Interview With The V-Empire

I untied my tongue to loosen the words in order to answer the questions and pretend that there was no trepidation lurking inside me. I wasn’t prepared at all... but when I think about that wish, that chance, that prayer... I know it worth my risk, it worth my efforts, it worth my pride. And though it did not guarantee me any sure answers but just pure probabilities, I’m still glad I tried because I know I will never ask myself that most morbid question – “What If?”

And so whatever the answer... I know it is God’s will.

Ciao!

Do U Read Planetareans (Part 3)

I waited long enough... so long that even eternity did not endure it, so long that even time lose its patience. but now I understand why... why it took the waiting so long and still...

I don't want to blame you... though it is a fact that everything is your fault. But the funny thing here is that... it seems to me that you and God has a common goal for me... and I don't have the guts and the reason to get mad to God... and so that includes you...
So I have to wait still... because you said so... Because God said so.


I thought this is the Finale of this series... but I was wrong....

Of Dirt, Clay And The Master

The year was started with a prayer and of toasts for different wishes for the year while the air was filled with smoke and the odor of burning firecrackers. Outside the edifice we're in, we could vividly hear the staffs, the crews, the doctors and other employees laughing and shouting while the echo of their voices mingled homogeneously with the loud bangs and booms. After the ceremonial toasts of punch, we went outside to watch the fireworks as well. Everyone was wearing their smiles like a clown who never knew the meaning of sadness and in that masterfully directed scenery, I felt succumbed to wear my own sweetest smile in this act of crafted play in the stage of life.
Now, almost in the mid of January, while the early rain of the year pours down, hearing its tics and tacs on the tin roof, I reminisce the last year on how and what made it so different and frustrating from the other years of my life.
My last year's only wish... or should I say, my most prayed wish did not came true. And though last year paid me lots of blessings I did not even asked for to counterpart that wish that still remained a wish (until now), I still feel frustrated.
Coupling my frustration was the feeling of uselessness. The feeling of being there but just there. Like I was merely existing and doing routine works but could never really live and could never touch others' lives.
So much about my frustrated life and wretched spirit, I suddenly remember the invitation I received a couple of weeks ago from a long lost friend. It was her birthday. And since I'd never seen her for the last couple of years, I felt obliged to come on her birthday party last week.
The party became a sort of a reunion since some of our old friends back in college was there as well. And as the party approached its final hour, my friend said her thank yous and appreciation to all. And lastly, the unexpected happened. Just before she finally dropped the microphone, she called my name and thanked me for giving her one of the most precious gift she ever received in her life... that is for influencing her to read the bible EVERYDAY. She told to everyone that I was the one who thought her the importance of reading the bible and eventually knowing Christ more.
That same night (I remember), I felt so tired but I can't sleep because the echo of her voice was dancing inside my head and the beat of it made me realize that I had a worth.
I realized that, unconsciously, we are touching other people's lives and not until the unexpected time of event that they will let us know what we never know we did, we will come to realize that simple and unnoticed things could change others in the most extraordinary way.
The sky is finally calm as I see a few rays of the sun forcing its light to shine behind the still thick clouds of the midday. I still feel a bit frustrated, though.
Once again, in my life, I'm in the state of making plans but not knowing how to start them and make them real and tangible. I'm in the state of helplessness, hopelessness and feeling awry. Afraid that my dreams will turn into nightmare even before I wake up... worse... if I never wake up.
But in the end of it all, though life is so complicated... it is still beautiful, and I will still say with my deepest sincerity – Le' gra go Deo.

