A Talk To Remember

If Mandy Moore had a "Walk To Remember", then I had a "Talk To Remember". Here goes my story...

I still remember during my first semester as a college freshman, there was this cute lad in my Algebra class. I do really, really like him but I was just too shy to talk to him. For that whole semester, nothing happened, we didn't talked to each other, we don't even had the guts to look straight at each other's eyes. Huh! the whole semester passed without anything happened, he never talked to me even just to say "excuse me" and neither did I grab any opportunity even just to borrow a pen from him.

Second semester passed like a drop of a hat and I never saw him for that past 6 months - (the whole second semester). I always wished to see him again that's why during my vacant period, I used to hang around at the Science Secretariat because he used to stay there before, but sad to say, he wasn't there anymore.So I convinced myself that he already went abroad and continued his studies there.

Then Summer Class enrollment came. It was the 25th of March 2002. I was standing at the hallway with my friends waiting for our "permit to enroll" when suddenly I saw a man with a navy blue backpack, walking slowly, and then joined our queue... and then... oh my gosh!... it's him! my blood all went up to my head, my heart beat so fast and all I wanted to do then was to scream on top of my lungs... but then I was in the middle of a faceless crowd, with the whole Medical Technology student body and the idea of screaming would be a total embarassment on me. After a few minutes of my emotional cardiac arrest, we went in to a room (FEU SB206 - to be exact!) to file our database, then suddenly we saw each other but I refused to look at him straight in the eye... I didn't know why I was so damn nervous at that time. But then, when I was already filing my database, we again looked at each other, finally this time he gave me a smile. I can't help it, I was trying so hard not to be too obviously excited about this momentuous time of my life, but then, ok! I smiled back.

That's the time I realized that he knows me. I was so happy to know that I was not invisible at his sight, that he could still remember this little girl in his Algebra class before. I was then mesmerized by that sort of fairy tale happening in my life when I felt there's someone scratching my back. I looked back to see who's trying to get my attention, and then on my surprise... it's him - oh my gosh again!!!

He was asking something and I just couldn't believe that he was there right in front of me, talking to me, and then... I was supposed to talk back, but my mind was a mess. I was talking but I don't have my voice, it was like my mouth was moving but air is the only thing that's coming out from my larynx - oh my gosh again and again!!!

That was such a very memorable day not just because he talked to me but because I started to believe on things I used not to and thought would never dare to.

It was really " A Talk To Remember"...

One Face I Can't Imagine

You're my beautiful mistake One thing that I just couldn't take But its the feeling I couldn't fake it any longer Its an addiction so hard to break Its a melodious symphony It makes me cry though it sounds so funny Its like a tale that I have written for so long Its a memory I just couldn't see *** You're face is one thing that I've tried to search wherever I may be Its like a shadow of myself and I can't runaway from it I'm drifting with my fears Its like an endless scene Of a face I can't imagine So I've tried to move along Though I'm still stucked and singing the same old song Its the missing piece that is gone forever baby Its the puzzle meant to be undone *** Its the question meant to be unanswered Its the perfume meant to be unscented Its the song meant to go wrong Its an endless thorny path meant to bring you home... Its the face I can't forget Its the face I always see Its the face that I see in an endless scene But its one face I can't imagine

Wishing That I'm Lying In The Arms Of An Angel

In times when I think about the troubles that I'm into

I feel like I'm losing control

I wanna close my door

When it feels like the world is tumbling down

When it seems like I'm all alone

I'm wishing

I'm wishing

There's a time when I'm about to give up and lose it all

Feeling I'm losing control

I wanna hide my soul

When it seems like I'm in a prison

When it seems like there's no one to care

I'm wishing

*** Could it be someone out there

Could it be someone in here

Could it be someone stranger at my door

Could it be you

And now I'm wishing that I'm lying in the arms of an angel

I'm wishing

I'm wishing

In times when I think of love as something new

I feel like I'm losing control

I can't open my door

When it seems like its getting complicated

When it seems like I'm falling

I'm wishing***

Once In A Life Time

Once In A Life Time
Originally uploaded by dess.

