What's The Point Of Me Being Here...
when Being Here Is What I Fear.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
The Battle Lies Within
It says "The Battle Lies Within". In any way it is true. Most of the time, our greatest foe is our own self. Our pride, our madness. So much to talk about the movie Spiderman 3. Just saw it recently on the big screen and all I could say is that, I never run out of lessons to learn, though. So to start yet another crap... here goes my list... again.1.) We can always choose.
* In the last scenes of the movie, Spiderman was talking... a sort of a voice over telling the viewers about the lesson he wants to share. That is, we could always choose. To be good or bad, to be right or wrong. Never blame the dilemma or the destiny you're in because you can always choose. And I figured out, after so long... I mean, for so many years my mind was battling about the truth on how we are supposed to stand on our beliefs. Is it all about destiny or choice? And right after watching Spiderman 3, I figured out that life is NOT JUST about destiny NOR choices. IT IS BOTH. We are destined to be in situations we never thought about because we are destined to encounter such situations. It was planned long ago by that Big Guy above that we are about to face such challenges... but we choose how to deal with it, we choose how to react on it, we choose how to handle and solve it. So life is all about (IT IS BOTH) destiny and choices... you'll never know what you gonna get. (Ooops! Forrest Gump?!)
2.) Forgiveness.
* I think, the whole story was actually all about forgiveness. I reckon so. There's that part in the movie when Peter was talking to his aunt, when he told his aunt that the man who killed his uncle is already dead, his aunt was not so happy. And she told Peter that if ever his uncle was still alive today, he never wanted them to live a single moment with revenge in their hearts. Now, I think that is a good one. I figured out long ago, I mean even before... that that thing is really hard to do even to those who we can consider equal opportunity saints. But then again, it is our choice to do the humanly act of revenge or to forgive so as we are forgiven by the Divine. I always believe that to love is but a human but to forgive is divine. Forgiveness... yes, forgive those who had done you wrong and mostly, forgive yourself. It will lighten your burden inside... I reckon so. But it is true... who wants to live their lives full of grudges by the way? So then... forgive.
3.) The battle lies within.
* It is true that when the world is so bad but you remain good, sometimes, it sucks to be the only kind person living. And sometimes, it really feels good to be bad... so the battle lies within. You feel the power and it is good but eventually you will lose yourself. So again, it is your choice, to be bad because it feels good but then you will lose yourself or to remain kind even though the world sucks. (I know this sound a bit ridiculous but come on! we can make this world a better place... heaven is here on earth only if we know how to work for it and appreciate it before our eyes.)
4.) Everybody needs help.
* MJ told that one true thing to Peter... "everybody needs help... sometimes, even Spiderman." Oooh! what a line! Who doesn't need a saviour anyway - right? Come on! save yourself if you can... but I doubt it! Can you save yourself from the fiery of hell because of your sins? Come on! Tell me, who doesn't need a saviour?
5.) Friendship/Trust after betrayal.
* It is a good thing to think that such friends exist, you know, after all that had happened between Peter and Harry, in the end, their friendship still won the battle in spite all the odd times. Again, it is Harry's choice to help the one who he thought killed his father, who won the girl he loved, who was the best and leaving him only the 2nd place in almost every aspect of their lives. He could have joined the villains if he wanted to so that it would be the end of both Peter Parker and Spiderman, but he didn't. He choose to be a good person in spite of self pity and that bitter angst of revenge. He chose to help his friend leaving what lies behind. Harry is indeed a hero... too, not only Spiderman - right?!
That's All Folks!
P.S.
Why do super heroes not raised up by their real parents? I mean Superman was raised by some kind folks and Spidey was raised up by his aunt and uncle. Also, why do they always work in some newspaper prints as photographers? - Just mind boggling!
P.P.S.
Who doesn't want popularity?
Who doesn't want to be famous by the way?
Even Spiderman wants that!
That's all you get from you friendly neighborhood... Odessa Mann! =p
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Dreams Are Just Meant To Be Dreams
Life is a S**T and I'm wasting my time without gaining anything.
I'm drowning with this bitter angst again... I hate it but I can't help it.
When will I get over with all these frustrations.
