Dearest You,
Remembering you makes me forget why I have to choose.
The choices I made are still about to be proved to be good.
Remind me to be who I was.
The lady in a dress and a gray backpack.
My casual cruel honesty made you my friend.
And my merciful sincerest lies hurt you and I.
Didn't we fall for that little while?
Or is it just me creating illusions of sweet smiles.
It hurts to think how you can read my mind but can't understand my heart.
How can you end my lines but can't seem to know what's behind.
And I remember it too well the silly arguments that I know that you know that I know what's going on. And that you know that I know it all along, but I am the girl in denial playing dead.
And so you told me about my greatest talent... and I agreed cause I don't know how to lie.
And for the sake of being dead to you for so long now.
I dare not resurrect myself for a chance of humiliation or rejection for the sake of my pride.
It is all I have.
I can't give it up. Not even for you. But I hope you understand the difference between loving someone so much and knowing that it is doomed.
For the sake of damnation, I keep my pride for good.
But that doesn't make me loving you less.
It is the greatest sacrifice that I have to make.
Everyday not choosing you even if I wanted to.
Everyday making you the least of my priorities even if I wanted to make you even for second.
Everyday ignoring your presence everywhere even if I wanted to run to you.
Everyday with all the cells in my body trying its best not to reach out to you even if I almost always do.
Those everydays of denying everything about you is the price I pay for my pride.
Don't tell me that pride is useless, cause if it is, what took you so long to let down yours?
I guess we are both the same. Paying the price of the pride of who is better in playing dead.
Til then, til death do I part.
I am a dead man anyway.
I don't expect you to be there at my wake.
It is forgiven how you forgot about your promises.
They are meant to be broken anyway.
I knew it from the moment you said it.
It is like I am just waiting for it to be broken all this time.
And for the record, I leave out all the bad memories and only look back on the sweetest ones.
That is how I will always remember you.
My Orion.
My Moon.
My Guide.
My Destination.
My North.
My Compass.
My Summer.
My Spring.
My Fall.
My Music.
My Sunset.
My Shooting Star... That never fell.
Remembering you makes me forget why I have to choose.
The choices I made are still about to be proved to be good.
Remind me to be who I was.
The lady in a dress and a gray backpack.
My casual cruel honesty made you my friend.
And my merciful sincerest lies hurt you and I.
Didn't we fall for that little while?
Or is it just me creating illusions of sweet smiles.
It hurts to think how you can read my mind but can't understand my heart.
How can you end my lines but can't seem to know what's behind.
And I remember it too well the silly arguments that I know that you know that I know what's going on. And that you know that I know it all along, but I am the girl in denial playing dead.
And so you told me about my greatest talent... and I agreed cause I don't know how to lie.
And for the sake of being dead to you for so long now.
I dare not resurrect myself for a chance of humiliation or rejection for the sake of my pride.
It is all I have.
I can't give it up. Not even for you. But I hope you understand the difference between loving someone so much and knowing that it is doomed.
For the sake of damnation, I keep my pride for good.
But that doesn't make me loving you less.
It is the greatest sacrifice that I have to make.
Everyday not choosing you even if I wanted to.
Everyday making you the least of my priorities even if I wanted to make you even for second.
Everyday ignoring your presence everywhere even if I wanted to run to you.
Everyday with all the cells in my body trying its best not to reach out to you even if I almost always do.
Those everydays of denying everything about you is the price I pay for my pride.
Don't tell me that pride is useless, cause if it is, what took you so long to let down yours?
I guess we are both the same. Paying the price of the pride of who is better in playing dead.
Til then, til death do I part.
I am a dead man anyway.
I don't expect you to be there at my wake.
It is forgiven how you forgot about your promises.
They are meant to be broken anyway.
I knew it from the moment you said it.
It is like I am just waiting for it to be broken all this time.
And for the record, I leave out all the bad memories and only look back on the sweetest ones.
That is how I will always remember you.
My Orion.
My Moon.
My Guide.
My Destination.
My North.
My Compass.
My Summer.
My Spring.
My Fall.
My Music.
My Sunset.
My Shooting Star... That never fell.
Love,
Me
Me
Footnotes:
Unsent Letters are series of letters written personally but is never sent. And in the hopes of it reaching the person addressed, I post it here.
For Unsent Letters (Part 1 and 2) link Click 👇