Pin

It does not do well pinning all your faults on someone else's name just to save your reputation. There is what we call the ability to tell a story without blinking an eye and that is usually easy to the one telling the truth. 

Toss A Coin

A wise witcher once said - "It's hard to regret something you didn't choose".

And I was thinking 'bout it...

And it does made sense.

How can I regret something I didn't even do?

And it all made sense.

My Cup Hangover

Don't blame me for getting drowned with a glass of water.

It is not my fault that I am wanting.

Remember when you said that you'd fill my cup...

Even overflowing...

But you made my heart hunger.

Making me taste even the bitter things sweet...

Leaving me athirst...

Preying for the mist.

Drunk to the toast of water you made me think as wine.

Now I'm drowning...

Oh! But don't blame me with that cup you've offered.

Don't point on me when I have a hangover.

I'll wash my hands with this same glass...

Cause all these are sweet in the tongue of a weary heart.

Quite Loud

So I was writing this song about something and someone that just popped up inside my head while walking home and I was thinking that maybe I could submit it as my entry this year for the national song-writing competition.

My problem right now is... Errr! I don't know where to record my song. Our house is quite too loud right now because of the lockdown so I really can't do it at home. Unless I want the noise as my background music. 🙄

Been chasing all these butterflies just to fall for an aries. ❤️

Potentials

Ich werde eines Tages dein Herz brechen

"🎶🎶cause either way I'll break your heart someday

But leaving you is the last thing on my mind

So when I go baby kiss real slow so I don't forget to make my way back home

When I go...🎶🎶🖤" - Augustana

Gerechtigkeit

Since my days off are usually comprised of Alex Pettyfer's movies... Today I watched "The Last Witness" and it made me re-read the world history.

 I remember it was one of my favourite subject back in junior highschool.

And it made me realized as well how easy for us to blame people because of their reputation.

How unfair life is but we still live it.

How easy for us to turn a blind eye to those crimes we're not suppose to see.

Because reputation manipulates our society.

How innocent-looking men do their crimes and get away from it because of reputation.

Reputation is a lie.

Indeed...

Die Welt ist voller Monster mit schönen Gesichtern und Engeln mit hässlichen Narben.

The Colours of Grey

There is that thin line between black and white... We call it grey.

But remember, that thin line has many shades.

To Binge With

Been binging on Alex Pettyfer movies these past nights...

Saw first the BACK ROADS tonight and all I can say is that it's dark and haunting. I don't think I'll forget it in a long while. I mean, it is really disturbing and intoxicating and intricate but the fact that Alex directed that movie himself and that was even his directing debut as well, I'm all hands up!

I also watched THE STRANGE ONES after, and it was less intricate but still gives me chills, though.

Some Songs Fit Your Soul... Like a Second Skin

This Matchbox 20's song is definitely a winner!

I remember singing this song back in my early years in college like it fits my soul like a second skin when finally you know to yourself that this isn't just a game anymore...

When Life finally is catching up on you.

HAND ME DOWN

Someday they'll find your small town world on a big town avenue

Gonna make you like the way they talk when they're talking to you

Gonna make you break out of the shell cause they tell you to

Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth

They'll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say

They're gonna break your heart, yeah

From what I've seen

You're just a one more hand me down

Cause no one's tried to give you what you need

So lay all your troubles down

I am with you now

Somebody ought to take you in

Try to make you love again

Try to make you like the way they feel

When they're under your skin

Never once did think they'd lie when they're holding you

You wonder why they haven't called

When they said they'd call you

You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by

You'll start to think you were born blind.

90's Rocks

Matchbox 20's songs never really gets old...

And I'm not so sure which one is my favourite but this song is definitely one of them.