Maybe some dreams are really "just" meant to be for dreaming... never coming true. =(
P.S. I'm still considering the illusion of pursuing medicine course... after all this time... no way can I deny it, though!
Oh! Dream on gurl!
It sucks to stay dreaming!
Monday, April 30, 2007
Learning The Hard Way
Today is actually the last day...
I guess I'm learning... I reckon so.
If that is to compare my previous reactions regarding such the same matters before... now, I can actually handle things better... far better actually.
God has a reason why He kept on bugging me before with such the same situation... it is because, though I have been through so many tests... still, I haven't learned a thing before. But now it is a different thing, though. Finally I'm in progress... I have learned and I'm moving on.
I'm still human capable of being hurt but I won't attach myself too much to the hurting. I'm done with so much poignant and bitter reveries. It is time to finally be numb with the situation and wear a big smile that would tell everyone that I don't care about anything... I don't give a damn.
Anyway, Thank you to the one I thought would be the new Mc Farland.
Thank you also to the other one who I thought will start... but it ended even before it has begun.
To everyone who made my good days much brighter and my shit days atleast bearable.
I won't forget ALL of you!
God Bless!
Ciao!
I guess I'm learning... I reckon so.
If that is to compare my previous reactions regarding such the same matters before... now, I can actually handle things better... far better actually.
God has a reason why He kept on bugging me before with such the same situation... it is because, though I have been through so many tests... still, I haven't learned a thing before. But now it is a different thing, though. Finally I'm in progress... I have learned and I'm moving on.
I'm still human capable of being hurt but I won't attach myself too much to the hurting. I'm done with so much poignant and bitter reveries. It is time to finally be numb with the situation and wear a big smile that would tell everyone that I don't care about anything... I don't give a damn.
Anyway, Thank you to the one I thought would be the new Mc Farland.
Thank you also to the other one who I thought will start... but it ended even before it has begun.
To everyone who made my good days much brighter and my shit days atleast bearable.
I won't forget ALL of you!
God Bless!
Ciao!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
High (Part 3)
"... These are my journals back in highschool"Still
Can two walk together unless they are agreed? (Amos 3:3)… I really don’t think so. Two people can never be together unless they agreed to stay together.
Love always matters for two different people for them to be with each other. As two people enter the sacred world of marriage, the thought of having a dream come true sometimes turns out to be a living nightmare and it bamboozles the anatomy of that two individual for their placid relationship becomes a tidal wave. The fairness that they once knew is now on the verge of betting ten thousand to ten.
Well, in so many ways, I do really feel lucky for my parent… I’m probably the luckiest girl on earth… no sarcasm on that.
For so many years of ups and downs and though they flawed in so many ways, still they are together. Ever since I was a kid, never in a chance that my parents drew near on the verge of separation. Of course, though, sometimes, through some unavoidable circumstances they misunderstood each other, but that only made their love stronger, deeper, and sweeter.
Faithfulness is one thing that I admire most with my dad. I have that full confidence to say that my mom is the only woman in my dad’s life. I can’t remember any single time that my dad did something unfaithful with my mom. He is as faithful as no one could imagine and that makes him the best dad for me. And I guess, every woman would have wanted to marry such man. You go dad!
Patience is for my mom. I can’t exactly describe her never ending patience despite the numerous nerve-racking things that is happening around us… she patiently overcomes them all. She is a silent fighter. Yeah, that is the word to describe her.
Yes, this couple made me feel so special for having them. As I look into their eyes, I could see that love still conquers their hearts… after all those years.
I believe that marrying the person you love is the best decision you can make out of love. You know, it is very wonderful to think that when you get old and wrinkles start to appear on your face, when your hair is already grey and it is thinning and you lose a lot whenever you brush your fingers on your almost bare scalp, when people will only look at you and all they could notice is you old age… STILL… there is that one person who will look at you and still see in you how you look like when you were so much younger. And though those lines on your face are much deeper now, you still look pretty in his eyes. That is the art of marriage… (I hope you get the picture).
There’s really no good explanation on what love is all about. We are not even sure if what we used to know is real for no one wrote this book of love that we used to know. There’s no such thing as holding on and letting go because if two people love each other, they will overcome everything together and there should be no single thought of letting go, but if only one is in love and the other is not… what’s the use of holding on when you don’t even know what you’re fighting for, you can’t fight for something you don’t even own… you can fight FOR something when that something is the one you are fighting. I hope you get the picture.
