The Frail Faith Of The Faithful






“Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.”
-The Shawshank Redemption-


I've been through worse, and I can prove that. And being there, I've learned how to praise God in spite of my rage and angst against Him. I'd realized long ago that the best way to worship God is to praise Him in your most darkest and angriest moment because in spite of your human emotions the goodness of the heart still prevails.


A thanksgiving prayer is beautiful, a mourning heart prays sincerely, but the prayer of an angry heart is the most fervent because it goes beyond the will but still manage to make it. It is surpassing a very tempting test. The temptation not to pray and to praise God because of anger is hard to overcome... and so I say it is the most fervent prayer if you had overcome that temptation. That is the frail faith of the faithful.


The frail faith of the faithful still believes that in spite the unwilling prayer, God still hears.


Trust is believing what you can see but faith is believing something you'd never seen. Faith is hoping in spite of hopelessness, it is believing beyond doubts, it doesn't seek for signs nor for miracles, nor for reasons to believe because faith hopes that the impossible will become possible... good thing... in God, everything is POSSIBLE.

BeAuTiFuL NiGhTmArE





It was the last Friday of the month of august. I woke up late so I was in a rush going to work. It was almost six in the morning, I was wearing my two-inched high heels and I was walking very fast that I didn't noticed the bump on the road. I almost slipped but I managed to balance myself, and so I thought I should have wore my scrub suit and my sneakers instead when suddenly I heard a tiny voice that said - “ Ineng... madadapa ka pa!”. I turned to the voice and saw an old woman sitting at the corner of the street. I got scared and so I walked even faster. At that time my mind was a mess. I was thinking about my judgment day which was fast coming. I only had 48 hours left to get ready for that day but just the thought of it made me shiver.



I was expecting that my judgment day will happen on the first day of the week but it happened 3 days later.


So if I said before that I'd vomit the green thing in the middle of the street with all those eyes staring at me and that I wanted then to disappear or it was I that I wanted to become invisible, well, double that humiliation, and that was my judgment day.


All I know was that, at that very moment I just wanted to shrink, that I was wishing for a magic wand that will make me disappear in front of everybody... but that magic did not happen. I was left there facing the entire humiliation while my mind was reiterating the phrase that God won't give me something that I can't bear... but then, that was true enough... I made it somehow.


If the part one was cruel enough... the the part two was extremely morbid. But of course, even in movies it is like that, so expect that life would be like that too.

So if I said before that humiliation is just for a moment and soon enough you'll be laughing at it... yeah right! Look who's laughing now.


Two down... more to go!

Never under estimate your opponent.


But I know I can face it all because of God.


They say that happiness is not always about sunshine... sometimes it is about dancing in the rain...


So I say, I'll dance in the storm, let the thunder be my music and the lightning be my spotlight. And when the strong wind carry me into a place full of monsters, its OK... I don't care... YOU will be my beautiful nightmare.

Faith And Faithfulness





“There are many devices in a man’s heart, nevertheless the counsel of the Lord that shall stand.” PROV. 19:21 (KJV)



Faith is the substance of things hoped for. How can you hope for things to come if you do not have faith – right?

Faith is the beginning of hope.



I guess, the reason why God made faith, hope and love is because He knows that life is never easy, it is never fair. And these three (faith, hope, and love) are the only tangible things on earth that could comfort us when we are in despair. When life gets too rough and you began losing your faith and the situation seemed to be hopeless and you begin to doubt in love… you can quit, yes, you can… but, have you ever thought of how worse life would be if you let go of your faith, your hope, and your love? These three cannot guarantee you everything here on earth but it can guarantee you ONE thing… COMFORT. Comfort in your afflictions like a cradle in a foe’s camp.


Life’s main goal is to try us. To try our strength. To prove to us how weak or how strong we could be. To prove to us how coward or how brave we are. Life will continuously try our faith. But this trying of faith springs forth patience. Most of the time, in our weakest moments, that’s the time when life strikes harder, pushing us into the limit, on the verge of our faith. In these trying times we have two options, to let go of our faith that has been holding us up or to faithfully hold on to that faith and hope that things will get better.


Life indeed is a race, so we must run with patience the race that is set before us.


We must remember that through faith we understand the mysteries in life. Through faith, the men and women of the Bible obtained promises and witnessed miracles. Some of them died in faith not having received the promises but having seen them afar off and were persuaded and so, not in their time but in God’s perfect time, it was fulfilled.


Remember: “It is impossible for God to lie…” HEB. 6:18 (KJV)


“So ask (and keep on asking) and it shall be given to you
Seek (and keep on seeking) and ye shall find
Knock (and keep on knocking) and it shall be opened unto you
For anyone that asketh receiveth
And he that seeketh findeth
And to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” MATT. 7:7-8 (KJV)


If we have faith, then the Lord God in heaven is even more faithful in keeping His promises.

The After Fact




Have you ever planned something stupid but fun and it turned out to be out of your control? You thought everything will go the way you had planned it but it didn't... it just didn't! So you embarrassed yourself and for that very moment, you wanted to be invisible, just a part of the street, wishing no one was there or it was you who weren't there. So you tried to sleep it over. When you woke up, your head aches, you know exactly what had happened, your mind is rewinding your humiliation but you don't feel it anymore, you are just laughing now, laughing about that stupid thing you did and so you tell to yourself - “Yeah! I had vomit that green puke in the middle of the street, it stinks, its silly, but that was fearless!”


