after the 7:30 mass (we don't own a personal computer yet in our homes!)... so that's it! We went there about 9:00, then at the time that I was almost at the end of my journal, there was a sudden trouble in my document. I was so annoyed, I wanted to burst out my disappointment. But the owner said that they will see what they can do. We went home for lunch, I prayed to God that He will make everything alright. We went back in the afternoon and to my overflowing surprise... it was alrigt. Finally, I was able to pass my journal on time.
That experience had a very big impact in my life. I became faithful and I set aside my doubts in life. Though sometimes I'm so vulnerable, I know I can overcome thngs through Christ. I know there will be another day and I can face it and I can work everything all out. Through any kind of whether, if i try and never stop believing, knowing that stumble and fall is the heart of it all. I know through these things I will find out what its meant of and I will look it up and surely I can find the missing piece am searching for. Through my faith in God, I know I can face the world and my darkest hurs, for I know God is my shield.
If we try to reflect on the biblical text: Psalm 23:1 " The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."
Encountering Christ
I'm always encoutering Christ, but I can feel His deepest presence whenever I'm in the middle of nowhere, I mean, whenever I'm alone and whenever I have frustrations, miseries, disappointments, and fears in life. Whenever I feel that my hallucinations are turning into nightmares, the times when I'm trapped in a big black hole and I'm moving one step forward but two steps back. The times when it seems like there's no window in my place for me to show my weary face, the times when in my darkest hours and if it seems like everywhere I turn, every bridge starts to burn. the times whenit feels lik getting fired when you're the boss, and times when I just though I got it all but no. But through these things, Jesus still remains with me. He never leaves. He is always there to save, to tame my wildest soul, to mend my broken heart and to show the way. Realizing that He'll always be there for me when I need somebody and want someone who cares, whnever am down and feling blue. Knowing Jesus is the best experience ever. and with that, am loving Jesus more, forever and ever, forever and more., for all that He gave me, it is Him I adore, and if ever things go tough I know He will always be there to turn my gray sky into a placid blue, and though its raining in my mind I know there's a sunshine that awaits me through.
Like what had happened to the woman when she touched the clloth of Jesus, because of her strong faith, she was healed. I strongly believe that there can always be a miracle knowing that faith can even move a mountain... as it can heal our soul. The woman in the story was dying to be alive, she's hopelessy sick, but her faith healed her.
I've got say that its really good for us, HSAians that we have our religion class which, brings us closer to God. We're lucky enough cause our teacher and so with the nuns here strengthens our faith in God. We are blessed because we believe in God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, though we didn't see it. Sometimes we just have to believe through intuition.
As a conclusion for this journal, encountering Jesus is encountering love, encountering real love that nobody can give except Him, I mean, no human in this whole wide world can surpass the love of Jesus. He died for us and its the greatest love of all. We learn how to love because of Him, we never knew love until He loved us, and He love us from the very beginning, His love is just like a river that flows to the sea then ocean, it widens every single time, its peaceful and clear, He can change our sadness to joy with just one word. And even though it seems that nobody cares, even though we get old and start losing our hair, God will still care, because God is love nad He is the founder of real love.
My Image Of God
If we were men of bible history just like the disciples of Jesus, then we have a concrete idea of the face of jess. But we are living at the present time, at a very young age in a very old world. They used to say “To see is to believe”… but that I think is a big hoax because I firmly believe that even though we don’t see God face to face, still, He is true .
If ever I have to address God in my most comfortable way that would be “Lord” because that depicts His glory for me.
God for me is simply a father whom I could simply talk to and cry to when pressures I life overwhelms me.
I believe that God loves to talk to us… and He is only a prayer away.
My experience with the love of God ever since I was born, from the moment I opened my eyes in this whole wide world is truly incredible. I believe that all of us are experiencing the love of God and if you think for a minute that you could live without it, you’re fooling yourself cause can live not even a single amoeba without the will and the love of God.
My parents brought me up knowing God and I’m thankful because without them I would be forever ignorant about God.
There are so many questions spinning round and round and then round again in my head that even a million of words could never express and pens could ever write nor millions of papers could accommodate, but I know that God knows exactly what’s confusing me and with just a breath is a million sighs…
Growing Up
Adolescence is the stage of being in the middle of childishness and maturity. In this stage of our lives, we are starting to ask a lot of questions we are tend to become very enthusiastic with everything. As an adolescent, I am also at this stage but I’m thankful for there are so many generous people who are always there to help me overcome pressures.
The truth is… I didn’t anticipate them either to be there for me, though.
My parent, I can say, is the most incredibly positive influence in my every aspects of my life. My friends and some other special people are my molders. These people are the ones who keep on pushing me to the top and not letting me crack down the long wrong road.
The more I enter the next level of maturity, the more I become closer to God and I become more eager to share His love to others.
It is important for us to grow up and be matured in order for us to do our mission that God has planned for us.