Surviving Christmas (Part2)

After 3 years...
3 years ago, I spent my very first Christmas alone. It wasn't that hard actually for me for the thought of being alone and being missed by my family on the holiday meal excites me before. No nostalgia at all. My second Christmas alone was almost the same with the first. The only difference was, I felt more grown up, I was getting used to this kind of life... work, work and work, and holidays doesn't mean a break. I thought I'm already used to this Christmas routine – working, forgetting the true spirit of Christmas, forgetting the big family celebration, I thought that a phone call was not that bad, I thought nostalgia was so far from my senses.
Then my third Christmas alone came... only this time, it is much colder.
To wrap up the whole year, I could say that I've done well with my job. Accelerated, promoted in so many ways but with every success comes a waterloo for my soul.
I seldom go to church anymore thinking that through my work, I'm doing my service (still) to God. That through caring for the sick people, I thought I'm caring for my soul as well. I tried so many times to convince myself that I'm right. My mind tells me I'm right but my heart knows I'm wrong. My attitude speaks my grubby soul. I'm no longer that Christian that I'm used to. I hate to admit it but it is true. I run out of patience easily, I always lose my temper, I can no longer appreciate simple things in life... this was not me... and I know the reason why.... it is because I wander away from my Shepherd. I am now the enemy of my own self. As I have quoted before... my days are full, but my life is empty.
This year, my brother spent his holidays with his business partners in New York leaving my parents spent the holidays all alone at home, and since this time I was not the only one who was not there to celebrate, the overwhelming absence of their two children is very much present. They never argue about it but I know I'm hurting them... and this time... I feel their pain. This time, nostalgia fills my senses. this is the price I pay for not knowing the right thing to prioritize. I'm so scared to lose without having a fall-back, but the cornerstone that I build for myself and the same thing I thought would cradle me became an abyss.
I know only God can help me now... but how? I can no longer hear His voice for I've wandered far enough not to hear His voice again.
“missing the me from You You gave to me, don't like the one I have created today...”

Coming Soon...


Surviving Christmas (Part 2)

Destruction Means FOCUS

It was a beautiful day. I was with God in a paradise. The meadow was so green ad the flowers bloom in their brightest colors. God was holding my hand…

Then He told me – “my child, focus.”

I looked away…

He again told me to focus…
But I was mesmerized by the beauty of the paradise.
“My child, focus.”

I did not listen.

So He let go of my hand. I did not care…
Not until He destroyed the whole paradise.
It became dark, gloomy, and savage in the most horrible way.

That was then I turned to Him.
I looked at Him… He reached out for my hand, smiled and said… “I have to destroy the paradise so that you can focus one”

I woke up in the middle of the day and realized that… destruction means FOCUS.

...Through A Glass But Darkly

(An article about the Good and the Great)

Not everyone who puts a shit on you is your enemy. In every WHOLE story there is always what you call PARTS. There is HIS part, HER part, YOUR part, the OTHERS’ part. We cannot judge the whole story by just looking at one part; you’ve got to see the whole. You’ve got to hear all the sides and not just the right and/or the left side, but you have to hear all the different corners to make the story whole and without a hole, concrete without any room for errors and fallacies.



Then the critical phase begins. It is when the writer deals with his/her judgments and finally writes about it. The writer is responsible to whatever he/she writes about because after his/her own thorough studies regarding a certain situation, it is his/her judgments that he/she writes about. Good critics will discover soon what is hidden behind an article that a certain writer wrote; the errors, the myths, the fiction. But before a certain good critic could discover such discrepancies, the readers had already changed their lives because of the influence of that certain article that they have just read. If a certain politician’s decision was greatly influenced by a certain article, the whole nation is at stake – right?


“You should know who you are writing FOR.” – says Stephen Glass in the movie “Shattered Glass”, a tale about a young journalist on the verge of stardom. As he travels through the road of success, almost tangible; lies were told in the (most) sincerest means (that is how I describe it). But, was there another side behind the lies the eyes could see?



The end NEVER justifies the means but the mean justifies the means… that is what I’ve always believed. Upon scrutinizing the film, there was a part there that struck me the most and left me thinking over and over until I finally grabbed my pen and paper and wrote this stuff. It is the part when Stephen glass was inside his former classroom and was giving a lifetime testimony for young, aspiring journalism students, he said – “there are good editors, there are bad editors, there are both. My hope for you though, is that, once… at least once, you’ll get truly a great one. A great editor defends his writers against anyone. He stands up and fights for you… have that kind of courage.”