LEAVE - MB20

It's amazing

How you make your face just like a wall

How you take your heart and turn it off

How I turn my head and lose it all

It's unnerving

How just one move puts me by myself

There you go just trusting someone else

Now I know I put us both through hell

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong

I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me

I'm now saying we ever had the right to hold on

I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

But if that's how it's gonna leave

Straight out from underneath

Then we'll see who's sorry now

If that's how it's gonna stand, when

You know you've been depending on

The one you're leaving now

The one you're leaving out

It's aggravating

How you threw me on and you tore me out

How your good intentions turn to doubt

The way you needed time to sort it out

Featured Artist - MATCHBOX 20

I've been a fan of MB20 since highschool and that's a long way back...

I love all their songs but this one always gets me everytime I hear it.

She said, while you were sleeping

I was listening to the radio

And wondering what you're dreaming when

It came to mind that I didn't care

So I thought, hell if it's over

I had better end it quick

Or I could lose my nerve

Are you listening, can you hear me

Have you forgotten

Sympathy for the Devil

I always wanted to write something worthy enough to ponder about... 

And every Good Friday, I always wanted to write something worthy enough to question what we believe...  

Not to test our faith nor my faith... 

But to actually see it in another angle.

Because maybe our faith is just based on stigma.

Maybe our belief is just based on the reputation the books made us believe.

So I already wrote a lot of my ponders about Judas Iscariot (click here for my past posts: 1. https://odessamann.blogspot.com/2014/11/who-are-we-to-judge.html?m=1

2. https://odessamann.blogspot.com/2019/04/the-noble-villain.html?m=1 ).

I also wrote about my thoughts about Pontius Pilate (click here for that post: https://odessamann.blogspot.com/2016/03/good-friday.html?m=1).

And even then I am convinced that we should not blame the Devil (click here for that post:https://odessamann.blogspot.com/2006/05/do-not-blame-devil.html?m=1).

But all this time eversince I was maybe 9 or 10 years old, there is this question I always wanted to ask but never dared to ask not until last year. It took me almost 25 years to gather my strength to actually ask that question to myself and answer it.

It is because I was scared...

Not by my answers but with the stigma the world has to brand me.

I was scared because I am about to question the most gruesome and most noble reputations the world has ever known.

And maybe I am scared with myself too.

Because why on earth I have a brain like this?

Why on earth my mind is questioning those questions no one dares to ask?

I am talking about the Devil.

When I was 9, I read this book about how Lucifer rebelled against God and so God cast him in hell. And in my young mind, I was thinking, what if Lucifer is actually repenting and asking God for forgiveness?

But then, yes, that book that I was reading back then said that Lucifer's pride always got in the way and that it is too late for him to go back.

And I thought... 

Who are we to judge the Devil?

For the longest time I symphatized with the Devil secretly because what if he did not really rebel?

What if all of these are just God's masterplan after all?

What if hell is designed as a prison cell for human souls who choses evil in their lifetime on earth and of course, every prison cell needs a WARDEN, and God with all his angels knew that Lucifer was (and is still) the brightest, the morning star and the only one who is bright enough to be the light in hell so God ordered lucifer to be the warden of hell?

Maybe of all of God's angels, Lucifer was (and maybe is) the bravest. The only one brave enough to accept the task of going to hell.

Maybe of all of God's angels, Lucifer was once (or maybe still is) God's favourite because he, of all the holy angels, is the most noble enough, willing to be vilified by the world for the longest time, not caring for his own Reputation, as long as he is doing God's task?

What if like Jesus who was crucified and died and never really had a choice but to fulfill that cup given to him, Lucifer also did not have a choice but to go to hell to be the warden because no one else is capable to run the hell but him?

What if God did chose Lucifer to be that warden?

What if the Devil is not evil at all?

Just God's pawn to bring justice to every evil thing that humanity does?

What if God and Lucifer are not really enemies?

What if Lucifer is just the obedient angel of God but mislabeled and stigmatized by us, humans?

The truth is, we are living in a world full of bias stigmas and reputations without a proof.

Our beliefs are based on that book that feeds us so little about the celestial world and leaving us blindly following what was writtenly half-baked.

Not that I don't believe the bible anymore...

I still do.

I still read it everyday.

But I also believe that that book is incomplete.

Written by men so that humans could understand the law.

