Thursday, September 22, 2005

INTERNSHIP BLUES: PART 4 (Are You Ready To let Go?)


Quote: Don't let go too soon... but don't hang on too long... you'll know just when to change your mind.

Yesterday, after the tiring duty at the hospital laboratory, me and my buddies went to SM West to watch a movie. It was already late in the afternoon when we arrived there at the mall so we hurriedly went straight to the movie house. We watched LAND OF THE DEAD - its a nice movie... not that very nice.. but simply NICE! I was strucked in the part when one of the young army was bitten by a zombie and then he killed his own self because he don't want to be one of those creepy creature. There was also another part of the story with the same situation as the first that I've just mention, but this second army, when he was given an option whether to die at the very moment he was bitten or to live but be one of those decaying zombies... he chose to live and become a zombie to revenge on someone. We're still inside the dark room when my mind started to twist into different psychological reflection, and then I asked my inner self if ever I'm trapped with the same situation, will I choose to die or to live with decaying body?... uhhh oh!!!... I'll rather DIE!!!
After the thrilling movie, we went to French Baker, bought some goodies out there... brownies and "tuna turner" - hehehe!!! Outside the mall, we made fun of ourselves, we took pictures like we were a wandering tourist in a very ordinary place wearing our white uniform, laughing and cracking jokes in the middle of the crowd as if we're at our own homes, with everybody staring at as like we're crazy or as if we're like those kids who are lost in the power of prohibited momentary fun of metamphetamines, barbiturates, methadone, or benzodiazepenes - (sounds too medical!!!). But no!!!, we're not lost in the power of benzoylecgonine (hehehe!!!), rather, we're lost in the company of each other. Man!!! life really rocks!!!
As we separate our ways homeward, I was left alone at the back of the taxi, still enjoying the scenario of the night lights at West Avenue. At the back of my mind, I was still laughing as I rewind the craziness we just did. Suddenly, I realized, at the end of this month, we're all be moving into different hospitals, which means, things won't be the same anymore. From the wild, crazy moment we just had, my mind suddenly shifted into the tranquility state of reflection - so there it was, the question suddenly seeped into my brain and I began to sort it all out - am I ready to let go?
Eversince this month of September approached this year, I already started battling with my emotions. I know I have to fix everything right now before its too late, too late to handle again the pain of letting go. I have to detached myself to the crazy company of sweet easy-riders and enter a new phase of my life again. I've learned a lesson again, that is - "We should let every experience penetrate us fully, and that's how we are able to leave it. Take every emotions,cause if you hold back on the emotions, if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through it, you can never get to being detached - cause you're too busy being afraid. If you dive into those emotions - you can say - " Alright, I have enough! I'll detached!". Turn the faucet of emotions and wash yourself with emotions, it won't hurt you, it will only help you".
There's no way to move forward but to leave the place you're in. And as what I always say - " You can always look back but you can never go back" - never dare to go back cause there's so much more on your wayward ahead. Honestly, I don't really want to go back either, cause I'm satisfied with what I had, I'm fulfilled, got no regrets either. Surely, I'll miss this, but if ever I'll have the fancy chance of going back, I won't take it, cause I believe that only those who have unsatisfied lives, unfulfilled lives, and lives that haven't found meaning are the ones who still want to go back, cause if you've found meaning in your life, you don't want to go back, you want to go forward, you want to see more. And yes! I want to see more, I have a very meaningful life and I want it to become more meaningful each day.
So, am I ready to let go?... if you reflect on my message, you'll know the answer. Read between the lines... the answer is there.