"Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself
up off the floor..."
--- Switchfoot ---
(Dare You To Move)
Just like a typical movie that before the end of the story strikes, the climax of the hero's struggles, his most darkest hour, and the most terrifying scenes occur, my college life is one of them.
I entered college four years ago with all the hopes of graduating on time, grades with flying colors, enough finance to support me, and everything beyond what a typical freshman could ever wish for her college life. The first couple of years that I've spent in the university was indeed like a beginning of a movie where the characters were being introduced, and the story was still a mildly chaotic serenity. Until my third year came.
We took our battery exams during the mid semester of my second year in college. Battery exams, so as to say, is the test for medical technology students where in, in the whole med-tech student population, only the higher 40% will survive... the rest... take another course! We all thought of that as morbid, we were around (a little more than) 1,000 students who took up the said course and only 300 students survived the battery exams.
Happy and honored to pass the batt exams, me and the other survivors headed our way from the General Curiculum to the prestigious Institute Of Medicine (School Of Medical Technology). We were proud of ourselves cause only a few were able to step inside the hallways of this institution. I thought of that as finally almost at hand dream. I thought I was already playing safe... but fate twist its hand on my luck.
My greatest fear back then (my third year in college) was to fail. I don't want to later see my transcript of records with the same two subjects because I failed with my first attempt. I could still remember then how I struggled in anguish and agonizing prayers just to pass (grading system is different in this Medical Institution, we are in a zero based system and it is NOT the same with the typical other schools' grading half-based system). Every end of the semester was the so called Promotion Board where all the names of the students were posted on the bulletin board with the letters P- for Passed, C- for Completion, F- for Failed, and the most terrifying KO- for Kicked Out. Failure of three subjects in the range of 12 units would mean, you're out of the University. It was indeed very challenging.
As what I've said, my greatest fear then was to fail. I bargained everything to God just for me to pass all my subjects, but then... "my tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, where is thy God." (Psalm 42:3). God hid his face in the dark and I was consumed by the fire of adversaries... yes, I've failed ONE subject. That was my most devastating moment, and that was the time I have proven myself to God. That inspite of the fury, I can still praise the living God. I must admit I was mad then, I was mad to God, there's a fire of fury burning within my being. But in the midst of the intensity of my fury, I prayed to God and said... "naked came I out of my mother's womb and naked shall I return thither; the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21). I was mad yet I'm praising God. It was my promise to Him that I will serve and praise Him till the end in all seasons. I'm happy that, that experience thought me how to still praise God even in the darkest hours.
I was still in the recovery stage from the trauma of my failure when visions from my dreams haunted my real world. It was no longer the failing grades I fear most but to finally rest in a period of time due to unavoidable circumstances. Again I bargained everything to God, but as if God's ears were deaf. By the end of the second semester my dad talked to me... and finally those visions from my dreams unfolded into reality and became tangible by my frustrated little hands. Strike two! I was exactly embraced by my greatest fear again... my greatest fear happened again infront of my eyes and I can't do anything but to accept the fact and... still praise God inspite of all the tragedies coming my way. By that time, I was too damn weak to still argue with God about my life, so I just wake up each morning and wait till the night falls and talk to God in between.
I was back on track again for my last semester before going to internship. It was a semester full of hopes. It was a serenetic semester after all inspite of the thick mask I'm wearing everytime my old batchmates will approach me and ask why... blah! blah! blah!
Internship has a long way out, and I'm still into it. If you think that such lonesome agonizing scene happen only in a movie, think of it not! Those salinitic tears, sweet smiles, hopeless fights, solitary cries, undecent meals, sleepless nights, old bread and sour milk, bitter wine, a penny in the pocket, fearless tries, unbearable roads to trudge, wicked people, and all the things you thought only happen in a movie became reality in my college life.
I'm about to graduate soon and everyone's glance stares at me.Their expectations, their smiles, and for some, their greeny jealoutic envy and their wicked fist that silently betraying me are all spinning around me. I have to meet their expectations, I have to move the right move. It's as if I'm on a stage play with all eyes watching me. Some are just too nice to applause, while some are just waiting for me to say a wrong line from the script or to fall off from the stage. But everything depends on me... and I depend on God.
