Words are flowing out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
I tried so hard to keep you.
Because I am so scared to love you but more afraid to lose you. And I don't know exactly what to do. Remember when I told you that you are the only light that remained shining in my darkest hours... that was true and I mean it. But it seems like, though the lamp is still burning, you are taking it away from me. The lamp that kept me warm in the cold times and the fire that burned more important than the sun... that is who you are. But as much as I wanted to keep you close to me, you started burning me and I tried my best to endure the scourging heat... but it was you who think that I could not bear another heartache... so you're slipping away.
Did I say something way too honest that scared you like a rat?
Was I too fragile to hold?
Was I too insensitive to your gestures that made you realize the wrong impression?
Was I too naive that this is just a far cry?
I asked God to save our friendship and He did... but it just became more complicated to both of us... I can sense the pressure in your voice everytime you call me. I can feel the rush everytime we are together, and the tense everytime you talk to me... its like, we are not the same person that we are used to. It all began when you became ambiguous... or was I just anticipating... assuming... overly?
Did I left you with the wrong impression? Was I playing too hard to get that it made you feel like I don't care about you?
But you are so damn insensitive, naive and a jerk to think that way about my feelings for you.
Damn! You are so beautiful... like the only beautiful thing that is left for me when my world fell apart.
You are the reason I still believe in love, why I still hope, why I still have faith that this world still has something beautiful to offer to me. You are the reason why I started smiling again, the reason why in spite of every lies... I still believe. You are the reason I made it through, the reason why I let go and the reason why I moved on. The reason why I'm holding on, the same reason why I let go of my past and holding on to the future that I was hoping to be you. And all the reasons that I could reason out... I don't know the reason why I am feeling this way when I crossed my heart and hoped to die not to fall for you... but I was like the last leaf that clings to the bough in the month of december when all the leaves had fallen apart... I'm trying my best not to fall in love with you... to save this friendship because I'm really scared. I'm scared to lose the only beautiful thing that was left in my world - YOU.
So I hope you understand why I'm trying my best to ignore you. I'm sorry if you think that I gave you false hopes - but no!
When you started acting a little weird I know what that means and I'm so sorry I behaved like a scared rat. But I was really scared of you and your feelings towards me... because the feeling is mutual... I just can't let it show. I envy you because you are too proud about what you feel... and yet I pity you because you are too scared to drop it.
And what annoys me so much is your lack of confidence... You always think that I don't like you... well let me say it once and for all... I DO!
But what scares us both is my fragility. I understand... but I like you to know that it is ok.
I miss you.
I've seen this place a thousand times
I've felt this all before
And every time you call
I've waited there as though you might not call at all
I know this face I'm wearing now
I've seen this in my eyes
And though it feels so great, I'm still afraid
That you'll be leaving anytime
Don't say you love me unless forever...
Didn't want to leave you
With the wrong impression
Didn't want to leave you
With my last confession
Of love
Wasn't trying to pull you
In the wrong direction
All I wanna do is try to
Make a connection
Of love.