Love lust for sacrifice... I don't know why but its true, love is insatiable unless the pain of sacrifice seeped through the core of your heart. Its like that itchy insect bite that you scratch hard enough to wound your skin, and until pain stops the itch, then you'll be satisfied. The common thing that love and lie has is that they both hurts.

to live like there is no forever

Vindicated... if God did not give us what we wanted, its because He has a better plan for us than our plans for ourselves. Meagan Young, the first Filipina who bagged the Miss World crown. She just made history out of the urban legend that Philippines will never have it. The first time I saw Meagan way back starstruck batch 2, she was just 14 years old, she was already my bet. And when she was cast out for the final four, I thought this show just made a mistake for not making her the grand winner. After sometime when she transferred from one network to another and still not noticed, I thought she is like a beautiful bird in a cage, she has a lot to prove but she just can't spread out her wings because nobody believes in her capability. She was my silent favorite, and waiting for her to make it big. Until she did. When she won Miss World Philippines I was not surprise because I always thought she is good and great at the same time, so when finally crowned as the Miss World 2013, she is vindicated. After all her lost battles, finally she is vindicated. Her crown to most means victory, but for me its an inspiration, that God knows what He is doing, that God will prove His promise, His better plan. And I know to myself that soon I will, too, will be vindicated. After a lot of lost battles recently, I know soon I will win, a better battle, a bigger glory than what I've been fighting for. I have faith, so at this very moment I'm claiming it... I AM VINDICATED.

adding another year in your life is not about getting old but rather growing wiser, stronger, and happier.

rock of ages (part two: the rocky road)

Last night I dreamed about you, and it made me realize that I may not be missing you but I can't deny that I'm loving you. All these years I keep on pretending that all I wanted was to be your friend but then I must admit I'm a coward.

Now all that is left are just regrets and what ifs, I wonder how I'm coping with this.

Your absence made me realize that love is more than just being together.

I'm too filthy to be with you, I feel like I don't deserve to be with you and I'm hating the man who made me filthy and not worthy of your love.

It could have been me and you if only I've waited a little longer for both of us to compose ourselves, if only I didn't let myself get filthy by the hands of some other man. A regret that can never be changed.

I love you... my heart is screaming my love for you.

I'm sorry I was the first one who put a distance.
I'm sorry I chose the wrong one.
I'm sorry I didn't chose you... but if you only knew that each minute I spent with him I was wishing its you. I didn't chose you because I love you so much I can't afford to hurt you... when loving comes with pain, I can't afford to be that pain.
Sometimes I wonder maybe the reason why I end up all alone is because I didn't really loved him, because it was always you. It is you I'm in love with.

My rock and my fortress...
If only you could love me again like before everything becomes filthy.
Shower me with your love and I'll be whole again, I'll be clean again.

wisdom of a fool

I don't understand why all of a sudden I had regrets and they are many...
I was scared to fall I might not get up again... and now.. am I right all along...
And suddenly you popped up like the boy in that song that she remembers but not the feeling... weird I remember the feelings as well though not tangible.

And was I too smart not to commit mistakes not realizing that mistakes will make me wiser... and now I'm making them a bit too late.

rock of ages

The greater part of /is unknown

I might lose a diamond by collecting stones but you are my rock and my fortress... a diamond could never rock my world like you do.
I'm scared to fall asleep for you might not love me anymore when I wake up tomorrow.
Was it my fault that we were never together, was I too friendly that it made you think that we can never be more than friends? Or was it you who never had the courage, who was so scared of saying what you really feel? Or maybe I was the coward one too cause I never said a word either. Either way this is now the life that we are living... forever in the past... that I hope not.
And it so funny that it all falls back and goes back to you... like a destiny I cannot ran away from.
But the sad part of the story is that the past is so filthy... so filthy that I'm not even sure if you still want to hold it... and neither me is sure... but I still wanted to try... even if it means dipping my fingers into the mud.

So sleep now my rock and my fortress and don't you worry for tomorrow I still love you and the only thing that will change is the depth of my love for it will grow deeper each day you wake up... and until the day that you will no longer wake up... I'll still love you at the other side of your sleep. I love you.

I don't understand why all of a sudden I had regrets and they are many...
I was scared to fall I might not get up again... and now.. am I right all along...
And suddenly you popped up like the boy in that song that she remembers but not the feeling... weird I remember the feelings as well though not tangible.

And was I too smart not to commit mistakes not realizing that mistakes will make me wiser... and now I'm making them a bit too late.

father time

Way back 2006, i was a fresh graduate and about to take the national board exams for medical scientist/technologist when i dreamt i was talking to a man, an old man, A very old man with long gray hair and beard. He gave me a little book, like a size of an ordinary pocket book, its old like him but the letters, symbols and formulas written inside the book was clear. The front cover has a picture of a blue sky with white clouds and a ray of light but instead of the sun it was an hour glass that's striking the rays. Before i woke up that day he told me that that book contained all the secret formulas to be successful in life, i asked him who he was. I was hoping he would say he was god but he told me "i am nostradamus".



Time passed so quickly after i passed the board exams that year. Lots of jobs were offered. I earned a lot of money, wasted a lot of time, wasted a lot of my health.



After 5 years, i haven't forgot that dream but i ignored it until i dreamt of it again one cold night of july back 2011.



I was in a shuttle with that book in my hands and i gave it to a girl sitting next to me wearing a white uniform and was on her way somewhere to take the nursing board exams.




Fast forward today...

Today i'm reading through ebook from my tab a book by mitch albom... one of my fave authors.
The book's title is "the time keeper" and somehow i can't help but think that somehow that old man in my dream isn't nostradamus but "father time" himself. With that hourglass picture on his book, Somehow maybe he really is making himself known only in dreams.