This is lovingly dedicated to the greatest warrior ever... a servant yet a master, a man yet a God - To you my Saviour Jesus Christ!
I entered college four years ago with all the hopes of graduating on time, grades with flying colors, enough finance to support me, and everything beyond what a typical freshman could ever wish for her college life. The first couple of years that I've spent in the university was indeed like a beginning of a movie where the characters were being introduced, and the story was still a mildly chaotic serenity. Until my third year came.
We took our battery exams during the mid semester of my second year in college. Battery exams, so as to say, is the test for medical technology students where in, in the whole med-tech student population, only the higher 40% will survive... the rest... take another course! We all thought of that as morbid, we were around (a little more than) 1,000 students who took up the said course and only 300 students survived the battery exams.
Happy and honored to pass the batt exams, me and the other survivors headed our way from the General Curiculum to the prestigious Institute Of Medicine (School Of Medical Technology). We were proud of ourselves cause only a few were able to step inside the hallways of this institution. I thought of that as finally almost at hand dream. I thought I was already playing safe... but fate twist its hand on my luck.
My greatest fear back then (my third year in college) was to fail. I don't want to later see my transcript of records with the same two subjects because I failed with my first attempt. I could still remember then how I struggled in anguish and agonizing prayers just to pass (grading system is different in this Medical Institution, we are in a zero based system and it is NOT the same with the typical other schools' grading half-based system). Every end of the semester was the so called Promotion Board where all the names of the students were posted on the bulletin board with the letters P- for Passed, C- for Completion, F- for Failed, and the most terrifying KO- for Kicked Out. Failure of three subjects in the range of 12 units would mean, you're out of the University. It was indeed very challenging.
As what I've said, my greatest fear then was to fail. I bargained everything to God just for me to pass all my subjects, but then... "my tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, where is thy God." (Psalm 42:3). God hid his face in the dark and I was consumed by the fire of adversaries... yes, I've failed ONE subject. That was my most devastating moment, and that was the time I have proven myself to God. That inspite of the fury, I can still praise the living God. I must admit I was mad then, I was mad to God, there's a fire of fury burning within my being. But in the midst of the intensity of my fury, I prayed to God and said... "naked came I out of my mother's womb and naked shall I return thither; the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21). I was mad yet I'm praising God. It was my promise to Him that I will serve and praise Him till the end in all seasons. I'm happy that, that experience thought me how to still praise God even in the darkest hours.
I was still in the recovery stage from the trauma of my failure when visions from my dreams haunted my real world. It was no longer the failing grades I fear most but to finally rest in a period of time due to unavoidable circumstances. Again I bargained everything to God, but as if God's ears were deaf. By the end of the second semester my dad talked to me... and finally those visions from my dreams unfolded into reality and became tangible by my frustrated little hands. Strike two! I was exactly embraced by my greatest fear again... my greatest fear happened again infront of my eyes and I can't do anything but to accept the fact and... still praise God inspite of all the tragedies coming my way. By that time, I was too damn weak to still argue with God about my life, so I just wake up each morning and wait till the night falls and talk to God in between.
I was back on track again for my last semester before going to internship. It was a semester full of hopes. It was a serenetic semester after all inspite of the thick mask I'm wearing everytime my old batchmates will approach me and ask why... blah! blah! blah!
Internship has a long way out, and I'm still into it. If you think that such lonesome agonizing scene happen only in a movie, think of it not! Those salinitic tears, sweet smiles, hopeless fights, solitary cries, undecent meals, sleepless nights, old bread and sour milk, bitter wine, a penny in the pocket, fearless tries, unbearable roads to trudge, wicked people, and all the things you thought only happen in a movie became reality in my college life.
I'm about to graduate soon and everyone's glance stares at me.Their expectations, their smiles, and for some, their greeny jealoutic envy and their wicked fist that silently betraying me are all spinning around me. I have to meet their expectations, I have to move the right move. It's as if I'm on a stage play with all eyes watching me. Some are just too nice to applause, while some are just waiting for me to say a wrong line from the script or to fall off from the stage. But everything depends on me... and I depend on God.
This is lovingly dedicated to the greatest warrior ever... a servant yet a master, a man yet a God - To you my Saviour Jesus Christ!