I guess that is the message that I'm trying to tell here – that is to live life fearlessly. Make it or break it, it doesn't matter. They say a lot of people already died because of the word - “I THOUGHT” but I believe that it is better to whisper that word “ I thought” with you last breath rather than keep on breathing but keep on asking - “What if?”. I don't believe that we should grab chances when it comes because chances never comes. I believe that we should make our own chances, we build our own chances, and once we had built the chance, that 's the time we grab it. But never build a chance if you do not intend to grab because it is just a waste of time. It is like building a house but you refuse to live in it. So, if you want a house, build it and live in it. If you want something, build a chance to have it and once you had built the chance, grab it – FEARLESSLY!



Humiliation could only beat the weak heart, but a fearless heart knows that humiliation is just for a moment and soon after, you will find yourself laughing at it.



Reputation is the difference between “before the fact” and the “after fact”.
Tell the truth now before the fact can no longer lurk itself, at least you proved to everyone that you've got the guts to tell the truth with your own tongue. The after fact could only ruin a reputation because whatever your reason for not telling the truth too soon, they will not listen anyway. Reputation is something you have to build, but who cares anyway? Why do you have to live your life based on other people's opinion – right?


Contradicting?... yes, but it will leave your mind asking.


Fearlessly live your life the way you wanted it without hurting anybody. And whatever life throws at you, rude or nice... just believe in your faith. It might not save you but surely it will comfort you.


Life loves the person who dares live it.


“I don't know why, but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress – FEARLESS!”... YOU INSPIRE ME.

A Few Good Men: Quis Custodet Ipsos Custodes (Part 3)



“Quis custodet ipsos custodes?” - “Who will guard the guards?”


Silence is golden but sometimes it is just plain yellow. Patience is a virtue but sometimes it is just a waste of time... for every thing there is a time - “... a time to love, a time to hate; a time for war, a time for peace.” (Eccl. 3:8 KJV)


So if I've been working for peace for quite a long time now, then I'm fed up. I will rise and I will start the war.


The battle has begun.


I always believe that the pen is mightier than the sword. The tongue is sharper than the razor. And the human heart is more venomous than that of the scorpion sting.


I tried my best to forgive you and give you another chance after another, but this is the last straw and there's nothing more to ask for. It is my dignity that you are trying to invade and destroy. I'm telling you, I won't let that happen, I won't sit here and wait until I can no longer stand and fight. So while I still have my strength, I will fight you with all my might until you run and hide and live like hermits in the forest. You provoked me to start this war. To kill one might save a million.



You are suppose to guard this place, you are suppose to protect us, but we are NOT safe from you. We are guarding ourselves against you. You are wearing that uniform like a sepulcher, like a noble man, but your soul has never seen even a spark of light. “... for you are like whited sepulchers, which indeed appear beautiful outward but are within full of dead men's bones and of all uncleanness!” (Matt. 23:27 KJV)


You provoked me to start this war, so I did, and I will finish it. I guarantee your defeat! I will win this battle in God's name!


“A soldier fights in a battle not because he hates what is in front of him but because he loves what is in his back.”


I fight because my dignity is at my back.

Frail

yes, I have time... a lot of time... to wait patiently.

but I don't have forever.

its true that no one waits forever because no one has forever... what we have is just our lifetime.




...I'm not that close in giving up... actually... I'm already on the verge and even the softest breeze could make me fall...








so scared to fall... I might not get up again.

My FAITH is failing me...

God, help Thou my unbelief.

If I've known who YOU are...
I'd done it on purpose.

Bah Bah! Black Sheep

"Behold I send you sheep amidst the wolves" Matt. 10:16

behold, i was the sheep but, i've been acting like a wolf.
so God conspired another lost sheep to bump me so that i will come to realize that i am still a sheep and not a wolf.

behold i was sent as a sheep not to become a wolf.

A Farmer Has A Fertile Soil






When I was eight years old I'd read a proverb that says” A stupid person may forgive and forget but the wise forgives but never forgets”. I forgot the name of the person who quoted that, but his words inflicted me like an incurable disease that I even used that as my tag line in our grade school yearbook.



It seems like yonder years had passed but still, I got that disease. I took up my pre-medical course, graduated and passed the board exams three years ago with an eagle eye of pursuing medical degree course. But it was like a destiny destined not to be fulfilled. I don't why... I guess that really is a destiny meant not to be destined. Little did I know that this destiny that was destined not to be fulfilled will eventually become my redemption.




My story begun in a face of a child.



She was crying so loud. She was scared, so scared that her very own fears made her hate everyone who touches her, even her mother. She was my patient. She was three years old, afraid of needles, dextrose, syringe, medicines, nurses, doctors and most especially … ME – the one who will extract blood from her. The one who will point that sharp thin needle into her skin, the one who is famous by the qoute - “we inject pain to extract the truth.”


The extraction ended about half an hour.

She is sobbing.

After getting all the necessary requirements, I smiled at her and said - “goodbye baby... get well soon!” and to my surprise, in the midst of her face drowned with her own tears, she smiled back and said with a sobbing voice - “Ba-bye!”.


I smiled and I knew... I had another story.



I asked myself, why can't we be like those innocent kids? They were hurt but they never hold grudges in their hearts. Why do we love sowing seeds of hatred in our hearts when the truth is, it never gives the fruit of happiness but rather, hatred begets hatred.



Aren't we all FARMERS? We all have our fertile soil – that is our hearts, and whatever we plant in there will surely grow. So choose the right seeds.


“When you forgive, you set a prisoner free. Soon you will discover that that prisoner you set free was actually... YOURSELF”.