Nothing To Lose

My friend said I'm getting skinnier. How come?! I'm already a living skeleton... duh! I hope I won't vanish. It freaks me out actually because I'm trying to gain myself some weight and what my friend said is totally a bad news for me. I did not change my diet... its still the same... I call my diet "GLUTTONY" haha!!! Eating for atleast seven times in a day (e.i. actually just the MINIMUM). But the problem is, my metabolism just won't let me gain even a gram of weight... heck!

A: "You're abnormal!"

B: "Why?"

A: "Its like 32 degrees in here and yet you're not perspiring"

B: "Of course I do!" (Touched her back) "uhoh!"

A: "See! I told you, you're abnormal, you don't have sweat glands!"

B: (Still touching her back) "... yeah, you're right! I'm abnormal!" ;p

The Road Of No Return

At one corner of Nicanor Reyes St. Sampaloc, Manila (a.k.a. Morayta) you will find that one busy street where jeeps going to Divisoria and the like line up for its turn to go, and people from the lower class of life spend the whole day shouting for passengers and smoking their "nth" cigarette. That street is known as P. Paredes, but I prefer to call it "the road of no return" because along that road, the Professional Regulation Commission Office stands. We just finished our application for the Medical Technology Board Exams today, and that means... that's it! No turnning back for that day of "JUDGEMENT". It was a heck day, we are so tired, intoxicated, and pressured. Most of all, am upset about these people who are so unconvinced that I'm a Filipino. Do I have to bring along with me a lawyer all the time, my birth certificate, and an affidavit just to prove that I'm a Filipino citizen? Duh! I just can't seem to understand these people why they keep on bugging me about my looks and my surname... I'm a FILIPINO... end of story!

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Um... I'm actually planning to start writing the short story I've been plotting for over a week now, but I'm having a hard time to actually start it. I thought I'll be needing some quotes from that old American TV series Dawson's Creek, but then, I found myself getting miffed by the Season Finale of that show. I mean, I always thought that if Joey was the sense, then Dawson was the sensibility. But then, it just turned out that, maybe they are just too sensitive that is why they are meant to be "just" bestfriends. Do I have to mention that the radio is actually playing the song that goes - "Someday we'll know... blah... blah... Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you..." well, when is SOMEDAY? I want to know right now why Joey wasn't meant for Dawson... Ok! Sounds cheesy! What do you expect from the mind of a bum who blogs sometime and then bum again. Actually, 2 of my co-editors already, are taking their Medical course. The other two are busy for their Review classes, and the other one just got his job... and me?... Duh! WHAT A BUM!

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I suddenly remember how damn stupid I am. I started up the conversation until it turned out into a "micro" argument. And then I found myself waving the white piece of cloth with the word "LOSER" written on my forehead... haha!!! I mean what I said, but it just turned out that what I mean is actually something stupid. Damn! You know what sucks? It sucks when you fall down and no one is actually there to catch you and the worse, you don't even know where you are going to land. And you know what sucks more than that? It sucks when you found yourself floating on air... I mean floating and NOT flying. It is much better to actually have your feet touching the ground rather than floating without any tangible thing to hold. You are alone hanging out there.

Is Dan Brown Right?

I’m having a hard time starting this whole article about the new Superman movie. That means, if I’m having a hard time to start, that would mean, it is harder to finish. But then, I’m getting started now, so the rest will be a history later.
The hard thing in here is that, I’m not making a movie review. I’m doing an article. Reviews? – there are loads of ‘em in the internet, so its just a freakin’ waste to make another one.
So now, am trying to remember scenes, quotes, and other stuffs, as much as I can, to finally come up into something about this – exaggeratedly publicized movie… I’m not exaggerating. But any movie-freak like me, sure, wouldn’t want to miss such overly advertised heck. And not to mention, it would be the talk of the whole neighborhood for quite sometime, ofcourse.
So let’s get this thing on – “…in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” Familiar?... that’s John 1:1. Next, “And the word became flesh and dwelt among us.” – John 1:14. One more, “…for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever… blah… blah… blah!” – John 3:16, everybody knows this verse from the Bible, though!
The Hollywood’s version?... – “Even though you've been raised as a human being you're not one of them. They can be a great people, Kal-El, they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you... my only son.” – Jor-El
Hmmm! Connections.
So God sent Jesus.
Jor-El sent Superman.
Jesus – as a saviour.
Superman – as the same.
Here goes Dan Brown’s controversy again – that the story of the Holy Grail is just everywhere. Jesus, according to the book I actually admire for its remarkable enigmatic articulacy – (The Da Vinci Code), married Mary Magdalene and they even had a daughter, in which where the blood line of Jesus was actually traced – Sang real.
On the other hand, Superman, though he did not marry Lois Lane, they had a son named Jason.
Tinge of connections, huh!
Remembering the words of Superman to his son – “You may feel outcast but you’re not alone… blah… blah…blah…”, 2 Corinthians 4:9 suddenly popped up into my mind. It goes – “Thou may be persecuted but not forsaken… blah… blah… blah…”. And who’s voice is that again?!
I can’t turn off my mind from playing such plethoric weird ideas, that somehow, Dan Brown is actually right. That the story of the Grail is just in every corner of our old time stories and entertainment.
Somehow, Dan Brown might be right. But until then, the ending of this article, as what I’ve said – is history.

Tragedy In An Idle Tale

If it would not have been from my pathetic angst, I could have appreciated the story more. It is tragic. But I love tragedies, though it is terrible. I'm terribly mean in feeding my emotions, huh! I picked that book from my brother's shelf thinking that reading a novel might somehow change the mood of my mad season. Thinking that - " Two things cannot occupy the same place at the same time". But as two things suddenly collide, then three, four, thousands, millions, billions!... Billions of thoughts suddenly collide inside my mind. I can't resist their way of occupancy. And now, I have to reject that theory and give way for a paradigm shift... that is, the Quantum Theory.

