The Pretty Warrior

It totally hurts...

But I can take it.

I have trained my mind

To be stronger than my emotions.

And I mastered it.

Because I am a Pretty Queen...

But I am also a warrior.

Broken Promises

Your promises are broken

Like bread crumbs on the floor.

But to my surprise,

Like bread crumbs...

It didn't hurt my feet

As I stepped into it.

I don't feel hurt.

I am not in pain.

Like I was looking forward to this day...

When it will be broken.

Like it was doomed from the very moment you made them.

And for every passing time,

It hardened my heart,

And it softened the sharp glass.

That when it finally fell to the ground,

And the pieces strewn everywhere...

It is less of a danger,

But just dust needed to be swept.

And for the fear of what you behold.

When I thought it was a weapon

Meant to hurt me.

All of it was just speculations

But nothing became real.

The weapon was but a foolish arrow,

Aiming for the air.

It didn't caught me

And nothing cares.

The stars don't spell your name no more.

They're just a ball of gas now.

The moon don't seem to echo my prayers,

It is just a satellite.

The sunsets don't remind me of the songs,

It is just beautiful to behold.

And I no longer wait for shooting stars,

They are just burning meteors across the sky,

Hoping for luck that they'll reach the ground

As meteorites.

And for all these times,

Love is all an illusion to carry me through my darkest times.

You were my anchor...

But now I have reached the shore.

 

Of Stars, Smokes, and Songs Unsung

 If the world did not happen...

Will you walk me on the streets of Oroquieta?

Imagine it is the city plaza,

And talk about Savage Garden.

If the world did not happen...

Will you take me to the sunrise,

Make me a cup of coffee with a smile,

While I tell stories about back then.

Back then in a show for no one,

A story of a guitar man with the one-night band,

Holding a bottle of beer and cigarette on the other hand,

While laughing with the stars, smokes and songs unsung.

In that show for no one,

I learned that some puzzles are bound to be left undone,

And all wounds heal but just in time,

And everything goes as the universe designed.

Waxed Angels and Plastic Saints

 For the longest time, I realized that I am a "Theist". 

I believed in God but not in religion.

It all started when I was in 4th grade. I was born with an Adventist mother and a Catholic father, but I grew up bearing the religion of my mom. 

When I was in 4th grade, my parents enrolled me in a Catholic school and there I learned Catholic teachings and beliefs. That was the time I questioned which religion is true?

Growing up I read a lot of books. I read books of Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Islam, Christianity, even the books Osho and other agnostic and atheist books, I read these books about theology and religion just to search for that one true religion, but I failed.

Sometime in college, I questioned a lot of beliefs in our local church. I questioned beliefs from other churches as well. And from then on I realized that all religions have these "commercial evangelism". They keep on convincing people that they are the true and right religion, focusing on gaining more converts to prove that they are the right ones, and for all these superficial holiness, I realized that they worship the religion and not God at all. 

So I turned my back to all religions.

I still pray, though. Every single day and night. I still read the Bible, but I also read Quran and the Teachings of Buddha and other theological books. I only take the teachings and lessons from their books but not from their religions.

And after realizing that, I believe that I became a better man, because my faith is not in any religion but with God.

Conversations at the Red Barn

 Did you practice being awesome?

Cause you're so good in it...

Like it is all in your veins...

OVerflowing.

And after twenty years 

I want you to know that I did my very best.

I tried so many times...

But it never made a difference.

And for the credit of His sign,

Of tossing a coin and sitting by my side,

I thought He'd be breaking my chains,

But all along He broke my heart.

All of His are broken promises.

Except for yours,

You never made one for me anyway.

You're never broken to me.

Like all the stories of one great love.

There you are slipping in my dreams.

Making conversation about the red barn.

And how you don't want to buy a house and a land.

There you are slipping in my dreams.

Touching my hair,

Making me a drink.

Until I thought I still care.

And so I woke up and realize

The feeling is all gone.

You're happy, I know that.

Living the Aussie life.

For so long I thought I'll be forever 

Locked in the twelfth of never.

But time has proven again it's mysteries.

And now I am healed completely.

I can no longer see you in my future

And in my present your presence is no longer a trancing lore.

You are only vivid in my past, and for twenty years you've been my anchor.

But now, I am my only savior.

Footnotes:

This is my story of unrequited love. But unlike all the many stories of one great unrequited love, mine differs, for it never broke my heart. 

Though I hoped for the tiniest spark that was never there, though I still hoped in spite of all the nothingness... My heart was never broken... Because I never expected anything.

I knew all along that it was never mine from the start. The signs were all there to show. All the "friendzones", the "just a friend from the youth organization", and the casual talks and smiles. I know my place from the start.

But Sometimes, love is just way much stronger than any rational and logical thing. 

But he did not broke my heart.

That is for the record.

It is one thing to get hurt enough not to be loved by the one you love, and another thing to get hurt because he has broken your heart. There's a big difference.

And for the record again, he never made a promise anyway, so there was nothing to be broken. 

My heart was in pain but it was never broken by him. 

And for all the memories I have, I only cherish the best ones. 

Because of him, my passion in writing, in photography, and in arts found its way again to me. 

As a kid I love writing, I love photography and paintings, but sometime in my process of growing up, I became estranged to my own passion. But because of him, I found my way back.

So there is nothing bitter about my unrequited love for I have learned so much from Him, from this love, from fate and faith, and all other thin lines that made this process a one beautiful journey. 

P.s. In a dream, I was talking to him about my dream house that is the red barn that never existed anyway. 😬 

Embers in Ashes

In my solitudes

I will find my ember in ashes.

Grasp that tiniest spark in the burnt.

Let the cold breeze ignite the spark.

To glow again and shine

Brighter than any artificial lights.

From the auburn embers I will rise.

 

 My Westlife Playlist 🎶🎵♥️♥️♥️

Working at home is much bearable with Spotify ♥️

The Colder Waters

Cheers to our fears!

For not crossing the borders.

Touching just the edges,

So we drink the colder waters.

We beg for decency,

Of lives we have to ruin.

Of hearts we can't help but break in.

Of souls we damaged.

Of emotions we plagued.

And for the rule of the last sign,

The one that resonates the yin and the yang.

The ripples from pebbles

That travels like unknown song.

Like the Sun, I am alone

Alone but shining the brightest.

And there I am looking fearless.

But deep within I am the empress of cowardice.

I live on the edge of the borders.

Drinking infinitely it's colder waters.

 

Music and rainy weather on a weekend. 😊🎶🌧️

Some days you don't feel beautiful

Some days you wanna change it all.

You don't understand it's plain to see

You're just the way you're meant to be.

I'd change the world and make it new

But there's one thing that I would not do.

No I wouldn't change a thing... About you.

But some day you wake up

And feel like you need love

You can't see your smile

Your eyes not the way that I do.

Don't ever feel worthless

Just know that you're perfect

And I'd change the world before

I change a thing about you.