"Anguish Of The Youngest Child"I'm a daddy's girl... that's actually both a blessing and a curse at the same time. It's a blessing being the only girl and at the same time the youngest in the family because I'm treated really special. They always give me extra money, extra toys, extra food, and they always protect me... I mean... overly protect me. But the other side of it is a curse. Being hated by you're siblings is a big curse. You'll always find yourself alone without anyone to talk to, to share what's on your mind, and what you feel.
I grew up with pens, papers, and my old guitar who knows me more than my parents...more than my big brothers... more than anyone. I grew up with these stuffs because through them, I could just burst out all my inert emotions in life.
I started to write at a very young age. I wrote my first poetry and my short story (entitled "ANNA'S BIRTHDAY") when I was about three years old. I composed my very first song at the age of four. I love writing eversince. Everytime I write, I feel like my soul is reviving and in that very moment of placidity in my life I could find the real space that I crave, the space where no one knows where except me, the space where all my feelings live, my fears, my hopes, my tears, my joys, my failures, my success, my anger, my love, my strenghts, my weaknesses, my anguish, my pain, my insecurities, my confidence, and my weirdest dream among the weirdest dreams where your imagination cannot even take you, not even your wildest dreams or nightmares.
No one knows this space, its just me, my pens, my papers, and my good old guitar, they were my childhood friends, and my peers until now. They know what state of poignancy I'm in right now - these stuffs knows it, but my parents don't, my big brothers don't, not even my friends know what kind of anguish, pain, and fury I'm suffering right now.
Its sad, so sad to be alone. You know that you're in a big crowd but you still feel all alone. Its the inner loneliness that makes you feel empty though people thinks you're full. Its like your days are full but you remain, most of the time, unsatisfied.
I don't have grudges - I just hope I'm telling the truth. But I know someone out there has a grudge on me. He thinks I'm selfish, self-centered child who never cares for anyone. But look who's talking!...He thinks I'm a spoiled brat, selfish, self-centered kid because if ever I've done him a favor, I don't take that favor with me forever... I've done it... then its done!!! Why should I talk about it in front of everybody just for them to complement me and say "Oh she's a good lass!" - I don't give a damn on it! But whenever HE gives me a little favor, he'll let the whole world know about what he has done... (so you want the complement???!!!... I'll give it to you - THANK YOU!!! - satisfied?).
Now tell me, who's selfish and self-centered? You always have your hidden agendas just to elevate yourself. Who do you think you're foolin'? - I can pretend that I don't know what's going on... but I know it man!!! I know it!... You know what?... you're not only selfish and self-centered, you're also damn numb and dumb at the same time for not realizing what other people have done for you. You always think we owe you a so much... but no!!! cause you're damn hypocritical noble man with a distinct feature of a hero with a rotten philosophy of a villain. No one knows your agenda - that's what you think... but I do!!! You can't fool me. I don't hate you... though I know you hate me... I just wish that you're not the person you are.
"I grew up the way many youngest children grow up, pampered, adored, but inwardly tortured!"
This is the anguish of a youngest child...
Its for everyone to read...
Its a MESSAGE IN A BLOG...