Ember of Chances

She's doing good in her life so far,
She's not looking for another permanent scar.
Then you're coming right off bat,
Leaving footprints all over the path.
Like a mountain lion
Resurging from zion.
So dangerous yet so beautiful.
Strange on her like a fool.
She would touch you if she could,
Even though she never should.

She's too strong to feel pain now,
But then somehow,
You left her with another permanent scar,
And the deepest so far.
You've got that elemental gravity,
You get all things fall within your vicinity.
Just as they thought they're flying over to the atmosphere,
You got them spinning all around and your hand is on the sphere.

Is it her looks or is it her wits?
Made you tell the truth right from the gist.
Without a jest or a twist,
Beautiful lies all caught up in a mist.
She built that bridge of chance.
And you burned it while she watched the ember turn into ashes...
Then suddenly a trance.

Creed

Because of the recent drama in my life, I found myself totally jaded, exhausted and seriously wasted, so I decided to go and see a movie today.
I've been planning to see the movie "Bohemian Rhapsody" since last month but my schedule was totally in a brink of collapsing for too many activities. I was really hoping its still showing. Unfortunately, Bohemian Rhapsody is no longer on the run and I was really disappointed, but then, since I'm already at the cinema, then might as well watch any movie that's available on the screen. I was thinking of Robinhood or Fantastic Beast 2 but I'm not in the mood for bows and arrows and Harry Potter this time. No offense, I am a fan of Harry Potter.
So I decided to watch Creed 2 thinking it was the sequel of the movie Assassin's Creed.
Well, stupid me, its not Assassin's Creed 2, but another movie series of Rocky Balboa.
Damn! Though I'm a fan of Rocky Balboa movies, I'm not in the mood for a boxing movie today. But then again, too late. I already had my ticket.
So while I'm inside the cinema, I realized that I've been playing solitaire for almost... I can't remember but I'm comfortable being alone. Not to mention I'm the only girl watching this movie. Then during the fighting scenes of Draco and Creed, I was not aware that I'm punching and clapping my hands all along... I was being carried away by the fighting scenes. Imagine a girl, alone, watching a boxing movie. Damn! solitude is mocking me.

But the beautiful part of this day's disappointment is that, the movie is not that bad. In fact, it is a good movie. Like God did make me watch this to realize something that is connected to my recent drama. And that is, old people are always wiser than the youth. Period.

Creed's story is different from the usual underdog boxing movies because in here, he is the champ.
A champion who's about to lose his belt to an underdog.
Its a story about living within other people's expectations, about the pressure of having to win all the time, and the self doubts and abandonment. But it's also about family sticking with you till the end, win or lose, fight or run.
And at the end of the day, we don't fight for someone, we fight because it is our battle. And we stand up not for someone but because it is our ground and we have to stand up for it.

At the end of the day, we fight invisible battles because it is our fight. We don't fight because our loved ones want us to fight, but because it is our own battle and we have to fight to survive because we want to live to see them... Again.

And sometimes we do run away from a fight... No, we are not damn cowards... We run because we are not ready to fight, and if we're not ready we might lose, or worse, die. And we want to live just one more day to see our loved ones again.

But the irony of it all is that we can't run forever. Sooner than we thought we have to face our giants. So while we're running, we must also prepare for that day when we can no longer run, and no way to turn but to face the battle.


It was not what I planned to see, but I'm glad I did watch this movie.

Toasted Bread

If there's one thing that I've learned from the recent drama in my life is that... No matter how strong or wise we thought we were, older people will always be wiser and their personalities will always be stronger than the youth. And there's always something to learn from them.
And no matter what, no matter how sure you are that you're right, at the end of the day, older people will always be right and the youth wrong. Damn it all you want but they are damn always right. Because they are wiser beyond our years. And we have to accept that fact.
Well, I finally accepted that fact that I still have to eat a lot of bread to be like them. Its still a long long way full of bread.
Thank you for imparting another lesson.
You are a great boss.

Books and Authors

They say "Don't judge the book by its cover".