I tried to let that line sink into my brain cells right after watching the film, and I realized that Stephen Glass have mistaken the difference between a GOOD editor and a GREAT editor. I tried to dig in a little deeper on my own judgments and realized that a GOOD editor defends his writers but a GREAT editor defends the PAPER even to the very writer itself. A good editor defends his writers but do not realize that his writers are capable of defending their own selves when their articles are being attacked by critics. A great editor, however, knows what he should defend – that is the PAPER. A great editor realizes that the paper cannot defend itself when a bad writer attacks. A great editor knows the importance of the Paper, he knows that the Paper is a mightier sword than any ammunition; hence, he knows that it should be taken cared of by NOT just a GOOD editor BUT a GREAT editor.



A mask of hostility is sometimes, or most of the time worn to defend others. Chuck, the EIC of The Republic (from the movie “Shattered Glass”) wore that mask to defend his writers. A good editor defends his writers even when the price is his own good reputation, even if the price is to make him look like the villain. But the good editor became the great editor when time made him realize that the Paper is the one he should defend.



Writing is NOT just about getting your name on the front page… it is a RESPONSIBILTY.

Hope to the Fear of the Unknown

Life is a story of irony; twisted like a pretzel knot, bitter like a dark chocolate, complicated like a labyrinth… and death is simply the destination. But that is actually the other irony of reality. Most of the time, the common lessons in life that we thought we already knew, were also the ones we oftentimes, tend to forget. To live life is not about preparing for death. The sad ironic reality is that, oftentimes, people become so busy preparing for their death that they forgot that they have a life to live. Death may come anytime, and I believe that it is such a blessing that we do not know exactly what the future holds and we do not know exactly the time and date of our death so that we could live our lives with a hope that there is still tomorrow and not fearing that you have but a small period of time on earth. I believe that God designed our future to be unknown for us because He wants us to live with hope and not in fear in every waking day. Think about it, isn't it such a nightmare to live while counting every minute that pass you by because you know exactly the hour of your death – right?... it is like you are not yet dead but every minute that pass you by kills you…

Sometimes… ignorance is really a bliss. 

It is an irony of reality that death is a proof that we once lived because no one dies without living first. Death is not something to be scared of or to be prepared for. 

The hidden irony is that we have to live life like there’s no tomorrow and hope for life like there is always a bright tomorrow. 

Life is an open road and death is the destination. The most important part is not about reaching the destination because we will all reach that eventually. It is about the things you will see, hear, feel and learn on the road while you journey towards your destiny – death. The ironic truth is that, we always thought that death is such a sad tragic reality; hence we forgot that life is also a reality… only sweeter.

Dark Chocolates... Tastes Good Even Bitter

Something more painful than heartache is when you lose your faith. It is when you stopped believing on just about everything. And when that happens, you will lose your ground and will become a lame. The fact here is, in order to remain standing, you got to have something to believe in, you got to have something solid to stand on for you can never stand when you’re floating.



In the act of losing my frail faith to the One Most High, I betrayed my destiny here on earth, I betrayed my mission in life, I betrayed my personal legend as a being. My body went on living but my soul is dead… and I keep on convincing myself that every man is born to betray his own destiny. I think I believe that… I think I want to believe that… or maybe I don’t believe anything anymore.



But in the midst of this poignant journey of my dying faith… I remember that unforgettable conversation that left a mark on my being. The memory of that moment that echoes to my soul and brings me back to the time when I was still secured… or at least I felt that way before. The sole conversation with an atheist – a firm non-believer of the almighty… is the same person who made my faith stronger.


Those words that from time to time I hear them echoing inside my ear and that sound travels to my heart – “it doesn’t matter whether God really exist or not, you just have to believe in Him because that belief will keep you warm in your darkest hours.”



I never dared to doubt that infamous quote. And with my struggling faith, Him who is faithful led me back to the path of my born destiny.



I’m afraid to take a step forward but there is no more reason to stay and it is logically and rationally wrong to go back. Something (a kind of force) is pushing me from behind to step forward… not knowing what the future holds.



I guess that is something to be thankful for… not knowing what will come to pass is a blessing. At least you don’t have to worry for the rest of the moments till you finally face the tragedy… and at least you can live each moment full of hope.