Sunsets and Shooting Stars

I dreamed of desert sun... 🏜️

I dreamed them yellow, green, and blue...

Sunsets and Shooting Stars... 🌅🌠

They never shine as bright as You. ♥️

Monday morning came too soon!

 

 Note to self:

"You're more beautiful than your mask."

If words could describe you

I'll write all the words in a love song

And sing it for you.

Footnotes:

That was some lines from the song I wrote 10 years ago, circa 2011. It was recorded and submitted for a local songwriting competition 7 years later (June 2018). The title of the song was "Slow Motion". 😊

 🎶She would change everything for happy ever after

Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster🎶🎵

She just needs someone to take her home.🎶🎵(Beautiful Disaster - Jon McLaughlin)

I miss writing my own songs.

My hands are full with so many things to do since the start of the pandemic, and I could hardly have time to really focus and write. 😟

But I just have to remind myself that everything will be alright.😊

The funny thing about miracles

Is they happen everyday.

Angel has a child with human.

The devil can fall in love.

We can all learn

We can all grow.

(And demons can grow souls.)

- God

(Lucifer - Season 5 Ep: 11)

 And I wanted you to know 

That I never lied to you.

Except for that one time...

You asked me how I feel.

EnGraVeD In the LeaTheR COver

The grey walls are crashing.

And I am getting my share of courage.

And if heavens will rain bravery,

I hope you catch many.

And see me for another first time.

Maybe you'll see different.

Cause I am like an open book.

You can judge me all you want 

Or you could read me over and over.

But I was written in a foreign language

That no one speaks of.

Not even my own kin.

Hence, you'll never decipher the enigma in between

Every lines.

Even in a thousand forgotten years.

But I could teach you this language.

If you have the courage

To learn

That the book is all about you.

Every verse

Every chapter

Speaks your name in my native tongue.

Would it be hard to accept that you're my entire book.

And the title even bears your initials

Engraved in the leather cover.

But like those ancient letters

Written but never sent.

They were all in the bottles

Kept in splendid waves

Bubbling my emotions

Turning raptured glass

Into iridescent prisms

Of a thousand sunsets and shooting stars.

But there is no better way 

But to get through.

You can never go back

From where you've entered.

Unless you wanted

To go through the same phase all over again.

🎶🎵🎶

 I bet, This time of night you're still up.
I bet, You're tired from a long hard week.
I bet, You're sittin' in your chair by the window.
Looking out at the city
And I bet (hope), sometimes you wonder 'bout me. 

🎶🎶🎵🎶

 Note to self today:

You can't be that desperate to spend the whole day just singing the Ballad of Sunsets and Shooting Stars.

For how many forgotten times did I punched the moon and the only time I got hurt was when I didn't.

Pink Skies

Today, I asked God for pink skies as a sign as I sit by the window and look out at the city...

And He gave me Red and a little twist of what I am exactly asking for.

And a clear message that He got my back.

And for all the crossroads that did not make it to swerve with our paths...

Probably it's all for the best.

Is there anything better for breakfast than Coffee and Toffee?

I Almost Do

Have you ever just fallen in love with a song cause it speaks exactly what you wanted to say?

Cause I almost do.

For how many forgotten times did I punched the moon and the only time I got hurt was when I didn't.

But I almost do.

And everytime I hear this song, it brings so much memories of you that it almost sounds like a break up song when we never really broke up, cause there was never "US".

But the sadder part of that story is that I fell for that little while that I almost cared for you. 

That it made me almost believed that it is you.

That I almost said that you could've been the one.

But none of that happened.

And you left me hanging on the moon on that Wednesday night that could have been perfect, but the epochal part of my story was just a page to you.

You made me just a page on your chapter, when I made you my book.

And just when I thought I'm beginning to believe in love again, there goes the raptured hope.

And it took almost all of the living cells in my body to stop me from calling you that day after your birthday, cause I almost do.

I almost did.

I remember that day couple of years ago, my hand on my cellphone, looking at your name,  and just one touch of that green button, and I almost do.

And with not much courage, I sometimes think, what could have happened if I told you how I feel about you that night in the cafe.

All those years, it gets harder to suppress, I bet you know it.

And every now and then, I still get that urge to message you, and everytime, I almost do.

And sometimes I indulge myself into imagining that you also care.

That you wonder who is the man I talk about in my blog from time to time, and wish that it was you.

(God! If you only knew.)

That sometimes you think about me as well, and that you wanted to tell me how you feel about me, and you don't, but you almost do.

Footnotes: 
This post is a personal one. 
No other catch and clues.

There are days...