Can't stay forever this way
I'm about to tell a story
Happened so long and so far gone away
But everybody's gone its too late to say
I'm about to say sorry
But they're so gone so far gone away
***
Could you live that smile on your face
Could you cast away you're fears for the day
Could you give it up
Could you keep it all to you
And we even shared the same old song
Which I knew we can't sing it all again
Young and free we used to be
A time and a place belongs to you and me
In the time of our lives
When everything's so fine
Its just a time
Once in a life time

Gone up those days so wild
Summer days and summer nights now are just the shadow of the past
Sweet memories that skinned our hearts
Are all left behind but those pictures in our minds will never last
***

A journey...
Once in a life time
A place in a time belongs to us
No matter how
No matter when
What matters most
It happened once in a life tme
Once in our life time
Once in a life time...

The Courage Of A Coward Man

Date Written : April 29,2005

Too coward to be brave
But brave enough to be coward
He is coward to go to the battle, to get lost and to die there
But he is brave enough to face all the critics, brave enough to admit that he is coward
He is afraid to fall in love, to get hurt and to cry
But brave enough to face the struggles of a solitary life
He is afraid to speak, to let go and to hurt others
But brave enough to keep all the pains inside her heart
He is afraid to tell a lie, to tell the truth, and to choose
But brave enough to stay where two sides are ranging its fury from each other , bearing all the cruelty of both worlds
Brave enough to be insecure, to be always at risk
Too afraid to open up, to locked up, and to peep
But brave enough to knock on other's door
Afraid to fail but brave enough for challenges
He wants wisdom and knowledge but afraid to learn
He is afraid to be him
But brave enough to pretend that he is real
Pretending to be happy even though he is smiling a broken smile
Brave enoughto show off something he doesn't have
Brave enough to be brave even though he doesn't have the guts
Because he has the courage of a coward man.

Star Wars III:Revenge Of The Sith (Some Thoughts You Should Think About)

Star Wars III:Revenge Of The Sith
Originally uploaded by dess.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
(May you feel the force as you read along the way!)

YODA: "Learn to let go of the things you fear to lose."
*** The simple advice of Yoda to Anakin and the lesson Yoda gave to me. Letting go of the things you fear to lose?!!...just tell me how could that be when just the thought of losing it makes you shiver with fear and pain?! I understand Anakin, maybe because there's the Anakin side of me too, the side of me that never wanted to let go and don't even want to think about it. But it is the art of tragedy that makes us the person we wanted to be but never thought we could be,... and the same twist of fate is the art of tragedy that can also make us the person we don't want to be and never thought we could be. Who would have thought that Anakin would choose to be Darth Vader rather than the chosen one of the Jedi to save the Galactic Republic? No one dare to think about that the hero from the start of the history would turn to be the great villain at the end of the story.And the matter of fact is that the fact of the matter is the heart.

PADME' AMIDALA: "Love has blinded you?!"
*** So there it was, the sweet conversation of Anakin Skywalker and his secret wife Padme' Amidala...

ANAKIN: "... you're so beautiful!"
PADME' AMIDALA: "Its just because I'm so in love!..."
ANAKIN: "... no! because I'm so in love with you!..."
PADME' AMIDALA: "So love has blinded you?!!"
*** So love is NOT blind... but it can blind you!...blind until its too late to see that you're already at the dark side and can't see light. The love that was once was your light has now blinded you and its just not logically, emotionally, humanly behavior to go back when you have gone too far to return.

OBI-WAN KENOBI: "You are the chosen one... the one who should bring back peace... and not to become the lord of the Sith!"
*** So, the heart of the matter is that, the CHOSEN ONE can CHOOSE! Now we can differentiate the two different heroes of two different stories - the Bible's Jesus and the Star Wars' Anakin. Jesus was the Messiah and so was Anakin. Both were called the "CHOSEN ONE", but while Jesus choose to fulfill the prophecy that He really is the chosen one, Anakin did not mind the prophecy and decided to be at the dark side of the force and be the lord of the Sith - (No wonder Jesus said "Think not that I am come to destroy the law or the prophets:I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill." Matt. 5:17)... Anakin did not mention that because he destroyed the prophecy that he is the chosen one by taking the wrong step of turning his back from the Jedi rule.
Could you imagine how different the Bible story would be if from the time Jesus, during His agony in the garden of Gethsemane, when Satan was tempting Him and He gave in? Whew! never thought of that not until now - right?! Imagine what could have happened if Jesus was blindly in love with as beautiful as Padme' Amidala during His earthly time and Satan tempt Him be the lord of hell just to save His wife from giving birth! What a different story it would be! (Maybe that's the purpose behind Jesus' solitary life! - right?!)
Well, I'm glad Jesus did not chose to be overcomed by His "Anakin side" during His earthly time and still decided to resist temptation to fulfill the prophecy that He is the "CHOSEN ONE".
Going back to Anakin Skywalker, he disappointed Obi-Wan Kenobi and me! Just as the dark side of the force disappointed him too because just when he thought he could save Padme' from dying, it turned out that Padme' did not die because of giving birth but because she loses the will to live. After all, Padme's life was Anakin, and losing Anakin is the same as death for her, and Anakin died the time Darth Vader was born out of him. So who killed Padme'?... well according to the wicked chancellor, Anakin's anger killed Padme'. So sad that from the start all he wanted was to save Padme' and he end up killing Padme'.
*** So maybe the cliche' is true, that "Evil is something that can only be done out of courage!" - the courage to turn your back from the truth you once knew and be ready to be blinded with deceitful pleasures from your humanly natured heart.
*** Lastly, a friendly advice... "The devil is evil and will always be evil and he will disappoint you just as he disappointed everybody!"... so be safe and guard your heart because it is where he usually attacks with his deceitful agendas!...xoxox

"MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!"

CRIME

CRIME
Originally uploaded by dess.

What a debateful philosophy,
Killing one's psychology,
In a world full of mystery,
Hellbound full of misery.

Love is a right,
According to the one who writes,
This book of love we used to know,
The hell with the one who doesn't know!

She's a fair and beautiful unpopular girl,
She wears her hair in a wavy curl,
Fell in love with a highschool superstar lad,
Stupid cupid really hurt her bad.

I told her once - " highschool superstars?!
...trust me, no one will care about them after 5 years of hours."
But then she just smiled at me,
Stupid shit! - don't you believe me?!

A week after, there's a putrid decaying smell near the soccer court,
They've found a dead body - it's the highschool superstar - his name is Kurt,
There's a message beside his body tinted with his blood,
"If you can't fall on me, then no one else can have you cute lad!"

Then I remember her living in a world of philosophy,
That freedom is an act and not just an idea out of psychology,
Just then I realized that its about time,
I could finally say to myself that freedom is a crime!

Time : Speaks

Time : Speaks
Originally uploaded by dess.

Time now speaks,
I miss the feelings I once had in you, But I don't miss you,
I miss the way you motivate me,
Now I realize that you're really the lost I can't replace...
...well, I did not lost you
...cause I never had you.
Finally time speaks,
That even though I'll find something new,
A part of me will always be with you,
I know that's one part of me that I can't get back,
One thing that is irreplaceable.
"I miss you though I never knew you"
...that's what I always say to you,
But then time speaks,
I never knew you but I know in my heart that I've loved you.
Love... time will tell me if I'm still in love with you.
Time suddenly speaks,
I've learned so much from the time I've learned to love you,
And the time I run away from you...
The lesson within you even after I go...
Even after you go...
The lesson that will be treasured in my heart,
For the hopes of someday my dreams won't broke apart.
You're not one in a million,
Cause you're the only one I knew that is like you,
You're only one... in this whole wide world,
No one before,
No one in this splendid time,
No one to come who is like you.
I'm not hoping that someday we'll meet and you'll have the chance to read all the songs I wrote for you
...I'm not wishing either for that time to come.
I'm happy just to feel your touch in my life,
Its a touch with a feeling,
A touch in my soul and not just merely on my skin.
Time speaks again,
I hope you're happy,
Having fun, learning, and exploring the world with love in your heart.
I hope your cherished dreams will unfold into reality,
I pray for your success and happiness.
...I'll see you in my dreams,
If I will sleep... if I can sleep tonight... if you'll be there in my dreams tonight.
Love... time will tell...
Time will speak...
...somehow it will speak again to me...

Magnum Opus

Truly better than perfect
Hypervenusimia - such a creation
Such rare beauty without defect
Molded inside the slaughtered mansion.
With golden halo surrounded by horns
An angel with dirty feet
On that deep dark night she was born
from a golden palace underneath.
Could it be a wild angel in a savage heaven
Like a perfume with a putrid scent
Could it be a monster walking like a fair maiden
In a paradise of a gloomy garden.
Surrender for her beauty, kneel for her charm
Bow to her and kiss her feet and arms
No!... be courageous and oppose
For she is hell's magnum opus.