As sun shines and sets each day, another day is over; every minute in this life brings us closer to fate. The way we see things, the way we see people now, they’ll soon never be seen again. There’s no such thing as two chance at the same river. But still, there’s one thing that matters forever and a day and more and that is STILL…
Love always matters for two different people for them to be with each other. As two people enter the sacred world of marriage, the thought of having a dream come true sometimes turns out to be a living nightmare and it bamboozles the anatomy of that two individual for their placid relationship becomes a tidal wave. The fairness that they once knew is now on the verge of betting ten thousand to ten.
Well, in so many ways, I do really feel lucky for my parent… I’m probably the luckiest girl on earth… no sarcasm on that.
For so many years of ups and downs and though they flawed in so many ways, still they are together. Ever since I was a kid, never in a chance that my parents drew near on the verge of separation. Of course, though, sometimes, through some unavoidable circumstances they misunderstood each other, but that only made their love stronger, deeper, and sweeter.
Faithfulness is one thing that I admire most with my dad. I have that full confidence to say that my mom is the only woman in my dad’s life. I can’t remember any single time that my dad did something unfaithful with my mom. He is as faithful as no one could imagine and that makes him the best dad for me. And I guess, every woman would have wanted to marry such man. You go dad!
Patience is for my mom. I can’t exactly describe her never ending patience despite the numerous nerve-racking things that is happening around us… she patiently overcomes them all. She is a silent fighter. Yeah, that is the word to describe her.
Yes, this couple made me feel so special for having them. As I look into their eyes, I could see that love still conquers their hearts… after all those years.
I believe that marrying the person you love is the best decision you can make out of love. You know, it is very wonderful to think that when you get old and wrinkles start to appear on your face, when your hair is already grey and it is thinning and you lose a lot whenever you brush your fingers on your almost bare scalp, when people will only look at you and all they could notice is you old age… STILL… there is that one person who will look at you and still see in you how you look like when you were so much younger. And though those lines on your face are much deeper now, you still look pretty in his eyes. That is the art of marriage… (I hope you get the picture).
There’s really no good explanation on what love is all about. We are not even sure if what we used to know is real for no one wrote this book of love that we used to know. There’s no such thing as holding on and letting go because if two people love each other, they will overcome everything together and there should be no single thought of letting go, but if only one is in love and the other is not… what’s the use of holding on when you don’t even know what you’re fighting for, you can’t fight for something you don’t even own… you can fight FOR something when that something is the one you are fighting. I hope you get the picture.
As sun shines and sets each day, another day is over; every minute in this life brings us closer to fate. The way we see things, the way we see people now, they’ll soon never be seen again. There’s no such thing as two chance at the same river. But still, there’s one thing that matters forever and a day and more and that is STILL…
The Story Behind The Tale Of Robert In Mt. Ternff Park
Last night was a sort of a reunion and at the same time a goodbye.
I finally let go of my most precious "things" but that don't mean I feel bad about it for the mere fact that it was actually a promise back six years ago. Last night, it was fulfilled... I kept my promise. And for the fact that I actually gave it to one of my most trusted friend... I know she will take good care of it because she knows how much those things means to me. It was like my life since highschool and giving it to her was like giving a piece of my entire life to her as well.
But no turning back... I know better things will come ahead.
P.S. Nothing much has changed... we are still that same old good and silly friends. I know you (U5&S8) will always be my best buddies in the world. Thank you for the friendship I know will last for eternity.
God bless You All!!!
Sunday, April 15, 2007
The Jaguar Paw
Saw the movie “Apocalypto” just last night, and though it was an extremely brutal and annoying movie, still, I have my two thumbs up for Mel Gibson for such a work of art.
Well, apart from the fact that it was indeed a great movie – that is to my reckoning, though. I’ve learned a lot of good lessons from that movie. Well some of those lessons I’m talking about are just mere lessons I made on my own, which perhaps you will find it silly, but then again, it is my post – that is to sound – mind your own business!... haha!