When I get drowned 

By the ocean

Of paperworks.

 

A Thousand Forgotten Times

In a Raptured hope...

I found iridescence.

As I punched the moon 

A thousand forgotten times.

I hang on it this time.

Howling like a hound 

Echoing your name 

To the moon and the stars.

Til they are all aligned.

 There's nothing wrong with being a chicken, unless you were born an eagle.

Time

 The only way to gain Patience is to be at peace with time.

To accept that Time is something you can't control 

But can actually be your Friend.

To believe that Time is always on your side. 

That Time will either eventually grant your desires 

Or will eventually emphasize deliverance.

Patience is the virtue of time.

Make peace with time 

And time will be your Friend.

The Missing

 There is this weirdness everytime I wake up in the middle of the night just after I dreamt of you.

And I know exactly what it is.

Morning Grind

My weekend mornings... 💻☕

Coffee preps for my big mug to start my day... ☕😊

It's such a feeling to get home after a tiring day, into a fresh room.

Got my new leather storage couch that suits my study area in my room. 😊😁😊

 

Your Wicked Schemes

 Would it be such a disgrace to your unbruised Ego to respect other people?

Respect begets respect is something that I never believed ever since for I always believed that respect is something you give whether the other person is respectable or not. It won't matter, you will give respect anyway, because Respect is something you give because you have it in you. After all, you cannot impart something you don't even have.

Footnotes:

These are tales of another insubordination, tales of bypassing authorities just to cater personal gains. But I am watching you and I know all your wicked schemes.

Sunday Vintage

I was tidying my old stuffs when I saw this stationery inside my treasure box then suddenly a sense of nostalgia came over me.

I remember that old stationery store where I bought this, I was 13 years old. I was a freshman in highschool, and back then, when raging hormones of adolescence was starting to find its way to us, I found my solace in writing.

And now, when I look back, I know and I can honestly say that I had the best days in highschool.

The good old ways that I could only sigh and smile and say - "Those were the days". 😊

The Periwinkles Dream

Even then you were tall

And I was not high.

But if I have to fall,

Is there a chance that you'd fly?

And for the moment in our lives,

Please don't get surprise

If I fell in love with you

For a while.

Footnotes:

I dreamed about periwinkles, violet and white. And in my dream I have that sense of wanting and longing which I couldn't fathom. So I walked through the aisle full of periwinkles. Then someone in my dream, I believe she is a mentor or something, told me that if those violet periwinkles turn into pink and red, you'll finally get what you've been praying for with all those stars at night.

So I looked around but saw only violet periwinkles turning white. And she said, they're taking their time. From violets, they'll turn to white first, then pink and red. Don't pick the whites yet, for they are still bitter.

Then I woke up.

Wondering.

And After days of daze.

I found a fallen pink periwinkle right on my steps.

PALTRY ENCOUNTERS

Deliverance

How many rolling mountains

Must I passed to get to you?

To hang on the moon

Til the night is over due.

You're the one good thing 

I didn't plan to do.

But you offered me a toast

That I can't refuse to.

With the auburn fire

Shall I dance.

With the silver rain

A beautiful trance.

But everywhere felt like

Rented places sheltered by chance.

But yours is my home, my north,

My deliverance.

 

The North

I've been wanting to post something about the Grishaverse, the Shadow and Bone as to say.

It's been a hit series and I think one of the highlights of the book as well as the film series that made it relatable to the readers and viewers is that in a way or another, we all have this Mal and Alina - kind of relationship in our lives.

We have this one best friend that we became so close enough that we became too comfortable to be with each other just like a home, and we start to breakdown our walls and let that best friend see who and what we really are. 

When we finally found a soul that feels like our north, our home.

And as we grew fonder with our best friend, we start to realize the we have this deeper feelings, and we start to get confuse about it, and start to get scared that what if we admit these feelings and the other just don't feel the same. What will become of that precious friendship that we have?

So I guess we all have that Mal and Alina - kind of relationship that also shaken our Faith in love and friendship. 

That realization actually inspired my last post about frail faith:

 The Unchosen 👇

(http://odessamann.blogspot.com/2021/05/the-unchosen.html?m=1)

Where I wrote these phrase -

  "Aren't we all frail?

With weak faith and fragile hopes.

Blinded by what is in front of us.

Blinded by the tales fed to us.

For not knowing the other side of the story can shake your faith.

It changes you.

But only if we knew the story of both sides.

Maybe then we could keep our Faith to each other."

As I put myself in to their shoes, I can't blame Alina for loosing her faith to Mal, after all, she doesn't know the struggles of Mal just to find his way back to Alina.