Because humans are morons who cannot understand the law without Fear.

It is true.

In my entire existence so far, I see people everyday doing what is right because of Fear.

They fear karma.

They fear hell.

They obey God out of fear.

Which I think is Not Right!

Obedience out of Fear loses it's Sincerity.

It defies free will.

If we want to obey God, it should be because we have Faith.

Faith is different from Fear...

Though both could lead to obedience.

So what I'm trying to say is, stop vilifying the Devil.

Stop blaming the Devil for our wrong actions.

Because we humans are the ones capable of doing good and evil.

Sketches and Shades

Since I ran out paint these days and craft stores are all close due to lockdown...

I have to bring out the magic in pencils.

BECAUSE ART STILL EXISTS EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF COLOURS.

Movie Marathon

What to do on another quarantine night?...

Watch classic movies of Alex Pettyfer 😁

Hello old crush!🤣🤣🤣

Ol' the Goodies

Some books and movies never gets old...

🎶🎶Sing to me the song of the stars

Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again

When it feels like my dreams are so far

Sing to me of the plans

That you have for me over again...

I give you my destiny

I'm giving you all of me

I want your symphony

Singing in all that I am...

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only yours I pray

To be only yours

I know now you're my only hope.🎵🎶

POEtry

This has always been my favourite poetry since 7th grade.

Annabel Lee

(by: Edgar Allan Poe)

It was many and many a year ago,

   In a kingdom by the sea,

That a maiden there lived whom you may know

   By the name of Annabel Lee;

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

   Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,

   In this kingdom by the sea:

But we loved with a love that was more than love—

   I and my Annabel Lee;

With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven

   Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,

   In this kingdom by the sea,

A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling

   My beautiful Annabel Lee;

So that her highborn kinsman came

   And bore her away from me,

To shut her up in a sepulchre

   In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,

   Went envying her and me—

Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,

   In this kingdom by the sea)

That the wind came out of the cloud by night,

   Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love

   Of those who were older than we—

   Of many far wiser than we—

And neither the angels in heaven above,

   Nor the demons down under the sea,

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams

   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes

   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,

   In her sepulchre there by the sea,

   In her tomb by the sounding sea.

The Ballads

Fine! So much ballads these days. 🤣🤣🤣

Take It Away

Ok... So I prayed to God to take it away from me. 

Because I feel so attacked...

I feel so out of place...

I feel so lost...

And in my judgement...

You are no good for me.

EPIPHANY

🎶🎶It don't matter to me

If your searching brings you back together with me

'Cause there'll always be an empty room waiting for you

An open heart waiting for you, time is on my side

'Cause it don't matter to me...🎵🎶

AS I LISTEN TO THIS SONG I REMEMBER YOU TOLD ME THAT "If you intend to reserve a seat... Keep in mind that every reservation must have a time limit."

Anonymous but...

I didn't forget that...

I never have...

It tattoed in my mind...

And you haunted me.

Maybe I've reserved a seat for you too.

Spotify Nights

I should be looking outside my window tonight to see the Pink Full Moon...

But the clouds got in the way...

So I just spotified

Featured Artist

They say nothing beats the original version...

So I say this cover placed the second best.

Lift your head, baby, don't be scared

Of the things that could go wrong along the way

You'll get by with a smile

You can't win at everything but you can try.

Baby, you don't have to worry

'Coz there ain't no need to hurry

No one ever said that there's an easy way

When they're closing all their doors

And they don't want you anymore

This sounds funny but I'll say it anyway.

Girl I'll stay through the bad times

Even if I have to fetch you everyday

We'll get by with a smile

You can never be too happy in this life.

In a world where everybody

Hates a happy ending story

It's a wonder love can make the world go round

But dont let it bring you down

And turn your face into a frown

You'll get along with a little prayer and a song.

Let me hear you sing it

(Too doo doo...)

In a world where everybody

Hates a happy ending story

It's a wonder love can make the world go round

But don't let it bring you down

And turn your face into a frown

You'll get along with a little prayer and a song.