Weighing each and summing them all up is less than the whole. I've got the whole.

Again believing that Gestalt theory that - "The whole is more than the sum of everything".

How I wish I could appreciate it more.

But how can you appreciate something that actually provokes you to feel the bitter ache and angst?

The Moment I Knew You Cry

"It was raining... and I've seen you before. You were always the cold one but I was never that sure. You were all by yourself... I was changed. In places no one would find all your feelings so deep inside... the moment I saw you cry. I wanted to hold you, I wanted to make it go away. I wanted to know you, I wanted to make your everything alright." - Cry (Mandy Moore)





I do wonder... how do you look like when you cry?
How do you look like when those tears fall from your eyes?
... Staring in front of the computer. You've got so much to say. As those words start to rumble inside your head, you still don't know how to begin. Your fingers touching the keyboard but they aren't typing. You've got a lot to say but you can't utter a single word. The silence inside the room is deafening... as tears suddenly glide along your tired and weak face. Beautiful but lonely.
I wanted to know you...
I wanted to make your everything alright...
Until then.. cry.

Delayed Reaction Syndrome

So much to blab about the movie "Superman Returns". I was just so damn preoccupied that is why am suffering from this Acute Delayed Reaction Syndrome - too bad! Tsk! Tsk!

Old cliches are almost always true. Like that thing we always hear here and there - "Somebody else's trash could be somebody else's treasure". I prefer to say it in my own Bohemian vocabulary - "Somebody else's "just" Clark could be somebody else's Superman." - agree!

Maybe, we all are supermen. We just do not know it because the people we are trying to save are half-blind, they only see Clark in us. On the other hand, we too are half-blind, we only see Clarks inspite of billions of supermen around us.

Tell me who doesn't need a saviour?

I'll tell you, you're in great danger.

One thing that I fear this time is the metamorphosis... the evolution of numbness to anger.

Art Of Oblivion

I've got a wrong premonition. I thought I'll be better but it turned out worse. I feel more pathetic now. As I stare blankly at the wall in front of me, oblivion governs the whole scenario. The frames that were once, I call masterpiece, are now fading. The palette that was once full of lively colors are now mixing only shades of black and grey. Its raining hard outside but the season is colder than the weather itself. The droplet is more lonely than the rain itself... if you know what I mean. A voice is telling me that it is much better and who knows if it is the best... but I say, if its the best... then it is the worst so far. Oblivion is the way out of pain. So much for my equivocal tales.
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On the lighter side of this crap... we watched "Superman Returns"... actually, we watched it twice. Uhoh! Clark Kent just reminds me of someone... a not-so-old acquaintance, who looks like him. Haha! He is just a bit skinnier. Hmmm! I can smell what the rock is cookin'... its a fish! Haha! Now am smiling. Elektra must see this movie with her Daredevil. Then give me a feedback dude!... tell me ya agree... HE is really CLARK IN FLESH!

Quote to ponder:

"Gods are selfish beings who fly around in little red capes and don't share their power with mankind." - Lex Luther (Superman Returns)

My Reaction To The Quote:

>>> I say, if God is a selfish being, He would not have given Jesus. Oh! sure He did not share... He gives!

Black Coffee & Soul

She headed her way to the balcony just after splashing some water on her face. It is a great morning. The table for one is waiting for her. She sat there alone, breathing the morning mist of air mixed with the aroma of her black coffee. Suddenly, a repercussion of an impeccable truth seeped through the nerves of her brain like an impetuous flow of a plethoric droplets of rain gushing through a gutter.

Is this the life I'm living? Is this life? What is sense without sensibility? The mocking sense of nothingness. Give me all the advice you could give just for me to learn how to feel. Numbness is everything inside emptiness. Hurt me and I'll be glad. I want to feel even the most painful poignancy this world has to offer just to get by with this numbness. It is a trap of an equinox. In the middle between night and day where dream lies, but you have no escape to embrace reality. Pain is a proof of reality. The binge is a lure. Priorities... they never gave me the option to be happy. Vicissitude... who knows the meaning of bliss? When you lived your life inside a blackhole, pain is even a gift from reality. Give me all the reasons in the world and I'll give you just one. A soul needs the pure language that is so universal that even the embryonic mind could understand.

Just one thing that could make all reasons valid.

Hush...

She is drowned by her tears.

Tell me about the senses...

What's the essence?

Sensibility...

Sensitivity...

What makes sense?

Hush now my soul... hush! ='(

The Angel With Dirty Feet

It has been awhile since the last time I blab about that “big break” thing. Before, it was like an enigmatic coccon. But then suddenly, it turned out into a monster – a bemusing savage reality.
Funny as it may seem, but I asked for this hidden catastrophe. I never thought it was such a cataclysm wrapped with congently bewildering Venusian velvet. It was a tragedy in the making.
For once, it was a yonder dream that I thought, an angel, like a fairy godmother was sent to make it happen. But as the day passed and gave a way for the night, the dream come true became a living nightmare. I wanted to run back to the day when the sun was still governing the whole set of play. I wanted to run back even just to the time of late afternoon, even just before the sunset, just to get by with this dark ebony night. I wanted to run as fast as I can for the dawn, but the night is still young, the midnight is still far… how much more the dawn? If you know what I mean.
I continue to walk on to this night of living nightmare. I have to, I created my own abyss. And now, I have to make a way out of this bottomless chasm I made for myself. I have to create a wormhole in this blackhole am in, even in the midst of darkness.
The state of forlorn and euphoria collides within me as I sail on this sea of chagrin, cadging for courage to make it on the shore.
Believing that tragedy is actually a story of hope.