But I say - Don't judge the book when the author is not yet finish.

So don't judge me because I'm not yet done in my life... And the great Author is not yet through with me.

The Art of Doing Something Again and Again

This song is on repeat mode in my playlist for the nth time... And also in my mind.
Can't get over these days.

Boston
(by: Augustana)

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh, it has begun...
Oh dear, you look so lost, your eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed...
You said...

You don't know me, and you don't even care, oh yeah,
And you said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, you carry all your thoughts across an open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry when they see you
You said...

You don't know me, and you don't even care, oh yeah,
Well you said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,

I'll get out of California,
I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain...

Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I was tired
I think I need a new town to leave this all behind...

I think I need a sunrise,
I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

You don't know me, and you don't even care, oh yeah...

Boston... where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name... yeah

Boston...
No one knows my name.

The Art of Doing Something Again

I have nothing against book series, in fact, I've read a lot of it.
But the reason why I have to stop myself sometimes is because other books are piling up and since I'm hooked with a series, I'm not able to read those.

Like I remember when I read those Mortal Instruments series, I got hooked and I've read 19 of Cassandra Clare's books for only a couple of months... But she's not stopping writing and other books are piling up on my desk. So I stopped, though her books are really really good.

That also happened with Lauren Kates's Fallen series.
Ilona Andrews' Kate Daniels Magic series.
Kiera Cass' The Selections.
Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles, Songs of the Seraphim and The Wolf Gifts.
Just to name a few.

So in the mean time, before I return for another series, I'm reading AGAIN the book of Jose Rizal - Noli Me Tangere (Social Cancer) for the fifth time. I remember reading it once in grade school because I was a fan of Rizal since I started reading. Another one in highschool and again in college because it is a part of our curriculum. Then again when I was in my mid 20's. And now, for reasons... I'm a fan.

I believe it is a good habit to re-read and keep on re-reading those books you've read because there is always something new to learn. It's like looking at your window everyday, it's always the same view but there is always something new to notice. You missed it once, you'll miss it again, so better look at it over and over again.

Mid 30's Health Crisis

Our lifestyle these days determine our life span in a probability of 99.9% based on my own theory, of course. 😁
It is true that we will eventually reap what we sow.

I used to say (and I still do until now) that it is not the length of years but the depth of a life lived that matters. So why not eat just about anything and everything to enjoy life, at least when its time to reap what you sow, you already enjoyed your youth. Damn wrong right?! 😁
And now, I just reaped what I sow. I was diagnose today with diabetes. Though I was half expecting it for the longest time since my mom has it and so is my brother. But still, no one is prepared to hear bad news right?!
So I guess sweetness has a price to pay... And its bitter.🤔😭

🎶🎵🎧 Music Addiction

I've been addicted to his songs since I can't remember...
But this one remains my favorite.

Still Fallin
Hunter Hayes
You'd think for all the days I’ve known you
That I would have you memorized by now
With Every question answered,
Every single page turned
But you keep me on the edge somehow
And every day with you is still a mystery
With the sweetest story's falling from your lips
I hold on to every word,
Like it’s the first one that I’ve heard
It’s the only time I’ve ever felt like this this
But after all this time, you’d think I’d be used to the pull of your gravity
And after flying so high for so long, who would think
I’m still learning, still burning, still fallin', still fallin'
I still reach for your hand because I need it
And your kiss is still the spark that lights a fire
You’re still laughing with me,
And we’re still making memories,
I’m still a fool for you, and there’s a million reasons why
After every late night street light drive
Every love you miss you kiss goodnight
Girl, your name is still my favorite
Always will be and I’m still wanting, still all in, I'm still fallin'
I'm still fallin',
Still chasin', still nervous, still reelin', still dreamin' about this
And after every sunrise holding you,
After all the crazy we’ve been through
Every day and every minute girl it’s something new,
I’m still learning, still burning, yeah still wanting, still all-in, still fallin'.
Still falling.