I can't blame her putting her faith to General Kirigan, because of the stories being fed to her and of those things in front of her.

The same way, I can't blame Mal for not showing his deeper affection to Alina. Seeing that Alina is so emotionally controlled and that she is no way betraying herself about what she feels about Mal as well. 

Its complicated when you only know your side and blinded by the other's side.

When you only know about what you feel but clueless about what the others feel about you 

So you tend to keep it to yourself.

So no, I don't blame Mal nor Alina.

But I guess, soulmates will always find their way to each other. ♥️😊

************

Too much emotion for this post.

Well, apologies, I'm a novel geek.

I think that is one reason why my teacher back then asked me to join the theatre's guild in our school. I finally realized what she saw in me that I did not know about me back then.

That is, I could internalize into the books' characters and be that for a moment just to figure out every reason about why the characters are that way.

I never knew I had that, but she saw it in me.

And I am thankful for that.

I am thankful for my Drama Teacher for seeing me.

Like what mothers see through their children.

P.s.

Happy Mother's day to all mothers.

For mothers are the sun-summoner in their own ways.

The light bearers in our dark folds. 😊

 

The Brave Waters

For the waters of the falls are not afraid to fall.

They gush forth to the edge and jump no matter how tall

The mountains and the rocks that echoes all.

And if that is not bravery, then I don't know what it is called.

Footnotes:

The photo on this post was taken way, way back that it gotten itself in the deepest part of my photo vault. 

So I was digging some old photos to share in my Flickr when I saw this. And when I say that "you should always look at your window cause there will always be something new, you missed it once, you'll miss it again"... And its true.

Back then I was aiming for a good shot of the falls as well as for myself and my friend. But when I look at it now, the couple sitting on the rocks got my attention. 

It is no longer about the falls, but also about the fallen. 😊♥️

 

The Unchosen

Aren't we all damaged?

Like everyone's "Anderson"...

The perfect "what if". 

The perfect story of - "Once, when we were together, we thought about the future. Now the future is far done and  gone, I only thought about the past. The way I threw away the number you wrote on a piece of paper because I thought at that time I was not worth it, maybe I was too scared, or maybe I was too young, or maybe it was a mistake meant to be done, maybe it's a destiny meant to be my "what if" forever".

It is when all the lies suddenly sunk into the sea and the truth just came out, and it's ugly. 

Aren't we all have our own cracks?

Those little thin lines that sets the border.

Where we limit ourselves.

Where we limit others.

Those tiny lines that could break us.

Makes us vulnerable.

But those same lines is where the light slips through.

Aren't we all lost?

Or got lost one time or another.

Or still lost all this time.

But maybe we aren't found because we aren't really lost.

We just thought we are.

But we are not.

Maybe we are exactly where we are supposed to be at this exact time.

We just cannot believe that we are alone.

Maybe we just want company.

Aren't we all frail?

With weak faith and fragile hopes.

Blinded by what is in front of us.

Blinded by the tales fed to us.

For not knowing the other side of the story can shaken your faith.

It changes you.

But only if we knew the story of both sides.

Maybe then we could keep our Faith to each other.

Aren't we all broken?

Broken by the broken rules.

Turning our pain into fears.

Turning our fears into monsters.

Monsters that only us could tame.

Then you can tell me when did your tears turn into rain?

And when did the rain stops?

Then we can bury us beautiful in our memories of pain.

Never mind the happy ever after...

Remember...

The perfect ending doesn't always have to be happy.

But it should always be peaceful.

But if we are to collect stones, how will we know which one to throw?

And if we are all graphites,

How will we know which one will turn into diamonds?

And after all the turns and toasts...

After all the glows and the bows.

I want you to know that this is my best.

Footnotes:

Anderson Crawford is a fictional character in Dawson's Creek Season 1: Episode 3 (Kiss). And through the years, I've always thought that he is one epochal character that turned Joey's illusions into a sad reality. I've always thought that, in our own lives, there will always be that one Anderson who will teach us how to distinguish illusions from realities. And that Anderson will always haunt us everytime we feel lost and lonely, and ask ourselves those haunting words - What If?

This post is about the one great "What If" in everyone's lives.

Though, I don't exactly believe in "What If". 

For me, it is just a state of mind especially when you are lonely. 

I believe that you will never ask yourself that question if you're happy. 

And after all, whatever decisions we've made, whatever the choices we've chosen, in the end, those unchosen ones will always be there to haunt us.

But it is also important to see the beauty of "What is".

For who we are now is the product of our choices.

The Broken Bracelet