So here’s my list of some of the lessons I’ve learned from the movie “Apocalypto” (Notice the word I carefully added – “some”, that is because there are still a lot of lessons to learn from that movie but in a way or another, I was not able to notice by myself).
1. Adrenalin is faster than fear.
· I noticed that, though “He” – the main actor (don’t ask me for the name, I don’t remember it already) was badly wounded but still he got the strength to run away from his enemies… because of fear… and because of the fact that it is important for him to survive that battle.
2. Fear is a kind of disease, a sickness that once you acquire; it will eat you up from within.
3. Man is an empty hole… he will never be full.
4. Fathers should always be the rock of the family to stand.
5. Fathers should never let their sons see them weak… even in the face of death… because sons will live their manhood the way they saw it through their fathers.
6. The bravest people on earth are not those people who are not afraid to die but those who never shed a tear even in the face of a dying loved one… which is far harder and painful that the death itself.
7. Never let a tear fall from your eyes in front of your enemies… you’re giving them your pride and blessing them with happiness.
8. Keep your promise.
9. God is always good even to those who do not believe in Him.
· This last one in my list is my favorite. If you will notice from that movie, those people were a bunch of pagans, they do not believe in God – I mean God, the real God and not those gods like Kukulkan or whatever names they have! Even the main actor does not believe in the “Real” God either, but notice the twist of fate in his life. He was so blessed that in the midst of death he survived. That made me realize that my last statement in my list is indeed true.
Anyway… enough of my crap for now…
P.S. Can I talk about the weather?... Oh! Why I bet there’s not a single cloud in the whole sky today. But it is cozy out there.
Ciao!
Well, apart from the fact that it was indeed a great movie – that is to my reckoning, though. I’ve learned a lot of good lessons from that movie. Well some of those lessons I’m talking about are just mere lessons I made on my own, which perhaps you will find it silly, but then again, it is my post – that is to sound – mind your own business!... haha!
So here’s my list of some of the lessons I’ve learned from the movie “Apocalypto” (Notice the word I carefully added – “some”, that is because there are still a lot of lessons to learn from that movie but in a way or another, I was not able to notice by myself).
1. Adrenalin is faster than fear.
· I noticed that, though “He” – the main actor (don’t ask me for the name, I don’t remember it already) was badly wounded but still he got the strength to run away from his enemies… because of fear… and because of the fact that it is important for him to survive that battle.
2. Fear is a kind of disease, a sickness that once you acquire; it will eat you up from within.
3. Man is an empty hole… he will never be full.
4. Fathers should always be the rock of the family to stand.
5. Fathers should never let their sons see them weak… even in the face of death… because sons will live their manhood the way they saw it through their fathers.
6. The bravest people on earth are not those people who are not afraid to die but those who never shed a tear even in the face of a dying loved one… which is far harder and painful that the death itself.
7. Never let a tear fall from your eyes in front of your enemies… you’re giving them your pride and blessing them with happiness.
8. Keep your promise.
9. God is always good even to those who do not believe in Him.
· This last one in my list is my favorite. If you will notice from that movie, those people were a bunch of pagans, they do not believe in God – I mean God, the real God and not those gods like Kukulkan or whatever names they have! Even the main actor does not believe in the “Real” God either, but notice the twist of fate in his life. He was so blessed that in the midst of death he survived. That made me realize that my last statement in my list is indeed true.
Anyway… enough of my crap for now…
P.S. Can I talk about the weather?... Oh! Why I bet there’s not a single cloud in the whole sky today. But it is cozy out there.
Ciao!
Saturday, April 14, 2007
ThE OtHeR YoU
TrY tO sEe WhAt'S iN tHeRe In ThE DaRk
MaYbE ThErE's A mOnStEr
Or MaYbE iTs ThE MoOn AnD aLL tHoSe WoNdErFuL StArs TwiNkLiNg.
TrY tO sEe WhAt'S iNsidE oF yOu
MaYbE iTs FuRy
Or MaYbE jUsT a WeEpiNg AnGeL LoNg BeEn FoRgOtTeN.
TrY tO rEdiScOvEr YoUrSeLf
No OnE kNoWs yOu CoMpLeTeLy ThAn ThAt oLdEsT fRiEnD yOu aLwAyS CoUnT oN...