Hollowed Bee thy Thorny Crown

Oh! Unqueenly bee who art in throne
Hollowed bee thy thorny crown
As hollow as thy brain
Is thy empire of shame.

Hail! My lady you're full of blaze
Such a mother of disgrace
Thou art rubbish among women
Thou are not worthy to speak the word Amen.

Glory be to the chains of wisdom
Ye never had in thy kingdom
For as it was in the beginning
Thou wilt fall by the ending.

Espana Boulevard

I miss her.

As I walk along this boulevard where hopes and dreams were built and some were crashed, on a dark moonless night, suddenly our times together flashed back to me.

How we both walk while talk about nonsense and senseful, petty and worthy conversations.

How we used to stop by the crossings because we're not yet done talking about something.

How my infamous lines like - "I'm sick and tired of this life" whenever I'm stressed at work, and - "why would I do such a thing?", whenever I'm irritated about something, would make her laugh out loud in the middle of this boulevard.

How I used to tease her with someone we both knew because literally, I'm their biggest fan, until all my hopes for both of them crashed down on this same boulevard that it was built.
And how I suddenly gave up on them too, knowing that both of them had given up each other a long time ago.

I know I should not feel so lonely because I love being alone these past years.
As I used to say... Solitude is addictive.

But its different when you're missing a Friend.
A real one, I should say.

Someone you can talked to about the most f**king sh*t and the craziest illusions you have, and know that there are no judgements. Just a friend listening and talking back.

And this boulevard is a witness to our friendship.

I hope all is well with her and may she find what she's looking for.
And may love finds her this winter.

Dedicated to my friend.
My walking buddy.
My sister from another parents.
G.

Beautiful Minds

Mediocre people make simple things complicated.
Intelligent people make complicated things simple.
But a genius makes both simple and complicated things... Beautiful.

The Unqueenly Bee

For your unfair judgements and unjustifiable whinings,
I doubt if you really deserve that position you're dealing.
And because of your immaculate and unblemished pride,
Here we are, all swimming against the tide.

Forgive me for not bowing down,
I'm not disrespecting your crown.
I just believe that you lack that ability,
To be called "your majesty."

And just because you love to make all things complicated,
Why don't you taste your own honey turning bitterly crusted.
Oh! My lady, you have a doomed monarchy,
For thou art one unqueenly bee.

See Old Riddle be Guide

He's a believer of destiny but thinks he can control his.
And he crinks his nose when I turn on my head-banging playlist
But he sings along with the Bread and Eagles songs.
As if those were not rock bands all along.

He believes in a minotour as much as he believes in a bull,
Only the latter can't kill him with fear creeping into his soul.
And now he is the monkey on my back
Trying to fish thoughts inside my mind for luck.

And our destiny are like straws in a wisp.
The unlucky ones are called doomed in creeps.
While the lucky ones called theirs a prophesy
And I can see his as a prodigy.

"Soldier deed beguiled on a madness!"

Memoirs of Winters

Its been a Christmas' family tradition to set up the Christmas tree in the early Ber months.
I grew up with those fond memories.
And now that I'm old, its always nostalgic to build it with my kid.
And it reminds me of that old song - "🎶🎵...when I was small and Christmas trees were tall, we used to laugh while others used to play... And now we're tall and Christmas trees are small and you don't ask the time of day...🎶🎶🎵"

ELI

In the midst of a not so good day...
Beautiful things happen.
You make the good days even better,
And the shit days... bearable.
And I hope one day you'll be able to read all these and know that you are the reason why I made it through the darkest moments in my life.
Because God gave me YOU.

Hello Stranger

Since I've been addicted to solitude these past years, now I'm trying to study social behaviors. Out of boredom, of course.
And in this line of study, I've watched strange people, met stranger people, and even talked to the strangest people.

