The Songs I Write at Night 5

Tonight is another sleepless night...
Because tomorrow is another day again...
Where all of my fears seem to rush in
Again and again inside my thoughts.
I can't push them aside...
There's no one to share them with...
No one to talk to...
No one to understand...
No one to give comfort...
No one to shed some light...
No one to encourage me.

So I have to talk again to the stars.
Seem like they were the only friends I know.

And once again I have to remind myself
That THE ONLY THING THAT COULD DEFEAT MY FEAR IS MY FAITH.

So for one more day again and again...
I have to hold on to that thinnest line to survive above my fears.

Stuck

So once and again...

I told myself...

For one more day...

Let's do it again.

My feet is almost at the door...

My hand is about to turn the knob...

I am ready to walk away...

But once and again I begged myself...

To stay for No rational reason...

Without logical explanation...

But just stay for Faith's sake.

Because there's nowhere to go to anyway.

So for one more day...

And tomorrow...

I know I'll be telling myself the same old phrase...

To do it again for one more day...

Maybe, who knows...

God will finally lift a finger...

Tomorrow...

If I do it again...

For one more day.

So I dedicate this song to myself...

Cause for another day...

I am stuck.

So don't wonder why I changed my mind...

I see the world differently everyday.

Snows on Summer

I almost forgot that I am good at this game...

In fact, I excel on this and no one has ever beaten me yet.

And you thought that it is you who can beat me for the first time?

I'm just tired playing this game...

But you dare challenge me in the midst of my silence.

Now prepare for my roar!

My silence speaks louder than my roar...

Now prepare for the coldness...

You provoked me to rain snows on summer.

In the mood... 🤣🤭

For The Sleepless Nights

Dear Self,

If we ever stop talking...

Just send me a song...

I promise...

I will understand.

I will still understand.

...because I know

That 3 am thoughts

Are full of ideas...

But sometimes...

It is full of tears.

The Broken Playlist

Be releasing a new playlist on spotify later...

...and if all the world was perfect,
Would you still want to see my scars?
Could you accept my flaws?

#59

So I talked to my mom this morning because I'm having a hard time these past few months deciding about my life.
Since my mind is clouded by my emotions and my faith is being tested by my logical wisdom and rational instincts.

And since just last month I decided not to believe in signs anymore...

But my mom told me that asking for signs is important to nourish our faith.

She told me that she thinks that my faith is getting frail because I think too much.

My wisdom is making my faith frail.

She told me that she is proud of me that I grew up as a wise woman and getting wiser each day but she also said that being wise without faith is like a tree without a fruit.

And at the end of the day...
My wisdom will no longer serve me good because "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom"...
And that "Fear of the Lord" is actually called Faith.

She said that I should not let my wisdom break my faith to God.

That I should use my wisdom to strengthen my faith.

And lastly, she told me that God never deceives.
Ask for a sign and believe in it.

God will not say yes if He has no intention to give it to you.

If the sign is yes...
Then it is definitely a yes.
No more follow up questions.

*****
So I asked for the number 59 on a car's plate number as I head off to work this morning.
And the last car that I saw before I entered my office building got the number 59.
I smirked because I was losing hope along the way...
But He said yes at the end.

So now... I will let my grey walls down and will let my wisdom strengthen my faith to overcome my fears.