Cause you're so good in it...
Like it is all in your veins...
OVerflowing.
And after twenty years
I want you to know that I did my very best.
I tried so many times...
But it never made a difference.
And for the credit of His sign,
Of tossing a coin and sitting by my side,
I thought He'd be breaking my chains,
But all along He broke my heart.
All of His are broken promises.
Except for yours,
You never made one for me anyway.
You're never broken to me.
Like all the stories of one great love.
There you are slipping in my dreams.
Making conversation about the red barn.
And how you don't want to buy a house and a land.
There you are slipping in my dreams.
Touching my hair,
Making me a drink.
Until I thought I still care.
And so I woke up and realize
The feeling is all gone.
You're happy, I know that.
Living the Aussie life.
For so long I thought I'll be forever
Locked in the twelfth of never.
But time has proven again it's mysteries.
And now I am healed completely.
I can no longer see you in my future
And in my present your presence is no longer a trancing lore.
You are only vivid in my past, and for twenty years you've been my anchor.
But now, I am my only savior.
Footnotes:
This is my story of unrequited love. But unlike all the many stories of one great unrequited love, mine differs, for it never broke my heart.
Though I hoped for the tiniest spark that was never there, though I still hoped in spite of all the nothingness... My heart was never broken... Because I never expected anything.
I knew all along that it was never mine from the start. The signs were all there to show. All the "friendzones", the "just a friend from the youth organization", and the casual talks and smiles. I know my place from the start.
But Sometimes, love is just way much stronger than any rational and logical thing.
But he did not broke my heart.
That is for the record.
It is one thing to get hurt enough not to be loved by the one you love, and another thing to get hurt because he has broken your heart. There's a big difference.
And for the record again, he never made a promise anyway, so there was nothing to be broken.
My heart was in pain but it was never broken by him.
And for all the memories I have, I only cherish the best ones.
Because of him, my passion in writing, in photography, and in arts found its way again to me.
As a kid I love writing, I love photography and paintings, but sometime in my process of growing up, I became estranged to my own passion. But because of him, I found my way back.
So there is nothing bitter about my unrequited love for I have learned so much from Him, from this love, from fate and faith, and all other thin lines that made this process a one beautiful journey.
P.s. In a dream, I was talking to him about my dream house that is the red barn that never existed anyway. 😬