ThAt iS YoU...
ThE OtHeR YoU.
MiRaCLe iS nOt JuSt SiMpLy An AnSwErEd PrAyEr...
SoMeTiMes, ThE FrUsTrAtiOn Of NoT CLaiMiNg iT iS a MiRaCLe iTseLf.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Today Is Another History
Today is actually the 2nd year anniversary of my blog. And since, last year I was not able to celebrate this big event (for me) due to inevitable busy schedule and pressure of anticipation, I wouldn’t want to miss it again. So to make it up for the last year’s forgotten day (um… not actually “forgotten” but just a sort of “ignored” day) I would like to make this post a sort of a tribute to the history of my blog.
So how did it all started? It was actually a sort of a destiny. Yes, I call it a destiny. It all started the same date as today back two years ago. I was just surfing the net without any particular reason. It was just a simple act of being a bum since my internship had just begun and I was dying to unwind from my toxicity at the hospital. Suddenly, a blog popped up on my screen. I was obviously oblivious about this thing called “blog”, so I hacked that anonymous blog and finally realize that I’m actually badly needing one, since my room was a total chaos with all those worn-out papers of my journals back hundred thousand years ago… haha! Seriously, it was a mess, since I started writing at my very young age, so I’m piled up with all those papers and notebooks. I even dumped some of them since my cabinet was already suffering from “withdrawal syndrome” secondary to “paper overload” (back then).
So there goes the creation of my blog. I started “re”-typing my old journals, poetries, and songs and at the same time posting new entries. But until now, I still have those worn-out papers and notebooks since my schedule would not allow me to have the time to post them all.
I don’t really consider publicity in my blog. I don’t care if no one actually reads my posts. I just need space for my writings. That’s all!
During the time I created my blog, I was also a new member of friendster.com. In case you don’t know, I was only forced to create a profile at friendster.com since I was trying to reach out to a long lost “classmate” (in Algebra). There is actually a part on the friendster profile where you have to describe yourself. Since I don’t want to sound “too much or too little” about myself. I just linked my blog page, since – where can you be more honest than in your own blog… cause it is where you pour your inert emotions – ayt?
But honestly, it has nothing to do with publicity.
So alright folks! That’s the history of my blog.
And to the one who owns the blog that popped up on my screen back two years ago, I would like to thank YOU for introducing the blogger world to me. And SORRY because I was not able to get your name, thus, I could never acknowledge YOU… but then, God bless YOU.
So how did it all started? It was actually a sort of a destiny. Yes, I call it a destiny. It all started the same date as today back two years ago. I was just surfing the net without any particular reason. It was just a simple act of being a bum since my internship had just begun and I was dying to unwind from my toxicity at the hospital. Suddenly, a blog popped up on my screen. I was obviously oblivious about this thing called “blog”, so I hacked that anonymous blog and finally realize that I’m actually badly needing one, since my room was a total chaos with all those worn-out papers of my journals back hundred thousand years ago… haha! Seriously, it was a mess, since I started writing at my very young age, so I’m piled up with all those papers and notebooks. I even dumped some of them since my cabinet was already suffering from “withdrawal syndrome” secondary to “paper overload” (back then).
So there goes the creation of my blog. I started “re”-typing my old journals, poetries, and songs and at the same time posting new entries. But until now, I still have those worn-out papers and notebooks since my schedule would not allow me to have the time to post them all.
I don’t really consider publicity in my blog. I don’t care if no one actually reads my posts. I just need space for my writings. That’s all!
During the time I created my blog, I was also a new member of friendster.com. In case you don’t know, I was only forced to create a profile at friendster.com since I was trying to reach out to a long lost “classmate” (in Algebra). There is actually a part on the friendster profile where you have to describe yourself. Since I don’t want to sound “too much or too little” about myself. I just linked my blog page, since – where can you be more honest than in your own blog… cause it is where you pour your inert emotions – ayt?
But honestly, it has nothing to do with publicity.
So alright folks! That’s the history of my blog.
And to the one who owns the blog that popped up on my screen back two years ago, I would like to thank YOU for introducing the blogger world to me. And SORRY because I was not able to get your name, thus, I could never acknowledge YOU… but then, God bless YOU.
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