Lift your head, baby, don't be scared

Of the things that could go wrong along the way

You'll get by with a smile

Now it's time to kiss away those tears goodbye

(Too doo doo...)

Let me hear you sing it

(Too doo doo...)

Beautiful Kings 2

You know when people say that they look up to you, and that you're such an inspiration to them, and that they are so proud of you, all because they see your strength, they see a strong woman in you, they know you're tough and courageous, they look at you and see a responsible strong woman who knows exactly what she wants and knows exactly how to get it...

It's tougher than you all think.

I know because I get it all the time. Not that I don't want their compliments, in fact, I love it and I live it.

But sometimes it is also hard to live up with their expectations. Sometimes it is hard to be the strong woman as always. Sometimes I just wanted to be taken care of as well.

But maybe I was born to be the woman they looked up to.

So as much as I am tired and jaded...

I still live by what they see...

Not to please them...

But to inspire them...

Because I was born to be this woman.

I fight like a man in the battle.

I think like a warrior in a war.

I sit like a king in my kingdom...

And I wear my scars like stars on my crown.

P.s. Sometimes I wonder how my parents really raised me, because even my mom gets a little surprised sometimes and say that I'm such a strong woman and wonder how but said she is proud. And that even as a little child she saw how brave my heart back then and she said that I was tougher than my brothers. In fact, even my dad agrees.

HIRAETH

Funny how we become what we think of...

Like when we pretended not to care until one day we realized we really don't care anymore.

Sudden

You're just an epoch in my book that turned into Epiphany.

Thinking Out Loud

Here I go again...

Commenting randomly on anything that catches my attention.

Lockdown Recipes 😊

I'm trying out my interior designing skills

in our dining area today.

My dad hung my painting on the wall early this year but it seems like it still needs a little work up so I arranged some plastic fruits in our old basket and placed it on our table.

Getting productive during lockdown.

Spotify Night

RANDOM MUSIC FOR MY RANDOM THOUGHTS TONIGHT.

WHERE DO THESE SHEEPS WILL LEAD ME TONIGHT?

Featured Artist

This artist is so underrated...

But definitely so talented I must feature him here.

(Check out his Youtube channel)

Spotify Night

So I heard this song in our service car on my way home this afternoon...

(Perks of Medical Frontliners during Pandemic... 

We have our service cars, and it is free.)

So I searched it on Spotify now...

...and I just can't help myself with the lyrics 😊

🎶🎶There I go by, just fall in love again and when I do

I can't help myself, I fall in love with you...🎵🎵🎶🎶

P.s. I like this version more than the original singer. I prefer men's voice. Cause they sing much simpler. ✌️

Silent Reply

Truth is...

Only few people could hear you when you're silent.

But the sad part about them hearing you is that...

They also Reply Silence.

Sometimes I just think out loud...

Memories 🎶🎧

Well, I'm not really a huge fan of Maroon 5 but...

I've fallen asleep while listening to them while all of my groupmates got eaten by the system called TikTok.🤣🤣🤣

Perks of being with the Thorns.

And this will last until Covid finally decides to vanish.

I'll be stuck with them...

Not bad at all.

I could sleep and choose music and eat whatever.

😂🤣😂

My Music

If I would describe you in just a word...

MuSiC

You are the music.

I can live without you but it will definitely be miserable.

Music makes my life happier and beautiful.

Power of Hope

CTTO: MITCH ALBOM

SILENCE

Still bothers me...

Cause if not...

I won't blog about it.

THERE IS MAGIC IN SILENCE

And the heavens has been silent...

So silent that this silence is getting so loud.

And I am trying to decipher the SILENCE BEING TOLD.

MEMOIRS OF THE FALLEN (Totally Lost)

These phase of my life...

While every phrase, every sentence, every book that I read tells me to follow my instincts...

But how am I suppose to follow my gut instinct if my life is too busy and too loud I can't even hear my instincts talking to me. I can't even hear my own heartbeat.

And now I finally realized what it means to be totally lost.