So one day, while I'm in a cafe reading another book, a guy approached me and asked if he could share with my table since the place was indeed packed with coeds chatting with books opened, but I doubt if they really read those books for the fact that they were all busy gossiping instead of reading.
For a while he let me read my book, until, maybe he cannot contain it anymore, so he started a friendly conversation about the book I'm reading.
For a moment I was glad he was familiar with the book, until he asked me the question - "...if you could press the time button, and go back, and could change something from the past, a past mistake maybe, would you do it?".

I smiled and said - "I've answered that question so many times in my life and my answer has always been the same - NO! I wouldn't press it. Why? Because I don't want to change a thing."

He smirked with a bit of sarcasm and arrogance I think, and said - "So you don't have regrets in life?"

I answered -"Nah! I don't have regrets."

Then he said with a bit of triumphant laugh - "Maturity comes with regrets in life."

So my eyebrows raised and words came rushing inside my mind and I told myself - "I should have warned this guy that I'm probably the most opinionated girl he has ever met", but the warning did not come, instead, the words came right off bat and I started to give him a two hour sermon about life.

I said (***these were not the actual words but its the thought of what I've said) - "I believe that maturity does NOT come with regrets in life, how can you say that you're matured enough if you cannot even handle your past mistakes, if you keep on ranting and whining about those mistakes that's haunting you. I believe that MATURITY COMES WITH INNER PEACE. MATURITY COMES WHEN YOU ARE AT PEACE WITH YOURSELF. WHEN YOU CAN EMBRACE YOUR OWN IMPERFECTIONS WITH FULL ACCEPTANCE OF WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE. WHEN YOU CAN GRACEFULLY HANDLE THE SITUATION GIVEN TO YOU ABOUT YOUR PAST MISTAKES AND WRONG DECISIONS. MATURITY COMES WHEN YOU HAD FINALLY FORGIVE YOURSELF FROM YOUR PAST MISTAKES AND YOU'RE NOT AFRAID TO MAKE ANOTHER MISTAKE IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT SOMEHOW YOU'LL LEARN FROM IT AND GIVEN THAT YOUR JUDGEMENTS ARE MUCH ACCURATE NOW, IT WOULD BE MOST PROBABLY BE RIGHT.
MATURITY COMES WITH INNER PEACE."

For a moment there was a deep silence. Then I smiled triumphantly and with boiling sarcasm I said - "So how's that for a life lesson coming from an opinionated immature lady with no regrets in life, huh?!!!"

Then I walked away without looking back and not even bothered that I did not get his name.

The End.

I Lab You

It is a very rare opportunity to find a perfectly heart shaped white blood cell in a smear of a thousand cells and in a hospital based laboratory with a thousand of patients.
Forgive me for sounding too medical, but its true.
So when you found one, you must capture it for you might not see it again or never get a chance to find another.

And just like in love.
Capture it at the moment.
Seize it for you might not have the opportunity to have one again.

So I captured it... I mean the cell under the microscope, haha!

No, but seriously, somehow it scares me to think that since we never now what the future holds, we might not be able to do the things that we must do if we don't do it now.

We might not be able to say I love you to that one person we love for the rest of our lives if we don't do it now. Don't say I'll tell it to him tomorrow for tomorrow is not yours to promise. What if you don't wake up tomorrow?

Taking chances and taking risk is scary, but it scares me more not to have that chance again.

Though, I also believe that we must be able to distinguish which one is worth taking.

I know I'm just blabbing all these trying to convince myself too.

Because...
It is one of those sleepless nights when every song from my playlists speaks of you, from Westlife to Taylor Swift and even Linking Park and Lifehouse has something to say about you.

Its like every word, every lyrics and just about everything is connected to you.

I'm not obsess, its just that, solitude is addictive and I've been addicted to it for the past 5 years...
And just like the song of Taylor Swift goes - " 🎶 I've been spending the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end. But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again. 🎶 " (Credits to Taylor Swift)
That's how it is for me right now.
Five years of addiction to solitude made me feel uneasy about this new kind of feeling.
Like I'm watching it half prophesied, half doomed.
But nevertheless, I'm here blogging about my feelings. Trying my best to practice what I've just been preaching here.
That is...
Take my chances.
Live the moment.